Save You
by miss.Dbelikov
Summary: After Dimitri told her his love had faded, Rose was assigned a guardian position in Europe, where she spent years as far away from Dimitri as possible. But when she becomes leader of the guardian council, she comes back to court and faces her past. But Rose doesn't come back alone, she brings with her a deadly secret that can destroy everything and everyone.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is a prologue of sorts and it takes place mid Spirit Bound, right after Dimitri says those infamous words "love fades, mine has". Everything that has happened in the books has happened up until now, with the exception that when Lissa staked Dimitri (bringing him back to a dhampir) that blinding flash of light was the bond between Rose and Lissa being severed.

Please read and review, I would love to hear what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy, everything with exception to the plot belongs to Richelle Mead.

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><p><strong>Rose's Point Of View <strong>

"Thanks Rhonda!" Lissa smiled, before closing the door to the room where Rhonda does her "readings". Even after all of her previous predictions came true, I was still sceptical about Rhonda's ability to see the future, or whatever the hell she did with those cards. Maybe I was just cynical because every time she predicted something for me, it's been negative. Apparently, I wasn't entitled to a fairytale ending like the rest of my friends. I sighed, now I was just being bitter.

"Come on Rose! Cheer up, you've been in this funk for days now." Seeing Rhonda had been Lissa's attempt at putting me in a better mood. Unfortunately, it just put me in a worse mood, seeing as Rhonda predicted a less than desirable future for me again. But what sucked the most, was I knew with absolute certainty that this perdition would come true. In fact it was already in motion, much to my dismay.

"I know it's been hard with Dimitri lately and I haven't exactly been around to help. I'm sorry for that, but don't worry, it's all about to change! And honestly Rose, I'm sure he'll come around eventually, once he starts settling back into his old ways." Lissa comforted, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze as we emerged into the cool, summer night. I wanted to believe what Lissa was saying, that everything would work itself out eventually, but I had a feeling deep in my stomach that it wouldn't. Especially with Rhonda's predictions weighing down on me.

Change. Isolation. Power. Struggle. Death.

It was a heavy prediction and an enigmatic one at that. Seeing as the cards weren't "revealing" anything else to Rhonda, that's all I had gotten from my prediction. Leaving me to wonder about all the possibilities my future held, none of which seemed very appealing. But my looming future wasn't the only thing that was bothering me.  
>The fact that I still hadn't told Lissa about something that would ultimately effect both our futures, was gnawing on me. I knew that I couldn't keep it from her any longer, this news was way overdue.<p>

"Lissa," I swallowed, interrupting her as she rambled. She immediately stopped walking, sensing that something was wrong and that I was about to tell her something important. I clenched my eyes shut, knowing that what I was about to say was going to hurt her, no matter how nicely I worded it. I decided to just say it quickly, knowing that ti would be better than dragging it out. Like ripping off a bandaid or waxing your eyebrows.

"A position opened up on the European guardian council and they chose me to fill it." I blurted, blinking back unexpected tears as I spoke. I willed myself not to cry, telling myself I needed to be strong for Lissa. She stared at me for a moment, unmoving, like the words hadn't sunken in yet. Then she unfroze and snapped.

"B-but, you can't! You're supposed to be my guardian! I know we don't share a bond anymore, but that shouldn't change things. You are supposed to protect me Rose! No one else, just you! That has always been the plan." Lissa sobbed, her jade eyes filling with tears, forcing me to look away quickly. I had been gifted with the ability to deliver bad news unflinchingly and had perfected my guardian mask, but I could never act so coldly towards Lissa. I could never be so distant to someone who was like my sister, because apart from Lissa, the only person in the world I truly felt close with was Dimitri. Or well, I used to feel close to him, until he changed and then unchanged, and discovered that he couldn't love me anymore.

"I know." I told her my voice steady and strong as I gave her hand a tight squeeze. "But I can't control where they send me and this is a huge opportunity. One that would be impossible to turn down if I did have a choice in my placement. For someone as young as me to be offered this position - hell, for me to be offered this position - it's practically a miracle." I felt honoured that they had chosen me to fill the spot on the European council, but I would have given it up in a heartbeat to be Lissa's guardian. But that just in the cards for me, Rhonda's or anyone else's.

"When do you leave?" She sniffled while I brushed the tears from her cheeks, giving her a weak smile. It killed me to see her this upset and I wanted to help, but I couldn't do anything to fix it. This was just the way that things were and for once there was nothing I could do to change it.

"Tomorrow." I whispered and watched as Lissa's eyes widened and she flung herself into my arms. I held her tightly, knowing that I should have told her sooner, but I didn't want our last few days together to be miserable as we anticipated my departure. I wanted everything to be normal, or at least as normal as our lives ever were.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Here is post two, I hope you guys enjoy it. Let me know what you think about it so far! Reviews are greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, all rights belong to Richelle Mead.

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><p><strong>Rose's Point Of View<strong>_  
><em>

_Three Years Later._

"Thank goodness you called Rose. I guess you already heard about the attack? It's awful." Lissa gasped, hardly taking a breath as she spoke. It made me smile in spite of the horrible news she was telling me. Although it was true that I heard about the attack, almost as soon as it happened actually, it still didn't make it any less shocking.

"Yeah, I heard about it. But everything's going to be okay, don't worry." I assured her, not wanting her to get over worked about this. She didn't need added stress on top of the Spirit induced darkness that was no doubt weighing on her since the bond was broken.  
>I was thankful that the bond had been severed, it had saved me from having her thoughts intruding mine, or being sucked into her head. Especially whenever she was getting hot and heavy with Christian. I shuddered at past memories, those moments were always the worst and I had seen way more of Christian than I ever wanted to in my life.<br>But I was always worried about how Lissa would deal with the darkness, admittedly I didn't handle it any better than she could, but it brought me comfort when we used to share the burden of darkness. I was always worried about she was handling it on her own.

"How can you be so sure?" She asked, her voice catching near the end. The Strigoi attack had really shaken up Court, leaving everyone wondering what would happened next. It hadn't been a huge massacre, like the Badica attack or the ambush on St. Vladamirs years ago, but it had been a targeted attack.  
>From what we gathered, the Strigoi had planned to capture and kill a few moroi while they had been out in the human world, meaning that they - or humans - had been spying on court. They ended up getting information on several moroi and their guardians who were going into civilization for the day. The strigoi ambushed and killed everyone, including the Taurus prince.<p>

"Just trust me on this, alright? What are you doing right now anyway?" I asked, trying to take her mind off the attack and preparing her for my surprise. With all the mayhem that had been going on, I almost gave up on the element of surprise. But, I am Rose Hathaway after all, and theatrics seemed to be a must whenever I did something. I wasn't about to make an exception now.

"I trust you." She whispered, and I could hear the truth in her words, I knew she had a lot of faith in me. "I'm just about to leave for the guardian council meeting. Christian and the boys were begging me to go, telling me that we need to show support for whoever is taking over Guardian Croft's position, which is true." She sighed. I heard her shuffling around the room, rattling her keys as she spoke.

"You don't say." I murmured, prepping myself for the best surprise ever. I felt like a little kid waking up on Christmas morning, getting ready to go on a rampage and rip open all of the presents.

Lissa began speaking while opening the door, but stopped dead when she saw that I was leaning against her door frame. Her jade eyes widened in shock, quickly filling with tears while the phone was still clutched tightly in her hand. She was studying me, like she thought I wasn't real, but that I was just a mirage or a fragment of her and unexpectedly (okay…slightly expected) she flung herself into my arms, gripping me tightly. I spoke to her all the time on the phone, and were constantly using skype and face booking, she had even flown down and spent the holidays with me two years ago. But nothing was compared to seeing her in the flesh, especially after being apart for so long.

"What are you doing here? How long are you staying?" Lissa asked, still holding me tightly, and I just laughed and lightly stroked her pale, blonde hair. I was too happy to care that she was squeezing the life out of me, or to even wonder how she got so strong, I was too busy relishing in the fact that I had reunited with my best friend once again.

"I already told you, everything is going to be okay. I'm here to make sure of it." I told her in a soothing voice, while she pulled me impossibly closer to her. I had missed her so much, it was unbelievable. We had never been apart for so long, and seeing her again was like breathing again, like getting part of my soul back. Although Lissa and I were no longer bonded, being without her was still like missing a limb.

"But for how long?" She asked, pulling back slightly to get a better look at me. Her green eyes were studying me face, and from her expression I knew that she felt the same about being apart. We may not be blood related, or even the same race, but we were sisters. Regardless of what genetics said.

"I'll answer all of your questions later, but right now we both have places to be." I smiled. "I just wanted to see you first, and let you know that I'm back." I pulled her back in for a tight hug, not caring how mushy I was being. I wasn't the emotional type - especially not these days - but for her I would make an exception.

"Do you want to come over for lunch later? Or maybe we can get tea?" Lissa asked, while I just nodded my head in agreement. I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, catching up, and everything to go back to how it was.

"I would love that. But we're both going to be late." I told her, giving her a slight nudge down the hallway. She began walking, but then paused and turned back around, giving me a broad smile.

"God, I've missed you Rose." Was all she said, before turning and hurrying back down the hallway. I smiled at that, I had missed her too and was happy to finally be home.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hey guys! First of all I just wanted to say thankyou for the reviews! You really don't know how much it means, and I really want you to keep you reviewing and giving me any critisim that you have! It motivates me to update faster (just an fyi!) Second thing is I included a Dpov in this chapter and have a few more planned, this one is just sort of a recap of Rose's pov, but I figured I would just give you a tad more insight. So please tell me what you think about that, whether you like it or not and ect (:

A reminder of what happened last chapter: Rose is back at court after three years, only Lissa knows she is back right now! Plus Han's is retiring as head of the gaurdian council! That's about it right now!

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or any of the characters, they belong to to creative Richelle Mead! I just own this plot!

Okay! Read on!

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><p>"My replacement, and the new leader of the Guardian Council, is Guardian Hathaway." Hans announced, turning towards me slightly and beckoning me on stage, while the crowd erupted into cheers and furious applause. They were no doubt expecting to see my famous guardian mother walk on stage and accept the position, and they were all about to receive a huge surprise. I inhaled deeply, straightening up my posture before walking out onto the stage, with my head held high. I could feel everyone's eyes on my as I marched toward the podium, which in reality had only taken me a few seconds to reach Hans, but it literally felt like hours under all the scrutiny. The clapping had died almost instantly after I stepped onto stage, and the shocked whispered quickly broke out soon after. Not a single person in the crowd had expected to see me walk across this stage, hell, I'm pretty sure some people never expected to see me here again.<p>

"Thank-you, Hans." I nodded respectfully, my voice ringing out in the tense quiet. I turned my attention to the crowd, which was packed with shell shocked moroi and dhampirs, and a small smile tugged on my lips as I began to address the sea of faces. "I know that I am young, and I know that I have a reputation. Stigmas that have been attached to me, whether I deserve them or not." My voice was strong as I watched the crowd nod along, their eyes filled with doubt as they looked at me. They obviously remembered the numerous rumours that have been spread about me, and were no doubt still circulating. Or they were remembering all the stunts I had pulled."But do not under estimate me. I assure you, I am fully prepared to take on this position, and I am dedicated to it. I have ideas that some would deem…radical." I felt the smile on my lips grow, thinking abut all my impossible plans that somehow work out in the end. "But that's the point. My soul. My soul purpose here is to move the guardian council forward, and I plan on moulding it into something paramount. Because long are the days which we cower in fear, while the Strigoi prey on us in the shadows. And gone are the times where we stand around, waiting for the fight to come to us!" My voice had increased in volume, and I was gaining more power as I spoke, and I could see the crowd was getting just as worked up. They were sitting up straighter, their eyes widening as they drank un everything I was saying. It reminded me of how it was whenever Lissa spoke, how people seemed to hang on every word, which only fuelled my passion as I continued."They've gone too far, too many times. Ambushing moroi hangouts, attacking families and even academies. Screw waiting around, it's a fight they want? Well, you sure as hell better believe I'm gonna give them one." My voice had now become a shout, while I stood in front of the crowd, promising bloodshed. "With your help we will be unstoppable. With your help, we can bring the Strigoi to their knees. And they won't know what hit them." I finished, while blood pounded in my ears and my breathing had become laboured. The crowd leapt out of their seats, responding to my speech with roaring applause and deafening cheers. Most were looking at me with admiration in their eyes, and I smiled down at the crowd, relieved that majority craved a fight as much as I did. Things had gone too far, and we weren't going to sit around and do nothing, we weren't going to be defenceless anymore. I gave a sidelong glance into the wings of the stage, and met the pale blue eyes I would've known anywhere. We held each other's gaze for a moment, before I received the encouraging nod and smile, that I knew I would get. I grinned at him for a moment longer, before turning back to the cheering crowd.

**Dimitri's Point Of View**

I sat near the back of the guardian council meeting, watching Guardian Croft intently as he prepared to announce the guardian who will be taking over his position as head of the council. Not that everyone didn't already know. Janine Hathaway practically had the job already, she was one of the most respectable guardians around, and the obvious choice for the job. It would be tough for her to leave her charge, someone who she's grown fond of during all her years of guarding, but this was a position few could turn down.I sighed, thinking of Janine always resulted in me thinking about Rose, even though I tried me best to avoid thinking about her. Which was never easy. Everything seemed to remind me of Rose is one way or another, and have her mother as my boss surely wouldn't help me avoid thinking about her. I scolded myself, I should not be thinking of her ever - especially now - I had lost the right all those years 's sudden entrance broke me out of my Rose daze, as she barrelled into the crowded room, looking as excited as a kid in a candy store when she spotted us. The group - Christian, Adrian, Eddie and Tasha - were all seated next to me in the back row, with an empty seat that had been reserved for Lissa. I could see her practically squirming in anticipation as she made her way over to us, grabbing Christian's arm tightly once she was close enough.

"You will not believe who's here!" She squealed, and we all turned toward her interested in the new arrival at court. We all looked at Lissa expectantly, while Han's announced that Guardian Hathaway would be taking over the council. I began clapping mechanically with the crowd, while my eyes remained fixated on Lissa. She opened her mouth to reveal who the mystery guest was, but the clapping had abruptly died off, only to be replaced by shocked whispers that fluttered through the crowd, drawing our attention back to stage. I turned to see what was causing this reaction, and felt my eyes widened and body freeze, while I watched her strut across stage.

"Well, I'll be damned." Christian breathed, but I didn't acknowledge it in anyway, I was too focused on Rose. She was walking with her head held high, looking as strong and powerful as ever. Her long, silky hair was pin straight, which must've taken her hours to style perfectly. She was wearing the standard court guardian uniform, consisting of matching black slacks and blazer, along with a crisp white button up. But even in the dull uniform, she radiated with beauty and confidence, commanding all the attention in the room. Exactly how I remembered her.

Once she reached the podium, she turned to face the crowd, jerking her chin up slightly higher and looking defiant as always. She seemed to anticipate everyone's shock, and from the look in her beautiful eyes I knew she was bracing herself for the outrage that was bound to be coming.

"Thank-you Hans." She nodded at Guardian Croft, her voice sounding angelic as it echoed in the room's silence. She turned back to the crowd, and had a tiny grin tugging at her perfect, peach lips. "I know that I am young, and I know that I had a reputation. Stigmas that have been attached to me, whether I deserve them or not." She began, starting off strong as she addressed all of the rumours and gossip that have been attached to her in the past. "But do not under estimate me. I assure you, I am fully prepared to take on this position, and I am dedicated to it. I have ideas that some would deem...radical." The smile on her bee stung lips grew, and a glimmer appeared in her eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that the "radical ideas" that Rose was talking about, were more impossible than radical. "But that's the point. My soul purpose here is to move the guardian council forward, and I plan on moulding it into something paramount. Because long are the days which we cower in fear, while the Strigoi prey on us in the shadows. And gone are the times which we stand around, waiting for the fight to come to us!" Her voice had quickly gained momentum and power as she spoke. Even from the back of the room, I could see the fire that burned in her eyes and the fierce expression on her face. Anyone who looked at her could tell that she was dedicated and passionate about this. She looked like she was ready to lead us all to victory.

"They've gone too far, too many times. Ambushing moroi hangouts, attacking families and even academies. Screw waiting around, it's a fight they want? Well, you sure as hell better believe I'm gonna give them one." She was practically shouting now, her voice captivating the entire audience, as everyone leaned forward on the edge of their spoke with such force and confidence, I could practically imagine her as being royalty, while she stood in front of the crowd, looking cool and competent as always. She spoke with such determination and sureness, that I was sure everyone in the room would follow her anyway. But I shouldn't have expected any different. She spoke like Tasha, Lissa or even her mother - speaking like someone with authority and power."With your help we will be unstoppable. With your help, we can bring the Strigoi to their knees. And they won't know what hit them." As she spoke the last words the crowd exploded into cheers, while people began to stand, going crazy as they watched Rose promise bloodshed.

"She was amazing." Adrian sighed as he too stood, beginning to clap wildly along with the rest of the crowd. His admiration for Rose was always strong, even after she had left for Europe, and right now it was burning brighter than ever.

"I've never witnessed anything like that before." Eddie remarked, his voice filled with awe as he watched his lifelong friend bask in the applause. "It happens to Lissa all the time, but for a dhampir - especially Rose Hathaway - to receive this type of reaction. Wow." You could tell how proud he was of her, while he watched Rose smile at the crowd while the roaring cheers continued.

"She's giving you a run for your money, Aunt Tasha." Christian smirked, nudging his aunt with his shoulder. And although he would never freely admit it, we could all tell how proud and excited Christian was of Rose. No matter how antagonizing their relationship always seemed, they loved each other like a brother loved a sister. But it was expected, after everything they've been through together.

"She's a force to be reckoned with, that's for sure." Tasha smiled, shaking her head slightly as she joined in the applause, her blue eyes glimmering with admiration. And Tasha was right, Rose Hathaway was a lethal force, and she was going to accomplish many things in her life.

_Which is why I let her walk away all those years ago._


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hey everyone, first off I just want to apologize for updating so late and for only having one update tonight. School and work were pretty hectic these last two days, but my goal is to update once a day until the story gets rolling. And to make up for it I will be updating two or three times tomorrow, so be excited for that! Second, I didn't get any negative reviews for doing the Dimitri pov (Woo!) so I decided I would do a Lissa pov for this chapter. Alright, so please read and tell me what you think, I totally love getting your feedback!

Chapter review: Everyone found out that Rose is now the head of the guardian council!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the VA plot or gang (I just like to delude myself.) But I do own this story!

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><p><strong>Lissa's Point Of View<strong>

My heart was racing in my chest, while I frantically searched the small courtyard in front of the guardian headquarters, the rest of my friends were standing close by were doing the same. As soon as I spotted the familiar dark hair and tanned skin, I broke out into a jog toward her, knowing my friends would catch on quickly and follow. I was getting closer and opened my mouth to shout her name, when I realized that she wasn't alone. Standing beside Rose was another dhampir, obviously a guardian, and he had his arm wrapped around her waist. I felt my eyes narrow, and I realized that I had never seen this guardian before, and I immediately began to wonder if they were together or not. And if so why Rose never mentioned it before. I quickly took a look at their auras, not picking up any colours that linked them together, or anything indicating a relationship. But what I did see was strange. Both Rose and the mystery dhampir were shrouded in darkness, the same type of darkness that clouded Rose when we had been bonded. Although, once the bond had been broken, the darkness around her had vanished. It's plausible that the darkness returned once she left for Europe, but I would've noticed when I visited a few years ago? And even if by some fluke the shadows returned to her aura, it didn't explain why this guardian was covered in darkness.

"Rose!" Yelled Eddie as he came bounding past me, running full speed towards Rose, who had broken away from the dhampir and was looking our way. A huge grin has spread across her face when Eddie lifted her off the ground, pulling her into a tight embrace as he spun her around. My confusion about Rose's aura momentarily forgotten, I remembered how close Eddie and Rose had been before she left, and felt my heart squeeze as I watched the reunion. After losing Mason, they had become like brother and sister, willing to do anything for one another. They had been inseparable for a while, and being apart for so long surely wasn't easy.

"How's it going boss?" Eddie asked once her feet were firmly planted on the ground. Adrian and Christian had joined the group, and I quickly made my way over, letting the excitement of Rose's new job position (which meant permanent residence at court) take precedence over grilling her about the dhampir, who was watching everyone with an amused expression.

"Rose Hathaway? An authority figure, who's job is to enforce rules? Never though I'd see the day." Christian remarked, with a grin on his face as he pulled Rose in for a tight hug. She just laughed and lightly punched his arm when he released her, giving him one of her signature smirks.

"I missed you fireboy, but I can't say that I missed your totally annoying sarcastic remarks." She joked while Christian just rolled his eyes. It was incredible to see just how easily they slipped back into their old ways, continuing to banter just like they did three years ago.

"Little dhampir, I must be dreaming. I never expected to see you at court again." Adrian grinned, before pulling Rose in for a close hug and kissing her forehead. Even after three years Adrian still cared about her. Maybe not to the degree he had before she left, but his love and affection for her were still there. And from the gleam in her eyes, I could tell that she loved and cared for him too, but in a more platonic way. She loved him, but she wasn't _in_ love with him.

"Nope. I'm as real as it gets, I'll even prove it to you." She giggled as she pinched Adrian, who lightly swatted her hand away. It was heart warming to see that everything had gone back to normal, and that not only had our friendships lasted over the years, but they got stronger no matter how far apart we were.

"So you're back for good, huh?" Eddie asked, clearly excited to have Rose back at court. I knew it was difficult for him to be the only dhampir in our group sometimes. Although we treat him the same as anyone else, some people were still stuck in archaic ways, and treated Eddie like a servant. Having Rose around would hopefully make it easier, and at least he would have someone to relate to, until people began to change.

"Right now it looks that way, but in a few years I may go back to Europe. Or maybe I'll retire and finally become Lissa's guardian, who knows." Rose winked at me, and I smirked back at her. Although I was crazy happy and more than proud of her achievements in the guardian world, and her positions on both the American and European councils, I had always wished that she could still be my guardian. And I knew that she too still wished for that, but she had responsibilities now that were bigger than what we wanted.

"Where are you planning on staying? In the guardian housing?" Adrian asked, clearly curious about all of Rose's arrangements. Knowing him, he would want the absolute best for Rose, and he would be more than happy to provide it for her. Bug I can't say that I wasn't curious either, especially since, no matter how selfish it may be, I wanted her close by and the guardian housing was on the opposite side of court. After Rose left, I made sure that Eddie lived in the moroi apartments near the royal housing, where Adrian, Christian and I all lived. When I first came to him with the idea, Eddie was dead set against it, saying that he didn't want me giving any handouts. But once Christian convinced him it would be easier for him to protect me if there happened to be an emergency, he also found that his apartment was in the perfect location between the gym, royal housing and guardian headquarters. I was certain that Adrian or I could figure out some type of arrangement for Rose.

"No, actually." She shook her head, a small grin on her lips as she looked over at the guardian she'd been standing with, while he just observed the entire interaction we were having. "Kai and I have a townhouse being set up for us, we should be able to move in sometime in the next couple of days." She turned back to us, her face glowing with excitement as she told us about her new home. I felt a wave of nostalgia hit me as I remembered that it was Rose and I who were supposed to have our own townhouse. We talked about it after Victor Dashkov's trial all those years ago, talking about how amazing it would be to live together on our own, and how we would decorate the house. I missed that.

"Sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I didn't want to interrupt the reunion." Kai smiled sheepishly, and I tore my thoughts away from faded memories and let myself study him. He was tall and muscular like all dhampirs were, while shaggy light brown hair and azure blue eyes, that stood in contrast to his tan skin. He was dressed in the usual guardian uniform, consisting of black slacks and a blazer along with a white button up, but even though the uniform was usually stiff on most guardians he still looked casual. To say that he was hot was an understatement, he looked like he stepped right out of an Abercrombie ad.

"I'm Guardian Kai Peters. You must be Eddie, Christian, Adrian and Lissa. I've hear a lot about you." He spoke with a slight British accent, and gave us all a dazzling white smile. Christian shot Rose an accusing look, obviously wondering what she's been telling Kai over the years. But I wasn't focused on that, what struck my attention was that he didn't use our proper names, not that I wanted him to, but when people first meet us they call us by our royal names. Maybe Rose told him that we preferred just our first name? But even so most people still address us by Lord, Lady or Princess until we give them the okay to call us differently.

"Don't worry Sparky, I didn't tell him anything too horrific or embarrassing." Rose gave Christian a sly smile, while he just huffed and shook his head. I was still scrutinizing Kai and I could tell that Adrian was too. We both seemed to have a weird mutual feeling about him, whether it was good or not was yet to be seemed to sense us watching, and began to study us in return, but from the look in her eyes it was obvious that she didn't like what she was seeing. I took a quick look at her aura, and picked up undertones of gray radiating from her. It was a weird contrast to the bright reds and blues that were always in her aura, and the shadows that were along the edges. I racked my brain trying to remember what colour gray represented.

"Okay, enough with the starring." Rose sighed, flipping her dark hair over her shoulders, and giving us a signature Rose Hathaway man-eater smile. "I know, I'm beautiful, incredible and many other wonderful adjectives. But come on guys!" She laughed and held up a fist to Christian when he opened his mouth, obviously getting ready to shoot a witty comeback her way.

"I'm starving, lets go grab something to eat?" Eddie suggested, and Rose nodded her head before linking arms with Eddie and Kai. They began walking toward the cluster of shops and restaurants located in the center of court, while Christian caught us and started pestering Rose, leaving Adrian and I standing there alone.

"Gray means fear." Adrian spoke with a monotone voice, and when I turned to look at him, I saw the confirmation in eyes emerald eyes, that something just wasn't right.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Hey ya'll! So here is just a small chapter for you, and it will be the first one for the night, but don't worry there will be more! This chapter is basically just a connecting chapter, but it also lets us know what's happening with a few favourite characters! So please review and keep your eyes peeled for another chapter coming soon! And sorry for an errors, i wanted to rush this chapter out so I could write another one before going out!

Chapter Review: Lissa and Adrian sense something weird in Rose's aura, and Kai was introduced!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from VA, it all belongs to Richelle Mead! I just own this plot, and a few characters!

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><p>Having the gang of misfits back together again felt right. There were no other words to describe the feeling, just that it felt exactly how it was supposed to. Like all the puzzle pieces that were missing had been found, that we solved the impossible riddle, or some other ridiculous cliché. It made me really appreciate all these amazing people I had in my life, and what made it even better was that everyone seemed to accept Kai into our circle of loveable reminded me that some of group members were missing. Mia Rinaldi for instance, whom I haven't seen in years, but had heard that she was doing well and now a strong for the moroi fighting cause. Which wasn't a surprise after what had happened to her mother, and what had happened to us in Spokane all those years ago, and I was for sure going to support her fight now that I was back. And Jill Manstrano, who graduated from last year, and was now living at court. Or Ambrose who was still working at the spa here at court, and still Tatiana's boy toy. And of course Mikhail Tanner, who last I heard has restarted his search for his beloved Sonya. Apparently when I restored <em>him, <em>it had inspired Mikhail to hunt for Sonya once again, in hopes of restoring her back to a moroi. I knew that would happen when I made the decision three years ago, and helping Mikhail was now one of my top priorities. He had helped me immensely when I was trying to restore _him, _and without Mikhail's help I probably wouldn't have come close to succeeding. Which reminds me, that there was another person missing from the group. Not that I can admit I minded him being gone, the longer I had to go without seeing him, the better.

I knew that avoiding him was weak, (not even being able to say his name in my mind was also pretty pathetic) and totally unlike Rose Hathaway. I was known for going out of my way, and taking any type of conflict head on, not hiding from it like a coward. But this was an exception - he was an exception.I knew that my logic was flawed anyway. I was his boss for god's sake, avoiding him was not an option, especially when I was bound to see him at work eventually. But even if by some miracle, I did manage to avoid him while conducting guardian business, I knew it would be next to impossible to avoid him outside of work. Over time apparently, he and Lissa had developed a close relationship. He still saw her as his saviour, and the vow he made to basically worship her forever was still invoked. In my absence their friendship had grown stronger. I knew that Lissa felt guilty for having a relationship with him, feeling like she betrayed me in someway, but I wasn't angry at her for it…well, maybe I was a little bitter. But seeing as they were ridiculously close, avoiding…Dimitri would prove to be difficult. Good think I love challenges.

"Rose? Hello! Are you even listening?" Lissa asked, an amused smile on her bubblegum lips, as I finally zoned back into what she was saying. Before I had gone on my mental rant, they had been talking about the ball or banquet that was being held in Hans's honour tonight. I took a wild guess that they were still talking about that.

"Yeah, yeah. The totally overpriced retirement party for Hans, what about it?" I asked, while Kai shot me a look telling me that he wasn't fooled, he had known that I wasn't paying attention. Lissa just playfully rolled her eyes at my cynical view of the party. It just seemed too over the top for me, I understood that it was a celebration, but renting out the entire ballroom? Guardians were usually simple and efficient, and I felt like having drinks at the bar would've sufficed as a good retirement party. But moroi tended to go all out, so apparently having a lavish party in the grand ballroom was a must, even if they hadn't known Hans. A party was a party, and the moroi lived for them.

"It's a celebration. And I was asking if you were planning on going tonight?" Lissa asked, clearly seeing my hesitation about agreeing. I had been formally invited, and knew that I should make an appearance, to be the "new and reformed" Rose Hathaway that everyone wanted me to be. But there were too many people that I wanted to avoid, and so many other things that I rather be doing, then making small talk with royal moroi and other party guests.

"Oh, please don't tell me that Rose Hathaway is planning on staying in? The girl who used to live for parties and huge events." Adrian mocked while I glared at him. The last time I attended a royal party with him, had been the death watch, which had been more like a funeral than a party. Still, I had gotten yelled at by a royal moroi, and Queen Tatiana herself had kicked me out.

"We all know that my track record with royal parties, isn't that great. Or any type of royal event for that matter." I snapped as I crossed my arms over my chest, still annoyed by all the parties that I've been kicked out of. Everyone continued to laugh while I scowled at them.

"This time will be different, seeing as you were actually invited for once." Christian smirked, and my response was to stick my tongue out at him. Although, he had a point. This was one party I had actually received an invitation to, rather than stealing someone else's .

"Fine. I'll go, but I'm not happy about it." I groaned, while Lissa squealed and grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze. I just gave her a smile in return, and prayed to god that tonight wouldn't turn out to be a complete disaster.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Three cheers for the second update of the night! This one is a tad longer, but another bridging chapter basically. I plan to save the best (and biggest) chapter for last, once I get home! Alright, I want to again thank you for reading and reviewing! I love to hear what you think about everything!

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or the characters (but a girl can dream, right?) they belong to Richelle Mead

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><p>This was as much of a celebration for Hans, as it was a celebration for my surprising return. At least, that's how Lissa tried to explain it to me when I complained about going. I was trying to use every excuse in the book, some type of reason that would prevent me from attending tonight, but Lissa seemed to have a solution for everything.<p>

Which would explain why I was now in a change room in one of the upscale dress shops at court. Lissa had pulled some strings with the store manager -an older moroi woman who consulted most royals one what to wear - when I complained about not having anything to wear tonight.

So while I tried on dress after dress, I thought about the reasons why I was dragging my heels. I had always loved attending parties and socializing with people, and craved being in the spotlight, but I never enjoyed doing it at royal parties. True, this wasn't a royal party exactly, but it would be attended by almost everyone at court, including the queen. I wasn't looking forwards to the confrontations that were bound to happen, or all of the stares and questions that would arise once I entered the room. But as future head of the guardian council, I knew that I had to make an appearance and show my support, I was going to have to play nice with the snotty royals. But I vowed that after I spent my allotted time at the party, I would be making two stops before going him - one being to the bar, and the other being the pizza place. Both would be necessary to make it through this evening.

"Come out already! I want to see what this one looks like!" Lissa called, and I rolled my eyes before unlocking the door and stomping out to where Lissa was waiting. If I was being forced to go to this celebration, then I was not going to put on a show or pretend, no matter how many people expected me too. I wasn't known for taking things I didn't like gracefully, and I planned to uphold that reputation.

"Rose." Lissa gasped before putting her hand over her mouth, the woman who owned the store mimicked the gesture, and I raised my eyebrows. What were they gawking at? I knew that the last several dresses had all be awful to say the least. They had all been decked out in chiffon, sequins and ruffles, which made me look like I was about to participate in a beauty pageant. All I needed was a Vaseline coated smile and a cheesy talent portion, and I would totally be crowned Miss America.

"That is it. I'm changing." I huffed, pissed that I looked such an idiot trying on all these stupid dresses. I was a guardian for god's sake, not a Barbie doll! I loved looking sexy and occasionally dressing face, and I knew that I was hotter than hell. But being subjected to dress up with hideous gowns was the farthest thing from fun to me.

"No! Rose it's not that. You look…"Lissa trailed off, crinkling her eyebrows before finding the right adjective. "You look beautiful." And to add to her words, the moroi dress consulted began nodding her head furiously, apparently unable to speak.

"Really?" I asked, as I looked down at the dress I was wearing. It didn't look like anything special, or remotely beautiful, but it was a step up from the others. But in my mind it wasn't the type of dress that started religions. There had only been one of those kinds of dresses in the world, and I had dramatically burned it after I left for Europe.

"The dress is stunning. You are stunning." Lissa confirmed with a nod, causing her blonde hair to fall like a veil around her. If anyone was stunning it was Lissa, and she didn't need a fancy dress to make her beautiful, for her it was effortless.

"If you say so." I sighed, before returning to the change room to slip off the dress and back into my boring guardian uniform. It may be generic, but I knew that I rocked the black and white ensemble, and just hoped that I looked just as good in the dress.

I was pacing back and forth outside the ballroom doors, the anxiety slowly suffocating me, while wishing that I still had the bond connecting me to Lissa. I knew that she was already at the party with Christian, who was enthusiastic about this party as I was. And I wished that I could see through her eyes, and scope out the party before I entered, I wanted to know if I was walking into a trap. I shook the thoughts out of my head, I was being childish right now. This was just a party like any other, and no one was planning on sabotaging me or cornering me…I hoped.

Besides I didn't need the bond to tell me that Lissa was probably bouncing with excitement, awaiting my arrival. Earlier when we left the dress shop, she expressed the main reason why she wanted me to go tonight, and it was simple: she wanted to spend time with me again. She had missed me and wanted things to be like how they were before all of the drama happened in out lives. She wanted it to be Rose and Lissa against the world, just how it used to be.

And oddly enough, Lissa sheepishly revealed that this banquet reminded her of another royal party that happened several years ago. At the ski lodge in Idaho. She was remembering the time where she dragged me to a royal Christmas party, after she and Christian had a fight. Things back then had been far from simple for us, but that party had also been one of the last normal moments in our lives. And I had to agree, after that party everything had begun to spin out of control.

I smiled weakly, wishing that I could go back in time and change all of those mistakes that I had made. I wished that I could erase a lot from my past, but I knew that it was useless to dwell on the past. Nothing could be changed now. Not Mason's death, not any of the attacks, not Dimitri's rejection and not my bond to Lissa. But I didn't need to mourn the missing link between us, I reminded myself, we had an unbreakable bond, besides she was standing just beyond the ballroom doors.

They are all inside, waiting for me to arrive. All of my closest friends - my family - the people who I depended on most in the world, were finally back in my life, and anxious to see me. With that thought, I took a deep breath (hopefully my last one of the night) before stepping through the wide, french glass doors that led to the ballroom.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Hey guys, sorry for not posting this last night I didn't get home until really late! But on the bright side, I actually got the day off work! So, that means I can uplaod a few new chapters for you guys today! Okay, I just want to thank you once again for all the reviews and input I've recieved, I'm so glad that you guys like the story and it really makes it worth writting!

Disclaimer: I don't own the VA series or gang, that all belongs to Richelle Mead! I just own this plot!

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><p>Dimitri's Point Of View<p>

I stood against one of the far walls, surveying the room and making sure that I maintained frequent eye contact with all of the other guardians on duty. I doubted that there would be any type of threat tonight, especially with so many guardians attending as guests, but in recent years I've learned to expect the unexpected. Everyone attending the party seemed to have one thing on their minds, and that was Rose's abrupt and unexpected return. It seemed to have been a surprise to nearly everyone at court, and people were saying that her new position on the council was a last minute decision, one that sparked curiosity in everyone.

"I heard it was because they kicked her off the European council, but they didn't want to demote her to avoid questions. So, they transferred her to this council, so that her majesty could keep a closer eye on her." Gossiped one of the royals, who was dressed in what was no doubt an overpriced gown, as she shamelessly whispered about Rose. It made my gut twist to know that they were talking about her like that, almost although she wasn't even human, but instead just an object.

"No, that's not it. I heard it was because Abe Mazur blackmailed her to return to the states, you know how that man is. He wanted power on the council, and she is young and easily manipulated." Another royal explained, and I repressed the urge to scoff and roll my eyes. All of these stories were becoming more and more outrageous, especially the part about Rose being easily manipulated. I wondered how they came up with these ridiculous stories, and if they even bothered to check their facts before spreading these heinous rumours.

Another royal had joined the conversation and had began to share his story as to why Rose had suddenly returned, when they all broke off and turned to stare at the ballroom entrance. And for a brief moment it seemed like the entire ballroom had ceased speaking and just gaped at the doorway. I turned my attention, only to feel my guardian mask crumble while my eyes bulged, and jaw fell slack.

Rose stood on the threshold of the ballroom, wearing a strapless, blood red dress with black watercolours, and it grazed her curves perfectly. Her silky hair was in relaxed waves and her gorgeous face was expressionless as she looked out at the crowd, pretending not to notice that every single pair of eyes were on eyes rested on something and a small smile broke out onto her face, and she began walking in that direction, making sure not to cower from all the attention that was on her. She walked with such power and such grace it was difficult not to stare. She had a cool, regal air about her that made her seem like royalty, and it was breathing taking to watch her walk across the ballroom, looking although she controlled the entire room. Which in a way, she did.

I figured that it was Lissa or Adrian and Eddie - one of her old friends - that she was walking towards

I had assumed that it was Lissa and Christian, or Eddie and Adrian that she was walking towards, seeing as they were her old friends and they still seemed close, but I was baffled when I watched her walk into the arms of another dhampir. He pulled her in for a tight embrace, while whispering in her ear and making her erupt into a fit of laughter. It felt although I was being stabbed by a stake repeatedly in the heart, and that someone was twisting it for pleasure. But I deserved all the pain that I was feeling as I watched her. After everything that I did to her, I wasn't aloud to be with her and I sure as hell wasn't aloud to be jealous that she finally moved on. She deserved better than someone who only caused pain, or her treated her like a blood whore. I didn't have any right to be envious, she deserves to be happy, especially with someone who wont stand in her way. It's why I lied to her all those years ago in the church, it's why I said those words that would forever be burned in my memory: "Love fades, mine has."

_Although, it couldn't be more false. _

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><p>Rose's Point Of View<p>

"I know you think they're all starring at you, but truthfully? They are all starring at me, and you just happen to be in the way." Kai whispered into my ear, making me burst out into a fit of giggles. Kai easily erased all of my nerves with just a few words, making me feel at least a tad bit normal despite all of the looks I was receiving.I grabbed Kai's hand and pulled him close, figuring that if people were going to stare then I would give them something to look at tonight. I then began to lead him toward Lissa and the rest of my friends, who were grinning from ear to ear as I waded through the crowd.

"You look amazing!" Lissa gushed, shaking her head in disbelief as she appraised me. It must have shocked her to see me so dressed up, especially when I acted like a brat all afternoon about dressing fancy.

"I could say the same for you. You look gorgeous Liss." I smiled as she blushed. She was wearing a simple, pale blue dress that she pulled off beautifully. Her blonde hair was pulled into a low, side pony and she wore hardly makeup. But none of that mattered, her beauty still illuminated from her. I swear she could be wearing a potato sack and still look fantastic.

"You both look fantastic, but on to more pressing issues." said Adrian, as he took a gulp of his champagne, and I watched his Adam's apple bob before rolling my eyes. Over the years Adrian had slowly cleaned himself up. He actually took initiative and quit smoking, with the exception of dire stress moments. He had even toned down his womanizing and was working part time at the hospital, where he helped heal patients during the day, while he occasionally painted during his spare time. But he had never been able to give up his drinking habits, whether it was because he really was addicted like he said, or because he was trying to keep the Spirit induced madness at bay. Either way he could never stop drinking. I was so proud of all of his accomplishments with the smoking, women and getting a job, but I wished he could one day give up the drinking and live a sober life.

"And what might those "pressing issues" be? I asked dryly, raising one my eyebrows and failed miserably, when I ended up raising both. Adrian had appeared serious when speaking, and it was true he was capable of seriousness at times, although they were few a far between. Making me wonder what could be so important now.

"Your birthday is in four days." He looked at me, his face devoid of all emotion, which resulted in me snorting. Leave it to Adrian, to make my birthday into such a serious endeavour. "What are you planning to do for it?" He asked.

"Skip it." I told him without hesitation, adding a shrug to make it seem more causal. I knew that there were more important things to focus on right now, I was starting a new job and that would going to need all of my attention, I could celebrate next year. Kai gave me a look, telling me that he knew I was thinking about work, but that wasn't the real reason I didn't want to celebrate. It was true, my birthday would always be a reminder of the day I left to Russia, the day when I walked away from my obligations. It was a bitter reminder of when I chose between Lissa and Dimitri, and when I began my delusional mission to save him. I

"Skip it? You want to skip your 21st birthday?" Adrian sputtered, clearly outraged and disapproving of my decision. I knew that if it was up to him, he would try and throw me the biggest party imaginable, probably inviting the entire court. Because according to Adrian, if you have the chance to throw/attend or crash a party, then you take that change.

"Adrian, it's not a big deal. I'll just make my celebration for my 22nd twice as big." I winked, knowing that my 22nd birthday would also not be celebrated, and then my brain drifted back to how much I've changed over the years. There once was a time when I would jump at the change to have a huge birthday celebration, but I wasn't that girl anymore, whether that was a good thing or not. Besides, even though it was just an excuse not to celebrate my birthday, it was true that I had new obligations that came first. Not only did the moroi come first, but the rest of the guardians did too.

Adrian opened his mouth, getting ready to protest when he was cut off by a guardian who entered out circle. The guardian was dressed in standard uniform, making it obvious that he was working tonight.

"Princess Dragomir, Lord Ivashkov, Lord Ozer." The guardian bowed at my friends, before quickly turning his attention to me. "Guardian Hathaway, Hans has requested to speak with you." He informed me, with a polite nod before gesturing for me to follow him.

"Sorry guys, I've been summoned." I rolled my eyes and smiled playfully. "I'll catch up with you after." They all nodded their heads and grinned, while Adrian just gave me a look, telling me that this discussion wasn't finished yet.I followed the guardian across the large ballroom, noting how majority of the guests were moroi but I did pick out the occasional group of guardians clumped together, speaking in hushed voices. It seemed odd that as a retirement party for Hans - a guardian - that there weren't more dhampirs invited. But I guess they didn't have the luxury to take breaks or have a night off, even for a celebration like this.

We approached a group of both moroi and dhampirs, and in the center of the group I picked out Hans. He always stood out among other dhampirs, his height being one thing that always caught my attention. Because in the human world her was of average height, standing at around 5'11, but in the moroi and dhampir world he was short of a guardian. He was also built a tad thicker than most other guardians, and with his white hair and moustache, Hans was like a sore thumb. But despite all those things he was an amazing leader, and he would no doubt be mentioned in all the history and theory books that I spent years studying. Just like the council leaders before him, like Arthur Schoenberg - a legend - who's techniques I studied for years. He was a legend, they were all legends. I just hoped to one day become one too.

"Hathaway." Hans grunted, breaking away from the group to meet me. Although I saw him briefly this morning, it was strange to actually be speaking with him again.

"Hans." I nodded, knowing that I should try and be respectful to the man who's position I just inherited. He and I may not have been on the best of terms before Europe, and I enjoyed giving him smart assed remarks in the past, but he had worked hard to accomplish things in the guardian world. And who knows, I may need his help in the future.

"We didn't get to speak this morning, and I doubt that we will get the chance to speak anytime in the near future. So, I thought we should talk now." Hans told me, his voice gruff as he began leading me away from all the guests, towards a secluded area of the ballroom. "Look, Hathaway. I know that you've had experience on a council before, but that is nothing compared to being in charge of one. It takes a lot of dedication and work -"Hans began, when I lifted my hand to cut him off.

"I am fully dedicated to this position." I informed him, knowing that I really shouldn't have interrupted him, but if this was a lecture about how dedicated I actually was, then I fully intended to resort to my normal Rose Hathaway attitude. Which can sometimes be described as "disrespectful".

"I know that you are, I just don't want your arrogance getting in the way." Hans snapped, while I stifled an eye roll. "I'm going to tell you what Arthur Schoenberg told me, and what the previous leaders of the guardian council have passed down to one another for years."

"A prophecy? Really?" I sneered, putting my hands on my hip and tilting my head, not bothering to conceal my disbelief and discontent. Was he seriously going to pull that cliché crap on me?

"Shut it Hathaway, and do not make me regret this." Hans sighed, before shutting his eyes tightly before speaking. "It's not easy and it's never going to get easier. You will have to sacrifice everything, and be willing to do anything for the council. For your people. You are not just worrying about the moroi anymore, you now have to worry about the dhampirs too. You have an entire race depending on you, and your choices will effect generations of guardians for years to come. You are not royalty, nor will you ever be, but you wield a power that to dhampirs, is on par with royalty. Do not misuse that power. Use your head. Put your heart into it. And follow your gut." Hans told me, his face blank as he spoke, while he slowly opened his sparkling green eyes. They were the only thing indicating that his mind was worlds away, probably thinking back to when he received the same speech from Arthur.

"Inspiring." I resorted to my sarcastic default setting, I didn't want Hans to know how much that speech actually effected me, or how heavy his words weighed down on me. I didn't want him to know just how terrified I was of failing. So I hid it behind my smart ass comment, not wanting him to see any of my weaknesses. He just shook his head, while his eyes refocused and narrowed as he took in my words.

"It's not meant to inspire." Hans barked. "You'll understand someday, and before you know it you will be giving this exact speech to the next leader. And I hope whoever inherits this position from you, is as infuriating and sarcastic as you." Hans grasped my shoulder - his only sign of affection - giving it a firm squeeze before disappearing into the crowd. Leaving me standing in the shadows.

I sighed while running my fingers through my hair, knowing that I should go back out into the crowd, and socialize with everyone. But when I tried to take a step out into the sea of party goers, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I pressed my back against the wall and tilted my head back to look at the ceiling, taking deep breaths to try and calm my racing mind.

Everything suddenly seemed to be going at hyper speed, and I felt like I wasn't moving at all while everything zoomed past. It was great to be back - fantastic, actually - and I was overjoyed to be reunited with my friends, but my responsibilities were beginning to press down on me. Everyone's doubt about my new position was causing so much stress, and the pressure to act like someone I'm not was also weighing down on me. I couldn't be that person.I looked back out at the crowd, watching as everyone laughed and danced, enjoying themselves and I wished my life could be that simple. For once I wished that I didn't have the world on my shoulders.

And that's when I felt the strange prickling sensation on my skin, it felt like my eyes were being pulled across the room by magnets, and my eyes locked with the eyes that haunted my dreams - my nightmares. Dark brown, beautiful and endless, even from across the room. I wanted to look away, to break the starring contest that had started between us, but his gaze held me there and it was impossible to look away.A million things passed between us in that moment, and I found it incredible that the rest of the room didn't feel any of the emotions sparking between us. All the feelings and unresolved conflicts, all the broken promises and words left unsaid, they filled the distance that separated us. I finally found the strength and broke eye contact with him, jerking my chin high as I quickly slipped off my heels, and headed for the back exit of the ballroom. I wanted nothing more than to run, to sprint away and leave everything in the dust, but I knew that I had to walk to the exit. If I was going to remain any form of dignity, I couldn't run for the exit, I couldn't let him know that I was ready to break.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! I feel horrible for not updating these past few days, I've just had a lot of school work with midterms and such. But that is all over and I promise to somehow make it up to everyone! I know that this chapter is short, and probably not very good but I just wanted post something for you guys.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

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><p>Lissa's Point Of View<p>

"Where did Rose go? She's been gone forever." I asked, nervously looking around the ballroom for any sign of Rose. I just prayed I didn't find her starting a fistfight with a royal or something, because I wouldn't put it past her.

"She probably bailed." Christian suggested, casually taking a swing of his drink. "If only she took me with her." He added almost inaudibly under his breath, while I just nudged him with my elbow and continued to look for Rose.I was worried about her, and to be honest it was a strange feeling. I never had to worry about Rose before, it was usually her worrying about me. She never needed me to - she always seemed to take care of everything herself. I was envious of her strength, it was one of her most admirable qualities, and it was something that defined her. But despite all of her strength and courage, I was fearful for her right now, especially after seeing the gray and shadows in her aura.

"I'm sure she's fine, I'll go find her. You guys enjoy the party." Kai suggested, before walking towards the exit, like he knew exactly where to find Rose without even looking. I watched him walk away, and decided to take a quick peek at his aura, only to see that the shadows were pulsating off of him. I shook my head before returning back to my friends, unsure of what to think about this entire situation.

"Is something wrong? What did you see?" Eddie asked, snapping into guardian mode as he nodded in Kai's direction. I shouldn't have been surprised that Eddie picked up on something, he was always observant and took his job as my guardian very seriously.

"Nothing's wrong…I don't think. I'm just picking up something weird in his aura." I shrugged, trying to seem casual as I spoke. I didn't want to raise any alarm until I knew for certain that something was wrong, especially since I didn't actually know anything about Kai. I needed to investigate further.

"Weird? How so?" Asked Christian, taking interest in this topic as he wrapped his arm around me. I leaned into him and let him be my support, just like he always was.

"Shadows." Adrian announced, his glossy emerald eyes looked far away. "Darkness shrouds him." he slurred before saluting us with his glass of champagne, and chugging the remains.

"I think you've had enough for one night, Ivashkov." Eddie announced, while reaching for Adrian's shoulder, but he quickly jerked away and stumbled. Christian groaned and went to help Eddie steady Adrian. I knew that Spirits darkness had been taking it's toll on Adrian, especially since he gave up his other bad habits and began practicing his magic more often at the hospital, but the excessive drinking really wasn't helping anything.

"I better take him home," Christian sighed, looking pitifully at Adrian then back to Eddie. "You just make sure Lissa gets home, and I'll swing by after I take care of the drunk mess." I knew that Christian rather be with me and have Eddie take care of Adrian, but he didn't want me to go without my guardian. I also knew that Eddie was worried about Christian getting annoyed with Adrian and leaving him in a ditch somewhere. I was getting ready to suggest that we all drop Adrian off before returning home, when someone cut me off.

"I can take the Princess home." Dimitri offered, stepping in to join our small circle. "I have a break between shifts, and this seems to be a two man job." He nodded at Adrian who gave him a drunken scowl. Eddie and Christian looked at one another, before nodding in agreement and saying their goodbyes before dragging Adrian out of the ballroom discreetly. Dimitri waited patiently for me as I said goodbye to a few other guests, and collected my jacket before leaving. At first I thought he was just being courteous by staying silent, and remaining in guardian mode, but when we stepped out into the fast approaching dawn he still remained silent. There was something on his mind, and I had a pretty good guess to what it was.

"You're thinking about Rose." I gave him a sidelong glance, only to see him bristle at her name. It wasn't hard to know that's what he's thinking about, to know that's what he's always thinking about. What the difficult thing was, how to respond to this. I was Rose's best friend, and she had been like my sister for out entire lives, but Dimitri has been here protecting me for the last three years, and he and I have grown close. My allegiance will always be to Rose, and I will support whatever decisions she makes, but I did pride myself on being empathetic toward others.

"Yes. I'm thinking about Rose." Dimitri admitted, his shoulders slumping like thinking about her was accepting defeat. I sighed, this was one reason why they had fallen so madly in love before, because they shared so many common traits, one being that neither of them can come to terms with their feelings.

"What about Rose? Are you worried now that she's back?" I asked, just now taking Dimitri's feelings into account. I had been so excited about her returning that I forgotten how he might take it. Being on both sides was going to tear me apart, I swear.

"Not so much worried." Dimitri sighed, still deep in thought. And I wondered - not for the first time - how it was when they were both still in love. I remember tidbits about how they used to act around one another, but I never truly got to see them in a relationship together, it had ended so soon.

"Then what? Dimitri, you know that you can talk to me." I told him, placing my hand gently on his shoulder. He didn't have very many people in his life, and he lost the few that he did before he changed. Apart from me and my friends, Dimitri was pretty much alone.

"You're her best friend Lissa. Besides, I like to solve my own problems myself, but thank you for the offer." Dimitri nodded, while continued to walk a step behind me, remaining in complete guardian mode.

"Gosh, you are exactly like Rose. You know that? You both cannot accept help from anyone." I groaned, not thinking about my words until it was too late. Bringing Rose up to Dimitri like that probably wasn't a good idea, or vice versa. Because for as stoic and unfeeling as they seem, they both actually felt everything very deeply. But instead of getting mad or shutting down like I expected him to, Dimitri unexpectedly chuckled. I turned to face him, feeling completely off guard. For as long as I've known Dimitri, I can hardly remember a time when he's laughed. He was always so serious, and so focused that it was almost like he never had time to experience joy. Hearing his throaty laugh now was like Christian and Rose agreeing for once - a miracle.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hey everyone! Here is a longer post then yesterdays, and there may be another coming later tonight but I make no promises! I just wantedto thank everyone for the amazing reviews I've received, I really love hearing from you guys!

Chapter Review: Rose left the party early, Dimitri and Lissa had a short talk about Rose!

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or the characters with the exception of Kai! Everything else belongs to Richelle Mead!

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><p>"Wake me up if you're about to go out on one of your rampages." Kai joked, his tone light hearted and a grin on his face, but I could see the serious worry in his cobalt eyes. We were standing in the hall outside of my room that I'd been temporarily assigned to in guest housing. We were both still dressed in the fancy attire we'd worn to the party. After I had bolted from the ballroom like a coward, Kai had come looking for me, only to find my standing in the courtyard outside of the church.<p>

I don't know why I had chosen to go there, but it was the only place I wanted to be, it was the only place to seek refuge. Maybe, it was because the courtyard had been a product of my blood, sweat and tears, or because that's where I had spent majority of my last days before departing from court. I didn't know what possessed me to go there, and I didn't really want to know why. The only thing I'm certain of, was when I was rushing away from the ballroom, my legs had somehow brought me to the had found me shortly after, while I was sitting on the base of the marble statues. I wasn't crying and I wasn't angry, I was just numb. At least until Kai pulled me in for a comforting hug with reassuring words, and I found myself wondering what I would ever do without him. Over the years we had become so close, and without him I wouldn't have made it this far. Without him I wouldn't be alive.

"I don't want you going alone, and remember I will know if you go or not." Kai warned, before adding with a laugh. "Besides, with the way you sometimes yell, I bet the rest of court will know too." I just shook my head and rolled my eyes, not in the mood to banter with "rampages" as Kai liked to call them, only occurred when I am under unbearable stress. I usually wake up in the dead of night - if I could even get to sleep to start - and sneak out of the house to do some serious stress relieving activities. Those activities range from throwing/breaking everything and anything I can get my hands on, or exercising until I'm on the verge of night, after a particular bad rampage, Kai had found my with my knuckles split and broken. I had hardly noticed the blood or how lopsided my hand seemed, until Kai practically restrained me, and pulled my away from the punching bag. Luckily, we had been living in Russia at the time, and Oksana had been able to heal my injuries without a problem, but after that Kai refused to let me rampage alone.

"I've only yelled a few times, and I wasn't even that loud." I argued, while crossing my arms across my chest. "Besides, I'll be fine tonight." I assured him, putting in as much patent Rose Hathaway bravado into my words as possible, while Kai just cocked his eyebrows. He could see right through my false assurance, he always could. "But if I go out, I'll let you know" I added.

"Scouts honour. Now go to bed!" I commanded when he still remained unconvinced, and the frustration and anger began to boil within me. I uncrossed my arms and put both hands on his chest, giving a huge shove. But it was no use, he was like a brick wall. We just starred at one another for a moment, willing the other to back down, and once he realized that he wouldn't he broke eye contact. He ran his fingers through his light brown hair, before signing and taking a few steps back.

"Scouts honour, my ass." He mumbled as he retreated down the hallway, in the direction of his own room. "Like they'd ever accept you into girl guides." I just smirked and shook my head, before unlocking my door and stepping inside.

I felt a little guilty for ignoring Kai's request to wake him I was going out. But I justified my decision to let him sleep, by telling myself that Kai was already stressed from moving halfway across the globe. And taking on a new position in the American guardian system, along with following me around all day, he so did not need to be woken up in the middle of the night. Especially not just to baby sit me. I was Rose Hathaway for god's sake, and I am perfectly capable of taking care of is exactly what I was doing when I woke up, pulled on a hoodie and running shorts while snatching my ipod from my luggage, and locking the door to my room. I needed to clear my head before getting sleep, and before dealing with all the challenges I had ahead of me. I needed to slow my swirling emotions, and calm my racing mind.

I plugged in my ipod as I quietly walked through the halls of guest housing, I didn't know where my destination was when I burst through the doors, or what route I was going to take to get there. All I knew was that I was running as hard and as fast as my legs would possibly sun was shinning down on me, glowing brilliantly in the chilly March day. My dark hair flicked behind me, while sweat poured down my face, and my legs burned as I pushed myself even harder. I was trying so hard to run away from my past, from all the thoughts that haunted me for years, and from everything that had finally caught up with me. And in the back of my mind I wondered what it would be like if I stopped running.

I was drenched in sweat when I flopped onto the dewy grass, my legs unable to hold me up any longer. My breathing was heavy and I felt light headed as I starred up at the bright, birthday cake icing, blue sky. My mind continued to race, a million thoughts entering my mind while I quickly shoved them out. I closed my eyes, needing to somehow block out all of my thoughts, as I ripped out my ear buds and focused on the silence of the Pennsylvania spring. I was starting to feel calmer when I heard the sound of a twig breaking, and I jolted up onto my feet, taking a defensive stance as I turned to see the person I was trying so hard to run from.

He was standing there in all his 6 foot 7 glory, his chin length brown hair hanging loose, while his dark brown eyes gazed at me thoughtfully. He was still wearing his guardian uniform - which did a decent job at showing off his muscles - and I wondered if he had even gone home after the party.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice sounding strong and steady, despite all of the adrenaline coursing through my veins. How did he always seem to find me whenever I was trying my hardest to get away from him? How did he always seem to make me feel like such a mess whenever he was around? Why was I always so out of control whenever I caught sight of him?

"I was doing a perimeter check, and I saw you running." His light Russian accent laced his words, making my stomach knot and my knees quiver. "You used to hate running, but when I saw you just now, you seemed to take comfort in it. Almost like it's a release to you." He stated, his honey like voice sounding perplexed, but his face gave nothing away. It was true that I used to complain about running laps, thinking that it would never help me in the future, but now it really was part of my release.

"That was before I had anything to run from." I blurted, adding a shrug in an attempt to remain nonchalant. I didn't want him to know just how much he really effected me, or how much of a hold he still had.

"What could you possibly have to run from Roza?" He asked, and I felt every muscle in my body tense. I had not heard that name in years, and hearing it again - hearing him say it again - in that velvety tone of his, it brought back a plethora of memories that I was trying my hardest to run from. The lust charm. The Spokane rescue. The cabin. Galinda's estate. The of those memories flitted through my brain, reminding me just how much he used to care and adore me. It was also a agonizing reminder of how he stopped loving me. Of how he couldn't love me.

"Don't." I spoke, my voice sounding oddly calm despite all my inner turmoil. I made sure to keep my face blank and to clench my shaking jaw, I didn't want to give away any of the emotions that were erupting inside of me. I couldn't let him see just how broken I still was, or any of the wreckage he left behind all those years ago in the church.

"Do not call me that. My name is Rose or Guardian Hathaway. I do not care which you use, but do not call me that." My voice was low and deadly, with an icy edge that made his eyebrows raise, while he scrutinized me. I knew instantly that he was trying to read me - to see what I was feeling and thinking - in the past he could read me like an open book, and I wondered if he still had that ability I hoped that he couldn't read me. I didn't want him to know what I was thinking and feeling, I didn't want him knowing just how badly I was damaged. I didn't want him knowing that his words still effected me - that he still effected me. But there was a tiny part of me that was praying he could still read me. Because if he could, then maybe it meant we still shared a connection. That there was still a fragment of what we used to have left. I quickly tried to squash that hope.

He hesitated a moment before opening his mouth to answer, and I held my breath in anticipation. Unsure of what he was going to say, but knowing what I desperately wanted to hear. It may make me a fool or pathetic to still hold out hope, but I knew that I always would. There would always be a part of me that will never stop hoping, and loving him.

"Rose!" Someone shouted, cutting off whatever Dimitri was going to say, and I craned my neck to see Kai jogging towards me. Part of me was relieved to see him, knowing that he would save me from this potential catastrophic conversation with Dimitri. But another part was completely pissed off, because he was interrupting this conversation with Dimitri. I sighed, I seriously need to get control over my raging emotions. Kai approached us and I watched as he assed this situation at hand, before deciding how to proceed. He quickly stepped beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist and looked Dimitri dead in the eye. Kai knew everything about what happened between me and Dimitri, even the details I didn't want to share, and he also saw the entire recovery process that took/is taking place. And obviously Kai came to the conclusion that this was the infamous Russian.

"Kai Peters." He introduced himself, extending his hand out toward Dimitri, who had snapped his guardian mask into place. Dimitri starred at Kai's hand, I knew that the old Dimitri would never be rude and decline the gesture, even when he was at his angriest Dimitri kept a calm façade. Besides, this wasn't just any type of gesture, it was a challenge, and Dimitri rarely backed down from a challenge. So it wasn't a surprise to me when Dimitri grasped Kai's hand, and shook it firmly.

"Dimitri Belikov." He nodded, his dark eyes boring into me. I felt myself mechanically taking a step away from Kai, breaking his hold around my waist. It reminded me of the time when Mason and I had been walking to a dance at St. Vladimir's, and we'd run into Alberta and Dimitri. Mason had been gripping my hand, to make sure that I didn't fall on the icy terrain, and I had removed my hand when I saw Dimitri. I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. Was I doing the same thing now?

"I'm sorry for interrupting, but I really need to speak to Rose." Kai forced a smile, his attempt at appearing easy-going, but I could see that he was retraining himself from doing something stupid. He had saw just how badly Dimitri had hurt me, and he stood by me throughout t all of my meltdowns and rampages. He had helped pick up the pieces that had shattered when Dimitri rejected me, and I knew that he wanted nothing more than to hurt Dimitri. He wanted Dimitri to feel some of the pain that I had felt over the years, but he was holding back and playing ignorant.

Kai reached for my hand but I snatched it away, feeling annoyed by his actions. I knew that he had my best interests at heart, and he was only trying to do what he thought was best, but my stubborn Rose Hathaway self wanted to prove to everyone that I was capable of taking care of myself, because it seemed that no one thought I could. I didn't need either men in my life to help me.

"Actually, I think whatever you have to say can wait. Both of you." I looked back and forth between them, but plucking my ipod off where it fell when Dimitri startled me, and plugged the headphones back in. "I'm going to finish my run." I announced as I began to sprint away from the pair, feeling my legs groan in pain while I forced myself to keep going, not bothering to look back.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Hey everyone! Here's a short chapter for you, and I'm going to post another long one tonight (for real!) so makew sure to read that after! Thankyou so much for the feedback, honestly you guys it means the world. I love knowing what your predictions are, and always want to hear what you have to say, so keep it up!

Chapter Review: Rose went on a "rampage" and ended up having a slightly awkward conversation with Dimitri and Kai.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the VA series (but I can dream, right?) but I do own this plot and a few select characters.

PS. sorry for any errors, this was a quick chapter. I wanted to move onto the good stuff!

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><p>Sleep found me easily after I returned to my room. I didn't even bother changing out of my clothes as I crawled into bed and snuggled under the thick covers. I didn't know if it was because of the marathon type run that I had practically sprinted, or if it was because of the conversation – or, confrontation – that had occurred between me, Kai and Dimitri, but I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. So I happily sunk into the dreamless sleep that entranced me once my head hit the pillow.<p>

I awoke to a thunderous banging on my door, and I leapt out of bed, alert and ready to take on anything or anyone. I edged towards my door, wondering if I should grab my stake when I peered through the peephole. Lissa was standing in front of my door, a serious expression as she raised her fist to beat the door again. I flung it open before she could; she seemed frazzled for a moment before composing herself and squeezing past me and into my room.

"What happened to you last night? Why did you bail? "She demanded, not bothering with a greeting or any other type of formality, and instead just diving into the topic. I was surprised, this was a new development for Lissa. She usually beat around the bush and made pointless small talk before slowly easing into uneasy topics. Christian and I must be rubbing off on her.

"I was exhausted. I'm still jetlagged from the trip, I hear moving halfway across the world can do that to you." I told her, using the first lie that came to my head. Although it wasn't all untrue, I was exhausted and still a little jetlagged, but that wasn't the real reason why I left. I couldn't tell her about the fear I felt about becoming a leader and having so many people depend on me, if I did then she would worry and stress over me. I didn't need her to do that, and she shouldn't have added stress on top of the darkness and everything else. But on top of that, I didn't want her to be disappointed in me. Lissa dealt with the pressure of being a leader and having people depend on her every day, she did it with grace and integrity, and she's being doing it that way since she was seventeen. She was in the exact position as I was, except that everyone was depending more from her. I couldn't complain or seem weak when Lissa had it harder.

"Well you should have at least told us. We were worried about you Rose." She huffed, and I rolled my eyes. She seemed relieved at my explanation for leaving early, almost like she expected that I had been thrown out for starting a fist fight or something, which if I was being honest could have happened. But it still annoyed me and pissed me off. I was an adult and I didn't need people to worry about me, I could take care of myself and I have been for years now. Why couldn't anyone see that?

"I'm sorry that I worried you, but Lissa, I am almost twenty-one years old. I don't think you need to know my whereabouts at every moment at all hours of the day." I snapped, while crossing my arms over my chest and exhaling deeply, which made wisps of my dark hair fall into my eyes.  
>I instantly regretted my words once I saw Lissa's head fall slightly. I shouldn't have snapped at her for worrying about me, it was stupid. She cared about me, and I was getting pissed over that? She was like my sister, of course she would care. Why was it so hard for me to accept that people want to help me? Why was it so difficult to let people care about me?<p>

"I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm just really stressed right now." I told her lamely, not knowing what else to say to her. There really wasn't anything to say.

"No, you're right. It was stupid and I shouldn't be acting like such a mom. I just miss you and want to spend as much time with you as possible, it's been years and I just want my sister back." Lissa sniffled, and I wanted to smack myself for being insensitive earlier. She just missed me, I didn't need to be so overs sensitive to that.

"Don't worry Liss. I'm not going anywhere, and we are going to spend a lot of time together. Pretty soon you're going to get sick of me, and wish I was halfway across the globe again." I smiled, pulling her in for a hug. I just wanted my sister back too. Hell, I just wanted my regular self back while we're at it.

"I doubt that. But about spending a lot of time, can we start that today. I have a perfect idea that will totally help you unwind." Lissa smiled while wiping her cheeks quickly, and I just nodded my head, liking the idea of something relaxing. Little did I know what she had in mind would only add way more stress.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hey guys! Here's another chapter for you, and it's a biggie! So read and review! Thankyou again for the feedback, I love it and appreciate any critisim you have to offer!

Disclaimer: I do not own VA in any way, shape or form!

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><p>After a particularly quick and cold shower, and a half assed blow drying job, I pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt, and Lissa began leading the way across court. Our destination had remained a secret, but Lissa had made some phone calls while I got ready, so I knew that the surprise was going to be a good one.<br>The night was cool and starry as we trudged along, our breath making puffs as we spoke. This evening had been so different then the day. The day had seemed so bright and beautiful, but tonight just seemed dark and cold. I guess that's what happens when you're nocturnal, but I just wished that moroi could be out during the day. I missed the sun.  
>Lissa had been prattling on about something but I found it impossible to focus on what she was saying, because as we walked I just kept replaying the events from last night. It was like it was being played on a loop in my head. What was Dimitri going to say had he been giving the chance? Would he have been able to read me like he used to, or know exactly how I was feeling? Those questions kept swirling around in my brain, slowly driving me insane.<p>

"Rose Hathaway! What is with you?" Lissa asked, her voice high pitched an annoyed as she took a step in front of me, blocking my path. Her hands were on her hips and her head was cocked, and she squinted at me, and if I were to guess, I would say that she was trying to read my aura.

"Nothing." I told her, shrugging my shoulders and praying that she didn't pick up anything suspicious in my aura. I couldn't afford to have her digging around in my subconscious or interrogate me, there were too many things that I was keeping from her – from everyone – and having them discovered would be a complete disaster. I couldn't afford to have anyone find out, not even my best friend, the risk was too high.

"I swear to God, Rose." Lissa gave an exasperated sigh, while shaking her head. "You can tell me anything, and I'm here to help you. If you have something going on, then you can confide in me, it's what I'm here for." She told me, her jade eyes gleaming in the moonlight. And I did want to tell her, I wanted to share everything with her, from the Dimitri drama, to everything that had happened in Europe. I knew that she would provide comfort, and she would also be in awe of a few things and practically lose her mind, that she would act exactly how a best friend is supposed to. I knew that she would help me do the right thing, to make the right decision about everything. But I couldn't. There was no way that I could risk her like that, that I could risk everyone I loved like that. I wouldn't be that selfish.

"I know Liss, and I love you for that. But there is nothing going on, I'm just adjusting to life at court again. It's not a big deal." I told her, with a small smile. I hoped that it was enough to reassure her that nothing was going on. I needed her to believe me, I needed her to accept my explanation and not go digging for buried secrets. If she did, there was no telling what she would find.

"Okay." She sighed reluctantly after a moment of tense silence, and I practically toppled over in relief. But I made a mental note to put on a better face, and to not give any details away, none that can help unlock any secrets from the past. None that could be used to reveal deadly information.

"Let's go, alright?" I said as I linked arms with her, and began walking with her. "We don't want to be late for whatever surprise that you have." I smiled, hoping that she would soften up and forget about everything else. I wanted her to just focus on spending time with me.

"Yeah, we seriously can't be late. It took a lot of finagling to get us spots." She smiled, as we approached the stone building that I remembered from the last time I was at court. It was the spa that Lissa and I had gotten our nails done at after Victor's trial, it was also the same place where we received our predictions twice before.

"A spa day? I like it." I told her, but hoped that it would just remain a spa day, because I didn't think I could handle another one of Rhonda's predictions. Especially not after the last one I received.

Change. Isolation. Power. Struggle. Death.

Every part of that prediction had come true. It just hadn't happened in the way that I expected, but then again, what in life ever does? I guess I finally had to give Rhonda some credit, she seriously outdid herself with the last prediction though. I mean it was impressive looking back, and seeing that she predicted Dimitri's awakening, Lissa's heroic staking, or what could only be described as my complete downfall. The change to Europe, the isolation I felt before leaving, all the power I'd inherited and the struggle to keep it, then there was the death.  
>It sent chills down my spine thinking about it, each vertebrae shivered in icy fear. Like I said, nothing about that prediction had been as expected. Yet, it ended just as horribly as I had imagined all those years ago, and if I was being honest, I knew that the prediction probably wasn't over just yet. There was always some twist at the end, that sent you off track, although I've had enough twist and turns to last a lifetime.<p>

"I figured you deserved to have a girl's day. I invited Mia and Jill to tag along, and we can all just relax and hangout for the day." Lissa explained, and I hugged her. I really did need a girl's day, I didn't exactly have many girlfriends in my profession, seeing as many female dhampirs go off to raise their children. Those women are often criticized and called bloodwhores, by other members of the moroi and dhampirs society, because they neglected their duties as guardians. But I could see the appeal, of putting your family first – of putting yourself first – although I would never dream of doing it. I was a guardian above all else, even if I forgot who I was sometimes or ever felt lost, being a guardian had always been my identifier.

"That sounds perfect, Liss." I told her once we pulled out of our embrace, and walked inside the building, and were met with the tranquil music and the smell

"That sounds absolutely perfect Lissa." I said as we broke out of our embrace, and walked inside the stone building, and were met with the twinkling music and the tranquil spa atmosphere. Lissa left me standing in the glorious spa lobby, complete with minute waterfall and cushy chairs, while she marched towards the posh reception desk. I saw the young moroi receptionist give me a strange look as she led Lissa and I to the manicurist, but I ignored it as I was too absorbed in my surroundings. It had been years since I've been to a spa, or had my nails done and I was beyond excited, although I knew the paintjob wouldn't last long.  
>When we approached the adjacent tables were the manicures were done, I saw a mess of golden curls and felt a smile break onto my face. Wearing a fluffy white robe, and picking out a sea foam green nail polish was Mia Rindaldi. When she heard us approaching she turned, her baby blue eyes widen and she put down the polish, smiling as she walked over to me.<p>

"Rose Hathaway, I can hardly believe my eyes." She smiled, and I just snorted and pulled her in for a tight hug. When Mia and I first met we had been enemies, always trying to pick fights with one another and pulled ruthless stunts to win, but after Spokane all the hate we had for one another evaporated. I guess that happens when you go through the torture that we did, and barley make it out alive. I guess that's what happens when you both watch a friend die. Anyways, after that Mia and I had grown close and she had even become a partner in crime when she helped me break into guardian headquarters a few years ago.

"Well believe it." I laughed, pulling away to get a good look at her. Her golden hair was in tangles, her blue eyes had a mischievous sparkle in them, and her skin had a slight tan that was rare for moroi, she had also gained a fair amount of muscle. I knew that she had become a fighter over the years, and seeing her now she looked nothing like the porcelain doll I used to compare her to when we were at St. Vladamirs. She was a fighter now. She developed a strength and confidence that was almost tangible, and made her all the more beautiful.

"You know what? I've only spent a minute with you, but I can already tell that you've changed. You have this new and improved Rose Hathaway vibe about you. I sense it every time I see you." She smirked and I just laughed. Every time I saw Mia she always claimed that I was different and changed, which may be true but it was just weird that she could always sense it so easily.

"I could say the same about you. The way I hear it, you are part of the forefront about moroi fighting. I bet that's exciting." I told her, while she walked back over to the polish and looked over her shoulder, giving me a wink. Mia was getting ready to say something, when a nervous voice began to ramble, and I turned to see Jill Manstrano in a white robe, hurrying towards me.

"Rose! I can't believe you're back. It's been so long, and everyone has missed you so much. Everyone knows that you were in Europe, doing amazing things for the guardians over there. I'm so excited that your back, and now you can do great things over here." She squealed, barley taking a breath between words, while her green eyes gleamed as she threw her arms around me. I just smiled at her, and squeezed her tightly. Jill had always been like a little sister to everyone, we always looked out for her, and took her under our wing. And although she had a habit of rambling and going off on tangents, she was cute and I missed her.

"Hey Jill, it's great to see you too." I laughed, and she took a step back as a blush covered her cheeks. She had grown up over the years, and lost some of the awkwardness she had when we first met. Her unruly brown hair had been tamed into sleek waves, her baby face had matured over the years, and she stood with a bit more confidence then she used to. I was glad to see those changes in her, and proud that she had grown into herself.

"Alright ladies, time for a manicure?" A deep voice asked, and I turned to see a smiling Ambrose, who still looked as gorgeous and muscular as I remembered. I broke away from Jill and pulled Ambrose in for a tight hug. I had missed his happy go lucky attitude over the years, and although we weren't that close, he was a really nice guy. He was also one of the acceptations to the guardian rule, seeing as he was a male bloodwhore. He had chosen not to become a guardian, and instead worked at the court spa, and fooled around with the queen on the side, which always made me want to vomit whenever I thought about it.

"Welcome back Rose, or should I say Guardian Hathaway, leader of the council." He smiled and I just gave him a small shove. I remembered back to when he asked me to rethink my path in life, and to ask myself if being a guardian was really what I wanted to do, when he told me that I had options. At the time I thought he was crazy, and that the only option I had was being a guardian, and it was true that being a guardian was the only option for me. But I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I had taken Ambrose's advice and followed a different path, I knew that everything would be different now.

"Thanks. It's good to finally be back." I told him as he guided me towards a manicure table and began to do my nails. Lissa, Mai and Jill had already been seated and were getting their nails filed by snobby looking moroi. I was relieved that Ambrose was doing mine today, knowing that it would be awkward to have a moroi waiting on me. Although dhampirs weren't forbid from using the spa, it was technically for moroi – royal ones at that – but I had been here a few times, and every time I received strange looks. I guess it was something that Ambrose and I had in common, we both were doing things that were a little unorthodox.

I felt my stomach twisting as I mechanically walked down the narrow hallway, and I felt although I had a tennis ball lodged in my throat. Why was I doing this? The voice in my head was screaming at me to turn around, that doing this to myself was completely masochistic, yet I couldn't force my body to stop moving.  
>I blamed Ambrose for this. He simply had the power of persuasion, and should consider becoming a car sales man. The entire time he buffed and polished both my fingers and toes, he tried to convince me to see Rhonda, and while he gave me a massage he practically begged me to get a reading. At first I was determined not to visit her, and told him straight up that I did not want my fortune told or whatever the hell she was going to do. Yet he insisted. He had hyped it up so much that by the end, both Mia and Jill were begging me to visit Rhonda. And after a while I broke down and agreed, and was now being dragged down the hallway towards Rhonda's.<p>

"You don't have to do this." Lissa whispered in my ear, obviously remembering my last predictions. And I wanted to scream that I didn't want to do this, and that I in fact wanted to get the hell out of here, but I couldn't. The only thing I could do was nod my head, while I took uneasy steps towards what seemed like my impending doom.  
>We reached the door that lead the Rhonda's waiting room, and Ambrose opened it, and ushered us inside. Jill and Mia were giggling in nervous excitement, while I walked in feeling completely comatose, Lissa just followed silently.<br>Ambrose quickly spoke to the receptionist who nodded and jotted a few things down, and I shut my eyes tightly, praying to whatever god was out there that Rhonda was busy and we couldn't see her today. Or for the rest of the month for that matter. But when I opened my eyes, Ambrose was just smiling down at me as he offered his hand, pulling me up and pushing me through the open door. The room was exactly the same as I remembered, and I could practically see my seventeen year old self sitting on the floor was Lissa, making smart ass comments about how speculative I was. I also remembered getting another reading when I was eighteen, receiving a dark prediction that had come true. Stupid cards.  
>Sitting cross legged on the floor was Rhonda, her eyes widening in shock as she studied me, while the rest of my friends squeezed past me and into the red room. She had aged in the last few years, which shocked me because she always struck me as ageless. Her dark curly hair was starting to signs of graying, while her face had wrinkled slightly. Yet, she was still as powerful as I remembered. She may not be royal but she commanded a certain strength, possibly from the magic she possessed.<p>

"Rose Hathaway." Rhonda finally spoke, appraising me. "I heard that you'd returned, and I wondered when you would see me again." She nodded towards a cushion across from her, while my other friends took a seat on identical cushions in a circle. I forced my legs to carry me over to the cushion and took a seat, reprimanding myself for making such a big deal out of this reading.

"We practically had to drag her here, but she complied after a lot of convincing." Ambrose grinned and I glared at him. I really wish that I had stayed in bed today.

"You were always a difficult one Rose. But I suppose that's part of your charm." Rhonda smiled, and I tried to laugh along, but it felt hallow. I was terrified of what the cards would predict, and I didn't know if I could handle the burden of knowing what the future held, especially if it was catastrophic which it always seemed to be.

Change. Isolation. Power. Struggle Death.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Hey guys! I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but to make up for it I have a seriously LONG post for you. I'm talking like 6000 words. So have fun reading this one, it is filled with a bunch of exciting things! Please review and tell me what you think, I really want to hear from you, seeing as I am partly writting it for you!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing but this plot and a few select characters, the rest belongs to the talented and wonderful Richelle Mead.

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><p>Rhonda had seemed strangely urgent throughout the readings. She began with Lissa and worked her way around the circle, becoming increasingly agitated as my prediction approached. Everyone else's cards had been pretty straight forward, predicting change and power, along with love and travelling, but I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach, telling me that I wouldn't be as fortunate.<p>

We had come full circle and it was now my turn for a reading, and it seemed although the room had gone quiet and tense. Lissa starred at me with an unreadable expression, while Rhonda thrust the cards at me as a signal to cut the deck. After the deck had been cut, she laid out three cards, and I bit my lip as I gazed at what my future held.

The tower. The four of cups. The ten of cups.

The tower was a picture of a tower (duh) with two people falling from it, the tower had been struck by lightening and was on fire. Over all the card didn't seem very cheerful. The four of cups was a picture of a boy sitting under a tree, with his arms crossed with three cups in from of him, while the fourth cup was being offered to him. The card didn't appear to be harmful, but I knew ten of cups was a cheerful card. A couple stood together with their arms wrapped around once another, starring at a rainbow while children played nearby. I would've been relieved about the joyful card, except for the fact that it was turned upside down. Not a good looked at the cards for a moment, gathering whatever voodoo type information they were telling her, and then pointed to the first once and looked at me. I could tell from the look in her eyes that whatever predictions the cards held for me, weren't very good ones.

"The tower. It brings with it disruption, conflict and change. A sudden or violent loss and overthrow of existing way of life. Major changes are about to come your way, unless they've already began, and will disrupt well worn routines of life. Leaving ruin and disturbance along with dramatic upheaval. Widespread repercussion of actions, you will see just how much your choices affect others, but in the end comes enlightenment." She told me in a monotone voice, and at that moment I wanted to kick her. I knew she wasn't responsible for what the cards told her, but couldn't she show a little sympathy for my dark future. Besides I had to go through all that pain, torture and change and in the end the only thing I come out with is enlightenment? Seriously.

"The four of cups. It's time to re-evaluate an all too familiar environment. You will dwell on past experiences with apathy, love turns familiar, happiness reaches it's peak. You will re-establish family." Rhonda informed me, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I could've gotten that answer from a horoscope, it was probably the most broad prediction ever. Besides, that was always expected whenever moving somewhere new, or returning back home.

"The ten of cups. Usually it means lasting happiness and security, along with a good reputation and honour. True friendship and a happy family life, perfect love and concord between people. A search for fulfillment is marked with success." She told me, while I nodded my head along slowly, starring at the cheerful card.

"But since it's reversed…" I trailed off, knowing that it meant all of those good qualities would now become the opposite. Meaning that all of the crap about true friendship and having a happy family life was about to screw me over.

"Since it's reversed it brings the manipulation of society for personal gain. The loss of friendship, family quarrels, along with a sudden violent disruption. Anti-social actions and new routines." Rhonda told me solemnly, and I took in all of the information that she just gave me, and considered what all of the cards meant.

Conflict. Change. Violence. Loss.

It wasn't so different from the last prediction I'd received, and that's what scarred me the most. I didn't want to have a repeat of Europe, I didn't want to lose any of my friends or family. I didn't want to experience this type of pain anymore.

"Any chance I can exchange my reading?" I asked, trying to make a joke to hide my discomfort about the cards. Rhonda starred at the cards for a few moments in silence, before picking them up and reshuffling them.

"Afraid not." She told me and I stood shaking my head, not knowing what else to say. My friends followed, thanking Rhonda as they made their way into the small waiting room. The card's meaning continued to swirl around in my brain, while I took slow steps towards the exit.

"Rose." Rhonda called as my hand closed around the doorknob, I turned numbly to face her. Rhonda's face was blank, but I could see the sympathy in her eyes as she spoke, she knew how terrified I was. "Just because I predicted pain and struggle in your future does not mean that it will end that way. You have the power to change your future, to mould it into whatever you want. The cards just told me about the path that you are on now, and what would happen if you continue following it." She told me and I just nodded mutely, muttering a thank you as I walked into the waiting room.

"Not the reading you'd hoped for?" Ambrose asked, and I just glared at him, unsure of what else to do. My friends were talking about something in hushed voices, not taking notice in how shaken up I was, and for that I was thankful. I didn't want them to know how freaked out I was.

"Not exactly, but I should've expected it by now. All my readings turn out badly." I sighed, thinking of a million different adjectives to use instead of bad. The predictions were turning around in my mind, and the only thing I could do to push them out of my brain, was to be judgemental about it. If I criticized the reading, and told myself that there was a possibility of it being faulty and untrue, then the weight of the prediction would be lifted. If I focused on all of the flaws in the reading, then it would become bearable.

The rest of the day was uneventful, and it passed by in a haze. After the spa, we had gone for a late lunch at one of the court's restaurants. While the girls had been starving I had hardly eaten, instead just pushing the food around on my plate. Lissa had been watching me with a worried expression, but I just shrugged it off, not wanting to deal with anything right now. After the check had come, my friends needed to go to the feeders, but suggested that we go to the bar afterwards. And although a drink sounded amazing right now, I couldn't force myself to do it.

"Are you sure Rose?" Jill asked, although she and Mia weren't old enough to drink, hell Lissa and I weren't either, the court was pretty lineate about stuff like that, and we would all be served as if we were legal.

"Positive." I nodded, with a plastic smile. "I just need to go to sleep. Besides I have that meeting with Tatiana in a few days, and I really need to start preparing for it." I added, knowing that I really should've had everything ready for the council meeting, but of course I procrastinated.

"Alright, if you're sure." Mia sighed, pulling me in for a hug and telling me to call her soon. Jill did the same before heading in the direction of the feeders with Mia, rambling on about a new way to use water as a weapon.

"Are you sure you're okay? I saw your face after the reading Rose, and you completely shut down." Lissa told me, her jade eyes wide and slightly frantic as she studied my features. I made sure to keep my face blank and indifferent, making sure that she couldn't read any of my emotions.

"Fine. I am completely fine." I told her, forcing my lips into another fake smile. "So I got a crappy reading, I really should've known better, I always get the worst readings. Just remind me to stick to fortune cookies next time." I gave my best attempt at a joke, even though it was completely transparent. Lissa watched me for another minute, before hugging me tightly and telling me to have a good night. I watched her catch up to Jill and Mia, wondering if she had really fallen for my act or if she had seen right through me, but gone along with it anyway. I thought I was a good actress, but if Lissa had seen through my act but pretended not to, then she might be next in line for an academy award.

The walk back to guest housing was quiet and long. I tried my best to keep my mind blank but I was failing miserably at it, there were too many things going on lately. It never used to be like this, I never used to have to stress this much. But then again, I never had this much responsibility, I never even dreamed of having it. My entire life had been planned to the letter - I was supposed to be Lissa's guardian, and protect her with my life. Simple. that's not how it turned out. Instead I was leader of the guardian council, my future was dark, twisty and filled with pain, and I had raging men problems that seemed never ending. And those were just the beginning, the ones that were immediately plaguing me. I still had the incidents in Europe to worry about, and the reasons that led me to become the leader of the American guardian council. The reason why Kai and I travelled halfway around the world in the blink of an out my stress free day, only made me realize how overwhelmed I actually was. I knew that I was up to certain challenges, and that I was able to handle a lot of my problems on my own, but for the impossible things? I didn't know how I would handle them. I didn't know how much longer I could carry the world on my shoulders.

"Spa day, huh?" A deep voice rumbled when I opened my door, and I jumped into fighting mode as I flicked on the light, only to see Kai lounging on my bed. I nearly just had a heart attack, but he just seemed cavalier as he closed his cell phone, and looked over at me with an amused expression.

"You're really jumpy." He stated, cocking one of eyebrows. "I thought spas were supposed to relax people, and you know rejuvenate or whatever." He azure eyes were laughing as I crossed the room and slid off my jacket, leaving it on the floor.

"I have a good reason to be jumpy." I snapped, flopping face first onto my bed beside Kai. "I'm surprised you aren't. And most spas are supposed to relax people, unless you have so much stressed you could snap like a rubber band." I muttered into the pillow, knowing that he probably didn't understand a word I had said after I laid down.

"I don't have a reason to be on edge anymore, and neither do you." Kai told me, all the teasing gone from his voice. I turned my head to sneak a peek at him, he was solemn all of a sudden and his blue eyes turned stormy.

"I know," I sighed as I rolled over, knowing that all my worry was useless. We had left it all behind, and Kai was right we didn't have to be so on edge. But why was I? It was a scary event, I tried to justify, but I felt like it was deeper than that. It was more than just remembering a trauma, or having nightmares about it. There was a reason I was still nervous, and maybe that was because it's not over, not yet.

"Rose, you don't need to worry about it anymore. It's in the past and it will never happen again, but even if we did we can beat it. The both of us together." Kai comforted, reaching out and gripping my shoulder tightly, and I just looked at him. I wanted to trust him, to believe what he was saying, but I couldn't.

"Then why did we run?" I whispered, unsure of my voice. "If we can beat it, then why did we escape like cowards. Why did we act so weak?" I felt the tears burning in my eyes, but I blinked them back. There was no way in hell I was going to cry. It was for the weak and helpless, and I refused to be that. Not now and not ever. I may have been in the past, and I may have been afraid but I wasn't going to back down. That much I knew for sure, although I was positive that I wouldn't win. I would give it my all, and I will be damned if I go down without a fight.

"Because we didn't know any better. Because it was the right option. Because we wanted to cherish what little we had left, and you wanted to spend time with the people you love." Kai told me, placing his fingers on my chin and lifting, so that I was looking him directly in the eyes. "We chose not to fight because we had already lost too much, and that is not being a coward or weak. That's being smart." He told me, and I just nodded along. Kai was right, we had lost too much, or rather he had. In all the months that I'd known Kai, he had lost more than most should in their lifetime, even for a guardian. He knew what it was like to watch friends and family die, he knew what it was like to lose love, after just getting it back.

"You're right. I'm just being dumb and childish, I'm sorry." I told him, I had gained a lot of my resolve back, and although I was still scared out of my wits I wasn't going to be a victim. I refused to be that girl, the one who needs reassuring and rescuing, that wasn't me nor would it ever be.

"You are not a dumb girl, Rose Hathaway, you are strong and brave. You are also the only thing I have left in this world." Kai told me, and I swallowed, the only thing he had left. I literally felt my heart breaking as I thought of all the loss Kai has experienced, and I knew that he wouldn't let anything happen. We would stick together for the rest of our lives.

"Give 'em hell." Kai whispered in my ear a couple days later, before shoving me forward to a spot where I could easily be seen by all the royals, and everyone else attending the moroi council meeting today. The room was swarming with people, straining to catch a glimpse of Tatiana and the other council members, of people trying to see me. My automatic reaction was to lift my head high and roll my shoulders back, taking purposeful steps toward the council and ignoring all the stares.I made sure to make eye contact with the council members as I approached, keeping my face blank and letting them know I was serious about this, except when my eyes rested on Lissa. That's when I felt the grin crack on my face, I was too proud to maintain my guardian mask. After I left three years ago, the council had discussed and voted on the quorum law. It had been decided that the law was unfair and had been repealed, and had been called a rare exception and would never happen again. Lissa had gained full rights to her spot on the council, and was able to represent the Dragomirs. She held the position with all the grace and dignity in the world, just like a princess should, and contributed her views on moroi politics as desired.

"Ahh, Guardian Hathaway," Tatiana greeted. "It's been quite a while since we've last spoken." I knew that she must be thinking back to the last time we had spoken. It had been in a council meeting just like this one,and to say that it hadn't ended well was a huge understatement. I had called her a sanctimonious bitch - which hadn't been one of my finer moments, but she deserved to heart it - and had ended with me being escorted from the council chambers. That had been one of my final days at court, and I knew that people had speculated that was the reason behind my sudden departure. Some assumed the queen had banished me from court.I gave her a stiff but polite bow, gritting my teeth the entire time. I hated that I had to show her so much respect, she didn't deserve it after all the times that she screwed with me and my friends. And especially not after the ridiculous law she tried to pass a few years back, and so I waited for the day when she would finally relinquish the throne.

"I had to admit that I was shocked when Guardian Croft chose you to be his successor." Tatiana continued, her voice light. "Last I had heard, you two had a shall we say "complicated" relationship." She shot me a cool smile, almost like it was an inside joke that Hans hated me, but I had to admit she was right. Before I left, Hans and I had always gone back and forth. Some days I was a great guardian with a promising future ahead of me, but other days I was just a disrespectful teenager who wouldn't amount to anything. I'm glad that I ended up being the former.

"My relationship with Hans played no part in my becoming the head of the guardian council. I earned my position." I informed her, my voice cool as I tried to remain as respectful as possible. I knew that she doubted me and still saw me as the reckless teenager that I used to be, that was how almost everyone in the room saw me too. Hardly anyone thought I deserved this position.

"Yes. I've heard all about your exploits in Europe. But I cannot agree that all the havoc and demolition you've caused over seas, really counts as earning anything." Tatiana told me, her voice sounding breezy as she smiled at me. I knew that she was trying to get a rise out of me, that she was trying to make me look incompetent in front of the council, but it wasn't going to work. Not this time.

"Collateral damage." I smiled sweetly, pretending like I didn't want to jump across the table and strangle her. "Let's get back to the reason why we're here. This is after all, a very important discussion, and I would like to give my input as head of the guardian council." I told her,

"Right you are, Guardian Hathaway. We can discuss the damage you've inflicted in Europe later." She told my briskly, still trying to see how far she could push me before I snapped.

"The topic being discussed today, is whether guardians should be openly pursuing Strigoi." I announced, making the topic clear to everyone. I knew that they had previous council meetings on the subject, but this was the first one that I was attending, and I wanted everything to be straight forward. I wasn't going to give Tatiana a chance to trick me somehow, and I really didn't want to start a riot."I believe that guardians should be pursing Strigoi. We shouldn't sit around waiting for the fight to come to us, we should be preparing ourselves and bringing the fight to them. We should be harnessing the element of surprise." I explained, while a few observers in the crowd began to nod along, while the council maintained poker faces.

"You really think that the guardians should leave their charges defenceless, while they go off and get themselves killed?" A royal from the crowd demanded, and I vaguely recognized him as apart of the Zeklos family. I stifled an eye roll, knowing that someone was going to bring up the point about leaving moroi defenceless. Because to them that's all that mattered, whether they were protected or not, and whether they could have to get their hands dirty to stay safe.

"Charges would be at court or another area secured by wards. Your guardians wouldn't be leaving you in any type of danger." I told him, cutting him off when he opened his mouth to argue. "Besides, if you are really that afraid for your safety, then you can take up the cause about moroi learning to fight. You wouldn't be completely defenceless that way." I added, knowing that I would be chastised for bringing up offensive magic in this meeting, but I couldn't help but offer the option.

"Guardian Hathaway, as you were so keen on pointing our earlier, this is not one of the issues up for discussion today. We are discussing the idea of pursuing Strigoi." The queen reprimanded, her voice tight. "If you've matured as much as you'd like everyone here to believe, then you will act accordingly. I think it would be quite a disgrace to have the head of the guardian council forcefully removed from the chambers, don't you agree?" She added, making my fists clench as she spoke. It would be disgraceful for me to be removed from the council room, and it would probably cost me my job and any of the meagre respect I've earned.

"Yes, you're majesty. You are correct and I apologize, it won't happen again." I nodded, forcing the words from my lips, as they left a vile taste in my tongue. It was bad enough having to be so respectful towards her, but having to apologize when I've done nothing wrong? It was practically impossible.

"Back to Lord Zeklos's point. What other options are there to ensure our people's safety, whilst the guardians are out battling Strigoi" Tatiana asked, giving me a sharp look to remind me not to bring up offensive magic again, or basically anything that she wouldn't agree with.

"We would only need a select group of guardians, the rest would remain here at court, or with their charges." I explained, while the crowd began whispering about something that I'd said. I thought back over my words. Nope, nothing offensive or provoking to cause all the chattering.

"Only a select group? How many guardians were you considering to bring?" The queen asked, her tone coloured in disbelief. Almost like she assumed the entire court's guardians would have to accompany me while we hunted Strigoi.

"Each mission would be different, it all depends on certain factors. How many Strigoi there are, where we plan on launching the attack, how long they've been awakened and other variables will dictate how many guardians are brought on the mission." I informed her, hoping that by presenting all the factors that it would seem more professional and legitimate. "We would always investigate the operation extensively before actually pursing the Strigoi. But for a simple mission of ten Strigoi or so, I would bring about five guardians to accompany me." Everyone's eyes widened in shock and the room remained dead silent. The crowd seemed to be frozen in shock, while the council seemed to absorb what I was saying, before deciding how to proceed.

"Only five guardians? You honestly believe you can take on a Strigoi coven of that magnitude with half as many guardians? That's ambitious, even for you Guardian Hathaway." Said the Dashkov Prince, who had taken over after Victor had been striped of his title. I can't say that the new representative of the Dashkov family was an improvement, but at least he wasn't a power hunger psychopath.

A few of the council members gave a nervous chuckle, while Tatiana gave a broad smile and turned to me, noticing that I was watching blank faced. She seemed to realize that I wasn't kidding and sobered up, preparing to face off with me, like we did so many times in the past.

"Perhaps, it is just your arrogance. You have never been a humble girl, or one to fade into the background. You always had to be in the spotlight, thriving in the attention - no matter if it is negative or not and it is an admirable quality to posses." She began, her voice filled with power as she spoke not just to me, but the entire crowd. For her, this wasn't just about the issues at stake, this was about creating a show, and lecturing me was the main event. "Except when your job requires you to fade into the background. People have been lenient with you in the past, and have tolerated your juvenile outburst, but that was years ago. Now that you hold this position, I expect this irrational behaviour to stop. This is not just about you getting your way anymore Rosemarie. You need to grow up and open your eyes, our people's lives are on the line. People are depending on you, and I will not have them slaughtered because you wanted to prove yourself." Tatiana scolded, while the room crackled with tension that I was positive that I could slice with my stake.

I clenched my fists so tightly that my finger nails were practically digging into my palms. Her lecture had sounded like a twisted version of the guardian speech that Hans had given me, which only made me want to yell. Why couldn't anyone realize that I knew my responsibilities and wasn't trying to show off? Why couldn't they see that I was taking this seriously?

"It's not arrogance when you have the skill and ability to prove it." I told her, my tone matching hers as I spoke. "I am one of the best damn guardians around, which is why I was given this position. I'm not telling you this to prove myself or to boost my ego, I am telling you this because it's the truth." I kept my face void of all emotion as I spoke, willing myself not to crack in front of all these people, because she was right about one thing. People were depending on me and I could not fail.

"You could very well be the best guardian in history for that matter, Miss Hathaway." She snapped, dropping my guardian title which was a blatant lack of respect, and made my jaw go slightly slack. "Bit it wouldn't matter. Even you cannot battle Strigoi with such little re-enforcement." My blood was still boiling about her dropping my title, but I dimly recalled when I first walked into this meeting, thinking that I would be arguing over the fact that I had too much back up, rather than too little.

"It's Guardian Hathaway." I told her, my voice sounding sharp and dangerous. "I have been appointed head of the guardian council, whether you like it or not. And I think you've made it pretty clear that it's the later. But regardless of your personal feelings towards my promotion, you have to respect it. You cannot drop my title whenever you disagree with what it is I'm saying. It's disrespectful and impolite." I told her putting my hands on my hips, knowing that what I was about to say would probably piss everyone off, but I couldn't help myself. "Truthfully, I expected better manners from the queen, especially since you just criticized my educate." I heard the gasps from the crowd but I wasn't focused on them, I was watching the council. Some looked completely baffled by my words, while others looked although they had expected this - Lissa was of course, the later.  
>It may not have been enough to have my removed from the chambers, but it was enough to cause controversy. Tatiana and I locked eyes, her emerald orbs that marked her as an Ivashkov, were narrowed into slits. Almost like she thought if she glared at me long enough that I would eventually back down.<p>

I wouldn't.  
>I think she finally realized that after we continued in the starring contest, and a smirk appeared on my face while I waited for her next move.<p>

"No matter whether it's ambition or arrogance that drives you, _Guardian _Hathaway." She enunciated my name, clearly making it known that she thought it was arrogance that was my motivation. "It still cannot be done, it is impossible to take on a coven of Strigoi that large with so few guardians. I refuse to allow guardians to embark on suicide missions, especially when numbers are dwindling." Tatiana announced, with a delicate wave of her head, signalling that this conversation was now over, but I was not going to let her win that easily.

"It can be done." I demanded, my voice loud and strong. "Let me show you and everyone else who doubts me, that it can be done." I was not about to let this opportunity slip through my fingers, people were depending on me to make this law pass. The queen and everyone else for that matter can think that I'm an arrogant brat for all I care, as long as I can get the movement about hunting Strigoi started, then I couldn't care less.

"And how do you propose to sway us?" The queen asked, her tone implying that she was humouring me but asking this question, that there was nothing I could do to change her mind at this point. On the surface I kept a calm and cool façade, but underneath it all I was seething. She was not taking me seriously at all, and that was a huge mistake on her part.

"A trial." I blurted. "Let me assemble a small team of guardians and allow us to go hunting. I have already found and researched a group of Strigoi located just outside of Pennsylvania." I explained, while the audience began to whisper about the proximity of the Strigoi. "If we return victorious then you make it law, stating that all guardians may now openly pursue Strigoi."

"And what happens if you do not return successfully? What happens then Guardian Hathaway?" Her majesty asked, her emerald eyes skewered me, willing for me to back down. I jerked my chin up, not caring if I looked like a snob, and met her gaze levelly.

"That won't happen." I told her, putting every ounce of confidence I had into my words. I knew that I could be wrong, that there was a strong possibility that we may not come back successful, if we even returned at all. But that was a risk that I faced on a daily basis, unsure of whether I would live to see another day, it was risk that all guardians took. Tatiana raised her dark eyebrows at me, opening her mouth to comment on my arrogant reply to her question, when I quickly cut her off.

"But, if we do not return successful, then I am prepared to step down as head of the guardian council." I announced, rolling my shoulders back and keeping my eyes directed at Tatiana, despite the temptation to gaze at the stunned crowd.

I could be making the biggest mistake of my possibly short career right now, but it didn't matter. This was a big enough gamble to show everyone that I was dedicated to my position, or so I hoped. Some would call it foolish, but I knew that to win big, you had to bet big. I didn't know whether the previous heads of the guardian council would be cheering me on right now, or shaking their heads at me, but I hoped that they would be rooting for me. I was after all trying to move our race forward.

"You would be willing to give up your position on the council? I do not know whether that makes you courageous or a fool Rosemarie." Tatiana told me her voice uncertain, but from the look in her eyes I could tell she thought it was the later. She thought that I was throwing away my position, not that she minded. "We will put it to a vote. Anyone in favour of Guardian Hathaway's trial to hunt Strigoi, please raise your hand." she commanded, and I watched in tense anticipation as the council deliberated.

Lissa voted in my favour instantly, soon followed by the Szelsky vote, Ozera vote, Dashkov vote (I guess the new prince wasn't such an idiot), Lazar vote and lastly the Voda vote. I wanted to release a battle cry because I was so happy, but I contained myself. I had danced on the precipice of power and danger today, and I had one. I had actually accomplished something for my people today, and moved us an albeit small step forward.

"Then it is settled. Guardian Hathaway has been given the right to create a team that will hunt the Strigoi coven near Pennsylvania." Tatiana announced to the courtroom before turning back to me. "I want a complied list of all your logistics and the guardians accompanying you on this mission." She told me as she stood and stepped away from her spot on the council, her guards swarming around her as she approached me. "And remember Rosemarie, if you fail then you will no longer be on the council." She spoke with a hard edge, before leaving the chambers in a huff, her guardians trailing behind.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Hey everyone! Here is just a short chapter, it's just sort of a bridging capter between exciting events. And you know what that means? That the next post is totaly going to be action packed, I've already started writting so hopefully you guys will like it! This is partly in Dimitri's point of View, just to gain a little more insight, and the next chapter will also have mixed point of views!  
>Three more things then you can read! First, thank you again for a all of the reviews they mean a lot and I love hearing your thoughts! So continue doing that!<p>

Chapter Review: Rhonda predicted another dark future (of course) and Tatiana and Rose faced off, ending with Rose putting her head guardian status on the line so that she could hunt strigoi.

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy, all I own is a few characters and the plot!

Alright, I'm done babbling! Read on and review!

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><p>Dimitri's Point Of View<p>

"I guess she really has changed." Christian exhaled, his wide blue eyes focused on Rose. "Lissa said she noticed something different about her, that she was a little off since coming home. But this isn't like Rose at all, she's just letting the queen bash her. She isn't even putting up a fight!" It was obvious that he was outraged with the lack of respect that the queen was showing Rose. Although Christian would never admit it, he cared about Rose a lot and wouldn't allow anyone that wasn't in her immediate group of friends to treat her badly. He would stand up for her if ever needed, so watching her being treated like this was maddening for him.

"The Rose Hathaway I know would never stand for that." Adrian muttered, clearly confused by Rose's recent actions. He was watching her with narrowed eyes, studying her intently and I was guessing that he was trying to get a decent reading on her aura.

"The Rose Hathaway you knew, was not an advocate for all dhampirs, with a high position among our society." I told them, never taking my eyes off Rose as she faced off against Tatiana. "She cannot disrespect the queen like she used to. She has to stay dignified, and she must stay calm and collected. A lot of what happens next depends on how Rose acts." Knowing that change was about to happen, a historical milestone could be happening right now, as long as Rose could control was a scary thought that the fate of something like this, of the right for guardians to hunt Strigoi, was depending on whether Rose could control her temper. I knew that she could stay calm if she tried, as long as she put effort forth, but whether she could find it in herself to do it was the real challenge. She had the skills, now all she had to do was apply them.

"What do you mean?" Asked Christian as he too watched Rose clenching her fists, in an attempt to calm herself while Tatiana reprimanded her. And I just prayed that she could hold out for a little longer, she could do this, I knew she could.

"This entire revolution and all of the plans Rose has will only be put into action if she can prove herself. She surprisingly has a lot of supporters and power, she has all the tools she needs to accomplish what she wants. But she also has plenty powerful people who do not support her, and she has even more people who want to see her fail." I told them, knowing Rose Hathaway had made many enemies in her lifetime, and a lot of them were wealthy and royal. Many had influence in the court politics, and yet Rose continued to fight.

"You were amazing out there." Kai assured me as we slowly made our way back to guest housing, I just gave him a sidelong glance. "What? You were. You achieved what you set out to do, and you did it without insulting the queen….that much." He smiled and I just knocked my shoulder into his as he continued. "You also didn't get escorted from the council room like last time. So yeah, I'd say that you were pretty amazing and accomplished a lot today." He laughed, turning towards me, forcing me to stop walking ask he placed both hands on my shoulders and squeezed tightly. I just rolled my eyes and began walking away, but he caught up with me quickly.

"Hardly, I only got a trial basis. Now I actually have to prove that I can do it." I sighed, wanting nothing more, then to go back to my room and crawl under my heavy covers, and take a long, deep and dreamless nap. "Meaning that if this mission doesn't go well - and there is a strong possibility that it will end in complete chaos - then I was lose almost everything." It was a lot to digest, and I wondered if I made the right decision by putting my career on the line. Was I just proving Tatiana's point about being reckless and arrogant, or had a made a strategic business move?

"You can do this Rose. You and I both know you can, and so do a lot of other people." He told me, in an attempt to convince me that I hadn't just made a huge mistake. "Besides, you're not alone in any of this. You've got all of your friends here to help, and you will prove that we can hunt Strigoi. Believe me, you've got the molnija marks to prove it." His eyes gleamed as he spoke, and I found myself touching the back of my neck that was currently covered by thick, dark hair. He was right, I did have the marks to prove it.

"I guess, I mean it can't be that hard right? All I have to do is come up with the logistics, and create a kick ass team, that are totally capable of saving the world." I told him dryly, as I raised my eyebrow.

"Is that all?" He asked, and I knew without a doubt that Kai would want to be apart of the kick ass team, that's mission was to save the world. I nodded my head while Kai wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and we continued walking towards guest housing, feeling completely drained.

"Rose!" A familiar voice shouted, and I turned to see Eddie sprinting towards me, followed closely by no less than a dozen guardians. I broke away from Kai, starring at the crowd in confusion, hoping they weren't going to crucify for offending the queen or something.

"Eddie? What is going on?" I asked, as the crowd of dhampirs approached. They were all in guardian apparel, and looked menacing as can be, they were also all male.

"Who are you brining on the mission?" Eddie panted, while a few of the dhampirs in the crowd nodded enthusiastically.

"I hadn't given it much thought yet to be honest. I was more focused on actually getting the chance to hunt, more than who I would bring with me." I shrugged, not wanting this think about who would come with me on the mission. There were too many requisites that guardians needed to accompany me, and I didn't know how many people actually had them or the ability. Well, maybe I knew a few.

"We'll you have a lot of people to choose from, we are all interested in joining the team." Eddie motioned to all of the guardians standing behind him, and I felt a small smile tug on my lips as I looked at the crowd. Apparently I had more supporters than I had originally thought.

"I will be holding basic tests tomorrow morning, that will evaluate your skill level. If you are interested in being apart of the unit that will be hunting Strigoi, then you will have to undergo these tests. I need the best of the best to accompany me, so make sure to show me everything you've got." I told the group of guardians with a nod, knowing that they would all show up to the tests and give it their all. I then turned on my heel and walked towards guest housing once more, Kai following behind me closely.

"Are you sure that's how you want to spend your birthday? Holding trials?" Kai asked, once we were far enough away from the excited crowd of guardians. I just sighed, thinking about my birthday.

"There's nothing else I'd rather be doing." I told him in a sober voice, unsure if this was what I really wanted. If any of this was turning out how I wanted. What I wanted, it was a foreign concept.

_A ten page list, double sided and single spaced._

That was the only thought that came to mind when I thought of wanting something. I dim memory from when I was at , before Dimitri was turned and everything went to hell. It was amazing that I thought life was so hard back then, compared to now it was practically paradise, although in this particular memory it was difficult. I had still been grieving Mason then, and although I accepted his death I did still miss him, and often found myself wondering how different life would've been if he had lived. Too many heavy thoughts for one day, I decided as Kai and I entered the guest housing building. I just needed to get to bed and sleep away all my worries, then grab a bite to eat. It sounded perfect, as I hugged Kai goodbye and marched to my room, determined to relax for once.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Hey guys! Am I on a writting streak or what? So I actually split this chapter into two, mainly because I wanted to add in a few more things to the next part, and I didn't want it to be overwhelmingly long...if that makes sense. So another post will be coming your way in an hour or so! Make sure to look out for that!  
>By the way! I realize that there are a lot of errors in my writting, and it turns out when I upload fanfic cuts out some of my words...so thank you for reading around that. I will try my best to correct any errors but if I miss some I'm sorry!<br>One more thing! Thank you for all the feedback, it's awesome. Please continue, I want to know what your predictions/suggestions/comments/questions/concerns are!

Chapter Review: Rose's birthday is the same day as the trials, she has a group of supporters and the Europe thing is slowly unravelling!

Disclaimer: I unfourtunatly own nothing but the plot and a few characters!

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><p>There was a pounding on my door early in the morning, startling me awake as I turned to my clock. It was early and the sun was probably still up, but I knew that I had to get ready for the trials that were being held today. Happy birthday to me, I thought bitterly as my feet touched the cool hardwood, and I padded across my room, throwing open the door to see a tired looking Kai. He was smiling down at me, and I was ready to wipe the grin off his face when he held up a brown paper bag, instantly making my mouth water.<p>

"Please tell me that's what I think it is." I told him, reaching out and snatching the bag from Kai's hands. I began unrolling the bag, anxious to see what was inside, while Kai just chuckled and walked into my room.

"If you're thinking that it's a double fudge donut with chocolate drizzle then, not it's not." He told me, and I froze and looked up at him, feeling like he had just stolen from me. "It's two double fudge donuts." He laughed, and normally I would've glared but I was just too excited about my food. Kai and I used to get these all the time when we were in Europe, and I loved them even more then my chocolate éclairs, but I didn't know if they had them at the coffee shop at court. Apparently, they did.

Kai lounged on my bed with an amused expression while I polished off both donuts and turned to him. I walked over to my luggage and began rifling through it to find clothes for this morning, while Kai just silently watched me. I knew what he wanted to say, but I just hoped that if I ignored him he wouldn't bring it up, I was of course wrong. Kai was like me in the sense that he too, liked to barrel on through awkward moments, and push people to talk about uncomfortable topics, well most of the time.

"So, how does it feel to be twenty-one?" He asked casually, and I refused to face him, instead grabbing a pair of shoes from another bag, debating if I should go casual today or professional.

"Why don't you ask yourself? You were twenty-one last year." My tone matching his as I laid out two outfits. One casual and made it easy for me to workout in, the other...well, the other had heels.

"It's been a long year, and I'm going senile. I've forgotten what it's like to be that young, enlighten me." Kai pushed, and I began changing into the professional looking outfit, not caring that Kai was watching. We were so close that changing in front of him wasn't a big deal at all, and didn't phase either of us.

"It feels exactly like being twenty." I told him vaguely, knowing that he wanted me to elaborate. He wanted me to tell him how I was really feeling, he wanted me to tell him that turning twenty-one sucked. He knew I felt that way, be he wanted the confirmation, he was trying to go all on me, and I was being difficult.

"Rose -" Kai started while I walked over to the full length mirror, tilting my head from side to side as I decided whether the outfit was a dud or not. It was a black blazer over a fitted red dress that hugged my curves, not totally professional but pretty close. I had reached for the heels but Kai shook his head at me and I sighed before digging around to find another pair of shoes.

"What Kai? Are you seriously going to make me say it?" I asked, frustration clear in my voice,as I grabbed a pair of black flats and slipped them on. "Fine. It sucks, all of this sucks. Turning twenty-one like this is the worst. I may be with my friends - my family - again, but I couldn't feel more distant from them. All of these secrets that I'm keeping from them, fucking sucks, especially after I promised I wouldn't keep anything from them anymore. And to add on, I am swamped with responsibility, and it just…" I trailed off, not knowing that else to say. I had a million different adjectives to use, but none that could sum up what I really wanted to say.

"Sucks?" Kai suggested and I sighed, taking off the shoes and slipping off the blazer. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, letting my shoulders slump while everything crashed around me. Kai slid to the end of the bed, and wrapped his arms around me, attempting to provide comfort.

"I know that the only reason we are keeping all of these secrets is for their safety. I know that we agreed it would be better for everyone to keep everything hidden, to protect everyone from the past. But it just feels futile, it feels like I shouldn't have come back at all, if I'm only going to lie to the people I love." I explained, more to myself than to Kai. I knew that the reason we had agreed to this in the first place was because of what happened. We were keeping this a secret because of all the death that happened in Europe, as a result from telling people our secret.

"I want to say something or do something, anything that will justify all of the lying and secrets, but I can't. We both know that the death in Europe could have been avoided if we had left sooner, or if we had listened and not told anyone." He told me, and I nodded my head. When we had fled from Europe, death had surrounded us, and practically consumed us. It was hard to get away from it all, and it didn't matter how many miles we put between us and Europe, all of the victims still haunted our memories.

"Landon…Blake…Colette…Bridget…" Those were just a few of our friends that had been caught in the middle of the power struggle. I watched Kai flinch at the last name that I choked out, knowing her name was a painful reminder of what we were trying to hide.

"They did what they had to do, and they died gallantly. They made their choices and we are making ours." Kai told me, a determined edge to his voice. I peered over at him, to see that his icy blue eyes looked far away, like he was recalling a past memory. I knew that he was thinking about her, he was always thinking about her, she never left his mind.

"I know, which is why we have to keep fighting. They will not die in vein, I promise you that." I told Kai, reaching out with my hand to grab his chin, forcing him to look at me. His blue eyes focused on me, the memory fading away as he listened to my words. He nodded his head and I stood, needing to take a shower before we left.

"Rose?" Kai called as I walked down the small hallway that led to my bathroom, I froze and waited for him to continue. "You're calling the shots this time. Europe had been my mistake, but you stuck by me through it all, and now I'm doing the same for you. Whatever you chose to do, however you chose to move forward, that's up to you." He told me, his voice sounding slightly strangled. I stood there soaking up what he was saying, before slowly walking down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Kai and I pushed through the gym doors, only to be met with a room full of guardians. Apparently, word had spread about the trials and now almost every guardian at court wanted to see if they had what it guardians present ranged from newly graduated guardians, to those who looked on the brink of retirement. I recognized a few of the guardians, remembering them from before I had left court, but the rest were all strangers to me. Another thing that struck out was that they were all men. It would've been cool to have another female guardian at the tryouts, but there were hardly any female guardians anymore, seeing as most went off to raise their children. But those who did become guardians, were usually in high demand and were given charges.

"Looks like you have your work cut out for you." Kai whispered, and I elbowed him sharply before taking another step into the room. All of the guardians ceased the quiet chatter, and focused their attention on me, looking stoic and intimidating.

"If you're here because you want to hunt, because you want to kill, and because you want to be victorious, then you are in the correct place." I told them, taking another step into the room making sure that everyone could see and hear me. "But before I can promise bloodshed, I need to be sure that you are qualified. I need to be certain you won't hold us back, or bring us down. This will in the history books boys, so do not hold back." I smirked, motioning to Kai who extended a clipboard and pens to the guardians. The dhampirs lined up and prepared themselves to undergo the tests.

There were about fifty names written down on the list, I studied it noticing a few of the names that jumped out at me - Dimitri Belikov, being one of them. Kai was helping me set up each part of the trials that the guardians would be doing today. They were simple tests, but accurate which was what mattered the most. I surveyed all of the tests before returning to the group of guardians.

"First, we will be testing your speed. Followed by your strength and stamina, and lastly we will be testing your fighting skills." I announced to the guardians, leading them out to the track and calling out the first several names on the list.

"You've done well so far, but you're not finished yet." I told the men, nodding at the crowd while I gripped the clipboard in my hand. We had finished running heat after heat of sprints, were done bench pressing hundreds and repeating the agility tests, and were through with the several stamina tests, we were so close to being done. "The final component is testing your fighting skills. This is where you give it everything you have." I saw that some of the guardians looked slightly worn out, which was understandable, these trials had lasted over two hours already. I just hopped that they didn't let their exhaustion effect how they did on this last trial.

"You will each have a chance to spar with Guardian Peters, who will undoubtedly be trying his hardest to incapacitate you. So I repeat: Do. Not. Hold. Back." I think that was the mantra of the day, seeing as I repeated it over a hundred times. But I felt the need to drill it into their brains, they needed to push themselves if they wanted to make the cut. I nodded toward Kai, who stepped forward in a pair of shorts and thermal, ready to fight.

An hour later and the fighting had been pretty successful. So far, no one had been able to beat Kai, but they were putting up a good fight, and a few came close to beating him. We were edging closer to the end of the list, and I could tell that Kai was getting bored with the challenge that lacked from every fight, and I was about ready to step in and take over - even though I so wasn't dressed for it, I was sure I could still kick ass in a dress - but when Kai called the next name on the list I room became tense as Dimitri entered the sparring ring, and I began leaning forward in spite of myself. Dimitri had been considered a god three years ago, but I didn't know if his fighting skills had been lessened when he was Strigoi, seeing as he could rely on his extra strength back then, instead of his fighting skills. Hell, I didn't even know if he maintained his training after I left. Watching him now would be intriguing, and I wanted to know if some things stayed the was watching him was a fierce expression, clearly as interested in Dimitri's fighting skills as I was. Dimitri's reputation had perceived him, and Kai was obviously trying to figure out if the rumours about Dimitri being a god were true our not. Judging from Dimitri's speed, strength and stamina results it seemed like he still was. Besides, ability like that just doesn't fade, but then again, I didn't think love did either.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: WOO! Another post finished! Sorry about the mix up earlier, hopefully I got it all figured out and you got chapter 14. If not let me know and I was get that worked out! Thanks again for all of the reviews! Please continue, I love to hear what you think, I'm like addicted to your feedback...its like crack to me...

Chapter Review: Rose is holding trials today, it is also her birthday. Kai and Dimitri are sparring right now!

Disclaimer: I do not own VA!

Read on!

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><p>Dimitri and Kai circled one another, sizing each other up and deciding on how to proceed. I didn't know who had the upper hand in this fight, or if it was evenly matched. Kai knew most of my moves, which I had learned from Dimitri, meaning that Kai would know majority of Dimitri's. But Dimitri was a god, and probably developed and perfected his skills over the years, so it was a toss up on who would win. Kai had apparently assessed Dimitri enough, and decided on his course of action. He took a step forward, throwing out his right arm to punch Dimitri, preparing to hit him with his left if Dimitri tried to dodge. But Dimitri was already a step ahead, and instead of dodging he grabbed Kai's extended arm, gripping it tightly as he threw high weight into it and flipped Kai. I felt my eyes widening in shock, and the rest of the guardians had closed in and began cheering like crazy. I was amazed that Dimitri had been that bold to start, and actually managed to over throw Kai. I continued to watch as Dimitri and Kai grappled on the mat, each trying to overthrow the other. Punches were being thrown and kicks were received as both men fought to win. I knew that this wasn't just about the trials anymore, they were both beating the crap out of each other for personal reasons. I knew it as soon as I watched Kai slam Dimitri down on the mat, and when Dimitri retaliated by putting Kai into a choke hold. I knew why Kai was fighting so hard. He was doing it as a type of revenge against Dimitri for hurting me, he saw it as his chance to do justice. And he figured that he could just blame it on the trial, figuring that no one would think twice about it. He was so wrong. And Dimitri, I didn't exactly know why he was fighting so hard. It could be for a million different reasons, but I wanted to think it was because of me. I wanted to believe that Dimitri was trying to win because he was jealous of Kai, or something like that, but then I scolded myself for having such a high opinion of myself.<p>

"Aren't you going to stop them?" Asked Mikhail, who had been observing the trials and helping but nothing else. He told me that he wanted to be apart of the operation, but he was too busy searching for Sonya, and couldn't divert his attention. She was his main focus and it would be that way until he found her and returned her to a moroi.

"What?" I asked, turning back to the fight and nearly dropping the clipboard. Both opponents were covered in blood, it was spurting from their noses and their mouths. In my dazed state I hadn't noticed how rough they were both getting, and I knew that I had to intervene now before they killed each other.

"What the hell are you idiots doing? This test was about seeing who had enough skills and ability to kill Strigoi. Not who had enough stupidity and steroids to beat the crap out of each other." I screeched, tossing the clipboard to the floor and stomping onto the mat. Neither of them had heard me, or if they did they chose to ignore me, either way I was infuriated.

I was regretting not wearing heels today, I could've just stomped on their hands or something creative, it would've been easier then actually throwing myself in the middle of the fight. They were now on their feet, throwing and dodging punches, and I knew without a doubt that if I got hit by either of their fists that I would be knocked out. I would also be royally pissed off.

"That's enough." I snapped, throwing myself in the middle of them, bracing myself for a punch but none came. Both

"That's enough." I yelled, throwing myself in the middle of them, bracing myself for a punch. But none came, instead both men were panting and starring at me with wide and wild eyes, obviously just realizing what had happened. I immediately grabbed Kai's forearm and dragged him off the mat, motioning for Mikhail to do the same to Dimitri.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I shouted at Kai, not bothering to wait until we left the room. I didn't care if the others heard at this point, I was too outraged to wait till we were in private. Kai looked down at me, a million emotions playing through his eyes and I gritted my teeth as I shoved him through the door that led outside. I may be small in comparison to Kai, but I was mighty, especially when you pissed me off like he did.

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking." Kai spit, blood tingeing his saliva. He was pacing in front of me, and I could see his hands shaking while I stood with my arms crossed. We were both pissed beyond belief right now, and I knew that if I started fighting with him right now, that we would say and do things that we'd regret later. We would both let our tempers take control, and it would be a disaster, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to fight with him, I needed to.

"That's a lie and you know it." My voice was low and raspy, and Kai's head jerked up to look at me. "We both know what you were thinking, so why lie about it Kai? Why don't you just come right out and say it?" I demanded, and he just starred at me. Kai said nothing, and he didn't need too, I already knew I was right. Instead he just went back to pacing, trying to get a hold of his anger, while I continued to provoke him.

"What you did in there was fucked. What the hell were you trying to prove? That beating the shit out of him will teach him a lesson? Will make him regret everything he did to me? Will erase everything that's happened." I barked, marching up to him and blocking his path. I knew that I shouldn't be doing this, that I should back up and give him space to cool down, but I couldn't. I was too fired up and being fuelled by my adrenaline, my anger and my hate that I had built up over the last few days. I was a bomb ready to detonate, and Kai was in range.

"That's not what happened! I didn't mean for it to get so out of control! Rose, you know that." He pleaded, taking deep breaths to control his emotions. I noticed that his hands had stopped shaking right around the time mine started.

"Then what the hell did happen? Because you and I both know that you did this to get some twisted type of justice Kai." I screamed, taking another step closer to him and jerking my chin up. I was ready to blow up at any moment, and the seconds were just ticking down, all I needed was one word and I would be completely set off.

"It didn't start out that way! But then I just got so caught up in my emotions, and this is what happened. Look I am sorry Rose, but you know he deserved it. He deserves everything that he gets for all the things he did to you." He grinded his teeth, his blue eyes focused on something in the distance. I didn't know what to thing about his statement, there were a million emotions racing through my veins, but the most predominate ones were anger, hatred and outrage. They were the emotions that I was acting on, that were clouding my judgement.

"Hey. Hey!" I shouted, slapping his cheek for grabbing his jaw tightly, and forcing him to look at me. It was sort of a mock of this morning, when I lightly made him look at me. It was amazing how we could've turned from loving one another, to jumping down each other's throats. The switch was practically comical. "Look at me. Do I look like I need your help with this? I am not some damsel in distress, I do not need rescuing, and I sure as hell don't need you to avenge my honour. This is my problem - he is my problem - and I can take of it all on my own, just like I always have." I screeched, while he licked his chapped and bloody lips. I knew that it was hard for him to hear, seeing as he just wanted to protect the people that he loved, and I was the only person he had left. He had said it just the other night, he was trying to protect me. But I wasn't concentrating on that right now, my emotions were fogging my mind and I didn't care about anything else than my malice.

"Jesus Rose. Can you not accept help for five seconds? I know that you want to appear all tough, hard and uncaring but you don't have to keep up that bullshit act around me. I know that he hurt you, and that deep down you want him to hurt too. I was just doing what you are too afraid too, I am just giving you the revenge and satisfaction that you deserve." He shouted, his voice harsh enough to make me flinch in spite of myself.

"You really think I want that? That I want him to hurt?" I asked, already knowing the answer to the question.

"Yes, you do. But you can't bring yourself to do it. Don't pretend otherwise." He snarled, and I felt my eyes narrow. My muscles tensed for a fight, and I felt myself crouching down into a defensive position. It was the animalistic side of me that came out whenever I braced for a fight, I didn't over think it but instead let my body take control, and let my primal instincts guide me. I knew that Kai was bigger and stronger than I was, but I had speed and skill on my side. He knew a lot of my moves, and we were evenly matched in many things, but I knew that if I tried hard enough, that I would win. It would be brutal and bloody, but I would be victorious.

I was preparing to lunge at Kai, who was starring at me in surprise. He may have been angry, but not enough to fight me, so when I got ready to strike he took a step back. Good, I thought as I lunged forward, but stopped when a strong pair of arms wrapped around me, pulling me backward. I struggled against whoever it was, almost breaking free when another pair of arms began to restrain me. I realized then that my struggling was futile, and watched as Kai slowly backed away from me, with a hard glint in his eyes.

"The following guardians will be accompanying myself and Guardian Peters on the mission: Guardian Mathews, Guardian Castile, Guardian Sherman and Guardian Belikov." I announced, letting it sink in before continuing. "For those of you who are not coming on this mission, trust me when I say that there will be more to follow, so keep training." I told them, still reeling from the fight with Kai. After Eddie and Mikhail had calmed me down, and Kai and Dimitri had gotten ice packs we finished the testing and evaluated the results. I had not consulted with Kai about who was accompanying us, mainly because I thought I might kill him. I turned to leave the room, wanting nothing more then to get away from the gym, and everything that had happened here today, when a voice stopped me.

"Castile and Belikov? Picking favourites now, are we Hathaway?" One of the guardians shouted when I was halfway across the gym. I stopped walking in rolled my eyes, didn't this guy realize just how dangerous it was to provoke me right now? Especially about Dimitri. I didn't want him on the team, but I needed to have the best, and he was it.

"Playing favourites? Hardly." Snorted Kai who I saw in my peripheral, holding an ice pack to his nose. He knew that I didn't want to put Dimitri on the team, for numerous reasons, but also because I thought that they would strangle each other. Hell, I didn't even want Kai on the team right now, but like I said it wasn't about liking the members on the team, it was about getting the job done.

"Then explain why Castile - her childhood friend - and Belikov - her old mentor - are being allowed to go on this mission." He asked, his voice sounding obnoxious as he added. " Sounds like playing favourites to me." I spun around as Kai was getting ready to shoot back a no doubt witty rebuttal, but I cut him off with a hand motion and stepped forward. I faced the guardian who was standing with his arms crossed, an angry expression on his young face. It was obviously that he recently graduated, and that he probably hasn't even killed or seen a Strigoi yet. He was too arrogant to have experienced what it's like to kill, or else he wouldn't be so anxious, and he wouldn't be acting like a total brat right now.

"Don't like the way I'm running things?" I asked politely, a sneer on my face as I continued. "Talk to me directly about it. Don't go yelling idiotic things across the gym at me like a n Neanderthal. Another thing, you can take a seat with the rest of the poor bastards who are waiting for me to give a fuck, because none of what you're saying effects me. It won't change my decision. Just because their scores beat yours, does not mean that I am playing favourites." I growled and watched in announce as the young guardians face turned red, clashing with his strawberry blonde hair.

"Scores? You really think that means anything out in the real world? I don't care what anyone say about you being a promising leader. You are not helping the guardians at all, and I want you thrown off the council. I'm positive I'm not the only one who agrees." He snapped, getting worked up as he spoke. I just rolled my eyes and crossed the room, remaining a foot away from him.

"You're right. Test scores have absolutely nothing to do with the outside world. But how else am I supposed to test your skills? I am not about to leave this to change, and pick names out of a hat, or give the positions away to the lucky winner. I need an adequate team, filled with people who don't can take care of themselves, and people who I don't have to worry about getting their neck's snapped." My voice lashed out, while I leaned in to whisper menacingly at the dhampir, who's eyes were narrowed. "And you want to throw me off the council? Talk to the queen. I'm sure you too can come up with an effective plan to overthrow me. But until that happens, I am going to concentrate on this that actually matter. Not your bruised ego." I smirked, before turning on my heels and getting ready to leave. I had taken one step before I was forced to whirl back around, catching the guardian's fist in my hand, blocking his punch.

"And this is why you didn't qualify for a position junior. For one thing, your technique is for shit, and another, I don't want anyone on my team who doesn't fight fair. If you're going to try and hit me, at least do it fairly. I mean, this is just pathetic." I nodded at his wrist, bending it back while he cringed in pain. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as they starred, surprised that I hadn't been hit, and reacted fast enough to a punch I didn't see. After another twist of the guardian's hand and a yelp of pain I was satisfied, and released his hand. I watched as he cradled his wrist and starred up at me in terror and shock. I just gave one last menacing look, before turning back around and heading for the door. Giving a nod at Kai as I left.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Hey guys! So I've decided that there are upsides to being stuck home sick, and one of them is that I get to post mutliple times a day. So lets see if I can beat yesterday's three posts and write four today. Wouldn't that be awesome? Anyways, thank you for your reviews! I love hearing your thoughts, and it really gives me the confidence to continue writting. Seriously, its a huge deal whenever I see I have more reviews. So continue reading and giving me your feedback!

Chapter Review: Kai and Dimitri got way out of hand. Rose gave Kai a piece of her mind, but what did that nod mean? And it is still Rose's birthday!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing from Vampire Academy. Wish I did, but I don't. I just have to settle with the plot and a few select characters!

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><p>"Come on Rose, please?" Lissa begged for the millionth time, and I just groaned and covered my eyes. She had been going on for what felt like hours, begging me to do something for my birthday.<p>

"Lissa, I am really not in the mood for this right now." I sighed, replaying the events from this morning over and over again. That's all I had been doing since I returned to my room, I had just laid down on my messy bed, and thought about everything that had happened. I analyzed every detail about it, and yet I still couldn't stop thinking about it. I planned to spend the rest of the miserable day reading too much into the altercations from the morning, but Lissa had barged into my room and started demanding that I do something. I knew I should've locked the door when I got back, not that it would've stopped her.

"It doesn't matter! It's your birthday, you cannot sit around and sulk all day!" She lectured, and I turned to see her tidying my piles of clothing, folding it nicely and placing it stacks. I rolled my eyes, she was such a mom.

"First of all, I am not sulking. I am relaxing after a long day of work." I explained, and she just cocked her eyebrows and gave me a pointed look, which I ignored before continuing. "And if it's my birthday, then I get to decide what I want to do. And I want to lay in bed all night, doing nothing. That is my birthday wish, don't take it away from me." I told her, giving her a lopsided grin when she huffed and continued to fold my clothes.

"Too bad, I am not going to let you miss out on another birthday, I don't care what your wishes are. You are going out tonight." She told me firmly, throwing a slinky black dress from my wardrobe at me as she folded a few more articles of clothing. "I don't want to hear any excuses. I don't care if I have to kick your butt to get you out tonight." She told me, and I felt both my eyebrows raise at that. Lissa wasn't one to resort to physical threats, hell she could hardly throw a punch without hurting herself, how she expected to use physical force to get me somewhere was beyond me. She seemed to come to the same conclusion because she smiled and corrected herself. "I don't care if I have to call Eddie to kick your butt to get you out tonight."

I just nodded my head, still not taking her threat seriously, but getting annoyed enough to do what she says. I figured I would go out for an hour or two, exercise my legal drinking rights, and then return back to my comfy bed, feeling head over heels drunk. That sounded like a good way to end the day, besides how bad could it be?

Turns out that I wasn't going to get away with having a few drinks at the bar with just Lissa. She had practically invited everyone at court to have celebratory drinks for my birthday, and I shot her a deadly glare as soon as I stepped foot into the bar, and was met with cheers. She just gave me an innocent smile while skipping over to Christian, leaving me to fend for myself against all the well wishers. I smiled and did the whole "Thanks for coming" thing as I slowly edged towards the bar, in desperate need for a drink. When I finally managed to break away from everyone and get to the bar, I asked the bartender for a few shots of Russian vodka, needing something strong. I knew that it was probably wrong for me to drink away my troubles, seeing as I continuingly scolded Adrian for doing so, but I justified my drinking. I only did it on occasion, I was celebrating that I could legally do it, and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't survive the night without something to take away the edginess. I convinced myself that it was completely okay, and I did such a good job that I found myself ordering a few more shots.

"Take it easy birthday girl. You don't want to be on the floor by the end of the night." A throaty voice laughed, and I turned to glare at Adrian who slid into the bar stool next to me, holding what looked like a scotch. He smirked slightly at my glare before raising his hands in a surrender. "My apologies, take it easy birthday woman." He laughed and I just rolled my eyes and took my last shot. I looked at the glasses, there were seven on the table and although I didn't feel anything yet, I knew that it would hit me soon.

"What are you not enjoying the party?" Adrian asked with a mocking edge to his voice. I turned to watch him guzzle down the rest of his drink, and motion for the bar tender to refill his glass. I wondered how many drinks Adrian had since the party began, or since the day began. I knew that his drinking had gotten slightly out of control lately, and I wondered just how far Spirit was actually pushing him. How close to the edge was Adrian?

"I'm not exactly in the partying mood Adrian." I sighed, tracing circles with my index finger on the dark, cherry wood of the bar. I wished that I could enjoy it, and have fun with my friends, but I couldn't. There were too many things plaguing my mind for me to have fun, there were too many people I had to protect, too many secrets I had to keep, and too many enemies I had to defeat. There were too many things weighing me down. Adrian's hand grabbed mine, forcing my finger to stop spiralling, and made me look at him. He had an odd look on his face, and his emerald eyes were nervous and anxious. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that whatever was going to happen next, I wasn't going to like it.

"Rose, tell me what's going on." Adrian commanded in a soothing voice, making my tense muscles relax as I listened to him. "Rose, tell me what it bothering you." He asked again, his voice strangely calm. I tilted my head and gazed into his clear emerald eyes, and suddenly I found the urge to spill my guts to Adrian.

"Secrets." I whispered, unable to rip my eyes away from his. "Secrets are bothering me." I told him, my head feeling light headed as I spoke. Something felt off…and it wasn't from the alcohol. My mind couldn't register what was going on, but I knew that there was something wrong happening.

"What kind of secrets?" Adrian asked, his voice was still tranquil but slightly hesitant as he spoke. "What is it that you're hiding from me." He asked, and I felt my lips part. I should confide in Adrian, it seemed reasonable and I felt Adrian resting his hands on my shoulders. Tell him my secrets, he wanted me to tell him my secrets…

"What the hell!" I blurted, breaking eye contact with Adrian and letting the fog that clouded my judgement fade. I wasn't light headed anymore, instead I was furious and drunk. Not a good combo. "Did you just use compulsion on me?" I asked, anger evident in my voice. Apparently, the scotch that I had watched him drink, was the only alcohol he consumed today, that or he had a high tolerance level. He had tricked me, because if he was really drunk, then he wouldn't have been able to use compulsion.

"I may have used compulsion, but you're the one keeping secrets Rose." Adrian tilted his head as he spoke, studying my face before turning back to the bar. He picked up his newly refilled glass of scotch and took a sip. For someone who had just used magic of their friend, he seemed way to casual, especially since that friend had the ability to kill them.

"Friends don't use magic on friends." I snapped, remembering that I had once said something like that to Lissa, when she attempted to use compulsion on me, to make me stay at the academy. Lissa. Did she have any part in this? I searched the room and found her laughing with Christian, seeming way too at ease. Maybe I was just being suspicious.

"Friends don't keep secrets from friends." Adrian told me bitterly, and I just rolled my eyes. If he knew why I was keeping a secret, maybe he would act differently. Maybe he would understand why I was doing it, and wouldn't press for information. But I couldn't tell him why, because even that could lead to danger. And no matter how pissed at him I was right now, I wouldn't risk him like that. I wouldn't let him become collateral damage.

But none the less, I was still seething about him using magic without my permission. So, without thinking, I snatched his drink from his hand, and threw it in his face. The amber coloured liquid drenching his surprised face, staining his green silk shirt, and splashing onto his expensive black shoes. I then slammed the glass down onto the bar before leaning in close to Adrian, giving him a menacing smile.

"You got off easy this time Ivashkov." I whispered, putting as much threat and power into my voice as I could. "But I wouldn't try it again, I will not be as forgiving. You don't want me as an enemy Adrian, so do yourself a favour and let it drop." I told him, before taking a slow step backward, nodding at him before turning away, leaving him dumbstruck. It may have been harsh, over the top and unnecessary to threaten Adrian like that, but I just wanted to make sure that he didn't continue digging. I had to be careful that he didn't start looking into anything, especially not in Europe.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Hi everyone! First I'm sorry fr only posting once yesteday, I know I hinted I would write four posts but I was so sick and so tired, I slept the whole day. But I promise at least three posts tonight, seriously. And I am also sorry for how pathetic this post is, nothing really happens and it is very short but I needed a connecting post. I know what I want to do with the next few post, now I just have to figure out how to make it mesh!

Chapter Review: Its Rose's birthday - wooo!

Disclaimer: VA is totally not mine in any way, shape or form. Sadly, it all belongs to Richelle Mead.

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><p>As I stomped away from Adrian, I spotted Mia and Jill sitting in a booth, sipping cocktails. I decided I was in no danger of being put under compulsion around them, I also really needed a place to sit because the room was spinning, and they were close.I grabbed the edge of their table when I was close enough, sliding a little unsteadily beside Mia. She looked at me for a moment, opening her mouth to say something but thinking better of it, and taking another sip of her fruity blue drink instead. Jill on the other hand didn't catch on that I didn't want to talk about it, and asking with a sweet voice and concerned look, what was wrong.<p>

"Nothing is wrong." I growled, feeling slightly guilty that I was being so snarky with her. It wasn't her fault for what happened, and she was just being good natured Jill by asking, but I couldn't help my sour attitude towards her. "Why does anything have to be wrong, and even if it was, I wouldn't need any help. I'm a freaking guardian, I can take care of my own problems. I can take care of everyone's problems!" I ranted, and Jill just shot Mia a look who shrugged before turning back to me. They were both giving me the "Rose is crazy" look, I had gotten so used to throughout my life. I just muttered something about needing another drink, before leaning my head against the sticky booth table. Mia and Jill had resumed conversation while I wondered what time it was, and how late the coffee shop was open, because I was really craving a donut. I was about to ask Mia and Jill when they started chatting excitedly about something, or rather someone.

"That guy so hot…"Mia gave a wistful sigh, obviously eye stalking some guy in the room. I was surprised that she hadn't gone up to the mystery guy if she thought he was so hot, she wasn't one to stand in the corner, especially not with guys.

"Wow." Jill agreed, and I knew that it was more Jill's style to stay in the corner. Although she had gained a bit more confidence over the years, she was still shy and remained a bit of a wallflower.

"rockpapersicssors?" They said in unison before erupting into laughter, I lifted my head off the bar table to look at the two of them, my eyebrows knit in disbelief. I had to wonder if that had actually just happened, or if I was drunker than I thought. I opened my mouth to say something when they both hushed me, explaining that the super hot guy was approaching our table. I turned to see who was making both Mia and Jill so giddy, but only saw Kai walking over to our table, a apologetic smile on his face.

"Hey gorgeous." Purred Mia, as Kai walked up to our table. Jill gave him a friendly smile and I bit my lower lip, trying to hold in my laughter. How weird was this?

"Hey," Kai greeted casually, nodding at both Mia and Jill was a warm smile, before focusing his eyes on me. Mia didn't realize that he was here for me just yet, and continued trying to flirt with Kai.

"So, what is someone as cute as you, doing at party like this, alone?" She asked with a seductive look at Kai. I looked back at her for a moment, giving her a "seriously?" look which she shrugged off, before turning back to Kai and exchanging a look of humour.

"And what makes you think I'm alone?" He asked with a lopsided smile, deciding to play along for a bit. I didn't know if what we were doing was morally wrong, but it sure as hell was funny. Mia just tilted her head and bit her lower lip, giving Kai a smouldering look. She was laying it on thick right now.

"I haven't seen you with anyone all night." She shrugged, leaning towards him slightly and smiling. "But I can help you change that if you'd like." She offered, and I had to refrain from making gagging noises. Kai was about to respond when I decided that this was going too far, and I stood up, holding onto Kai's arm for support.

"Alright, enough." I groaned, and looked at Mia. She seemed annoyed at my interruption, making me reconsider my decision to stop this, instead I was going to play with her a bit more. "Kai, these are my friends Mia Rinaldi and Jill Manstrano. Guys, this is my boyfriend Kai Peters." I introduced, winking at Kai secretively before watching Mia's face turn blank and her big blue eyes widen into saucers. Jill just cringed back into the black, booth seat. There was a beat of awkward silence between the four of us, before Kai and I broke the tension by busting out into hysterics. Their faces had been priceless.

"Oh god, your faces." I laughed, wiping the tears from my eyes while Mia and Jill exchanged baffled looks, their faces still frozen in shock. I knew that they were completely lost, and desperately wanted me to clue them in on what the hell was going on. "I'm just kidding, Kai is just a friend. But holy crap that was hilarious, probably the best present I could ask for." I cracked up, grabbing Kai's hand and leading him away from the table as quickly as I could. They were still dumbstruck but I didn't want to stick around for when they thawed, knowing they would probably be pissed.

"Ever heard of playing nice, Hathaway?" Kai asked once we had both stopped laughing, I just smirked at him. I knew that everything from this morning had been forgiven, and probably soon be forgotten. That's how it was with me and Kai sometimes. We get pissed, we freak out and blow up, we drag things out and then we're fine. It didn't happen often, but whenever it did that was usually the pattern.

"Drop the saint act Peters." I giggled, punching his arm playfully as I led him to the empty part of the bar. "Besides, playing nice is so overrated." He just rolled his icy eyes at me and smiled. I knew that he felt the same way about our argument earlier. We couldn't control our emotions and sometimes it was just too easy to blow up, but we couldn't let that effect our friendship.

"It might be overrated, but it's also the way you make and keep friends. Didn't they teach you that in the sandbox? Along with sharing and other various morals." Kai asked while I scoffed and leaned over onto the bar, motioning for the bartender, turning back to Kai once I had his attention.

"Yeah, I didn't learn those morals. I didn't have the attention span, and my teachers didn't have the patience." I smirked while Kai just gave an exasperated sigh, but I knew he found it amusing. "But, I think I turned out just fine." I added, before turning towards the bartender and ordering me and Kai more shots, Kai made a face once we got our shot glasses.

"Oh come on, loosen up." I elbowed him lightly, slugging back my shot before slamming the glass back down on the dark wood. I then shot Kai a taunting smile, picking up his shot glass and offering it to him. "You only live once." I told him. He just shook his head and muttered something under his breath, before grabbing the glass and chugging the shot.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Alright guys! Here it is, the second posting for the night. I apologize in advance if there are errors or it appears a tad sloppy, I was just SO excited to get to the end so I can write and post the next part. I am really pumped about it - there is going to be mutliple POVs, and a confrontation between not only Rose and Dimitri, but maybe someone else to! I'm still working out the kinks, but anyway read this and review! I love hearing what you guys think, and any critisim is totally welcomed!

Chapter Review: Rose is very drunk, and it is still her birthday (I know, I'm sorry!)

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own VA. Wish I did, but Richelle Mead does.

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><p>The night had become an absolute blur. Everything began to mush together until I could barley remember anything. How many drinks had I had? The room began to spin, and people and objects were fuzzy, but that didn't stop me from climbing up onto the bar and dancing to the beat of the music. I was actually having fun for the first time since stepping inside Court wards, and I wasn't sulking about turning twenty-one or anything else. I as letting loose, and acting like my old self. The feeling was incredible, almost like an endorphin rush or a drug high. It felt like at any moment I could reach up and touch the stars, but of course every high had to come down eventually. Unfortunately, my high had to come crashing down.<p>

I dimly remembered socializing with almost everyone at the party, not noticing that none of my immediate friends were present, only Kai. I also remembered gulping down whatever drinks people were offering me. So, by the time a cluster of girls began dancing on the bar to a cheesy tune, I was too wasted to tell myself that it was a bad idea. Instead I marched - or, rather stumbled - over to the bar, and took the extended hand that one of the girls offered me. I vaguely remembered her as a moroi that I had gone to school with, but didn't bother trying to remember her name, instead just getting dancing along to the rhythm and beat of the music.

I swayed my hips to the song, lifting my arms and shutting my eyes as I let the music control my movements. It was hard to concentrate on anything except the music and all the cheers from the party-goers. My mind wanted to think coherently but the alcohol inhibited it, making it impossible to think straight, my brain tried to fight the vodka haze but it was useless. I guess it was the guardian instincts that had been embedded for years, making it impossible to let loose and have a good time without your mind freaking out. But I was determined to have a blast and think about nothing, I was halfway there, all I had to do was flip the switch on my racing mind.

Just as I managed to clear my mind, I took a step on the bar and the heel of my stiletto that Lissa forced me to wear, slipped. My eye lids flew open and I felt myself tumbling off the bar, and I knew that I was going to face plant right onto the bar floor. Good god, that was going to leave a mark, I thought as the ground came rushing up to meet me. But just before I connected with the bar floor I felt someone catch me, keeping me from making a fool out of myself and possibly breaking something. Whoever had caught me helped steady me, while I gripped their shoulders. Once I was confident that I wasn't going to suddenly fall over, I looked up to thank the person, only to stare up into dark brown eyes that I would know anywhere.

If there was a God, I decided that he loved to throw me into cruel situations, and took pleasure in watching me struggle. Why else would he allow this to happen to me? Because it was a crazy dejavu moment, reminding me of when I first met Dimitri and he saved me from a fall much like this one. Maybe God enjoyed this, or he was punishing me for not attending church every Sunday. Or maybe I was just deluding myself by blaming God, and this was all my fault for getting drunk and letting my guard down. The second option was more plausible but I didn't want to admit it.

We gazed deeply into each others eyes for what felt like hours. Everything around us seemed to slip away as we stood there. The crowd filled with drunks, the bass pumping music, and the entire party atmosphere, even time itself faded away. Then it was just us standing there, while a million words and emotions sparked between us.

My lips parted as I got ready to say something. What I had no clue, all I knew was the I had to say something. To force some words out of my mouth and form a sentence. But just as I managed to find my voice, another voice interrupted. It pulled both mine and Dimitri's attention away as I starred at the women the voice belonged too.

"Nice catch Dimka." Tasha smiled, sauntering up to the pair of us, her Ozera blue eyes gleaming. I hadn't seen Tasha since the meeting where moroi got to meet and great the new guardians, and decide who they were going to chose as their charges. Tasha had put in a bid as my charge, in case I didn't end up with Lissa like I had planned. Turns out not even my backup plan turned out correctly.

"Welcome back Rose, and happy birthday." She greeted, standing closely next to Dimitri. I felt my eyes instinctively narrow when she stood next to him, remembering that Tasha had once had a thing for Dimitri, back when I had first met her. She had come to visit Christian for the holidays, and ended up attending the winter ski trip that the school had been forced to go on. Although many things about that trip had been clouded by all of the events that happened afterward with Mason, I had never forgotten that Tasha had offered Dimitri a position as her guardian. Back then I thought it was the end of the world, but now I wondered if he really should have taken it. It would have prevented him from being turned, and all of the things that happened following his awakening. I wondered if it would've been easier to watch him walk away then, before I had fallen madly in love and have him reject me after I helped save him. I wondered if it would've been easier to watch her take him away.

"We bought you a present Rose, and I gave it to Christian earlier to pass on. I hope you like it, it took forever to find." Tasha smiled, flipping her ebony hair of her shoulder, and showing off her scared face. Despite the marring on her face I still found her beautiful, and although her looks contributed to her beauty, it was her essence that made her so stunning. She was powerful and strong willed, the scars only proved that, seeing as she had received them when fighting off Christian's parents after they turned Strigoi. I smiled despite the alarm that was blaring in my brain. She had said _we. _As in her _and _Dimitri. I gave him an accusingly glance, shocked that he had actually taken the time to pick out a present, unless Tasha was just being polite by adding his name. But if she wasn't, and she was telling the truth, then what did that mean? Dimitri met my gaze with an unreadable expression, and I was too impatient to wait for another time to ask questions, I wanted answers now. But when I opened my mouth to speak, something else made me freeze.

Tasha had reached down and grabbed Dimitri's hand. The same hand that bandaged mine after practice, the same hand that dealt out lethal blows, but also brushed through my dark hair. It was the same hand that had once held mine.

"I'm sure I'll love it Tasha." I choked, forcing a smile as my world began spinning again. I had accepted that Dimitri couldn't love me - at least, I thought I did - and the only thing that made that easier, was the belief that he was incapable of love. The only thing that kept me going was the thought that he would return my love if he could, and that if he was miraculously able to feel love again, that surely he would come for me. Apparently, that wasn't the case though, because it was clear by Tasha's body language that there was something going on between them.

My head throbbed and I wished that I was anywhere but there. I wanted to be back in my room crawled under the covers. I wanted to be back in Europe in my small apartment. I wanted to be back at St. Vladimir's in the comfort of my dorm room. I wanted to be back in my sanctuary. And for a moment I childishly thought that if I closed my eyes, and clicked my heels together that I would be back in one of my homes. But instead of that I felt a hand wrap around my waist, and I knew that it was the second best thing to vanishing into thin air. I opened my eyes to see Kai towering over me, and I was thankful that he was here and ready to help me escape.

"Sorry for interrupting." Kai apologized, his voice deep and scratchy as he spoke. Giving a polite nod to Dimitri and smiling down at Tasha. She seemed surprised as she starred at Kai's arm wrapped around my waist, but recovered quickly as she introduced herself.

"If you excuse us, Kai and I just need to quickly talk about our house for a second." I told them with a smile after the introductions were over. It may have been petty, but I wanted Dimitri to be jealous of Kai. I doubt that it would work, seeing as he was so smitten with that man-stealing bitch, but it was worth a try. Kai seemed to catch on, and from the look in his eyes I could tell he didn't like it, but he pulled me in close and went along with it anyways as we said goodbye.

"Sorry, just gotta talk to my girl. It was nice meeting you Tasha." Kai grinned, leading me away from the happy couple, and I willed myself not to look over my shoulder as we walked away. I felt my hands shaking and my legs quivering the further we got away, and although I was falling apart I kept a brave face on. I didn't want anyone to see me, and I didn't want to alarm anyone, but I knew Kai saw right through my façade.

"Are you okay?" He murmured, bending his head down so that we were at eye level. I was most definitely not okay, far from it actually. How was it that he always sent me on such a roller coaster? Why was I so susceptible to him? I thought I had accepted that he couldn't be with me, I may not be over it, but I at least that I was mature enough to accept it. The way I acted back there was far from accepting it. My mind was reeling, and I didn't know what to think, my thoughts were a complete jumble.

"Peachy." I told him in a cool voice. It was the only way I knew how to cope, by acting cold and tough, even towards Kai. I needed to maintain my composure. "I just need to get some air and be by myself for a minute. Take a breather, I'll be back in a minute." I told him, jerking my head up and taking a slightly unstable step towards the door before he could protest. I prayed that the cool dawn air would help sober me up slightly, and shivered slightly when the March wind whipped my hair around. This is exactly what I needed, I thought as I wandered away from the bar.

I needed to organize my thoughts, to figure things out and to get away. Not just from him, but from everything. I needed to get away from Court, and all the people in it. I loved seeing my friends and family again, but I wondered if this was really the place for me. Because right now it didn't seem like I belonged her. Yes, of course I was doing great things for my people, but did I really have to be at Court to do them? Because the only place I wanted to go was back to St. Vlads, or Europe. Hell, I wanted to go back to Oregon, the place where Lissa and I had run to for years. I fantasized about moving back, and living in a small house near the university again, or better yet near the beach. It would be perfect, and no one would ever find me. I could spend my days doing what I wanted, without having to worry about any responsibility. The thought was tantalizing, but not something I would ever actually do. I was being silly and immature right now, and I blamed all of these irrational thoughts on the liquor I consumed. I would never abandon my friends like that, or shirk my responsibilities as a guardian. But sometimes I wish I could. That's when I spotted a long shadow in my peripheral, and I groaned thinking that it was Kai who had followed me, checking to see if I was alright. It annoyed me that he thought I needed a babysitter still, I mean seriously. I spun around, ready to give him a piece of my mind when I felt my eyes widen, I wasn't looking at Kai… I was looking at Dimitri.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Hey guys! Alright here is a decent length post for you, and I will start writting another one shortly. For anyone craving action, the next one will have it, I promise! This one is filled with sneaking, and a Dimitri/Rose moment, but I have a awesome moment between Rose and Dimitri coming up, so prepare yourselves for that!  
>Thank you to anyone and everyone who has reviewed this story, nothing is better than seeing a whole bunch of reviews!<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own VA at all! It belongs to the talented Richelle Mead

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><p>Lissa's Point Of View.<p>

"I did what you asked, and I hope you know that you're paying for my dry cleaning." Adrian complained, as he dabbed the splotchy stain on his shirt from when Rose had poured a drink on him. I just nodded my head and handed him another handful of napkins silently, while Christian tried to get a handle on his uncontrollable laughing. I didn't bother to scold Christian about the inappropriate hysterics, I knew that it was no use, and if the matter at hand wasn't so serious I would be laughing right along with him.

"What did you find out?" I asked, dropping my voice and taking a step closer to him, shifting my eyes to make sure we weren't drawing any attention. I felt bad about making Adrian use compulsion on Rose, or that we had to use our magic on her period. But we needed to figure out what was going on, and we knew there was no way she would openly tell us. So we had to resort to more forceful ways to get the information. I again felt guilty for making Adrian do the dirty work, but we had both decided that it was necessary, knowing that she would go ballistic if I was the one using magic on her.

"We were right, she is hiding something from us." Adrian confirmed, his face grim with worry as he spoke. This had sobered Christian up, and he too had joined our conversation, his cool blue eyes darting around the room as we spoke.

"Well, what is she hiding?" Christian asked, his voice urgent. He didn't like the idea of Rose keeping secrets either. Especially since whenever Rose had kept secrets in the past, they were always huge and usually life or death, none of us expected this one to be any different.

"I didn't get that far, all I know is that she is keeping secrets. Big ones. That's as far as I got before she resisted the compulsion." Adrian sighed, clearly frustrated as he balled up the napkins and tossed them onto the table we were standing near. I had a lump in my throat as I thought about Rose keeping something huge from me, especially since she had vowed years ago never to hide anything from me again. She had promised to be honest and tell me the truth, no matter how painful. It made me question whether I could trust her or not - whether the moroi could put their faith in her.

The look in Adrian's eyes told me that he was asking the same questions, and stumbling onto the same conclusion. We didn't want to believe that Rose was keeping secrets, and we wanted to trust her but we shared a nagging feeling that we couldn't put our trust in her. That had been confirmed after it was revealed that she was hiding secrets.

"What happens now?" Christian asked, wanting to take action as soon as possible. I understood his desire to do something, to discover what it was that Rose was hiding, but I didn't know if I could bring myself to dig up my best friends past. I didn't know if I could begin going through my sister's secrets. It was a violation of her privacy, but I needed to know what was going on.

"Follow me." I beckoned, when I spotted Rose taking shots at the bar with Kai, knowing that she would be preoccupied for a while with him. It was the perfect opportunity to sneak away from the party and begin the search into Rose's and Adrian followed me silently as we snuck out of the bar, not drawing any attention to ourselves whatsoever, and I thought we were clear until we stepped out into the fading night.

"Where are you guys going?" Eddie asked, making me jump back and grab Christian's arm. I may have heightened senses, but they were no use when detecting dhampirs, especially if they were sneaky like Eddie was.

"Just getting some fresh air." Adrian lied casually, making me wince a little. I didn't want to lie to Eddie, especially since we had grown so close over the years. But no matter how tight Eddie and I had gotten, he would always pick Rose over me. Not because he cared about her more, or didn't trust me, but because they had been through situations together that would forever mark them. You don't experience being captured twice, grieve the loss of a close friend, and break a felon out of prison without becoming loyal to that person. Although I knew he loved me and would always protect me, he would never go behind Rose's back like this.

"You know that it's useless to lie to a guardian, right Ivashkov?" Eddie asked, crossing his arms and smirking at Adrian. I internally groaned, Eddie was perceptive and observant so I knew lying to him would be tough, but Adrian had so much experience that I figured we were in the clear.

"What do you mean Castile? Why would I ever lie to a dear friend like you? I just need to get out of that bar for a while, it's stuffy and crowded." Adrian tried again, slouching back and shooting Eddie a devil may care grin. I was still clutching Christian's arm tightly as I watched Adrian and Eddie, and I felt like my eyes were the size of bowling balls. I knew that I should attempt to look calm and collected, because Eddie would not only be studying Adrian but me and Christian too.

"Drop the act. I know that you're doing something, that chances are will get you in huge trouble, either with the guardians or the queen herself. But what I'm wondering is where is Rose? Because usually she's the leader of these stupid stunts." Eddie told us bluntly, but we kept out poker faces on, knowing he was right. Rose was always the one roping us into her insane plans, that were always for the greater good. I felt another pang of guilt about going behind her back.

Christian and Adrian kept up their calm and cool composure, their blank faces giving nothing away, and I knew under different circumstances, Eddie would be proud of their control. Me, on the other hand? Not so much. When his hazel eyes rested on me, I felt myself flinch on the scrutiny, and wondered how Rose did this on a daily basis. She was constantly under negative scrutiny - sometimes by her friends - but never let it effect her, I couldn't help but crack under the pressure.

"Lissa." Eddie said, softly. I looked down at the ground, starring at the brownish green grass, and gulping. I didn't want to lie to him, it was hypocritical of me to do so, and I just didn't want to lie to someone who's life was dedicated to protecting me. It seemed wrong - it _was_ wrong. I sighed, looking back up into his concerned hazel eyes.

"Rose is hiding something, and we're going to figure out what it is." I told him, jerking my chin up and rolling my shoulders back like I saw Rose do whenever she said or did something controversial. Whenever she was being defiant. Christian, Adrian and I watched Eddie digest that information, while a million different emotions danced in his hazel eyes.

Surprise. Anger. Sadness.

All of those emotions flashed in his eyes, before resting on determination. I feared whether he was going to drag us back into the bar and expose us, or if he was going to laugh off our worries but whatever it was, he wasn't going to change his mind.

"What's the plan?" He asked, his voice serious as he spoke. My eyebrows instinctively raised in surprise, along with Christian's and Adrian's. The idea of Eddie wanting to join us was baffling, but there was no way that we were going to reject his help.

"Well…"I trailed off, before launching into my plan on how to discover the secrets that Rose has been hiding.

Rose's Point Of View

"What are you doing out here?" I asked, my voice sounding shaky as I crossed my arms over my chest, in an attempt to seem more defiant and strong. His dark eyes assessed me, as he took a tentative step towards me, and I jerked my head up.

"I watched you walk out, and I wanted to see if you were alright." He explained, and I ignored the tightening in my stomach that I felt when he said that he had been watching me. I was determined to remain tough and indifferent around him, there was no way that I would give him a chance to inflict any damage to me.

"Why wouldn't I be alright?" I asked, my voice sounding numb and unfeeling. He crooked one of his eyebrows at my tone, but quickly dismissed it. I didn't know if that was the reason he was really out here or not, I decided that it wasn't and he had an ulterior motive. He wasn't just coming to check up on me.

"You just seemed…strange inside. You also fell off a bar table moment ago." He explained, and I resisted the urge to smack myself in the head, it had been a really stupid idea for me to dance on the bar this intoxicated.

"I'm fine." I snapped, wanting nothing more to scream the truth, that I wasn't fine. Because although he is the person who caused a lot of the pain that I was feeling, I also knew that he was the only who understand the agony I was in. He always understood…or well, he used to. I thought back to the time when I was fearing for my sanity, when I was seeing ghosts for the first time, and although Dimitri was hesitant about my paranormal theory, he held me and promised that everything would be fine. I wished that he would do that now.

"You don't have to lie to me Rose, I can see right through it." Dimitri gave me a faint smile, so it was true - Dimitri could still read me. I knew that was the only explanation, I was an excellent liar when I wanted to be, and so far the only people who could see through me was Kai and Dimitri.

"I doubt that." I sneered, knowing that I was going no where and this was futile. Dimitri could read me, but I was just being difficult and protesting something I knew was true. One thing that hadn't changed over the years was how stubborn I was, Dimitri must've been thinking along the same lines.

"You're always dragging your heels Roza." He chuckled lightly, and I fumed at the name. I had told him just the other night not to call me that, I never wanted to hear it again. But he had either forgotten or ignored my request, either way it pissed me off to no end.

"Don't call me that!" I yelled, the half hearted smile on his face vanished. "You lost the right to call me that, when you walked away and started something with her!" I was getting overworked, and the part about Tasha had just slipped out, but I didn't care it was valid. His deep brown eyes widened, and he appeared shocked at my statement, almost like he thought I didn't know. Did he think I was naive and stupid?

"Rose, what are you talking about?" He asked after a moment, talking another step towards me, forcing me to take step back. I didn't want him near me right now, not while having this conversation.

"You! And Tasha! Together! I mean I always knew she wanted you, but I never thought you would actually go for her, but that was when you were with me. Who the hell knows what happened after your love 'faded'." I shouted, while Dimitri just stood there completely stricken, starring at me like I had gone over the edge.

"Rose.." Dimitri started, taking yet another step forward and reaching out for me. I immediately leapt back a few feet, feeling like a rabid animal trapped in a cage.

"No. Do not touch me." I snapped, preparing to drop into a fighting position if needed. I would fight my way around him if that's what it took, because there was no way I would let him corner me and talk about how amazing Tasha was, or how their relationship just "happened". I may be a little tipsy, but I was still sure that I could kick his ass if needed, or at least injure him a lot.

"Rose, just listen to me for a minute. I am not with Tasha. I have never been interested in her, that will never change, I am not interested in her that way. She is my friend, I thought you understood that." He frowned, creases marring his gorgeous face. A part of me wanted to smooth out those wrinkles with my finer tips, but I quickly chastised that part of me, remembering how I freaked out about him trying to touch me a moment ago. Jesus, I was a mess.

"I thought I understood a lot of things." I told him, an edge in my voice. I knew that my message came across loud and clear, and he knew that I was referring to our entire relationship. I thought it had been forever, but I had been mistaken, because it turned out that forever isn't as long as you would think.

Lissa's Point Of View

"Remind me again what we're looking for." Eddie asked with an exasperated tone, while he carefully riffled through papers on the bedside table. I stopped searching through the suitcase and flopped down on the comfy bed, knowing that we had exhausted almost every hiding place in the room.

"We're looking for a secret. No, we don't know what kind of secret. And no, we don't know what it's about." I groaned, knowing that we had nothing to go one, not a single clue. Christian dropped the knapsack he'd been looking at, coming to sit beside me on the bed and wrap his arms around me. Adrian walked out of the bathroom and joined our pathetic search party.

Breaking into Rose's room had been simple. Eddie produced a few tools that made opening the door easy, it was finding the information that we needed that proved to be a challenge. With no paper trail to go on, and no hints that would point us in the right direction we were like chickens running around with our heads cut off. We needed to find something and quickly, before time ran out and Rose caught us snooping through her belongings.

"She really told you nothing else?" Christian asked for the thirteenth time, and I could tell that Adrian had long since gotten annoyed by the question. His emerald eyes flashed anger and frustration as Christian just covered his face with his hands, and let out a sigh as he laid down on the bed.

"What exactly did she say again?" Eddie asked, putting all of his guardian training into searching for a mystery secret. He was usually amazing at putting together the puzzle, but the only way he could do that now was if we had the puzzle pieces.

"Secrets. She said she was hiding secrets." Adrian growled. "The answer hasn't changed since the last time you asked me, five minutes ago!" We were all reaching the end of our patience with this search, knowing that it was useless at this point.

"Can the sarcasm, will you? I just want to be certain that there is nothing to lead us in the right direction." Eddie frowned, and I knew that tempers were going to start flaring. All of these guys were amazing and got along pretty well, but put us all under major stress and personalities start clashing, and it ends with me chocking on testosterone.

"Can sarcasm? Please, I only use fresh sarcasm." Adrian joked, while we all just rolled our eyes at the lame crack. I was about to suggest that we all give up for the night, when Eddie brought my attention to something.

"What's this?" He asked, pulling a thick, musty looking book from under Rose's bed. His ran his fingers over the book's black spine, and over the title of the book, his eyebrows knit in confusion. "When has Rose Hathaway ever showed an interest in reading?" He asked, lifting his hazel eyes to meet mine. I knew the answer to that question, Rose had only ever read something if she was searching for something important that the internet couldn't tell her. She had gone through stacks when we first learned about Spirit, but I doubted that she would still be reading up on it. So this book had to give her some important information, about something she couldn't find anywhere else. I reached out for the heavy book, and Eddie passed it to me without hesitation. I knew that this was the first clue towards figuring out what type of secret she was hiding. I flipped over the book, wanting to see what the title was, but finding that it was written in cyclic. I began flipping through the pages, coming across a dog eared page - it was all in cyclic. Apparently, Rose had learned to read Russian.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Three cheers for finally reaching chapter 20! Wooohooo! Okay I won't babble for too long and just get rght to the good stuff! Thank you for every single review! I love them, and am totally intrested in what you have to say about the story! So please continue to do that!

Chapter Review: Rose and Dimitri are arguing/ Lissa, Christian, Eddie and Adrian found a book in Rose's room and think it's a clue to all her secrets.

Disclaimer: Do not own VA at all, sadly. It belongs to Richelle Mead, I just own a few select characters and the plot!

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><p>"Rose." He breathed, empathy written all over his face or was it pity? Either way I didn't want any of it. He can't go around breaking hearts and then apologizing for it years later, it didn't work that way.<p>

"No, Dimitri. I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. You can take that apology shove it." I yelled, covering my ears like a child but I didn't care. I felt like I was being torn apart, like there was a mental tug of war happening inside my head.

Part of me was furious with Dimitri - and had a right to be - that part of me either wanted Dimitri out of my life forever, or wanted to see Dimitri suffer. That part was hurt, seething and just plain pissed. That was also the unstable and uncontrollable part of other part was still madly in love with Dimitri, and would do whatever it took to get him back, and see that I was here for him. That part wanted to prove that love never fades, and that we can make it through anything. That was the part that was in love, lust and wanted nothing more then to be with Dimitri again, no matter the cost. They were split directly down the middle, and each was battling to win, but I didn't know which half was stronger. It was like my head was telling me one thing, and my heart was saying the exact opposite. I just didn't know which to listen to: the insane bitter bitch, or pathetic love struck idiot.

"You need to hear what I have to say Rose, I need you to understand." He swallowed, like the words were getting stuck in his throat. "I need you to listen and listen to the reason why I did the things I did. I need you to see why I had to do that to you - to us." I was hesitant, again feeling split in two. I wanted to hear his explanation why, to gain insight and closure as to why he ripped my heart out all those years ago. But then again I didn't want to hear any of it, I didn't want to relive the emotional pain that would come along with his explanation. I didn't want him to repeat those words again.

"I really don't think I do, Dimitri." I told him, deciding to listen to my head and see where it would lead me. My heart had suffered too much to make any rational decisions. I needed to stop being such a emotional girl, and use my head for once. "Because whatever you have to say doesn't change the past, it doesn't change the fact that you didn't accept me in your life, and it definitely doesn't change the fact that you don't love me anymore. So your explanation is pointless." I took a few wobbly steps back, getting ready to turn and run as far away as possible, I needed to get as far from him as possible.

"If you won't listen to that, then at least hear this." He yelled, once I turned and began putting space between us. "Thank-you. I need to thank you for the part you played in restoring me, I knew that without you I would still be roaming around as a monster. You are the reason I am alive today." He thanked, and my steps faltered as I heard him speak. He was finally thanking me after all these years, he was finally recognizing that I had gone to the ends of the earth for him.

I knew as soon as I stepped foot in my room that something was off. My guardian instincts kicked in and I surveyed the room, I may have been a tab tipsy but I could tell that something wasn't right. After I verified that there was no threat, I began to search through my belongings to check if anything was missing or moved. Everything seemed to be in the correct place when I walked over to my bed, and just a quick check underneath it, to see if my book was still there. I couldn't imagine someone coming into my room and not moving anything, but taking the things that were under my bed. Well, maybe I could, but I chose to ignore a quick peak confirmed that the book was gone, I started to panic and dove onto the floor, needing to find this book. I frantically searched under the bed and behind the headboard, knowing that I had left it right here. Someone had to have taken it, and I had a pretty good idea of who.

Icy fear began to spread down my spine, momentarily paralyzing me. He had been here - that was the only explanation for this. He had tracked us, and somehow broke into my room and found the book. He was hunting us again. I felt a cool sweat begin the drench my brow, and I stood up onto my weak legs. I knew that I should go and alert Kai or maybe the other guardians, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He was after me right now, and I couldn't tell anyone without putting them in danger. How stupid was I to ever think that I could outrun him? I knew that sleeping wasn't an option right now, not with him lurking around my room. I knew that I could go to Kai or one of my other friend's room, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed to release my anger, my fear and my frustration. I need to go on a rampage.

Which is how I ended up in the empty gym in the middle of the moroi night. I had sprinted here after stripping into shorts and a t-shirt, and began working out harder than I ever had before. I didn't bother searching for gloves as I began beat the punching bag, listening to my ragged breathing.

How had this happened? I had began to believe that I was safe, but now this? I mean who else would want that old book? It meant nothing to anyone who wasn't me, Kai or him. Unless there were more of us, but I highly doubted that there were. I could be over reacting, and this could all just be some fluke, yet I had a hard time believing that the book had magically disappeared. Kai would've told me if he had taken it, so there was only one other option, that he took it. He did like to screw with us, it was apart of his sadistic nature. It was the reason why all of our friends from Europe had died, he didn't need to kill them. They had just gotten in the way, and he wanted to scare us. It worked.

I punched the bar harder, needing to hit something as I thought about all of the bodies I had to watch being buried. All of the people who had sacrificed themselves to try and protect Kai, who had stood between us and him, and had died horrible deaths because of it. It wasn't fair, I thought kicking the punching bag with so much force I thought the chain connecting it to the ceiling might snap. Why did this always have the happen to me, to us? Why did everyone we care about have to die or experience tragedy, all on our behalf? I gave the punching bag the hardest punch I could muster, and heard the sick popping cracking noise when my fist connected to the bag. I knew that I was causing damage to my body, but I couldn't feel it right now, not with all the adrenaline blocking the pain.

I continued to hit and kick the bag, putting all of my agony into my manoeuvres, only making me hit harder and stronger. I could see the blood dripping off my knuckles, and the sweat dripping off my brow, along with the occasional pop of my ankles, but I kept going until I felt the edges of my vision growing blurry. My hits were growing weaker and my limbs felt like lead, I also knew that I was beginning to sway. I had pushed myself to the limit, out of fear and frustration, and now my body was retaliating. I felt myself falling, hitting the floor with a loud bang, while the world slowly began to drift away.

Dimitri's Point Of View.

I needed to relieve some stress and I only knew one way I could do that. By going to the gym. I needed to run some laps, or lift some weights, something to take my mind off the confrontation between me and Rose. How was it that she still consumed all of my thoughts, even when she was acting like a drunk mess, I couldn't stop thinking about her. My mind was filled with thoughts about her, the way she lifts her chin before doing something defiant, the way she speaks her mind regardless, and the way she her brown eyes shine. She was beautiful and powerful and indescribable. And I had lost her forever, that became clear to me tonight when I not only saw her with Kai, but also watched her walk away from me again. It was hard to watch her go, but she deserved to make her own choices and live her own life. I wasn't her mentor and I couldn't tell her what to do anymore, not that I ever could, even back then.

I opened the gym doors, not wanting to think about the past or relieve all of the mistakes I made with her. They were countless. I just needed to workout and focus on my attention on other things, besides Rose Hathaway. But when I entered the gym I knew instantly that something was wrong. I took slow steps into the gym, surveying the gym for anything that seemed off, I began to turn the corner and felt my eyes widen. I knew it was her even before I approached, I could tell by the dark hair that was billowing from her sprawled body. I ran towards her, cursing in Russian as I saw her bruised and bloody body, she had done some serious damage to herself.

"Rose, get up please. Wake up, Rose." I begged, brushing strands of hair from her angelic face. I knew that I had to get her help, and that she wasn't waking up anytime soon, so I was going to have to bring the her to the help. I picked up her unconscious body, holding her close to my chest and rushed out of the gym, towards the royal housing. It reminded me of the time where I carried her from the holding cells at to the clinic, after Natalie Dashkov had attacked her. I for sure thought Rose might die then, and confessed why we couldn't be together, and held her tightly as she drifted in and out of consciousness. I knew that Rose was not going to die now, here injuries weren't fatal but I still was worried about her, and I would always be worried about her. There will never be a point in my life when I will stop caring about Rose Hathaway.

I arrived to the doors of royal housing, managing to pull open the heavy doors and sprint down the long corridors. I knew the route to Lissa's room like the back of my hand, seeing as I walked in hundreds of times, and it was only a few minutes from the entrance but it felt like hours. When I finally approached the door, I banged on it furiously, praying that she was home or else I would have to take her to Adrian. I was in luck, and Lissa swung open the door a minute later, shock and confusion written all over her face.

"Dimitri? What is -" She began, but stopped and gasped once she saw Rose in my arms. Her eyes widened, and she opened the door motioning for me to bring her inside. I carried in through the doors, and made me way over to the chaise that was in Lissa's quaint living room, smoothing her hair from her face afterwards. I then took a deep breath and a step back, noticing that Lissa had company. Adrian, Christian and Eddie poured out of one of the adjacent rooms, shooting confused looks as Lissa scrambled over to the lounge.

"What are you doing?" Christian asked, his voice slightly amused until his eyes rested on Rose, passed out on the chaise. I took another step away from Rose, giving Lissa room to work when Adrian leapt over one of Lissa's couches, coming to join her as she assessed Rose's injuries.

"What the hell happened is a better question!" He exclaimed, looking up at me with worry all over his face, his emerald eyes desperate for answers. Well join the club I thought, I wanted to know how on earth she did this to herself too.

"I was going to the gym for a workout, and when I got there I found her unconscious on the floor." I explained, curious at how someone could work themselves to the point of collapsing like that. I mean, that's what had to have happened, there was no one else at the gym and if there was, they would've taken her to the clinic. She had basically knocked herself out.

"She did this to herself?" Eddie asked in disbelief. We had both seen our fair share of training accidents, but no one ever had ever inflicted this much injury on themselves like this. It was mind boggling.

"So it would seem." I nodded, watching as Lissa pressed her palms to Rose's temples while Adrian cupped both of her hands in his. My guess was the Adrian was healing her injuries while Lissa was attempting to wake her up, and I watched in awe as her battered and bruised hands began to heal, and her eye lids began to flicker. The room was silent, until Rose gasped and jerked her hands away from Adrian and ripped Lissa's palms away from her, pushing herself into the backing of the lounge. She looked like a rabid animal, preparing to attack while her eyes shifted around the room. We were all stunned to say the least, that had never happened after healing someone before, and none of us knew what to say or how to react.

Rose's Point Of View.

It took a while for my mind to catch up and register what was going on, but once it did I slowly began to relax and release my tense muscles. My friends were surrounding me, their expressions ranging from pure shock to pure terror. I guess I had acted on impulse when I first woke up, mainly because I didn't know what was happening. I slid down the chair a little, in an attempt to put everyone at ease, but it did little to calm them.

"Sorry." I muttered, unsure of what else to say. This was going to take a lot of explaining and convincing to make everyone understand. Lissa stood from the crouched position beside the chair I was on, and slowly bent towards me, pulling me in for a hug. I gripped her tightly, taking comfort in her embrace.

"Thank you." I whispered in her ear before she pulled back, she just gave me a reassuring smile while reaching down and squeezing my newly healed hand. I turned to Adrian and thanked him too, knowing the cost of healing me was a big one. Spirit induced madness was a huge price to pay for little injuries, and I appreciated everything that had done, really.

"Rose, what happened to you?" Christian asked, walking around to join Lissa and Adrian, while Eddie following close behind. I tried to focus my attention on him, but my mind only registered that Dimitri was standing off to the side. I pretended not to notice him.

"I was working out at the gym, and things got a little heated. It happens sometimes." I shrugged, not wanting to tell them that "sometimes" was actually often. I didn't need them worrying about my frequent rampages, I already had Kai watching me like a hawk about it. "Now, do you want to tell me how I got here?" I asked, but I already knew the answer to my question. It was the reason he was here.

"Belikov brought you." Adrian explained, jerking his chin in Dimitri's direction. So, Dimitri had found me and carried me across court, I'm surprised he didn't just leave me there after everything that happened tonight.

"I guess I should thank you." I told him, but my tone implied I wanted to do anything but that. I knew that I was making this awkward for everyone else, but I didn't care, I was forgetting about my heart and listening to my head. And it was telling me to act like a cool bitch right now. Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the sound of the door slamming open. Both he and Eddie jumped into a fighting stance, with me following closely behind, trying to angle the moroi behind us. All three of us were prepared to fight whatever walked through that door, but when I saw Kai rush in with a worried expression, I dropped my defensive stance.I pushed passed Dimitri and Eddie, as Kai reached me and wrapped his arms around my waist, and I snaked my arms around his neck tightly. I needed him right now, he was the only one who would understand what was happening. When he pulled back a million things passed between us, and I could see in his azure blue eyes that he understood, he knew what was going on. I also saw the determination in his eyes, telling me that he was going to fight this right along side me.

"Excuse me, Kai?" Adrian interrupted, and Kai looked over at him and I turned to see a glint in his eyes. "I just wanted to ask you why you're here, or more specifically how you knew Rose was here." he asked abruptly, and I felt myself freeze. He was still asking questions, still trying to dig and figure things out, despite my earlier threats for him to leave it alone. He was so close to one of the secrets, and if he figured out one then he would no doubt unravel the others. They were all connected, and he needed to stay in the dark. Which reminded me of something - Adrian was fishing for answers - and I wondered how far he was willing to go to get them.

"Better question. What were you doing in my room tonight Adrian?" I asked, taking a step away from Kai and watched as Adrian's face paled. Of course. It was Adrian who had stolen my book, and made me freak out this evening. I had over reacted. Part of me was relieved to know that he hadn't tracked us, but another part was furious that Adrian had been snooping through my things. If he had found the book, there was no telling what he knew now.


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Hey everyone! I know that this posting is a little late (depending on your time zone!) but I was just really excited to write it and post it! I am finally starting to reveal the Europe thing and the mystery between Kai and Rose. I was going to drag it out a little longer, but I felt like that was really unfair to everyone dying to figure it out! A lot of you already have told me your predictions, and were correct! Which I'm taking as a good thing!  
>I wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed again! It's a blast to read your reviews and hear what you think about the stories, so please keep reviewing! I love to know your thoughts, especially about the whole DimitriRose thing.

Chapter Review: Rose figured out Adrian had stolen her book.

Disclaimer: Unfourtunatly, I do not own Vampire Academy. Wish I did, but I don't!

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><p>"What?" Adrian asked in a hollow voice, while I took another step closer to him. I could sense all the other dhampirs in the room tensing, they thought I was going to attack Adrian soon, and I can't say that they were far off.<p>

"Don't play dumb or try and lie to me, Adrian." I told him menacingly, starring into his green eyes. His happy go lucky attitude that he usually had was gone, and he maintained a blank composure that would make any guardian proud. "I dated you Adrian, I know you and I know when you're lying. So just be honest and tell me why the hell you were in my room." I ordered, stopping a few feet away from him. I didn't want Eddie to have to jump in and restrain me like he had earlier, I just wanted to intimidate Adrian a bit.

"Why would I be in your room, Rose?" He asked, still keeping the clueless charade going. I felt like I was going to snap at any second if he kept playing dumb. I just wanted for him to admit that he was in my room, give me my book back, and possibly strangle him.

"You know why. I warned you earlier what would happened if you continued to stick your nose where it didn't belong. So I'm tell you now, give me back what you stole from me." I roared, running out of the little patience that I had. I could see Lissa and Christian wincing slightly at the level of my voice, but I was too focused on Adrian to care. He was currently the object of my rage.

"Rose, listen -" Christian began but I held up my hand before cutting him off. I didn't want to hear whatever lame joke or snarky comment he was going to say to defend Adrian. I just wanted my book back, and I wanted to leave and never speak to Adrian again.

"No, you listen. This is between me and Adrian, no one else." I snapped, knowing that I was probably just provoking Christian to join into this argument, he always liked doing what I told him not to. "And I promise that no harm will come to him, so long as I get back what's mine in the next sixty seconds. If I don't get what I want by then, that I promise heads will fucking roll." I yelled, and I think he realized that I was just the right combination of insane, furious and strong to inflict a lot of harm to Adrian, regardless if he was a royal moroi or not.

"Give her the book." Lissa commanded just as Christian was getting ready to say something. All eyes in the room went to her, and I felt my eyes narrowing as she walked over to where Adrian and Christian were now standing. The three of them did it, I realized, it wasn't just Adrian who had broken into my room, but Christian and Lissa had too. My fury had just gone from raging to uncontrollable, and I knew that if I didn't get my book and leave in the next few minutes then I really would inflict bodily harm on my friends. I felt absolutely betrayed right now. I may have been keeping secrets, but I had a reason too, these fools didn't have a reason. When I watched Eddie nod his head and leave the room discreetly I felt although I had been punched in the stomach. Of course, Eddie had been in on it too, how else would they have been able to get into my room without him. That was just the cherry on top of all of this, I mean I was close to all of my friends, but he and I had been through so much together, I never expected him to do this to me. I never expected it from any of them, I had been completely blindsided.

When Eddie returned to the main room, he handed me the thick book wordlessly, and I snatched it from his hands. I carefully inspected it, making sure they hadn't torn any pages out or caused any damage to the book. It was after all the only thing that Kai and I had to help us understand everything that happened with us. It was the only guide that we had to navigate through this messed up situation, and without it we would be completely lost and hopeless. I couldn't believe that they had stolen our life line like that.

I then gave the book to Kai and turned away from my friends silently, wanting to get as far away from them as possible and keep it that way for a long time. Kai began following as we made our way towards the front door, but I heard muffled whispers and someone padding across the floor to catch up to me. I spun around on my heel sharply as Lissa reached out to touch my shoulder, jerking out of her grasp.

"Stay the hell away from me." I snarled, the venom in my voice making her take a step back. The rest of the crowd had moved closer to see what was going on, and possibly defend Lissa if I decided to attack. I could see the unease on everyone's faces, and I was glad to see it, they should keep their guards up around me from now on. I am not an enemy they want to have, not that I would ever do anything too revengeful towards them. I knew that I was fuelled by anger right now making me crazy enough to do anything, but once I simmered down then I would know that hurting them was wrong, and instead just resort to silent treatment. But right now, they better be on their toes.

"Rose! Don't be like this, we're sorry but it's just some stupid book!" She tried to reason, and I starred at her in disbelief, I could feel Kai bristle at her comment. To her it was maybe just some stupid, old book. But to us? It was the only thing that kept us sane throughout this thing we were going through.

"Maybe to you! But to us, it's much more than that!" I yelled, frustrated that I had been put in this situation. Why couldn't my friends just not care, and take no interest in my life? I would've preferred that over overprotective, over barring friends right now. I knew they meant well, but they didn't understand how complicated they were making my life, and I couldn't even tell them why!

"What is it then?" Christian asked, genuine curiosity coloured his tone. It was different then his usual snark, but I still knew that I couldn't trust him, no matter how much I actually wanted too. I felt Kai nudge my shoulder, as a reminder to stay strong and that I was my call, he had told me that this morning. Jesus, that had felt like a lifetime ago.

"Like I would tell you now!" I snapped, knowing that I probably wouldn't have told him before. I was protecting them, I reminded myself, this was all to protect them.

"More secrets?" Adrian asked, sarcasm clear in his voice, and a sneer on his face. And that is when I lost it, when my patience finally came to it's end, and my vision tinged itself if red. I launched myself at Adrian, pushing past both Christian and Lissa, and moving too quickly for any of the dhampirs in the room to react. I slammed my fist into Adrian's face, and it connected with his ski slope nose, making a loud cracking noise as blood spurted everywhere. I managed to land a few more blows to his face, before I was dragged off of him, and pulled to the other side of the room. Everything had turned hysterical afterwards, and Lissa hurried to heal Adrian with tears in her eyes. Christian had watched for a minute, before turning towards me and began swearing and yelling. Eddie was trying to calm Christian down, as he produced fireballs in each of his palms, obviously wanting to seer me. Dimitri had been the one to grab me and pull me across the room, and he was still holding me back and I thrashed against him, almost breaking free. Which left Kai in the centre of all the madness, I watched as he observed the scene and made his way over to me, just like he always would. Because to him, I came first.

"Let her go." He told Dimitri, in a calm voice. I continued to struggle slightly, the anger still fuming inside of me, and I watched as Kai nodded his head at Dimitri. I didn't expect him to actually let me go, but when I felt him release me arms I tried to leap right back into action. Of course, my freedom was short lived because soon after Dimitri let me go, Kai grabbed a hold of my shoulders and bent down so that we were looking each other in the eyes. I felt something seize my muscles quickly, making me go rigid before relaxing and suddenly I didn't have the urge to beat the crap out of anyone anymore. I suddenly had a very mellow and calm attitude, like all of the rage I had felt moments ago just evaporated.

"What did you just do?" Dimitri asked, instantly recognizing the change in my attitude, and he wasn't the only one. Eddie had convinced Christian to calm down enough to stop yelling and put out of the fire, and we now had their attention, we had also gained Lissa's attention as she helped a dazed looking Adrian stand up. Kai just looked down at me, and I knew what he was trying to tell me, he was letting me know that we should tell him. Despite our earlier talk about keeping it a secret, he was now realizing that hiding it was doing more damage than good. Besides, there were still other ways to protect them from the madness in our lives.

"Are you sure?" I whispered, looking into his cobalt eyes. They were filled with unease and worry, yet he still gave me an encouraging smile followed by a nod.

"It's not like Europe. I promise, we can protect them." He assured, before reaching out and smoothing a lock of my hair. I knew that he meant what he said, that we would protect them no matter what, we wouldn't let him cause anymore death or destruction. We won't bury anymore of our friend's bodies.

"Does someone want to tell us what the hell is going on?" Christian finally asked, deciding to go for the blunt approach. Usually, I would appreciate his tactic, going straight for the main point and skipping all the bullshit. But at that exact moment? It just made me squirm.

I put my head in my hands and really took a minute to think about what I was going to do. Did I really want this? Because once I spilled the secret, there was no going back, and they would be stuck in this mess right along with me and Kai.

"Please. We just want to understand." Lissa begged, and I lifted my head to look at her. I was still royally pissed off at her, but I knew that her intentions were pure. She was just curious and wanted to know what was going on with her best friend, and if I was being honest then I would probably be just as if not more, curious if I were in her position.

"Okay." I sighed in defeat, sinking down onto her elegant couch, my eyes darting around the room. I didn't see anything suspicious but call me paranoid, I just wanted to double check, and I knew that Kai was doing the exact same thing. We couldn't take risks, not with this. The rest of my friends gingerly took seats around me, but kept their distance, except for Kai who sat right next to me and grabbed my hand for support.

"Paranoid much, Rose?" Christian teased, once he realized I was surveying the room yet again. "You look like someone's going to jump out of the shadows at any moment." He laughed, and I just gave him a blank stare. That's exactly what I was afraid of, something lurking in the shadows. Once Christian realized this, his smirk smile slipped off his face, and his eyes began darting around too.

"It was around a year and a half ago." I whispered, not trusting my voice as I spoke. I starred into the earnest eyes of my friends, knowing that I had to. "Kai and I were in Paris at the time when we discovered a Strigoi hideout. It was an abandoned factory outside of the city and as soon as we found it we alerted the guardians." I explained, and Kai gave my hand a gentle squeeze to encourage me, I just gave him a weak smile. "The guardians had given the okay for the mission, something that wasn't exactly authorized by the head of the European council. But we all decided that it was too good of an opportunity to pass up." I grinned in spite of myself, amazed that we had been allowed to go on that mission without knowing all of the logistics.

"We had come out successful, hardly losing any guardians while killing dozens of Strigoi." My friends were all starring up at us and awe, and I just wished that the story continued like that, but instead it went downhill. "We had volunteered to wait for the Alchemist's to show up, they were supposed to be there just after dark and we figured we were in the clear. We split up when we decided to explore the factory some more, it was so huge and we had killed all of the Strigoi." I shook my head, wishing that we had been more careful back then. If we had been then we would've saved ourselves and everyone else a lot of grief. "But we were wrong. It turns out that not all of the Strigoi were in the factory when we attacked, and some were meeting up there after nightfall." My friends all starred at us with wide eyes, taking a lot of interest in this story, but who wouldn't?

"I was on the top platform when a few of the Strigoi attacked, and Kai was several platforms below fighting his own group. They had ambushed us, and we had no backup. I fought and killed a few Strigoi, but I went to stab one and missed. I plunged my stake into his stomach instead of his heard, and I was too focused on his to notice the others sneaking up behind me." I sighed, wishing that I had been more observant, but it was useless to wish that now. "They had me pinned to the ground in seconds, but they didn't go for the direct kill like I thought. Instead they decided that they would show me what it's like to be stabbed with a stake." I clutched my stomach, remembering the searing pain that I felt when the stake was driven through my stomach. I pulled my hand back, half expecting it to be covered in blood.

"Luckily, Kai had managed to fight off his own group, and began to pick off my group. He received numerous hits and it was a wonder that he was still able to fight, but he did it and killed off all the Strigoi." I beamed, proud that Kai had been that strong and still tried to save me after we knew it was futile. "It turned out that Kai had received a skull crushing blow while fighting the last Strigoi, and internal bleeding from previous fights. He ended up collapsing next to me." I told them solemnly, remembering the pain and terror I was feeling when it happened. Everything had been disorienting and agonizing as I laid on the metal platform, waiting as the life slowly bled out from me.

"What happened after that?" Lissa asked cautiously, obviously expecting someone to magically swoop in and save me and Kai from our perils. I wished that it had ended like that, but sadly we weren't that lucky.

"After that we died." I told her gravely.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Wow. Thank you to every person who reviewed, the feedback from the last post was crazy. You guys are awesome, keep it up!

Chapter Review: Rose and Kai finally began to reveal their secret, and we learn that they died.

Disclaimer: Don't own..like at all. Richelle Mead owns it all.

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><p>The room was dead silent - no pun intended - and I swore that I could hear the sounds of everyone's nervous hearts beating. It was a hard pill to swallow, and it was pretty unbelievable, but it had happened, I remembered it clearly. I could feel the blood seeping through my fingers, as I weakly tried to put pressure on the wound. Kai had fallen next to me, sprawled out onto the metal grating, his chest rising and falling in a weak, uneven rhythm. I remembered trying to call out to Kai, my voice scratchy and small, telling him to get up but his eyes had already rolled to the back of his head. And the world began to slowly fade, my vision spinning around, and all I could think of was the reality of actually circling the drain.<p>

"You died." Christian confirmed, still unable to wrap his mind around the concept. It was hard to understand the first time, when I had died in the car accident that killed Lissa's family, but she had brought me back to life. I nodded my head, knowing what he was about to ask next.

"How did you come back this time? How are you alive right now." Christian asked, his voice remaining calm and level, although I knew he was freaking out inside. I was thankful for him keeping a level head though, sometimes he was the only one in the group who could manage that. Like now, when everyone else continued to gape at me and Kai with their mouths hanging open.

"At first we had no clue. We just woke up on the same platform, and our injuries had been healed, without even a scar. It was miraculous and we began to question if that had actually happened, but the bodies of Strigoi that we had just killed were there. It had happened." I told them, their eyes swimming with questions that I wasn't sure I knew how to answer, I just hoped that my story would reveal whatever they wanted to know. "We both decided it was better not to ask questions, and instead just be thankful for another chance at life. So we rarely spoke of what happened, and continued living, not nothing anything at first. But it slowly crept up on us, like what happened between me and Lissa, when the bond first began to form." I told them, and I watched Lissa light us as the pieces clicked together, her blonde brows raised in shock.

"You're bonded." She stated simply, I exchanged a look with Kai, knowing that there was no going back now. I turned back to Lissa and nodded my head once, knowing that was enough confirmation for her. She looked like she wanted to ask a million questions - they all did - but stayed silent so that they could hear the story.

"But the bond that was created between us wasn't just one way, it worked both way. Kai and I were soon able to read each other's thoughts, feeling each other's emotions. We've even been pulled into each other's heads on occasion, and have experienced shadow kissed side effects.

"We didn't notice anything different at first, but slowly like what happened between me and Lissa, the bond began to form. But instead of it just being one way, well it worked both ways. Kai and I can read each other's thoughts, feel each other's emotions. We've even been pulled into each other's heads on occasion, it seems like we're both shadow kissed." I explained, knowing all too well what came along with being shadow kissed. The spirits and ghosts, the Strigoi nausea, even the darkness.

"But how is that possible? I mean two dhampirs cannot bond together, they need a Spirit wielding moroi to do that." Lissa asked, clearly baffled by our bond. I knew that she was probably coming up with a million explanations why this was happening, but Kai and I only had one theory.

"We don't know, our only guess is that since we have both been bonded previously, that it contributed to our bond now." I shrugged like it was the simplest thing in the world, instead it was actually very complex and complicated. Hell, that theory took hours and hours to come up with.

"Wait." Christian said, turning his attention to Kai. "You were previously bonded to someone else too?" He asked, and I felt Kai tense at the question. It was a sore topic for him and filled him with remorse whenever he spoke about it.

"Yes. I was shadow kissed before, but my bond had been severed a month before the Paris incident." He explained, and I leaned myself in close to him as he wrapped her arms around my shoulder and pulled me in. We both knew what the next question was.

"How was your bond severed?" Lissa asked quietly, knowing what it was like to lose a bond mate. Although she didn't feel the loss at the same intensity and degree that we did, she still did feel like apart of her was missing.

"There had been an accident, where I was hurt badly. I ended up falling back into the shadows and my bond mate wasn't there to bring me back, but I didn't need her too." He explained. "I healed the old fashion way, and the bond had been broken when I brought myself back from the shadows. I didn't need the bond to tie me to the world of the living. I didn't Bridget to keep me there." He choked slightly when he said her name, and I held him tightly like I thought he might break apart at any moment.

"What happened to your bond mate - to Bridget?" Lissa asked cautiously, obviously sensing that Kai cared deeply about her. It was clear to anyone whenever he spoke about her, and if you loved someone that much, he wouldn't leave them behind freely.

"She was murdered, which brings us back to the story." He told her bluntly, and I could feel Lissa's shock and sympathy, it was practically tangible. I quickly resumed the story, before anyone could ask anymore questions about Kai and Bridget's relationship.

"Our bond holds a lot of power, it is Spirit induced after all, so you can only imagine the abilities that we posses. All the power that we have yet to discover, but none of that can be taken lightly. We have to protect the bond and ourselves." I told them, knowing that it was a strange concept for a dhampir to put something above moroi. Not that my friends were like that, always wanting the attention because they were moroi royals, but others around court did.

"What kind of abilities?" Adrian asked, speaking for the first time since I attacked him. I was still furious with him, but I was calm enough to answer his question civilly.

"We can't wield any type of elemental magic, or anything like that. But we can do other things through the bond." I told them, giving them a vague response and prayed they would take that. But I knew they wouldn't settle for anything that wasn't the full truth.

"Really narrows that down for us, Rose." Christian smirked and I just rolled my eyes, resisting the urge to hit him. How was it that he could make snappy comments during a time like this? I knew the answer, because if situations were reversed I would probably be doing the same things. It was just apart of out nature to make sarcastic comments during inappropriate times.

"We can use compulsion on each other - but without any of the restrictions you face." I grimaced and they starred at me with blank faces, making me wonder if they had heard me at all.

"Are you… are you sure?" Lissa asked while I sighed and nodded. I knew that I was going to have to prove this to them, there was no other way to explain without showing them. I turned to face Kai and starred into his eyes, watching as his muscles tensed and his spin straightened for a minute, before his face turned all dreamy and he stood up.

"Where is he going?" Eddie asked, while all of my friends scrambled to keep up with Kai who was heading towards the kitchen. I followed slowly behind, knowing that as long as I was controlling him, I could take my I walked into the kitchen, Kai was rifling through one of the drawers until he pulled out a steak knife. Lissa, of course began freaking out as Kai suddenly lifted the knife, and brought it down to his palm. He quickly sliced through the meatiest part, and blood began seeping from the gash, as he dropped the knife and went limp. He quickly regained his composure, and turned to grimace at me.

"Jesus Rose. Not so deep next time." He groaned, as Lissa placed her hand on his and began working her magic. The rest of my friends stood there shell shocked, I was surprised that they hadn't gone comatose from all of the shockers that we were laying on them right now.

"You did that?" Christian gasped, as he picked up the bloody knife from the floor and inspected it, but I didn't know what he thought that he would find. It was an odd scenario, so I understood his curiosity.

"That's incredible, I wonder if -" Adrian began, starring at us like we were science projects that had been entered into the state fair.

"The bond is dangerous and not to be duplicated." I snarled, my eyes searching the room for any threats. Everyone looked a little taken back by my attitude, and Kai just rested his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to calm me down. I felt a little guilty for ripping Adrian's head off moments ago, but I couldn't help it. I knew that he along with everyone else, was just curious about this miracle in front of them. I mean a bond between dhampirs? Impossible. Yet, it happened and the possibilities that came with it were endless. I looked at the faces of each of my friends, knowing that they didn't have any sinister motives behind their questions. They just wanted to understand. They just wanted to help. I sighed.

"What she means, is that the bond that forged between us is dangerous. It's part of the reason we decided to keep it a secret from you. It was to protect you from the complications that come attached to the bond." Kai told them, in a much nicer then I would've. The frustration was beginning to gnaw on my last nerves, and I didn't know how long I could keep talking about this. It was exhausting to think about, much less explain. Besides, this day had dragged on way longer then it should've.

"What type of complications." Dimitri asked, his honey like voice breaking through my inner musings. This was the first time he had spoken since I woke up, and I was surprised that he had still hung around through this whole ordeal, I had expected him to bail soon after I attacked Adrian. But he had stayed, and observed everything silently, absorbing all of the information.

"We don't know who did this to us, or why they did it. All we know is they want to harness the power we possess, and they will go to any length to acquire it." I spoke loudly, my voice remaining monotone, but I didn't break eye contact with him as I spoke. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his beautiful dark ones.

"How far are we talking?" Eddie asked, snapping into his protective guardian role. He had a determined set to his jaw, and I knew without a doubt that he would protect me if needed. He had the look in his eyes that told me he would die for me if he had to, what he didn't know was that standing by me, dying was a very real possibility.

"Capture. Torture. Slaughter." I told him, and watch my friend's faces pale. "Far enough for you?" I asked. Thinking about the pain he inflicted on our friends, on all the innocent people who loved us, on anyone who stood against him.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Hey guys! First off thankyou for all the feedback! It's been incredible and such a boost, I canno believe I've surpassed the 100 mark! So please keep that up! Second, thanks for understanding about not posting the last couple of days, it's a relief to know I wont be hated for missing a few days. Alright, so this chapter was really hard for me to write actually! I didn't have writters block, but I had a hard time making it all flow together..you know? So if it seems a bit choppy, I apologize. Let me know what you think, what I could improve on ect!

Chapter Review: Kai and Rose are telling the gang what happened, an about all the murders in Europe.

Disclaimer: If you cannot tell already, I do not own VA. I wish I did but it belongs to Richelle Mead.

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><p>"What are you talking about?" Exclaimed Lissa, her voice rising an octave or two as she spoke. She was clearly confused and afraid of what I just told her, and my heart went out to her, this was a lot to handle and if I was being honest, I wasn't doing a very good job at explaining it.<p>

I had a feeling that if I were still bonded to Lissa her thoughts would be clear and alarmed: Impossible. Unfathomable. Unbelievable. And I'm pretty sure they would be playing on a loop.

"It would seem that whoever forged the bond between me and Kai, feels that he has a right to the bond and all the power that comes with it." I told them, my tone dripping in disgust. "He thinks that we belong to him, and when we refused to be his lab rats, he began attacking anyone that we've ever cared about." I told them, before hastily adding "In Europe. Anyone we care about in Europe." I didn't want to scare them further, but I also didn't want them to assume I didn't care about them. Not that getting attacked because I cared about you was a good thing.

"He was trying to scare us, to coax us into trading ourselves over to him. When we still refused, he began torturing the people we cared about. It seemed like anyone we've ever met was being taken and murdered in the most horrific and inhumane ways possible." Kai added bitterly, obviously thinking about the gruesome ways that our friends were murdered - that everyone in his life were taken from him. He strength was unbelievable and admirable. I don't know if I would have the strength and bravery to continue living if practically everyone in my life was gone. When you're a guardian your life is about protecting people, about putting others lives before your own. So when your forced to watch everyone around you die, knowing there was nothing you could do to protect them, you take it pretty hard to say the least. I knew for a fact that Kai beat himself up about it constantly, regretting the decisions that we made. He wished that he could've prevented their involvement, wished he could of prevented our death on the platform, wished he could've been strong enough to turn himself in when the threats began. His thoughts were swarming with wishes, and "what if's" were poisoning his thoughts.

"Wait, you're trying to tell us that whoever did this to you. Whoever _saved_ you and brought you back from the dead, has gone on a crazy killing rampage?" Murdering all of your friends, family and anyone else you cared about." Christian clarified in his usual blunt tone, making everyone else in the room wince at his words, except for me and Kai. We had long since grown immune to the brutality, it still effected us deeply everyday and plague our thoughts, but we managed to hide our grief and avoid mental breakdowns whenever someone mentioned the deaths in Europe.

"I wouldn't consider what he did "saving" us." I gave them a mocking smile, remembering back to how blessed I thought I was when I first woke up, completely healed and alive. I had been so thankful for another chance at life, but that quickly changed when all the secrets of our bond began to unravel, and the body count began rising.

"What are you saying? That you wish you weren't alive right now, that you had never been brought back." Lissa asked in an alarmed tone, obviously horrified at my train of thought. She couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to be alive, and not seeing all the beauty the world held. Of course, the world was pure through her eyes, for people like me it was tainted.

"I'm glad that I'm alive. But no, I wish that I had never been brought back." I told her solemnly, knowing that I probably sounded suicidal right now. "It would've been easier if I had stayed dead in Paris, a lot of people's lives would've been spared. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and am thankful for all of the chances I've had to live it, but if I had a choice in the matter? Then I would've stayed dead in Paris." I told them, because it was the absolute truth.

"The same goes for me. This life that we've been granted has been filled with pain and misery. It's been spent running and fighting, and losing the people that I love. That's no way to live." Kai chimed in. It was strange - we both are thankful for the life that we have to live, but given the chance we both would die… it just seemed ironic.

Lissa looked like she was ready to jump in and say something, probably something along the lines of cherishing every moment, and counting our blessings. And in theory that was a great thing to do - what everyone should do - but when the last year of your life has been spent in agony, its kind of hard to do. So luckily Christian spoke before she could lay on her "the world is beautiful" rant that I knew was coming.

"Okay, suicidal feelings aside, what about this mysterious guy that you keep talking about?" He asked, while everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Kai and I just looked at each other, a million things passing between us in one glance. Neither of us knew how much information we should share with my friends about the enemy that we have. Mainly, because if they knew then they would be at an even further risk - hell, knowing about the bond period, was a huge risk - and may result in their deaths. But on top of that we didn't want to burden them with out troubles, this was our problem, and we both shared the same belief about fixing your own problems.

"Oh come on, you seriously are not going to tell us? After all of that." Adrian grumbled and I shot him a glare, and I was sure that if looks could kill, then Adrian would be 6feet under already.

"Come on Rose, you can trust us." Eddie tried to reason, edging his way closer to Adrian in case I decided to go all primal and maul him again. "We just want to know who this sick bastard is." He continued while my friends murmured their agreements.

"You want to know? Well so do I!" I hissed, as I rubbed my temples. It has been a long night, and all I wanted to do was go back to my room, I didn't want to continue reliving the past. It was traumatic and horrific, I didn't want to dwell on it anymore than I already did.

"You don't know who it is?" Dimitri asked, he was in guardian mode so his tone and expression gave away nothing, but I thought I saw worry flash in his eyes as he spoke. I just shrugged my shoulders, attempting to seem casual about it. Like have a murderous psychopath stalking me was an everyday thing, and never figuring out who it was typical.

"Then how do you know all this? How do you know what he wants, and that he murdered all those people? How do you know it's the bond that he is after?" Adrian asked, clearly not believing that Kai and I figured out his demands without knowing him. The process of how we figured it out is long and twisted, and I honestly didn't want to go into that much detail. It was a dark time in my life when I was trying to adjust to so many new things, and explaining what I was feeling and going through just didn't sound pleasant.

"It's complicated, but the best way I can think of describing it, is to compare it to what Victor did to Lissa." My eyes met her jade ones, and I knew that she understood everything perfectly now. Because she had been in the same situation once, when Victor was after her powers and tortured her and others to get his way. Granted, most of the others were animals, but it still shook Lissa up, and was a huge impact on everyone's lives.

"And how is it anything like that?" Asked Christian sceptically, as he wrapped a reassuring arm around Lissa. She and I still held eye contact, obviously thinking back to the terror and fear that she had felt - resulting in me feeling it too from the bond - when Victor preyed on her. The little colour that she had in her face began to drain away, and she took a shaky step towards me.

"Victor first began by stalking Lissa and making her paranoid, until we went on the run." I began explaining, reliving all of the experiences from years ago, yet they still seemed fresh. "After we had been brought back, he began planting dead or dying animals where she would find them, along with threatening messages. Then he finally got me out of the way" I snuck a glance at Dimitri at that last part, thinking back to the lust charm.

It was still a predominate memory, and one that I often thought about it, and I wondered if he too thought about it. It had been the first time that we had truly let our guards down in front of one another, and stopped pretending that the attraction that we both felt so strongly, wasn't there. So, when I looked over and saw him looking at me too, I felt a spark of hope rise within me. But I quickly squashed it, and continued my explanation. "After I was distracted, he took Christian out of the equation and captured Lissa. He tortured her until she gave him what he wanted." I recapped, knowing that's where the similarities in our story ended. Because unlike Lissa we didn't give him what he wanted, but like Victor, whoever was stalking us also didn't have limits. We truly figured that out right before we left for the United States - when he killed Bridget. Images from her gruesome murder began to flash in my mind, making the bile rise in my throat. Her death was by fair the worst and most painful, what makes it even worse was that she was supposed to come with us to the states. We had everything planned out when he took her, and kept her captive before drawing her death out slowly. No one deserves to die how she did, especially not someone as filled with life as Bridget was. She reminded me a lot of Lissa - bright, compassionate and understanding. She was the type of person that got along with everyone, and who did their best to make the world a better place. She was magnificent and it truly felt like the world darkened a little when she died. I knew that some of my thoughts were being mixed in with Kai's as he too thought about how beautiful and incredible she was. It was heart breaking to know that he would never get her back, and never be able to hold her once again. At least Dimitri is still alive, and I get the chance to see that he is alive and well, Kai will never get to have that again.

"So, what happens now?" Eddie asked, clearly confused at where that left us. I knew that everyone was buzzing with questions that they wanted answers too, but I couldn't feel like I could give them the answers they desired. I was tired and wanted to let myself fall into a coma at this point. So instead of wasting hours away going over pointless (or actually really relevant) details from the past, I'd rather go back to my room and snuggle underneath my covers praying for a dreamless sleep.

"Now, we go back to our rooms and go to sleep." I stood and stretched, a yawn punctuating my words, Kai followed in suit as my friends starred at us like we grew three heads. I gave them a puzzled look, but didn't bother asking questions, as I made my way to the door.

"That's it? You're just going to go to bed now? After everything you've just told us." Lissa asked in disbelief, taking wary steps towards me, worry written all over her face. I gave her a sympathetic look and walked over to her, pulling her in for a tight hug before whispering in her ear.

"It may be a shock to you right now, but you have to remember that I've lived with it for a year now. Of course I am going to bed now." I told her softly, a serene smile on my face. Laced my fingers with hers and gave them a squeeze, unsure of what else I could do to comfort her. It was comical that when my life was on the line, I was still trying to reassure others and make sure that they were alright.

"But should you really be walking outside alone? I mean…"Eddie trailed off, looking slightly embarrassed as he spoke. I just raised my eyebrows at him, and a smirk on my face. I loved that Eddie was so protective - we had a brother/sister type bond that had been built on years of friendships and traumatic events - but I did not like that he was being so overprotective right

now.

"I'm pretty sure that we can handle ourselves out there Eddie. We are two of the most lethal guardians at court right now." I grinned, and watched as a blush crept onto his tan cheeks. "But if we need backup, I'll let you know. Oh, and don't think any of this means that our training schedule for our mission will be moved. We continue as planned." I told him and glanced briefly at Dimitri who nodded. I wanted to appear although I was strong and none of this effected me - it's how I had to come off, I couldn't let anyone else see differently. I had to be strong if not for myself, than for everyone else.

"Are you sure Rose?" Lissa asked, her voice held a nervous edge to it, and I just gave her a soothing smile. I may have been a mess on the inside, but at least I could fake it on the outside.

"Of course Lissa. I can't be afraid and put my life on hold because of this, I have to continue living." I explained it her. This was where I was conflicted. I had previously told her that I wished I hadn't lived in Paris, but now I was telling her that I needed to live my life. I was going back and forth between appreciating this life and wishing it away. I needed to make up my god damn mind.

Lissa Point Of View

I closed the door quietly behind Rose and Kai, sighing as I leaned my back against it. That had been mind blowing to say the least, and I had a thousand questions popping into my brain, as I thought over everything that Kai and Rose had just said. A bond between dhampirs. That was…insane. That was the only word that I could think to describe it. But it had happened, and it explained a lot of the weirdness that I had been sensing lately. The weird shadows in their auras, they way that they always knew where the other was, the strange way that Kai calmed Rose down earlier. What it didn't explain was why that book was so important, and what happened with all the murders in Europe. Rose had been very vague about all of that, skimming over the details and just telling us the main points. I knew that I had to figure all of the details out, but I would do it later when things had time to settle.

I didn't know how to react to any of the news that she had told us, and I could tell by my friends faces that they didn't know what to do either. Everyone mirrored the same disbelieving expression - even Dimitri who normally remained stoic and impassive, had dropped his mask and looked stunned. I couldn't imagine what it must've been like back in Europe. Rose had compared it to what Victor Dashkov had done to me years ago, so I knew that it must've been terrifying. Not knowing what was going on, or why this was happening to you. Feeling unsure about yourself and everything around you. It gave me a twisted feeling in the pit of my stomach. I nearly jumped when I felt someone brush my hair from my eyes, until I realized that Christian was pulling me close to his chest. I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed him approaching.

I let him hold me as I pondered the question that was currently controlling my thoughts. What do we do now? I was positive that I wasn't the only one thinking along those lines. I would've preferred Rose to stay longer and talk about that - about what happens next - or at least have her spend the night. It would've made me feel safer, knowing that she was alive and well, but she said she needed to go back to her room. She said that she wasn't going to put her life on hold because of this. I found it odd that she chose those words, after saying that she wished she hadn't been resurrected again. It seemed like she couldn't decided between being thankful for another chance at life, or dreading it. The mind of Rose Hathaway was a complex and confusing one for sure.

"I would feel more comfortable if everyone stayed here tonight." I whispered to Christian, feeling his arms tightening around me. I didn't want everyone to stay for my own protection, but for theirs. I figured we had better odds if we all stayed close than if we just went our separate ways. Dimitri and Eddie nodded their agreement, and it was obvious that they would've stayed whether I asked our not. As my guardians they wanted to stick as close to me as possible if their was a possible threat. I knew Christian would also stay regardless, so the only person left was Adrian.

"As much fun as a slumber party sounds, I think I'm going to have to pass." Adrian smirked, before standing and slowly making his way over to the door where I was standing. I had the immediate urge to block it, not wanting him to leave and go off alone. The only reason I had let Rose go was because she was with Kai, and because forcing Rose to do anything was a pointless endeavour, she would always do what she wants to. Adrian on the other hand, could be convinced to stay.

"Adrian, please." I whispered once he was close enough, his sarcastic grin morphed into a sympathetic smile as he looked down at me, his emerald eyes softening as he spoke.

"I'll be fine cousin." He assured, using the nickname that royals occasionally used with one another. "Besides, you've got a whole team here. You don't need anyone else interfering, and I need some time to compile my thought." He told me, and I had a gut feeling that meant he was going to get wasted. It was a good assumption, he always drank away his stress or Spirit problems, so getting hit with a bunch of new Spirit abilities was probably throwing him off. I really didn't want to let him go, especially if he was going to get drunk, but I had no choice. I backed away from the door and let him walk past, giving everyone a farewell gesture as he stepped out the door.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Hey ya'll! Ok, so this is just a very short chapter. It's one of the posts that doesn't have much action, but are required to bring everything back on track for a moment, before I totally throw the characters into chaos again. SO! I decided to try my hand at posting in Adrian's point of view, because he isn't in the immediate main character grouping, and I thought it would be cool to gain a third party perspective. Tell me what you think! Did I capture Adrian's essence? Or was I completely off, and should never do an Adrian POV again? Let me know!

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You guys are awesome, and your thoughts and comments are really appreciated!

Disclaimer: Do not own VA...like at all!

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><p>Adrian's Point Of View<p>

My mind was swirling and spinning, teetering on the edge of insanity as always. I couldn't stand to be in that room any longer, everyone's auras were beginning to get to me, and I was afraid they might nudge me closer to the brink of insanity. I was already so close as it is, and I couldn't stand around while the darkness from the auras radiated around me. It was hard to believe that even Belikov and Castile were nervous during this ordeal. I knew they both cared about Rose - whether Belikov wants to admit it or not - and were worried about her safety. They were probably worried about everyone's safety at this point, if what Rose had just told us was true, and there was some crazy Spirit user after her and willing to use her friends as bait, then we had all become easy pickings. I walked along the Court's ground, shivering as the cool March wind whistled around me, unsure of what to do next. I had always made it clear that I would do whatever it took to help Rose out - the stupider the better - I would do anything for that girl. We may not be dating, and her heart may belong to someone else, but I was sadly still deluding myself by loving her and would do anything for her.

I knew that no matter how pure my love for her was, or how much I had changed and reformed myself, or how hard I tried to fight for what was right, that I would never be the guy for Rose Hathaway. She would never see me as a man worthy of loving - in her eyes I would never be more that a reckless party boy. I am someone that the old Rose Hathaway would've loved - the one from before she ran away from -but she wasn't that girl anymore.

And she never would be again. What makes this complicated love triangle worse, was that both Rose and Belikov can't even admit their love to one another. It's maddening that they just curtsey around, pretending that they don't want to rip each other's clothes off. Although I cannot say that's totally a bad thing. But if I can't be with her then someone else deserves to be, but instead Belikov is still stuck in his archaic pledge to Lissa, and still held back by his guilt and grief that he needs to get over. And Rose? Well, her heart could belong to another right now - I was speculating it was Kai Peters - but none of that mattered in the grand scheme, because there would always be a spot reserved for her cradle robbing 's exactly what happened to Mason Ashford before his untimely death. At the time Rose claimed her heart belonged to Ashford, but there was still a small piece that belonged to Belikov, and soon that piece took over her entire heart. It happened without her even realizing, like a cancer spreading. How do I know so well? Because it's the same thing that happened to me while I was with her, I just don't know how I stayed ignorant for so long. I guess I always knew, I was just in denial as I deluded myself in what I wanted our relationship to be.

I collapsed onto a vacant park bench, letting my shoulders slump and my head fall into my hands, while the weak sunlight danced along the grass. God, this was way too much to handle right now, all of the new revelations and reliving the Rose drama. It was too overwhelming and I found myself craving a cigarette, but soon pushed the thought out of my mind. I didn't want to let it linger, knowing I would be tempted to listen to it. It was hard fighting this addiction, especially with Spirit's side effects, but I was going to do it regardless. If not for Rose - then for myself. That reminded me of the conversation that I had with Rose before she left for Europe. When she told me that she was leaving and my only words were "I need a smoke". When she first told me, she was being sympathetic and put me down easy, but as soon as I said that she snapped back into her typical Rose attitude. She quickly went off like a firecracker, giving me a lecture about doing things for myself instead of others. At the time I just snorted, hearing what she was saying but not completely understanding. Back then I was doing all of that for her benefit - and I guess I still sort of am. I gave up smoking completely, and all of the womanizing but I still struggled with the drinking. I wanted to let it all go but like I said, it was an addiction that was hard to break, because without it? I feared I may go insane.

So what was better? An addiction that consumed your life, or insanity that took your life? I didn't know. The only thing I knew for sure was that there was no balance, and that there was no way to win.

I sighed, and leaned my head back to look at the murky sky. I found myself regretting leaving Lissa's, although the auras and negativity was getting to me, I really didn't want to be along right now. I didn't trust myself to be alone, because although my body was craving a drink or a smoke I knew that I shouldn't have one, and if I was surrounded with people I wouldn't have one. But alone? I could go crazy…literally or figuratively.

So I did something I tried to prohibit over the years, I leaned back and shut my eyes, allowing myself to wander until I felt her. Once I sensed she was there, sound asleep I extended myself towards her, and grabbed hold of her subconscious.

The world transformed to the snowy wonderland of the ski resort in Idaho, while the snow danced in the light wind, and the sky was painted light purples in pinks as the sun rose above the mountain peeks. I leaned against the railing of the doorway, and watched as she looked around at the setting, wearing the exact same clothes as she had when we first met here. She even had the black eye, because when she turned around I could see the slight bruising, but it didn't mare her beauty at all.

"Why did I have a feeling that you would pull me into one of these tonight?" She asked with a coy smile, as she took a step towards me, her boot crunching in the snow that blanketed the walkway. I just shrugged my shoulders and studied her beauty, needing to see her and speak to her again.


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Hey everyone! Sorry for not updating lately, it's still been really busy lately. But I am free for most of the day, which means that you ill be receiving multiple posts! Some will be slower paced, while others will be crazy action packed, so keep your eyes open!  
>Thankyou to everyone one who has reviewed! It's insane to see all of the reviews and it really pushes me to write, so thank you and keep it up! I love hearing what you thinkpredict and what you want to happen!

Chapter Review: Adrian and Rose are in a spirit dream

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own VA. It belongs to the talented Richelle Mead.

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><p>Adrian's Point Of View<p>

"Because you're just that smart." I smirked, feeling myself relax slowly as we picked up our playful banter. Although, she may not be _in love _with me, I knew she would always love me. It may not be exactly the type of love that I wanted from her, but it was going to have to be enough, because it was the only type I would ever receive from her. Over the years I tried to limit my Spirit induced, dream visits with her for multiple reasons. Because Rose hated it most of the time, because it took a lot of energy and produced a large quantity of darkness, and because I needed to distance myself from her. It was my attempt to get over her, but as you can obviously see now, it didn't exactly work.

"Or, because you're just that predictable." She giggled, creating puffs in the frosty air. My smile softened at the sound of her laughter, it was full of warmth and life just like her, and it was just so ridiculous that it made you want to laugh along too. But suddenly her laughter stopped, and she tilted her head slightly as her eyes narrowed. "Apparently not that predictable, seeing as I didn't even suspect you of stealing my book." All of the happiness and joking vanished from her tone, being replaced with a steely gaze and cool demeanour as she channelled her tough guardian face. I didn't find Rose intimidating in the least, I knew she was dangerous and after what happened earlier, I knew she had no qualms about hitting me. But I also knew that Rose was caring and could actually be tender, I had seen it a few fleeting times whenever she was with Lissa, or when she travelled the world to save Belikov. Rose was fierce - there was no question about that - but it was hard to be afraid of someone, who you've seen become sweet and gentle around those she loved. It kind of made the hard as nails act she was putting a little less intimidating.

"I guess I still have a few surprises left up my sleeve." I joked, resorting to my old standbys and falling back onto my devil may care attitude. I used to whenever the tension was thick or a confrontation was about to occur, it was my attempt to make the conversation light hearted again. I knew this type of could care less attitude pissed Rose off, but it also distracted her from tackling me to the ground and breaking my nose for the second time this evening.

"You're about to have another surprise coming you're way, if you're not careful." She hissed, and I forced and easygoing smile, despite the fact that I wanted to grimace. Always so violent.

"Technically, it wouldn't be a surprise since you just told me." I grinned at her, putting on a blasé' attitude. She just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as she continued to edge closer to me.

"Why did you do it Adrian? Why did you go searching for something I obviously didn't want found, and why did you steal from me? You know that because of what you did I had to tell everyone, which means that I just put everyone that I care about in danger." She asked, a desperate tone entered her voice as she spoke, and it made my eyes widen slightly. Rose Hathaway was a lot of things, by weak, pleading and desperate she was not. It caught me completely off guard and I found that my carefree attitude was slipping.

"I needed to know what was going on, we all needed to know what the hell you were hiding. We knew it was big and we knew that it was eating you alive. We also knew that you were too stubborn to tell us." I told her honestly, wishing that I had a slightly better reason for invading her privacy. She nodded her head and leaned against the lodge wall, looking up at the bright sky.

"Sometimes I wish I could go back in time." She exhaled, surprising me. I prepared myself for her to talk more about the book, or maybe scold me for stealing and snooping, so I think we were both shocked my the nostalgic admission. I just quietly went to lean against the wall next to her, and watch as the snowflakes fell from the sky, and dusted the world around us.

"You know? Back to this moment. Before all the death, before all the mayhem and crazy, before all the secrets, and before all the lies." She whispered, looking up at me with big, brown eyes that have seen more than then they should. Eyes that have witnessed murder, have watched torture, eyes that have seen destruction.

"I just want to go back to when we could all be one, big, happy family. I just want to go back." She breathed, her beautiful eyes locked with mine for a moment, before she turned them upwards to the sky. I understood what she truly meant, she wanted to go back to a time where she was innocent, not that she ever was, but being back at was similar to innocence. There, although it may not seem that way, the students were sheltered and put in a secluded, safe bubble. Nothing could touch them there (with a few exceptions), but here in the real world? There was no bubble of safety, and no mentors and teachers to help you when things got tough, it was just you.

"I know." I agreed, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her in tightly. It took her a minute, but she eventually snaked her arms around me, clinging to me as her breathing became ragged. "But we can't. All we can do it move forward, and treat the past as a fleeting memory. We can't dwell on it forever, we can't wish that things were different, or that we could change something. We have to focus on the right now, we can't let it pass us by." I told her, and felt her nod her head as I gave her one last squeeze. I realized that this speech wasn't just for her, it was for me too.

"You're right." She gave a bitter smile as she pulled away, and looked up at the sky once more. God, she was beautiful. But I needed to let her go, I needed to stop dwelling in the past and letting the present slip away.

"Aren't I always?" I joked, attempting to lift the sullen mood that had fallen over us. Just because I was letting her go, didn't mean that she wouldn't be apart of my life, it just meant that my life wouldn't be consumed by her. I would live for myself, just like she told me too all those years ago.

"Hey now, don't let this go to you're head." She laughed weakly, taking a step away from the wall, her head still looking towards the sky. She then extended her arms and spun, while the snow cascaded down around her. I smiled as I watched her relish in the snowfall, knowing that this was the right place to have had this dream. But as I watched, things start to flicked like bad TV reception, and things began to blur. Someone was waking me up…but who? I was asleep on a park bench, in the middle of the moroi night, who could be waking me up right now.

"Adrian?" Rose turned to me, a questioning look on her face, she sensed it too. "What's going on?" She asked, forgetting all about the snow around her.

"Someone's waking me up." I grimaced, noting that they were doing it slowly, which really made me wonder who it was. The dream flickered once more, and the edges began to fade to grey.

"Who? Who are you with right now?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. I just shrugged, debating whether I should try and salvage the dream or wake myself up.

"That's the strange part." I told her with a shrug. "I'm alone right now, I passed out on a park bench on the way back to my house." I watched as her eyes widen with horror, as she took frantic steps towards me.

"Adrian! Did you not listen to a word I said tonight? There is someone out there, who is after me and willing to use my friends as bait! What the hell are you doing passing out on a bench, alone?" She demanded, grabbing a hold of my arm as the greying edges of the dream faded to black, and began to take over while another flicker erupted. "Where are you? I'll come get you." She told me, but it was too late I was fading fast now.

The snowy Idaho ski lodge vanished, along with Rose as I felt myself regaining consciousness. I inhaled sharply, feeling the cool wood of the bench beneath me, as I blinked to see the posh exterior of court surrounding me. There was no one around me, which I found strange, who had woken me up? I began to turn to look behind me, when I heard someone speak.

"Good dream, Adrian?"

Rose's Point Of View

I jolted upright, a light sheen of sweat covering my forehead, as I quickly untangled myself from my sheets. I needed to find Adrian and I needed to do it fast, who knows what the hell kind of trouble that fool has gotten himself into. I may have been overreacting, and it could've just been nothing, a bird could've woken him up for all I know, but I couldn't take that chance. I rather have no sleep and have to do periodic checks on all of my friends, then risk them being brutally attacked because of me.

I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my stake, before sprinting out of my room, only having a brief moment to think about what I looked like. It didn't matter right now, but I was thankful that I had slept in flannel shorts and a heart was beating rapidly, and my legs were moving as fast as possible, while my mind sped ahead to all of the places he could be. He lived in royal housing, there were twelve sections of royal housing and not all were connected, he lived near the queen. So after leaving Lissa's section, he walked towards his own section, and there was only one bench located between the two.

Once I knew where he was - or had been - I forced my body to move faster. I don't think that I had ever run so fast before in my life. I let the adrenaline take over my senses, and push myself to the limit. This was do or die.

I was coming around the corner by a cluster of trees, knowing that the bench was right behind them, and my breathing was ragged and my body was exhausted. But I knew that if I needed to fight - to defend and kill - that I could very well do it. I booked it around the trees, and felt my legs immediately halt and my eyes widen.

Lounging on the park bench was a dishevelled looking Adrian, looking completely at ease despite the fact that he could've been attacked, and standing next to the bench was Dimitri. He and Adrian had been talking, but stopped and looked up once I rounded the corner, and I felt my jaw tighten as I stomped towards Adrian, wanting to break his nose again.

"What the hell, you idiot!" I yelled, making both Dimitri and Adrian raise their eyebrows at my tone. "I thought you were going to die! I freaking jumped out of bed and sprinted all the way here! Good God, Adrian!" There was nothing else that I could say, I was thankful that he was alright but I was completely annoyed that he could've been that stupid to fall asleep on a park bench.

"Whoa, no one was dying. Lissa sent Belikov out to make sure I got home alright, and he found me on the park bench and woke me up." Adrian explained, raising his hands in a form of surrender. I just crossed my arms and looked down at him, I was too pissed to even scold him for being such a dumbass. Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, whether it was to defend Adrian or reprimand him, I didn't know. But he broke off when we heard the sounds of footsteps approaching, and our guardian instincts kicked in as we crouched down, expecting an attacker. But instead, Kai sprinted around the cluster of trees, looking just as worried as I had been. When he finally registered the scene, he looked just as pissed and confused as I felt. I let myself open up to the bond - something I tried not to do - taking down my barriers and breaking through his, realizing that my panic had woken him up. He had come to the same conclusion as I had, that Adrian was about to be killed or attacked, and sprang into action.

"You are a moron." Was all Kai said to Adrian, before walking up and taking a seat next to him on the bench. I smiled slightly as the adrenaline wore off, and the exhaustion from the mad dash here began to hit me, and I yearned to go back to bed.

Dimitri's Point Of View

"Okay, I get it." Adrian groaned, rolling his eyes as he stood. "I am a complete idiot for falling asleep here. I will not let it happen again, alright?" He asked, clearly annoyed by being yelled at by Rose and Kai.

"Do not act like we are wasting your time! We are the ones who jumped out of bed to come save your ass, after you made such a moronic mistake." Rose hissed, and Adrian just pursed his lips and glared his eyes at Rose. It was clear that he had enough of this conversation, and the fatigue was beginning to show on his face, it was obvious that he just wanted to go to sleep. That we all just wanted to go to sleep.

Rose looked ready to continue ranting, but Kai quickly cut her off. Despite the bags under his eyes, he looked alert and ready to take on any threat, but I knew he too must be growing weary of this lecture.

"I think he knows how stupid his decision was, and he will not do it again. But if he still hasn't gotten that through his head, then we can continue to drill it in tomorrow. We are all tired, and Guardian Belikov, you and I have an early training session in a few hours. We need our rest." Kai reasoned, putting a light had on Rose's shoulder. She just shut her eyes as she inhaled sharply, and nodded her head in agreement.

"So we're done here? Good, I'm off." Adrian began to step away from the group, and Rose's eyes shot open as she looked at him. I knew there was no way that she would let him go off alone again, she didn't trust him to get home without passing out on the ground.

"I'll make sure he gets back home." Kai assured, as he stood and walked over to an annoyed Adrian. Kai just grabbed his shoulder, and began leading him away as he struck up a conversation with Adrian.

They disappeared in the direction of Adrian's home, leaving me and Rose by the bench, not looking at one another. I knew that I should say something to her, that I couldn't let this moment pass me by, so I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Can I walk you home?" I asked, watching her brown eyes widen while she tilted her head slightly, causing her dark hair to fall away from her face. She was stunning, even in the middle of the night after the hectic night she's had, she was still so beautiful.

"Do I look like I need a escort?" She snapped, her fiery attitude never seemed to fade, no matter how tired she was. I knew that she was exhausted, she looked about ready to curl up on the bench and fall asleep like Adrian had.

"No, but you look like you're ready to fall asleep standing." I reasoned, taking a step towards her and gesturing for her to lead the way back to her room. I knew that she could easily turn my offer down, that she could simply say no and stomp away, so when she nodded her head and began to walk towards guest housing, I was baffled.


	26. Chapter 26

AN: Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! I know I haven't written in a REALLY long time and I apologize! Work, dance,school, swimming, shopping. It's taking over my life. And I needed a burst of inspiration on where to take the story next, luckily I found one! So expect a post later tomorrow, that hopefully will make up for my lack of writting. This is just another small post, so read and review please and thankyou!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

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><p>Why had I agreed to this? Why on earth was I letting Dimitri walk me back to my room? Why hadn't I listened to my head? Why couldn't I decline his offer? Maybe it was because I wanted to know the motive behind his request to walk me home. But if I was being honest, it was because I had let my heart get in the way, and forgot to use my head.<p>

We walked at a moderate pace, but it was difficult for me to keep up, seeing as one of his steps was three of mine. The sun shone down at us, casting our shadows across the dewy grass, while we walked in silence. In the past I never felt the need to fill the silences with Dimitri. I didn't need to be loud, obnoxious Rose Hathaway around him, and although I still didn't need to be those things, I couldn't stand the silence. I needed to fill it, and the only thing to fill it with was arrogant Rose Hathaway comments. So when I turned to him, I flicked on my typical attitude before speaking.

"What's with the chivalrous act Belikov?" I asked, breaking the quiet and adding to the tension that had been thickening between us. "I mean, you've always been the proper gentleman for the most part, your crazy pledge to Lissa proves that. But you've never been that way towards me. We both know I can take care of myself, so why offer to walk me home?" I asked, cutting out all of the bullshit and going straight for the answers that I really wanted. If I had caught him off guard he didn't show it, as he looked down at me with an unreadable expression.

"Why did you accept?" He asked in a crisp tone, his accent making me want to melt. I wanted to blurt that I didn't know why I accepted his offer, that I was just too stupid and too weak to ever say no to him. But I showed some self restraint by remaining cool, and giving him a small smirk.

"I asked you first." I told him, making sure to keep my tone level. I refused to reveal any of my true emotions - which were basically all over the place. If I did allow my feelings to show through my cool exterior, he would have a hell of a time trying to decipher continued to walk in silence for a while, and I began to wonder if he was even going to answer my question, maybe he would just bail and leave me to walk the rest of the way alone. I would've after everything that happened tonight, I wouldn't have even offered to walk me home. But no matter how enigmatic this whole situation was, I had to admit that I was glad that he was here with me. It may have just been the weak part of me, but his presence put me at ease right now. Had I really just admitted that? Had I actually allowed myself to have a good thought about Dimitri since returning? God, I must be losing it.

"There isn't just one reason." Dimitri's honey like voice ripped me out of my inner babbling, and I found myself glancing up at his strong, jaw line. He was facing forwards, and his face was blank as usual, but I could tell he was sneaking glances at me every so often. "I offered to walk you home, for many reasons. One was to get more information on what happened in Europe, and the threats that you faced. Another was to make sure that you were revealing everything about the bond, and not hiding any valuable information." He explained, and I couldn't help but feel my heart flounder. He just wanted to see if my story was legitimate. I let myself feel momentarily crushed for a minute, before letting my anger completely take over. He didn't trust my story? Between the two of us, I would say that I was the most trustworthy. I mean after all, who kept the promise to save the other and love them forever? And who abandoned that promise as soon as he was restored?

"But I also wanted to make sure you were alright. It's been a long night, and I was worried about you after you left Lissa's." He admitted, still facing forward in his face blank. I could tell that he was anticipating my reaction, possibly wondering if I would begin a fight by telling him not to worry about me. The idea crossed my mind, but honestly? I did want him to worry about me…only a little.

"That's not necessary, I can take care of myself Comrade." I told him primly, my eyes widening slightly when I realized I had called him Comrade. I hadn't used or even thought about that name in years, it was something I tried to block out while I was away. And it was one of the few things that I managed to do, so having it slip out now was a complete shocker. I meekly looked over at him to see his reaction, but all I saw was his guardian mask. Apparently, the name had hit some nerves with him too, or he could care less and just remained in guardian mode.

"Yeah, you looked like you could take care of yourself when you were unconscious on the gym floor." Was all he said, we were approaching the guest housing where my room was located, and I wished that the distance was longer. For some strange reason I didn't want this to end.

"I was just fine." I snapped, feeling a little defensive about that. "And I would've woken up sooner or later, you just intervened." I explained, trying to weave some type of Rose Hathaway logic into my excuse, but knowing that it was had walked all the way to the doorstep of the housing unit, and I didn't expect him to walk me any further, so when he opened the door and motioned for me to go first, I was stunned. I didn't hesitate though, I walked ahead like I owned the entire building.

"Rose." He sighed, clearly exasperated by my hot and cold attitude. "I don't want to fight or argue with you. I know that you can take care of yourself, that you're strong and independent, and all these other qualities. But despite those qualities, you can still accept help when someone offers it." He explained, stepping directly in front of me and preventing me from moving forward. It also forced me to look directly at him, into his smouldering dark eyes that made me feel like I was being sucked into an abyss.

"Are exactly are you saying?" I asked, replaying his words over and over again in my head. Was he offering me his help? I was struggling with a lot of things, although I tried to hide it and I did it well, but being Dimitri, he could see through that. Was he offering to help me with all of those impossible things? Or was he saying something completely different and I was just deluding myself by thinking he was offering help to me?

"I'm saying, that although we're not on good terms and although we've had a rocky past, I'm…here for you if you need it. Your strong, but your not invincible." The corners of his mouth pulled up slightly, as he gave me a meek smile. I was absolutely speechless. He wanted to be there for me? God, this was mind blowing and I stood there, like a deer in headlights for what seemed like hours, trying to form a coherent response.

Was he offering friendship? Was that what he was talking about, was he actually trying to say that it was possible to be friends. Or was he just suggesting that we be civil to one another? And did I truly want that? I did. I may not be able to have Dimitri in my life the way I wanted, and we could never be together again, not after all these years, but friendship or aquatints? It was doable. Besides, hating Dimitri or pretending to hate Dimitri was exhausting. Pretending that you hate someone you actually love was pretty draining, and with everything else on my plate, I needed the energy I was wasting.

But was it admitting defeat? Was accepting Dimitri back into my life being weak and pathetic? Was I just taking a step back after I took so many forward? I didn't know, and it didn't matter. My head was screaming not to do it, but my heart was shouting for me to accept him, and this time my heart won out.

"I may not be invincible, but I'm as close as it gets. I mean, how many times do I have to die and come back to prove that?" I scoffed, with a small smile on my face. I was letting the ice queen act that I had tried to maintain since my return to court, thaw slightly. I was going to accept Dimitri as a friend or aquatints, but I was never going to let my guard all the way down with him. I wasn't that foolish, and I refused to let him inflict anymore damage. "But thank you, I appreciate it the offer." I told him, and he gave an impassive nod, but I saw a relieved look in his eyes. It was brief but I knew that it was there.

"I'll see you at the training session in a few hours then." He said as we slowed our pace once we approached my door, I nodded my head as I reached for my doorknob, craving some sleep right now. I murmured a see you then before twisting the knob. But before I stepped inside his voice stopped me once more, and I looked up to see his guardian mask gone, and face earnest.

"Goodnight, Rose." Was all he said, before disappearing down the hallway. It was just two simple words, but it made my heart quicken. God. Why was I so..so…I don't know. My feelings were still all over the map, but one that I could easily pick out was happiness, something that was hard for me to feel lately.

I walked into the gym the next morning, Kai was walking behind me as we playfully bantered about who's Ipod to play during training this morning. Yesterday (and technically this morning) had been long and never ending, so I was relieved to finally start training for this mission. Although last night had been chaotic and crazy, I couldn't let it take over my thoughts, I had to focus on the task at hand. I had to remind myself that I wasn't just a carefree twenty-one year old, I was a guardian and I had so many people depending on me.

"Hello boys." I greeted once I pushed open the gym door, standing there in their workout attire was my strike team. They all looked serious and ready to fight anything and anyone, and for that I was crazy proud. I quickly glanced at Kai who gave me a small smile and nod, he was thinking the same thing that I was, that we could really pull this off.

"So before we begin today, I have a very important question to ask you." I told them, my voice low. And although this really was a serious mission and not to be taken lightly, I didn't want training sessions to be like military boot camp. "Who's Ipod would you rather listen to? Mine or his." I asked with a smirk.

"The better question," Kai stepped forward, a mischievous look on his face as he spoke. "Is would you rather listen to good music? Or her music." He laughed, and I playfully punched him.

"I have to vote Rose, sorry man." Eddie laughed, as he approached us and gave me a hug, I just stuck my tongue out at Kai. Both Guardian Mathews and Sherman just shrugged their shoulders, obviously not interested in debating the music choices, but instead wanting to get down to training. I appreciated their dedication to the mission and wanting to stay completely focused, but seriously, have a little input. Which left the last vote to Dimitri. Last night had been beyond strange, it started with me yelling and screaming at him, him carrying me across court and ending with a weird, mutual agreement to be civil. I didn't know how far that agreement extended, and if it included siding with my on music preferences. Somehow I doubted it.

"I think we should listen to Rose's." A low voice added, and I blinked several times before looking at Dimitri, who was leaning in the doorway, still looking graceful despite his giant frame. I just starred at him in surprise, not only had he agreed to listen to my music, but he didn't even mention the fact that it was a little trivial. I was stunned, especially since we did not have the same taste in music. The entire time that we were at together, Dimitri never let me chose the music we listened to. He would always pull his mentor card and played whatever music he preferred to listen to. Which was usually a mix between 80's hits and bad country songs, hell during one of our first training sessions, the man was listening to "when doves cry" by Prince.

"You're seriously voting for my music? The man who refuses to listen to anything other than hillbilly country?" I asked, too stunned to brag about my small victory. Dimitri stayed impassive as he shrugged, making his way over to me and grabbing the ipod from my hand, as he moved towards the central speakers.

"It's always good to try something new." Hr told me solemnly, and I just rolled my eyes at his answer. Leave it to Dimitri to give such a enigmatic, clichéd answer, that also happened to be a small zen life lesson. I guess the agreement we made extended farther than I thought.


	27. Chapter 27

AN: Ok! This is a little overdue, but man it is a LONG one, so hopefully that earns me some forgiveness. This one has a Kai's point of view, so tell me what you think about that and whether you like it! I also want to more of your thoughts about the whole Rose and Dimitri friendship thing. Do you think it will work? Do you think they can ever be friends? Is it completely insane? Let me know!  
>Thank you to everyone who has ever reviewed, it means more than anything to me! So keep it up!<p>

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Richelle Mead

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><p>"Good job guys." I panted, while my team attempted to catch their breath. It had been a long and rigorous training session, but we had finished and that's what mattered. "Remember, we have another training session later today." I told them, before wiping away the sweat from my brow and turning to exit the gym. Kai followed behind silently, and I could tell that he was excited for the training session tonight. Although we hadn't sparred this morning, we had done some challenging exercises that my team completed perfectly, I had picked the right people for the job. As soon as I stepped out into the chilly air, I was approached by a guardian, and he was wear a red pin symbolizing that he was apart of the Queen's guard. He gave a small nod of respect once he was close enough, and I studied him from head to toe as he did so, I wondered if I would ever be able to take someone like him on. The Queen's guard was supposed to be the best of the best after all. Kai nudged me and gave me a look, telling me that he heard my thoughts, and that I needed top focus. This was the Queen's guard - Tatiana had sent him.<p>

"Guardian Hathaway," He greeted, his voice as monotone and impassive as his expression. "Her Majesty requested that you attend dinner with her this evening, and discuss your operation plans. She would also like to speak to you about Europe." He informed me, not waiting for me to confirm the invitation before turning on his heel, and walking away. Apparently, attending was not an option that I had, even if it meant missing our training session.

"What the hell am I supposed to wear to this thing?" I asked Kai, as he lounged on my bed watching bad TV reruns, and I went through my entire wardrobe. I wasn't nervous about tonight, but I also didn't want to give Tatiana anymore ammunition to use against me, and who knows she may just go after my wardrobe. It was far fetched but it made sense in my mind.

"Rose," Kai sighed, not taking his eyes away from the television. "I'm guessing that the queen did not invite you to dinner to talk about clothes and other trivial things. She invited you there to get information, and probably to rage at you for all of the destruction you caused." He told me, and I dropped the skirt I was holding, giving him an "are you serious" look, while he stifled a laugh. "Fine. That we caused." He shrugged, while I continued to toss around articles of clothing.

"I know that, but I don't want to give her anymore reason to bitch." I told him, while zipping open another suitcase, wondering where the hell all of my nice clothes were. "I already have trouble trying not to murder her while in public, imagine what a struggle it will be like in private. I think only one of us might walk about alive." I laughed, while Kai just groaned at my joke, obviously not deeming it appropriate.

It stayed silent for a while, as Kai continued to watch bad TV and I riffled around for an acceptable outfit, but I could feel that he wanted to ask me something. The anxious feeling that he was getting as he thought about how he was going to word it sang through the bond, and I was tempted just to break through the walls that we each put up. Seeing as this isn't our first Spirit bond, we each knew a thing or two about blocking the other out, and made a rule to stay out of each other's heads as much as possible. But I knew I shouldn't do it now, so instead I just confronted him verbally.

"Oh just spit it out already." I sighed, gesturing for Kai to take the floor. He just jerked his head away from the television and starred at me, his cobalt eyes searching for something. There was another silence, although this one was much shorter, it was a hell of a lot thicker. I just raised my eyebrows and made another gesture for him to hurry along.

"You and Belikov, huh?" Was all he said, after he regained his nonchalant composure, and that was all that he had to say. Dimitri's name triggered something, and I could tell that this was probably not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"What about him?" I asked, not making eye contact with him, as I tried to take on the same casual attitude that Kai was projecting. I knew that pretending was useless - for both of us - if we opened ourselves up to the bond, we could easily sense each other's true feelings. I had a feeling that they were a lot deeper and more real than the cavalier act that we were putting on. Yet, we continued to delude ourselves and each other, was fake lightness about the topic.

"Nothing. I was just wondering when you two became so buddy, buddy." He shrugged and I rolled my eyes. God, I really didn't want to be having this conversation. I honestly didn't know what Dimitri and I were and I didn't want to have to explain it.

When I first returned back to court, my feelings towards Dimitri had been clear and unmistakeable. I hated him. But somewhere along the line, those lines began to blur and I realized that it wasn't hate I felt for him. It was love, which in turn, only made me hate him…more.I tried to stay true to hating him, but it was practically impossible. I could never hate the man I used to consider a god - that I still considered a god - but I also couldn't love him. I was confused and vulnerable, and then when he saved me from the gym and walked me home, everything just meshed together.

Love. Hate.

There was no difference between the two. And somehow, it all turned into a fragile friendship, or something equally civilized. We were walking a narrow line, treading in deep water and walking on this ice. This new that that we had going on, was foreign and something that neither of us had experience in. We were trying our best to remain polite to one another, without being too friendly or too cold. It was hard teetering on the edge, because really? I'd only ever known how to love, or hate him, I had never been in the middle.

"We are not buddy, buddy." I scoffed, while Kai just gave me a pointed look, as if to tell me he had just heard everything I had been thinking. Apparently, in my Dimitri consumed thoughts I had let my mental barrier slip, damn it. "Stay out of my head!" I snapped, as I grabbed a lavender banded dress and began changing into it

"Kind of hard to do, when you're thoughts are screaming in confusion." Kai mumbled, and I just glared at him. "Anyways, with you having dinner with the queen, does that mean that we're cancelling training, or just pushing it back?" Kai asked, obviously wanting to change the subject before I yelled at him for invading my thoughts.

"Neither." I told him while I studied myself absentmindedly in the mirror. This dress was going to have to do, it was the only thing that was respectable enough to wear to a dinner with royalty. The pretty purple colour looked amazing in contrast to my tan skin, and the haltered straps showed off my defined shoulders, although it was a little shorter than she would probably like.I turned to Kai and did a pirouette, while he nodded his approval of my outfit choice, before continuing on about the upcoming training session. "I'll give you the outline for what I want everyone to do, and you can just check through the list. Hopefully, it will be a quick and painless dinner and I can make it for the end…but I doubt it." I sighed, as I ran a brush through my hair, deeming myself ready to dine with the queen.

Kai's Point Of View

"Rose will hopefully be here soon, she is just attending to a few minor issues first." I informed the team, as we stood in a clump at the side of the track. "She gave instructions for us to run laps around the track, and she wanted me to remind you to do them in a timely fashion. She then gave us a strength workout to run through, and then if she's back she will run us through some manoeuvres, but if not then we are just to spar." The team nodded, and I noted that I was surrounded by serious and stoic men. I knew that both Eddie and Belikov were close (or formerly close) to Rose, and I couldn't imagine them being this serious and silent around her. She would probably tear her hair out, seeing as she always feels the need to fill silences, and can't stop talking for one minute.

With another nod, everyone took off on a light pace around the track, quickly picking up speed. We all kept pace with one another, but nothing was being said, the only sounds were our feet pounding against the track and our controlled breathing. This was mind numbing, at least when Rose was here she was talking to everyone and they would answer back, I had a feeling if I tried I would only be given blank stares. Feeling certain that I wouldn't be missing anything important, I allowed myself to fall into Rose's head. Before she had left for dinner, we had both agreed that we could look into each other's minds, so that she could keep an eye on practice and I could gather up information about the mission. The world around me changed, and I was instantly in Rose's head, walking down a long corridor in the section of Royal housing where Tatiana lived. Rose had been here a few times before, once while being yelled at by Tatiana for dating her nephew. And as she approached the doors leading to the dining area, Rose prayed it wouldn't be another one of those encounters, she wasn't sure if she could bite her tongue if the queen yelled at her again. Once she was at the door, a guardian nodded his head in respect to her, before opening the wooden door and gesturing her inside. Rose gave a slight nod, before stepping into the lavish dining area. Apparently the queen was going all out, even for her.

"Rosemarie." Tatiana's cool voice pulled Rose out of studying the dining area, which had been set perfectly with china plates and expensive table settings. She turned to face the queen, who was dressed in a black pant suit and silver jewellery, small diamond encrusted clips pulling back her short black hair.

"Your majesty." Rose reluctantly bowed, feeling slightly over dressed as Tatiana gestured for her to take a seat at the dark, mahogany dining table. She obliged, taking a seat at the place setting next to the head of the table, where Tatiana had primly sat. The both waited in silence, as a two moroi entered the room in black, one carrying two plates of food that were set in front of Rose and Tatiana, the other filling their glasses full of what Rose guessed to be red wine.

_Thank god, I don't think I can get through this sober._

I gave out an exasperated sigh as Rose reached for her glass, and took a gulp of her wine. This was going to be a very long dinner.

"We should come up with a team name." Eddie suggested, pulling me out of Rose's head and throwing me back into the training session. I could feel my legs aching, and I wondered how many laps we had run while I had been at dinner with the queen. I turned back into what Eddie had said, and laughed lightly, knowing why he and Rose were so close growing up. They both had that same light hearted sense of humour and good nature about them, but they could turn seriously and lethal in the blink of an eye. They both took their jobs way more seriously thank anyone I ever met, but it was understandable after everything they've been through.

"Yeah? Like what?" I asked, my amusement clear in my voice as we made another lap around the track. I glanced over to see Dimitri studying me, but I didn't pay too much attention to him as Eddie rambled off a list of possible team names.

"The destructors? Really." I asked, while Eddie just shrugged his shoulders and laughed. I glanced over at the clocked and decided that this would be our last lap before moving onto the strength portion of our workout.

"We need it to be something that sums up how badass we are." Eddie explained and I just chuckled while coming to a stop, stretching my limbs. The rest of the team followed in suit, taking a minute to limber up before we hit the weights.

"Run that by Rose and see what she says, and make sure I'm there watching." I told him, before leading everyone over to the weights and explaining the strength portion. We all separated slightly, going off to work on different parts of the workout, giving me a good chance to slip into Rose's mind once more.

From the minute I entered her mind I knew things were tense. She was picking at her salad, gripping her fork tightly in her hand while glancing at her empty wine glass, wishing someone would return to fill it. I searched her mind for some information at what had happened to make everything so tense, and realized that they had begun talking about the mission, and obviously got into a slight disagreement. Slight, might be an understatement, I realized when I dug around a little more. It turns out that Rose gave the queen the logistics for the plan, and the queen had shut them down, in the most condescending way possible.

"All I am saying Rosemarie, is that your plans aren't very well thought out. I mean, you write the steps but I cannot see how you are actually going to execute the plan." Tatiana told her, as she reached for her wine glass and took a dainty sip. Rose resisted the urge to smash the wine glass into her face, it had obviously been a rough dinner so far, and then weren't even at the main course yet.

"Would you like me to draw you a picture?" Rose asked bitterly, clearly not understanding how someone could misunderstand a simple plan, it hadn't even been that complicated, Rose had purposely simplified it. It wasn't the logistics of it, I realized and so did Rose, the queen was just picking at it because she could.

"You're sarcasm is not appreciated Rosemarie, it doesn't help explain your plan any better, and if definitely does not help convince me that you are capable of this position." The queen chastised, and Rose stiffened. Here it comes, after going back and forth during the beginning of dinner, they were finally getting to the big showdown. And just in time for the main course, Rose thought as the waiters returned with dinner.

"I truly do not understand why Hans chose you. There were so many other suitable options for this position, yet he chose the girl who does nothing but cause problems for everyone." Tatiana continued, holding back nothing as she began to use all the ammunition she had against Rose. "All you have ever been is a trouble maker and a liability - to , to the royal court, to Valissa and Adrian and now to the guardians. You're ruined futures all around, and robbed others of opportunities." Tatiana was getting worked up about this, and I was about ready to run to royal housing, there was no way that Rose would be able to control herself. I was surprised the queen had managed to finish her sentence without Rose tackling her.

"I've told you before, I was chosen because I am the best of the best. If my record doesn't prove that, then the molnija marks covering my neck will." Rose snapped, setting her fork down and moving her hands so that she was sitting on them. She didn't want the queen to see that she was practically shaking. "And as for being a liability to everyone, I was and am no such thing. Especially not to your precious Valissa or Adrian, they chose to stick with me and were in no way forced. I came here to discuss plans for the operation I am working on, not to be criticized for things that have happened in the past." Rose snapped, and the queen's emerald eyes narrowed as she pursed her lips, it was obvious no one talked back to her like this, and she didn't like it.

"I believe as the queen, I am allowed to veer away from the topic briefly, especially if it is relevant. And you're attitude is a topic that must be discussed, because if it does not change then I will force you to step down. You are not a child anymore Rosemarie, this is the real world and you need to grow up." Tatiana reprimanded, and Rose felt like she had just been slapped in the face, her cheeks were even flushed.

_What that hell does she think I've been doing these last few years? I knew it was the real world, I've lived it. And for growing up? I think I did that a long, long time ago. _

"You majesty, with all due respect," Rose began, and I knew fully well that she had no respect while saying this, and I braced myself for what she was about to say. "But I think you are the one who needs to grow up. You are holding a petty grudge against me for nothing, because you dislike me. I do not need an attitude adjustment, because my attitude and feelings do not interfere with my job, but it seems like yours do." Rose began, obviously just getting started as her and the queen continued. I groaned, knowing that this was not going to end well, at all.

"What is it? What's going on?" A deep voice asked, against ripping me out of Rose's head and pulling me back into the gym. I blinked several times, before realizing that Dimitri had been asking me a question. He was starring at me intently, studying my face while everyone else continued to work.

"What?" I asked, feeling fuzzy as I set the weights I had been lifting onto the ground. I felt the soreness of my muscles, realizing that I had probably done way more reps than necessary while watching the fight continue in Rose's mind.

"What did you see? What is going on with Rose right now, and why do you look so worried." Dimitri prompted, and I did a double take. So. That was why he was starring at me so intensely earlier, because he realized that I had been in Rose's head, and was wondering what I was seeing.

"Listen Belikov, Rose may have suddenly decided that you're actually worth her time, but it does not mean that I have." I growled, feeling all of the hurt and pain that Rose had once felt - still felt - about Dimitri hit me hard. It fuelled my anger, pumped my adrenaline and sparked my rage. "I know about all of the crap you've put her through - I practically experienced it first hand - and I do not want you to think that everything's suddenly alright. You may be trying out this new friendship thing, but that doesn't mean you can jump right into our business and start asking questions. You do not need to know, and you need to stay out of it." I barked, catching the attention of Eddie, who watched us cautiously. Dimitri seemed to asses the best way to handle this, and I watched as he took a strong step forward, rolling his shoulders back like Rose does, before speaking assertively.

"What happened between me and Rose is none of your businesses." He began, his voice low and deadly, yet he remained calm. "You may be able to sense her feelings about it, but that does not mean you experienced it. Do not confuse the two, and do not let it jade your feelings. And take your own advice, and stay out of things that do not concern you." He told me, only adding to the rage that I was already feeling. And this is wear things began to go downhill, because like Rose I shared a common impulse of punching before thinking. Of course, it didn't happen as often as it did Rose, but when it did it got pretty brutal, and I felt one of those moments coming on now.

I took a step closer to him, I guess it was a territorial thing that happened before a fight, where you tried to intimidate one another. Except when you're both taller than six feet and jacked, it was harder to do so. He just straightened up and looked me dead in the eye, and I knew that there was no fear in his eyes. Eddie had made his way over to us, and was trying to step between us but there was no room. He was saying something in attempt to get us to back down, but both Dimitri and I were blocking him out. Neither of us were saying anything, but there was an intense silence between us that could've been deafening.

Rose chose that exact moment to walk in, wearing the same purple dress and holding her heels in her hand, face sober as she took in the scene. Through the bond I could tell that she was wondering what the hell was going on, and that she had ended up running her from the royal housing. When she caught onto what was happening, her blank expression instantly turned pissed, as she stomped over to where we all stood on the mats, sweating and breathing heavy, ready to throw a punch at one another.

"What the hell is going on here?" She demanded as she approached, pushed herself in between out chest that had practically been touching. Dimitri and I continued to stare at one another, but I saw his eyes quickly flicker to Rose, before meeting my gaze once more.

"I leave you alone for one hour, and you're already trying to fight each other?" She shouted, her anger beginning to boil. "What part of "I need a top notch team" did any of you not understand? Because if I wasn't clear another before, my career is riding on this. I cannot have you two beating each other senseless whenever I'm not looking! If this it too much for you to handle, then you can resign now. I am not wasting my time if you are just going to blow this whole operation apart, do you hear me?" She practically shrieked, beating her fist against my chest to get my attention. I broke my stare and looked down at her, seeing all the fire and frustration on her face, and I deflated a little, knowing how rough her evening had been.

"Are you finished? Because I am sure as hell tired of this testosterone overload." She sneered, pushing against Dimitri's chest with both her palms, as he took a few steps back. He just swallowed a few times, while Rose continued to hold her ground in the middle of us.

"Where were you? A hot date?" Eddie asked, trying to defuse some of the tension with a joke, and Rose just shot him a dry look. I could tell she appreciated his efforts though.

"Hardly." She snorted, with an eye roll. "Unless the Queen counts as a hot date.


	28. Chapter 28

AN: Hey guys! Here is another post for you, and this is one that I had been really excited to write since the begining of the story. So let me know what you think about it, it's shorter than I would like but I rather it be simple! Thank you to everyone who has given any type of feedback, it's really appreicated! And I just want to let you know that in the next couple of chapters, the story is really going to pick up. We are sadly nearing the end I think, and I have a few creative ideas on how to tie everything together. Some are really sad..some are really happy! So give me some thoughts on what YOU want to happen!

Disclaimer: It all belongs to Richelle Mead, except for the plot and few select characters!

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><p>The next week passed by uneventfully. The queen didn't attempt to make contact after our disastrous dinner, and Kai and Dimitri avoided one another like the plague. It was annoying, but I liked it better than them trying to kill each other. My team continued to practice, I took them through the plans for our operation, and they trained their hardest as we counted down the few remaining days we had left before our mission. My days were spent hanging out with the gang, and it felt although everything was going to be okay for once in my life. Of course that feeling never lasted for long.<p>

I burst through the gym doors, with Kai breathing heavily next to me, I turned to give him a breathless smile. We had just gone on a run, and then decided to sprint the rest of the way to the gym, both trying to beat the other.

"Well Peters, it looks like we're evenly matched." I sighed, still trying to catch my breath as I took another step into the gym. Kai just nodded his agreement, as he studied the gym. We were a little early for training, so the rest of the guardians were still using the gym, usually they were forced to leave whenever we practiced. All over the gym there were guardians lifting weights, running laps and practicing combat moves. It was actually incredible to watch, there was a lot of power in this room. We wandered over to a few vacant mats and flopped down, deciding to take a little break before practice began, but were interrupted by an obnoxious voice.

"I want you to prove it." Someone commanded, and I looked up to see Junior towering over the mats. I rolled my eyes, not knowing what he wanted me to prove, but knowing that I didn't have to. But a part of me burned to accept whatever challenge he was offering, I wanted to show him and everyone else what and adequate leader I was, even though it wasn't necessary.

"What am I proving, and how do you propose I prove it?" I asked, my voice bored as I propped myself up on one of my elbows. Kai just shook his head, his way of telling me not to push it.

"Prove that you're the best, and fight." He demanded, which caused me to laugh. He wanted me to prove that I was the best, by fighting. It was simple. I could beat anyone if I tried hard enough, it may sound cocky but it was true. I had excelled over the years, practicing repeatedly until I perfected every move.

"Fine." I smiled, looking over at Kai who shrugged his shoulders and began getting up. "Kai, let's spar." I began to join Kai as he made his way over to one of the fighting areas, but Junior's annoying voice cut me off.

"No. Not with him." He shook his head, eyes studying the gym and all of the guardians in it. I crossed my arms over my chest, and glared at him.

"Who then? You?" I asked, letting amusement colour my tone. "I think we know who would win that fight, Junior." I laughed, while he gave me a sour look, still searching the room. I watched as his eyes rested on someone, and his mouth pulled up into a smug smile.

"Belikov." I froze, damn it.

"You want me to fight Guardian Belikov?" I asked, trying to keep my voice neutral as I looked over at Dimitri, who had just entered the gym and was setting his stuff down.

"Do you have a problem with that? I mean, he used to be your mentor, right? It would be a true test of your abilities to see if you could win, especially since he is one of the best guardians around." Junior explained, and I wanted to snap that I knew that he was one of the best. He was a god, and if I could beat a god, what would that make me?

"Not a problem." I shrugged, mustering up as much confidence as possible. "If Guardian Belikov is up for it, then I'm ready to prove to everyone once and for all, that I earned this position." I told him, while Junior just rolled his eyes. "After I win, the only thing you'll be doing with that mouth, is kissing my ass. Do you understand? I don't want to hear anymore bullshit after this." I told him, before marching over to Dimitri. He had a curious expression on his face as I got closer, but it instantly turned wary once I stood in front of him, obviously the look on my face was showing something.

"What do you need?" He asked instantly, clearly coming to the conclusion that he was being pulled into another one of my crazy Rose Hathaway plans. I appreciated his willingness to cooperate with whatever was going on, it was either because he wanted to continue our new found friendship, or because he knew me well enough and knew that saying no wasn't any option.

"We need to spar." I told him, my voice low as I spoke. I couldn't remember the last time that we had fought when he was a dhampir. We had fought multiple times while he was a Strigoi, but we had also fought before he had been awakened. The last time I had fought Dimitri as humans, has been back at , just before the attack. He had pulled a sneak attack on me during my field assignment. It had been intense and gruelling, but I had won the fight. It had all been forgotten in the chaos that had soon followed, but now that I thought back, I remembered how challenging that fight had been. At the time, it had been the toughest fight, and to me it is what truly defined me as a guardian.

"Let's spar." Dimitri agreed.

We had attracted the attention of all the other guardians in the gym, and everyone waited along the edges of the sparring mats, anticipating a prime time fight. I mean even I couldn't deny it was juicy entertainment, a previous mentor/lover/Strigoi fighting his previous student/lover/saviour, it was had turned the volume up on the central speakers, so that a hypnotic song with heavy bass blasted through the speakers, drowning out all the other noise in the gym. Both Dimitri and I stood in opposite corners of the mats, finishing a few warm up stretches before actually sparring. I slowly stretched my arms once again, while my nerves radiated off of me. I wasn't exactly nervous per say, but more curious. I wanted to see what or if anything had changed over the years, and I wanted to know if I really had the ability to beat him once again.

I shut my eyes tightly, rolling my shoulders back as I balled my hands into fists, preparing for the fight. It may have just been practice for Dimitri, or entertainment for all of the spectators, but for me it was one of the biggest fights. Although I brushed it off, I knew that this would prove that I was worthy of my new position, and prove that I earned my lethal I blinked open my eyes, I was starring into dark brown eyes, that used to show me such love and comfort. I could've spent hours starring into those eyes, which reminded me that this fight was important for another reason. I wanted to prove to Dimitri that I had grown into a skilled fighter, and that all those hours we had spent training weren't wasted. He may not love me or have those feelings towards me, but at least he would know that I wasn't a complete waste of his time.

The crowd was getting anxious while Dimitri and I took a step forward, beginning to circle one another. I wanted to study him for a little longer, to note all of the differences in his fighting stance and technique, even though I had seen a little of it during training. I guess a part of me just wanted to take some more time and see what it was like to spar with Dimitri again, because the last time had been back at , which might as well have been a lifetime ago.

We had almost completed a full circle when Dimitri made his first move. He quickly lunged at me, but I successfully dodged his attempt quickly. We continued like that for a while, Dimitri trying to get the first hit in while I continued to sidestep him. From the look in his eyes I could tell that he was a little taken aback, seeing as whenever we used to train I always wanted to get straight to the action. I used to always play offensive, so my change to defensive must have thrown him off slightly.

Dimitri lunged again, but instead of dodging this time, I blocked and struck back, deciding that we had gone back and forth long enough. He again, seemed a little caught off guard but quickly recovered, and began to lunge again. I struck out this time, my fist connection hard with the left side of his jaw, and I vaguely heard the crowd beginning to bristle as the fight picked up.

We continued to throw and receive hits, ranging from moderate to full force. I had to admit that so far, the fight was pretty evenly matched, but I was refusing to give in or lose this fight. I wouldn't go down easily, the only way that Dimitri would win was if I suddenly collapsed. So, feeling desperate to win I resorted to some new but risky moves, ones I would never even think of doing in the field. But for sparring the gym against Dimitri? They were the perfect moves to give me the advantage that I needed.

Without hesitation or thinking twice, I kicked my leg up high, knowing that he would anticipate the move. Of course, he caught my calf with his lightening fast reflexes, his hands tightening around my leg. He was getting ready to pull me down or knock me off balance, but right before he could do so, I used as much force as possible and kicked my other foot off the ground. I kicked his left knee as hard as I could, causing it to buckle and for him to topple over, bringing me with him. I took advantage of his position on the ground and straddled him, putting all of my weight onto his chest as he struggled to overthrow me. I began throwing punches with as much force as I could, but he quickly got control and rolled us over so that he was on top, and trying to restrain me. I managed to claw my way out from under him, and ended in a crouched position. I needed to win, I needed to prove that I can do this. So I charged him, aiming low as I threw all of my weight into him, knocking him over once again. And I just let go of all of my pent up anger and fury, and began throwing punched. I pulled my arm back and swung with so much force I thought my arm might rip out of it's socket. My vision clouded over slightly, and I didn't even realize who I was fighting or what I was doing, I just let my animalistic side take over and go rabid. I don't know how long that continued before I felt someone knock me over and I hit the mats with a thud.

I felt dazed as cheers erupted around me and I looked up and saw Kai extending his hand, while Mikhail and Eddie were crouched by Dimitri. I had won, I realized. It had all been a blur after I knocked Dimitri over the second time, and I hadn't noticed anything else. I grabbed Kai's hand as he hauled me up, and I stumbled across the mats to where Dimitri was slowly getting up. It appears that in my fighting daze I didn't realize just how badly some of the hits were, he had gotten a few good ones in and I noticed purplish bruises starting to form on my legs.

"That was incredible." Dimitri sighed, trying to get a hold of his breathing. I just nodded my head, unsure if I could speak just yet. We were both wiping away the sweat and blood that was a result of our intense fight, blocking out the cheers and hollers that were going on around us.

"I had a good teacher." I swallowed once I finally caught my breath. He just smiled down at me, and even with a black eye and bruised face I noticed the glimmer in his dark eyes. It was a look that I didn't see very often, and something that I used to work my ass off for when he mentored me, but when I received the look it made all of my work worth it. I saw the glint in his eyes, telling me that he was proud.


	29. Chapter 29

AN: Hey guys! So I was writting this chapter, and near the end I was hit was some major inspiration for what will happen next, so sorry if the ending seems a little rushed, I'm really excited to start writting the next part!  
>Thank you to everyone who was been reviewing lately, I totally love your comments! They really push me to write, and make me think about where to take the plot next, so please continue to do that!<p>

And a big question here (for me anyway) Should I change the name of the story? I've wanted to for a little while now, seeing as when I just named it after the song I was listening too at the time (Save You - Matthew Perryman Jones) but I wonder if I should change it, keep it? Suggestions, comments?

Disclaimer: I sadly only own the plot and a few select characters, all the others belong to the talented Richelle Mead!

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><p>"Rose, are you sure that you're prepared for this?" Lissa asked, nervously gnawing on her lower lip, as she sat in the center of my bed. I was bent over and tying the laces on my combat boots, meaning that she couldn't see the frustrated expression that was on my face. I loved her to death and appreciated her company, but I swore that if she asked that question one more time, I may have to gag her. She had become increasingly worried as time ticked down for the mission, and she continually asked if I was ready, which only added to my anxious feelings. She was afraid that we hadn't been granted enough time to run through the plans of our operation. She didn't want me making hasty choices in the field, or do anything stupid that might implicate me or my time, just because we hadn't been given time to prepare.<p>

"Lissa, I've already told you." I sighed as I titled my head up, my brown hair falling in tangles in front of my face, while I glanced up at my best friend - at my sister. "I wouldn't be risking this if I didn't think we were ready. I wouldn't put my team in this type of danger if I thought we weren't prepared. I rather lose my job than lose one of my members." I assured her, wanting to provide her with as much comfort as possible. But truthfully, I didn't know if we were ready for this, I didn't know if we could change history. My team had been training like crazy these last couple of weeks, but I didn't know if it was enough. Would the double practice sessions everyday, be enough to take down a group of Strigoi? It was going to have to be, because if not, then I was about to lead five men to their deaths.

"Are you positive?" She asked again, fidgeting as she looked up at me with her wide, earnest jade eyes. "I can get you more time, Rose. I can convince the Queen to give you more time." She told me, her voice verging on desperate and slightly hysterical. I understood her emotions, she didn't want to lose me after just getting me back. She knew that despite all of my assurance, that there was a strong possibility that I wouldn't return. And she was willing to grovel to the Queen, she was willing to do anything to get me more time. But it was no use, the only person Tatiana wanted to see pleading, was me.

"There is no way that Tatiana would give me more time, even if you asked her." I told Lissa softly, as I sat down gingerly on the bed, pulling her close to me. "She wants to see me fail, Liss." I whispered, knowing that it was true. Despite the fact that there were lives on the line, Tatiana wanted to see me return defeated…actually, I was pretty sure she didn't want to see me return at all. Lissa just wrapped her arms around me tightly, pulling me close and held me their for a minute.

"Just don't die, alright?" She muttered, causing me to laugh lightly. Although it was a promise I may not be able to keep, I agreed that I wouldn't die, I just hoped for her sake and mine that I came through.

After a glance at the clock we knew that it was time to go, we untangled ourselves and I grabbed my bag while Lissa made sure she looked presentable. During the mission she was forced to attend a meeting in the council chambers, where all the important royals will be waiting for the outcome of the mission. And if we return from this mission, it will be the first place that we go, to discuss the operations and see if we can pass the law. Either that or the clinic.

I volunteered to walk Lissa to the council chambers, mostly to spend time with her but also to leave Tatiana with a few parting words. There was no way that I was going to leave the council to hours of deliberation while I'm out fighting, without giving them something to deliberate about. The walk to the chamber was long and quiet. I had grabbed a hold of Lissa's hand as we walked, not only as a comfort to her but for me as well. As I looked over at her from the corner of my eye, I noticed the way she walked and how powerful her presence was. She was strutting across court with her head held high, shoulders rolled back and an attitude about her that commanded attention. It reminded me why I was such good friends with her, because I tried to project that same presence, I tried to channel that same attitude. And as we marched towards the council chambers, I saw heads turn to stare at us, to watch as we walked by, and I wondered what they must see.

Lissa's grip on my hand tightened as the council building loomed in front of us, and it was almost like I was walking towards my impending doom, which technically I could be. Actually, I was walking towards the thing, before my impending doom. None the less, as we walked into the posh council building, I found my muscles tensing as I prepared for a confrontation. It may not be physical, but my body still reacted in the same way, and as I we strutted down the marble hallway, I reminded myself not to go too far with Tatiana right now. I still had a mission to complete, I could come back and gloat afterward…if I come back.

We reached the end of the hallway, and came upon think wooden doors, with two guardians standing in front, each marked with the Queen's red pin. They nodded respectfully at me and Lissa, before moving to open the doors. In return Lissa gave the guardian a polite smile, and I gave him a cool, regal look. The council room was swarming with royals, dressed in their very best as they chatted with one another, but when Lissa and I entered the talking ceased and everyone starred. We both had the same reaction to this, seeing as we had both been in the public eye for years. Lissa had been raised in it, and I always seemed to throw myself into the spotlight. We starred straight ahead, acting like we owned the room, as we took forceful steps inside.

Sitting on the far side of the room, I noticed Tasha, Christian and Adrian sitting together, and they each gave encouraging smiles when I glanced over. It seems that they decided this was the best place to be during the attack, if they couldn't participate (which I knew Christian and Tasha were very upset about, seeing as they were both strong advocates in moroi learning to fight) then they would at least show their support to the council, and keep an eye on things back here. Standing at by her seat in the center of the long, dark wood table was Tatiana. She was really channelling the Queenly look, wearing a long, red satin gown with gold jewellery, and an elaborate gold crown covered in what looked like rubies. She looked like she came straight from the pages of a fairytale, except instead of being a good Queen, she was the wicked bitch.

"Guardian Hathaway, come to bid farewell?" Tatiana asked briskly, with a stiff smile. I hadn't had contact with her since our catastrophic dinner, which had ended with her abruptly abandoning dinner, leaving me alone at the table as I replayed our far from pleasant conversation.

"Precisely what I'm doing, your majesty." I gave her a hollow bow, wondering if everyone else could sense the animosity between us. If someone couldn't I had to assume that they were both deaf and blind, how anyone couldn't see that Tatiana was a sanctimonious dictator was beyond me.

Her emerald eyes, that marked her as an Ivashkov widened at my words. It was obvious to me at least, that she had expected for me to ask for more time, to tell her that the mission had been cancelled. She thought I was here to ask for more time, to ask a favour from her.

"Best of luck to you and your team." Tatiana smiled, but I knew that it was all fake and just for show. She could care less if I returned or not, so long as she looked like a good, supportive Queen she didn't care about my team or this mission. It pissed me off, but there was nothing I could do, this was a milestone in moroi history, and if she wasn't going to treat it as such then I couldn't force her to. But I could make everyone else see it that way, or make everyone see what a fraud their Queen was.

"Thank-you." I nodded, my own fake smile plastered on my face. "The well wishes are appreciated, I just my team could've heard it from you, yourself. I mean that would be the least you could do, seeing as they may die today. But you couldn't be bothered to grace them with your presence." I shrugged, my voice light and cheerful despite what I was saying. I saw everyone's faces in the room go blank as they listened to what I was saying, and they each starred wide eye at their Queen. Well, almost everyone. I could see Tasha, Christian and Adrian giving me bright smiles.

"Understandable, since you seem so preoccupied right now.." I shrugged, still maintaining my smile as I continued. "Since you've been preoccupied the entire two weeks that we were granted to train. This may be a suicide mission, but hey, as long as you gave us your encouragement.." The entire court room was stunned into silence by the end of my speech, whether it was because I made valid points or because they thought I was insane, either or I made an impact.

I turned to Lissa, who had been concealing her shock from my words, behind a cool façade. Although, it melted away when she looked at me, and I saw the fear in her eyes. I just smiled at her, before pulling her in for a hug, whispering that I would be back soon. She just nodded, pulling away and composing herself, as I gave her a gentle push towards her seat at the council table. I watched her strut over to her seat, looking immensely powerful as she gracefully sat down in the Dragomir's seat. In that moment, I remembered back to a time when she had been so fragile. I thought back to the times when it wad my duty to protect her, because she couldn't do so herself. Looking at her now, I knew that the weak and defenceless girl from the past was gone, she had disappeared long ago. The beautiful, regal woman in front of me wasn't the same person.

After another smile from my friends, I gave Tatiana and the council a stiff nod, before turning on my heel and marching towards the corridor that I had just walked down. Silence followed as everyone watched me leave, and as the wooden doors were shut behind me, I sensed a bit of finality. I could be walking towards my death soon, but I didn't feel afraid, because if I did die I knew that everyone would be okay.

Lissa had become strong and independent over the years, and she was able to hold her own. She didn't need me to shadow her, and to watch over her to make sure everything was alright. She was capable of handling her own life, and she was doing a beautiful job.

My other friends were moving on with their lives, and accomplishing great things for not only themselves but for our people. Christian was a leader in the fight for moroi learning to fight, and he was making steady progress with a large amount of followers. Adrian was slowly overcoming his addictions, while working hard to learn more about Spirit, and use his gifts to help people. Mia and Jill were finally finding themselves and both joining together with Christian, for the moroi fighting cause.

If I died today, I was comforted by the fact that they would all have each other, and that they were all becoming strong individuals. They had all grown so much in all the years that I had known them, going from unconfident to dazzling and strong. They had all progressed so much during these few years, and they did it all themselves. I just wished that I could've been here the last few years to see them change.

"Looking good boys." I greeted as I approached my team, I had ordered everyone to meet by one of the industrial garages on the far side of court. They were all standing in a semi circle, wearing black from head to toe despite that it was broad daylight, and black combat boots with their bags slung over their shoulders. There was no question about it, we all looked pretty damn legitimate.

"Is everyone ready?" I asked, while my team nodded in response. I understood their silence, we were heading out to war right now, and if we won this battle then we would be changing history. There wasn't much to say when it felt like the weight of guardian future rested on your shoulders.

"Alright, so here's the plan." I explained, gesturing towards the large metal garage. "We are taking two trucks, two will ride with me to the location, while the other two will ride with Kai." I glanced at Kai who nodded his head. We had decided that taking two cars was a good idea, in case something happened and we were forced to separate. We thought it was the best option if something went wrong. "When we get to the location, we'll go over the plan once more and split into groups." I told them, before readjusting my bag and entering the large garage with my team following behind.

I approached one of the sleek, black SUVs that was parked in the garage, and ran my hand along truck. I wasn't car obsessed like some people I knew, but I could appreciate the power behind the car. After admiring it for a minute, I walked over to rows of hooks on the far wall, grabbed two sets of keys, and tossing one to Kai. It seemed that while I was admiring the car, that my team had split themselves up. Dimitri and Eddie were loading their packs into the back of my car, while Guardian Sherman and Mathews were getting into Kai's car.

I half expected Dimitri to confiscate the keys from me, and demand that he drive as I walked towards the diver's side. The entire time I knew him he never let me drive, always using his mentor card to trump my driving skills, but seeing as he was no longer my mentor that meant I was free to drive. Eddie piled in the backseat, while Dimitri bucked his seatbelt in the passenger side and I stuck the keys into the ignition. It was a warped kind of dejavu, reminding of the time where Dimitri and I piled into a black SUV much like this one, and raced off to save Lissa. He had the same determined look on his face then, and I knew that he was ready to fight to the death. He would take no prisoners. Eddie wore the same expression on his face, his usually laughing hazel eyes were narrowed in thought, and he maintained his guardian expression. I had a feeling that if I were to look in the mirror right now, then I too would be wearing the same expression.

Kai pressed the button to open the thick doors to the garage, and I revved the engine as we pulled out of the garages. There was no turning back now, I thought as our renegade paraded through court, and moroi and dhampirs alike watched as we travelled to the exit.

The two and a half hour drive to location was dead silent. At one point I turned the dial on the radio, but it didn't feel right to have an upbeat pop song blasting as we got ready to slaughter Strigoi. So instead we opted for silence, while Dimitri and Eddie looked out their windows at the scenery passing by, and I kept my eyes on the road. Through the bond, I could tell that Kai's trip was going much like mine, and he was struggling slightly with the silence, deciding that he rather listen to a bad techno song then sit in tense quiet. I was thankful to get out of the car when we pulled up a few miles from the Strigoi hideout, which happened to be an expressive foreclosure, and was located just outside of the nearest town. Investigation showed that it was actually quite pricy, and had been installed with tinted windows and everything else Strigoi would need to survive. From the photo's Kai and I managed to dig up, the house looked like a painful combination of Galinda's estate in Russia, and Isaiah and Elena's house from Spokane. Both places were horrific memories from my past, that sadly still haunted me.

Everyone unloaded their packs from the trunks, and then formed a huddle around me as I divided up everyone into pairs. I saw Dimitri's eyes narrow when I announced that Kai and I would be paired together, and grabbed Kai's hand. I swore that I saw jealousy flash in his dark brown eyes, but I convinced myself that it was just something I wanted to see, he didn't actually feel that way.

"We're going to run the plan exactly as we have in practice," I explained, making sure everyone understood and would follow protocol. I didn't want anyone changing the plan to try and play hero. "Kai and I will infiltrate first and be the first line of attack, once we're in we'll give the okay through the ear piece, then Dimitri and Eddie will go. After they give the okay, Mathews and Sherman go inside." I told them firmly, giving them the layout for the plan once more, before moving onto the "if we don't make it out" speech that was needed.

"If something goes wrong, and the we don't give the signal or we tell you to get out, you do." I told them, my voice strong and sure as I spoke. "The keys are in the glove department, take them and drive back to court, do not stop and do not come back for us. Understood?" I told everyone, if someone went wrong I didn't want to risk anyone else. This mission already had slim chances, I didn't want anyone going back if the situation turned out to be hopeless. I just wanted the plan to work perfectly, and for everything to go smoothly. I wanted everyone to stick to the procedure, so I drilled it into them, thinking that one of them would be the ones to screw everything up. Who would've thought that it was me, who needed to be reminded to follow the plan, and not fuck everything up.


	30. Chapter 30

AN: Hey guys! So here is the second post of the night, who know's there may be another! I'm just really excited about these next few parts, they've been a blast to write and I just keep getting a whole bunch of ideas that I want to incorporate. So please read and respond, I really want to know what you think about this, and your predictions for what happens next!

Chapter Review: They are on the mission!

Disclaimer: VA belongs to Richelle Mead!

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><p>We all walked in a line down the dirt road that led to the huge house - knowing that we didn't have to be wary of being ambushed during the day - and watched our shadows stretched out in front of us, guiding us towards battle. I looked upward at the sky, noticing that it was beginning to look a tad bleak, I just prayed to whatever god was out there that the sun stayed out.<br>Once the grand house came into view I felt an ache deep in my chest, it looked so much like Galinda's estate that I found it hard to look at for too long. I glimpsed briefly at Dimitri, who was starring up at the house with an unreadable expression on his face. I didn't know how I expected him to react, but it definitely wasn't silently. Almost like he sensed me watching him, he turned and met my gaze, sadness and guilt in his dark eyes. We stood like that for a moment, and I took a step forward, wanting to say something to him about it. But he took a step back, grabbing his stake from his belt and keeping a tight grip on is. This was how he was going to deal with it, I thought, he was going to fight. Everyone dispersed into their pairs, going in opposite directions to stake out points which had been discussed earlier in training. Kai and I moved stealthily to our spot near the front of the house, the nausea hitting us hard as we ducked underneath the elaborate southern style porch. We both took a moment to calm our nausea that signalled that Strigoi were near, before setting up our equipment and doing a little surveillance before we entered the house.

We silently pulled items out of our bags, trying to be as quiet as possible seeing as Strigoi have amazing hearing. Kai pulled out a stake and handed to it me, everyone had two concealed on them, because I wasn't taking any chances. He also tossed me a Zippo lighter, and when I gave him a confused look, he just shrugged and mouthed "safety". I rolled my eyes and began digging through my own pack, coming across two extra pairs of ear pieces. That should've been the first sign that this plan was going anything but accordingly. I held them up to Kai, who's azure eyes widened in shock, without these ear pieces there was no way to communicate between pairs, meaning that a million different things could go wrong. I needed to get these to whoever was missing them and I needed to do it quickly.  
>I darted from underneath the porch stairs, trying to stay as low to the ground as possible as I sprinted to the first stake out point. I just prayed that whatever pair was missing their ear pieces was located at that point. As I ran I noticed a few things, like just how big this house truly was, the pictures did no justice seeing as it was massive. I also noticed all of the plants and flowers growing by the house. There were vines, shrubs and bushes of all types surrounding the house, and it seemed odd that the undead would care about the landscaping. But the biggest and possibly the most important thing I realized was that the sky had clouded over almost completely. Instead of the bright sun that we had arrived too, it had turned into white gray clouds, and raindrops began falling from the sky. I didn't know if the bleak light would still inhibit Strigoi from going outside, or if they would be free to roam around, but I didn't want to find out.<p>

I reached the side of the house where the second stake out was located and glanced around, trying to find whatever pair was supposed to be here. I was beginning to think that they had either been taken or were masters of disguise when I spotted Eddie waving me over from behind a cluster of bushes. I ran over, sliding onto the ground behind the bushes with them, my breathing rapid as I shifted my gaze to see if anything was off or different. Eddie and Dimitri were doing the same, but they were also studying me, obviously wondering what I was doing at their stake out point, seeing as it was not part of the plan.

"Do you two have your ear pieces?" I asked in a hushed tone, continuing to sweep the enormous house. I knew the chances of someone hearing me weren't very high, but I didn't want to risk the chance of detection, or let someone sneak up on us.

"We were just about to put them in." Eddie explained, opening his palm and showing me the two tiny ear pieces. Part of me was relieved that they had them and weren't missing them, but I was also a little frustrated because it meant I had to find Mathews and Sherman to give them their ear pieces. Damn it.

"What's going on? Why are you at our check point?" Dimitri asked, voice serious as he starred at me with his intense brown eyes. Focus Rose, I reminded myself, this isn't the time to be getting lost in anyone's eyes…no matter how gorgeous.

"Mathews and Sherman don't have ear pieces." I told him seriously, while he and Eddie just raised their eyebrows. They knew better than anyone about what happens when something goes wrong during a mission, even the littlest thing. I looked around once more, reminding myself that I had limited time, and I needed to get these ear pieces to the other pair. So I got into a crouched position, doing another survey before turning back to Eddie and Dimitri.

"Continue on exactly as planned." I warned them, my voice low and serious. "I don't want either of you doing something stupid and heroic." Because honestly out of the six of us, this was the pair I was most worried about. Both of these men had huge hearts and always wanted to do what was right, even if it meant risking their own lives. And with that parting message, I ran off to the third and final checkpoint, praying that I remained undetected.

I slinked around the rest of the house, sticking close to the white paneling and grey brick that made up the luxurious house. The nausea had been increasing as I circled the perimeter, meaning that I was getting closer and closer to the Strigoi. I tried to push away the feeling but it continued to hit me harder, and I was afraid of what that meant.

I had just entered the backyard of the house, where the third stake out was located, and was yet again taken aback by the landscape. It was gorgeous, filled with flowers of brilliant colours and luscious grass, along with a patio and what looked like a coy pond. Seriously?

I spotted Mathews and Sherman hiding near the pond, where they were digging through their packs behind a cluster of jagged rocks. I sprinted over and did the same sliding thing I had done earlier, and I was considering joining a baseball team, I was awesome at that. Both Mathews and Sherman looked at me in surprise, obviously wondering what the hell I was doing back here, well I was saving their asses.

"Looking for these?" I hissed, opening my palm and revealing the two ear pieces. Both men gave a relieved sigh, while I just rolled my eyes and watched them put in their ear pieces. Thank God I had managed to get them to the duo without any trouble, now all I had to do was get back to my check point. I was getting ready to remind them about waiting for the okay, when I heard it. From inside the house there was a muffled scream, and it sounded human.

I looked at Mathews and Sherman who nodded, telling me that they too had heard the noise. The coy pond that we were hiding near was close to a rosebush that would conceal us if and listened for a sound, some indication of what was going on inside that house. That's when I heard it, the pleading screams of a girl, begging for someone to come to her rescue, that's when I knew that there were cawe squeezed together close enough. I signalled for both men to follow me, as I scurried over to the rosebush and ducked behind the prickly there I held my breath and listened for a sound, some indication of what was going on inside that house. That's when I heard it, the pleading screams of a girl, begging for someone to come to her rescue, that's when I knew that there were captives in that house. That's when the entire mission changed.

I forgot entirely about the plan, instead trying to figure out what to do and knowing that I had to do it quickly. I knew it was it was like to be held captive with Strigoi, I knew the terror that girl was feeling right now, desperately wishing that someone would come help her. It had happened to me twice before, and each time I begged that someone would come save me, but both times no one did. I had to depend on my own strength and training, and even then I barley made it out alive, I wasn't about to let a defenceless girl go through that type of pain. So without thinking I stood, and prepared to do the only thing I knew would work, barge in and create a hell of a distraction.

"What the hell are you doing?" Asked Mathews, as he tried to pull me back under the cover of the rose bush, but I just shrugged him off. Both of the men were starring at me like I was absolutely insane, and who knows, maybe I am.

"It's called improvising." I snapped, as they both starred at me with wide eyes, obviously freaked out about my whole improvising method. It was understandable since I repeated multiple times over the last few weeks, for everyone to stick to the plan. I may be acting like a hypocrite right now, but I rather be that then let an innocent girl die.

"What happened to sticking to the plan?" Sherman asked, clearly not knowing what to do at this point. Poor guys were completely flustered, I knew they wanted to tackle me to the ground so that I wouldn't ruin the plan, but then again I was the one calling the shots here.

"That was before we learned there were captives involved." I growled, hating that they were wasting time arguing with me about this. "Do you expect me to just let an innocent die?" I may have had a soft spot for people who have been captured, and it was probably because I had been through it before. I knew other's may see it as weak, seeing as those who are captured by Strigoi in our world are left for dead, we rarely ever do rescue missions. But I decided right now, that if I lived through this, then that would be the next law that I tried to pass, to allow rescue operations.

"But what about the others?" Mathews asked, and I rolled my eyes as I edged closer to the house. I knew that he wanted to include the others in this crazy plan, and try to either convince them to join in or have them convince me that this was stupid. But it was useless, by the time they organized a plan and infiltrated the house, I would already be inside kicking ass.

"What about them?" I asked, as I dashed towards the house, leaving the stunned guardians behind to watch. This could all just be another stupid, impulsive Rose Hathaway mistake, and it could very well be the death of me, but at this moment I didn't care. I didn't care about the nausea, or the adrenaline or the risk. The only thing I was thinking about was being held captive in Spokane, being trapped in the estate, and how I never wanted to experience that powerless feeling again.

Kai's Point Of View

Rose had been gone a long time, a lot longer that she should've been if she was only going to the second stake out like I thought. I instantly became worried and tried to reach her through the bond, but couldn't. The increasing nausea that I was feeling had made it difficult to concentrate, along with the barriers that I had put up to keep the Spirits away. It was all taxing and made it impossible to get in contact with Rose, and I had a gut feeling that she wouldn't respond to her ear piece. So I did the only thing I could think of, I ran.

I sprinted along the perimeter, sticking close to the house and trying to stay as silent as possible. I had ran along the side of the house, and spotted Eddie and Dimitri at the second stake out point, both were giving me confused looks. I pressed the button on my ear piece, and spoke quietly.

"Where is Rose?" I asked, trying to mask the urgency in my voice. The last thing I wanted to do was alarm anyone on the team, although I knew that Eddie and Dimitri would catch on quickly if someone was wrong.

"She was just here a few minutes ago, she told us she was heading to the third stake out point." Eddie explained, I just nodded my head and continued running to the third check point, ignoring Eddie's questions. I just needed to get to Rose, and make sure that this plan went exactly as we practiced. But halfway to the third stake point, Mathews voice filled my ear piece, and I knew that something had gone wrong.

"Peters?" He asked, voice sounding a little strange and I knew that something had happened to Rose. I paused as I confirmed that I was listening, and I held my breath in anticipation. "We discovered that there was a captive inside the house, and Guardian Hathaway insisted on rescuing the girl. She went inside the house." He explained, and I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach.

"And you let her go in along?" I asked in outrage, unable to comprehend what I was hearing. I was filled with rage upon hearing all of this, I wanted to beat these idiots senseless and I wanted to shake Rose for being so impulsive. But I knew that now was not the time to get angry, I had to focus, Rose was in danger and I was going to have to help her.

Without waiting for an explanation as to why they let Rose go in alone, or even think it through I was sprinting to the nearest entrance. There happened to be a door along the side of the house, near the second stake out, and I ran as fast as I could towards it. Both Dimitri and Eddie saw me running towards the door, and were asking questions through the ear piece, they wanted to know what was going on. But I had no time to explain, so I just gave them a look and ripped the ear piece out and tossed it to the ground.

I grabbed a hold of the knob and began twisting, only to realize that it was locked. Seriously, Strigoi locked their doors? So I did the only think that I could think of, and pulled my arm back before smashing my hand through the glass. I ignored the pain and blood, and reached down to unlock the door, knowing that I had to move fast. My door stunt had probably attracted a lot of attention, and I needed to get in and find Rose without distractions. But sure enough when I stepped into the house, I was met with a pair of blood red eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

AN: Hey guys! Here is a really short post for you, but I have to say that it's kinda intense, or at least I think so. It's just kinda setting things up for the next few chapters, so hopefully you like it. Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I own hardly anything, everything else belongs to Richelle Mead

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><p>I used as much strength as possible, and kicked open the backdoor. There were probably easier and quieter ways to get inside the house, but I wasn't worried about staying hidden, I was focusing on speed and the backdoor was the fastest way to get inside. The door swung open and I charged forward, my mind yelling at me to find the girl and to get her out, but images from my own captivity continued to poison my thoughts.<p>

Guards. Five wooden chairs. Flex cuffs. Coded doors. Furnished loft. Estate view.

The differences in both captures were mind boggling, one was what you'd expect from a Strigoi, the other was far from predictable. Spokane was cold, hard and meant to break me. But Russia? It had been like a fairytale where the Princess is locked away in a tower. It had been a strange type of prison, designed to fit my every need. The only thing that both captivities had in common, was the ability to tear you down and make you lose yourself. But they also shared ability to make you stronger because of it, without either of those captures I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be the warrior I am today.

I pushed away my past experiences, I didn't need to relive them, especially not now. But it was impossible not to think about it, as I worked my way around this rat maze. Quick glances into every room showed that some were furnished and grand while others were unfurnished and harsh. This house was a mixture of luxury and bleakness, and it was obvious which area the Strigoi kept their victims. I peered my head into one empty room, looking at the blank grey walls and feeling sick as I did so. I thought the nausea was because of the similarities between this room and Spokane, but then I heard the feral growl and whipped around to see a Strigoi lunging at me.

Dimitri's Point Of View

"Rose is in the house." I told Eddie, my voice sounding eerily calm despite the shocking news I was sharing. My eyes stayed focused on Kai, as I watched him smash his hand through the glass window, and twist open the door.

"How do you know?" Eddie asked, his voice hard as he spoke. From my peripheral I could see that he was trying to hide his shock and fear, he was trying to maintain his guardian composer. I shrugged as I watched Kai enter the house, knowing that I was right. Why would Kai smash through a window, and barge into a Strigoi infested house? For Rose Hathaway.

"Kai is level headed, do you really think he would be doing that," I gestured at the empty doorway where Kai had just been standing. "Without a good reason. He loves Rose, he's going in to help her." I hated the words that I was saying, and I wished that it was me breaking into the house to defend Rose, but it wasn't. At least not yet.

Eddie must've had the same idea, because he jumped to his feet around the same time that I did. And without a single word to each other, we charged forward and got ready for the fight of our lives.

Kai's Point Of View

I didn't hesitate once I saw the crimson eyes, instead I jumped straight into action. Grabbing the stake from it's holder, I leapt forward and swiped at the Strigoi. I managed to scratch my stake down her chalky, white arm and winced slightly at the agonizing scream she gave. That, would no doubt attract even more attention. She began to play the offensive, and I dodged a few times before charging forward. I didn't have time for a proper fight, I needed her dead and fast. So, despite her lightening fast reflexes I caught her off guard with my bold move, and stabbed her right through the heart. I pulled my stake out instantly, not giving her a second glance as I heard footsteps coming behind me. I whirled around to see Eddie and Dimitri standing in the doorway, assessing the situation.

"We have to move fast." Eddie announced, looking at the body writhed on the floor. "They are going to swarm us soon." And I knew that he was right, the fight was far from quiet with all of her screaming, I just hoped that we could find Rose soon. We then set off down the dingy hallway, heading in the direction of the back of the house, but doing continually sweeps as we moved. I also made sure to monitor my nausea, if it became stronger it meant that we were going to have to fight.

Rose's Point Of View

I just barley had enough time to dodge the attack, side stepping the Strigoi who was aiming to bite my neck. I felt my instincts take over, as I bent into a defensive stance, preparing to fight. I knew that I had to take down my opponent quickly if I had any hope of finding the girl, because if I didn't and more began attacking, I didn't know if I would be able to defend myself. The Strigoi lunged at me again, but instead of moving out of the way, I grabbed my stake and plunged it into his heart. It seemed that during his bloodlust, he had forgotten about blocking my shot, and ultimately it cost him his life…or death…undead life?

I pulled the stake out and let his body slump to the floor, not giving it a second glance as I ran down another hallway, praying that I could find this girl. I didn't know how much time I had left, or if I had any at all. For all I knew the Strigoi could be sniffing me out right now.

I continued running through the dark hallways, looking into every room I passed, searching for signs of captives, but finding nothing. I stopped in the middle of the corridor, while the feeling of hopelessness began to creep into my mind. I didn't have a single clue as to what I was doing, I was following impulse and running around with my head cut off. I mean, I bragged about being such a changed person but what I was doing right now? That was something the old Rose would do, just running into situations without thinking. It wasn't a very guardian like thing to do.

Hell, I was the leader of the guardians, but I wasn't acting like it right now. The only thing I was doing was wasting my energy by running around in circles. I needed to develop some type of plan, I needed to think of what my next move was. And as I stood there in the dark hallway, Hans's words from his retirement party came back to me. The words of the guardian council leader.

Use your head. Put your heart into it. And follow your gut.

At the time I had scoffed at his words, but right now? They were actually pretty useful. I was putting my heart into it, but I wasn't using my head or following my gut. I needed to be smarter and use all of those things, I needed to be the guardian that I know I can be. And that's when I thought of a plan, and just in time as another wave of nausea struck me.

Kai's Point Of View

We had made little progress as we searched the house. This place was huge, and shouldn't even be considered a house, more like a mansion. There were so many rooms, with adjacent exits and twisting hallways, that seemed to extend through the entire house. It was going to be impossible to find her, especially since the bond was being temporarily blocked by the nausea and the barriers. There was always the option of letting the barriers down? Of course it would disorient me and ghosts would be swarming, but maybe I would be able to find out Rose's location. It was dangerous, but it was the only option we had unless we wanted to continue wasting time in this maze.

"Stop." I whispered, grabbing Eddie's shoulder. He turned to look back at me, alarm written all of his face, it was clear he thought that Strigoi was close. I just shook my head, hoping that it would take a little of the edge off. He needed to be alert, but not to the point of crazy.

"Why are we stopping?" Dimitri asked, his eyes continued to dart around the hallway, remaining vigilant. I looked down to see that he his knuckles were turning white as he gripped the stake tightly, and I wondered what was going through his head right now. I loved Rose and she was the only person I had left, but he used to be in love with Rose. And from what I've seen in their memories, they were pretty intense. I mean, you had to be madly in love with someone to travel the world to save them. You also had to deeply in love with someone, to continually save their ass and defend them whenever they needed it, and be there when they may be going insane. There was a lot of love between those two, or at least there was. I couldn't imagine what he must be thinking, if I was in his position and Bridget was in the house somewhere…

I immediately pushed the thoughts out of my head. I wasn't in Belikov's position and Bridget was dead, I didn't need to worry about all the possibilities and what if's. I needed to focus on Rose, and making sure she wasn't alone in this.

"If we have any chance of finding Rose, then I need to use the bond." I explained, and the two men starred at me with blank expressions. I could tell that they were both wondering why I hadn't already suggested using it, because surely if I could have already than I would have. "But to do so, I have to let my barriers drop and let the Spirits in." I explained slowly, fidgeting slightly, knowing that time was ticking. Both Eddie and Dimitri seemed to understand what letting my barriers down meant, and I was grateful that I didn't have to waste time explaining.

"We'll watch your back," Dimitri nodded, and I felt confident that these two would deal with anything that came up with I was vulnerable. And without hesitating or waiting any longer, I let the walls that blocked out the ghosts, drop.

It felt like my skull was being ripped apart, as pain split through my head. I reached up and gasped my head, like I was holding it together as ghostly figures filled the hallway. I could hardly see anything else besides the luminescent bodies, I had even lost sight of Dimitri and Eddie who had been standing next to me. My eyes were swimng with ghosts and spirits, so I close tem for a moment. I needed to get a hold of myself for a minute, so I inhaled deeply and gritted against the pain. I thought I was ready, but when I opened my eyes I saw something I was far from ready for, I saw a face I would know anywhere. I saw Bridget.


	32. Chapter 32

AN: Hey guys! Sorry this took so long to post, it was actually pretty difficult to write. It was filled with a lot of fight scenes, which I have discovered are not my forte. But I wanted to do the best that I could, and whenever I write I really try to channel Rose (and other characters) and try to get them as close to the original as I can (if that makes sense?) So, whenever I'm writting a fight scene am also wondering what she's thinking, what she's doing ect. It's a pretty long process!  
>But enough of my rambling, lets move on.<br>Thankyou to everyone and anyone who has reviewed. I love to know what you think! It's so awesome when I see that I have reviews, so please review! (it would be an awesome Christmas present to me!)

Chapter Review: They are in the house, Rose has developed a plan just as she gets attacked, and Kai sees Bridget

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns everything Vampire Academy...I just wish that I did.

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><p>Rose's Point Of View<p>

I spun around, just as another Strigoi rounded the corner, white fangs glistening with saliva in the dull light. This one looked like he had been a dhampir before he was awakened, meaning that he would probably pose a challenge, good thing I was up for it.

I ran towards him, my attempt to surprise him, but he had seen and heard me coming. He quickly struck his arm out, which sent me flying backwards a few feet as I crashed into the wall. Luckily, my dhampir reflexes aloud me to regain my balance quickly, and I resumed a fighting stance. I knew that hit had probably caused a lot of damage, but my heart was beating too fast and the adrenaline was pumping through my veins, the bloodlust wasn't allowing me to feel pain.

I lunged forward again, swiping my stake and snagging it on his shirt, and he snarled as I jumped back to avoid another one of his hits. He struck out once more with his right hand, and I moved to doge it, only to be kicked back by his left. I stumbled slightly, before straightening back up, and was determined not to falter again. The fight continued on like that, with him knocking me around like a rag doll, while I got in a few hits here and there. He was better than I had expected, and had anticipated most of my moves. I knew that if I didn't take him out soon, then I would be dead, but I had to catch him by surprise. I needed to throw him a curve ball, something that he would not predict, and I knew that I was going to have to use some of my newer moves.

Thinking back to when I sparred with Dimitri, I kicked my left leg up high into the air, praying that this would work out the way it had in practice. If it didn't, then I would be vulnerable and easy to take down. But thankfully, he had gone for my plan, and grabbed my ankle just like Dimitri had. The Strigoi gave me a sinister smile, like he had already won the fight and expected me to start begging, but I caught him off guard. Giving him a wicked smile of my own, I pushed my other leg off the ground, slamming my foot into his knee as hard as I could. It wasn't enough to knock him over like Dimitri, but it was enough to cause him lose balance, and then I threw my weight into him so that he fell.

I didn't hesitate or bother wasting time with punches like I had during the fight with Dimitri. I just looked into the cold, red eyes of the Strigoi as I plunged my stake into his heart, and tried to imagine that he looked grateful. I had released him from his unnatural state, and I hoped that he would forgive me when he reaches the land of the dead. I pulled my stake out, wiping the blood off of the blade, before slowly standing and walking down the hallway from which he came. It was the only clue I had to where the rest of them were, and where the girl was being held captive. I wandered the hallway for what seemed like hours, the heavy silence was deafening, and I was beginning to think that I would never find what I was looking for. But then I heard it. Then I heard them.

I heard muffled voices coming from the room at the end of the hallway. The nausea that had been dull a moment ago, was no full blown and I had to stop briefly because the intensity had thrown me off. There were Strigoi in that room, and judging from my instincts I would say a lot of them. I began edging closer to the room, gripping my stake firmly and trying not to make a noise as I approached.

"Where are they?" A cold feminine voice commanded, cause goose bumps to appear on my arms. "We sent the three of them out to see what all that racquet was about, and none have returned." The voice growled, and I felt myself bristle. I had only killed two Strigoi, meaning that the third one was still lurking around somewhere.

"Would you like us to check, Sonya?" Another cold voice asked, and I felt myself stiffen again for two reasons. The first was because if the Strigoi decided to go check on the others, they would no doubt find me outside the room, and my cover would be blown. But the only reason that had made me freeze was because of the name - Sonya.

Mikhail's lover/my old teacher turn Strigoi had been named Sonya. She had been missing for years, and Mikhail was searching for her, but what if she had been here this whole time? It would explain the landscaping, seeing as she had loved gardening when she was alive, but what if it was her? There was no way that I could turn her back to a moroi, not without a Spirit user which I didn't have access to right now. I couldn't call back up, or get a Spirit user brought to the house. The only option I could think of was bringing her back to court.

"No." Snapped Sonya, and I tried to look past the sinister edge to the voice, to see if it belonged to Ms. Karp. It was obvious to me that whoever this woman was, she was the leader of the group and everyone listened to what she said. Strigoi weren't faithful the way dhampirs and moroi were, but they knew when someone was a threat and could over take them. "Since they decided to take their sweet time, it means they miss out on dessert. More for us." She cackled, and I winced at the twisted sound. But another noise besides the evil laugh was catching my attention, the whimpering of a girl.

They were getting ready to feed on her, she was their dessert. I felt automatically disgusted, and knew that I had to step in now or else the girl would be dead. It may be crazy, and I may but outnumbered but I had made it this far, and I had to try.

So I took one last breath, taking a second to appreciate everything I had. I forgot about all of the negative things in my life, and all of the things that I regretted or still wanted to do, and just thought about the positives. It filled me with enough courage to put my plan into action, as I turned down the hallway, where a table sat. I shuffled down to it, grabbing a small clock off it, feeling it's weight in my hand. I then chucked it into one of the empty rooms on the right, listening to the loud clatter as I ducked into an adjacent room on the left.

"What was that? Don't just stand there, figure it out." Snarled Sonya from down the hallway, and I heard the muttered agreements from her followers. I shut my eyes tightly and held my breath, counting to five before peeking around the doorframe. I saw two Strigoi cautiously entering the room which I had thrown the clock into. My plan had worked for the most part, I had wanted to separate them to make it easier to attack and kill them. I had been hoping for only one, but two was still pretty were men and looked like they had previously been moroi. One was taller and a tad bulkier that the other, I decided that he was going to be more of a threat and I needed to dispose of him first if I had any hope of beating them.

With their backs turned to me, I took it as my opportunity to attack, and leapt onto the taller Strigoi's back. I had caught both of them off guard, which tilted the odds slightly in my favour. I hurried to make a move while they were still flustered and surprised, and dragged my stake across his face, causing him to scream out in pain as he clutched his face. His accomplice was trying to rip me off of him, but with this guy flailing around in pain, it made it too difficult.I held on for dear life, trying to stay on as long as I possibly could, because I knew the longer I stayed on the longer I stayed alive. Once the Strigoi had calmed down slightly, I stabbed my stake into his shoulder blade, causing him to scream out in pain once more. By that time though we had attracted enough attention with all of the scream and shouting, so much so that another Strigoi entered the room to see what all the racket was about. When the third Strigoi entered the room - a woman was short blonde hair, who looked like she too had been a moroi before changing - and didn't hesitate before jumping in. She joined the second Strigoi trying to pull me off of the first, who was still screaming bloody murder as I continued to puncture him with my stake.

But it was only a matter of time before they managed to rip me off the first Strigoi, and throw me onto the ground. I quickly rolled away and pulled myself up onto my feet, knowing that I was vulnerable on the ground. I had to play smart, I couldn't allow any of the Strigoi to get behind me, and I had to strike with precision. I would have to see which one had left their heart unguarded, and take that one down without letting the others attack me.

The beginning of the first was chaos. The Strigoi weren't working together so much as individually, causing them to continually miss me because another got in the way. So I dodged every time, narrowly escaping almost every hit for a while, until the Strigoi finally began to work as a unit. That, was when I officially became began striking from all different sides, knocking me around like I weighed nothing. I tried dodging for a while longer, but it was futile because once I dodged one set of hands I found myself backing into another set, which threw me across the room. That's when I knew I had to begin attacking, trying to play offensive. Whenever one the Strigoi came at me, I attempted to hit back or swipe them with my stake, sometimes succeeding.

I received a hard kick to the stomach from the woman, and flew back a few feet and slamming into the wall. I gasped for air as I scrambled to get back onto my feet, I was sure that I had broken a rib but wasn't able to feel it quite yet. I was wheezing as I stood, and when I went to wipe my brow, I was shocked to see my hand covered in blood. Apparently, I was getting beat up worse than I thought.I looked back at my opponents and saw that they were closing in on me, and I had no where to go. I had been backed into a corner, and the only option I had was to fight my way out. So much for my stupid plan, I thought, oh well it had slim chances anyway.I knew the probability of me dying was high, but I took comfort that I had made it this far, I had already killed two Strigoi and given these three one hell of a fight. But that didn't mean that I was just going to accept dying, not like this. I was going to go down swinging, which is why I leapt out at the shorter, male Strigoi and began swiping him with my stake.

I had managed to plunge my stake through his heart, and he died instantly leaving me with only two more opponents. I turned back to begin another attack, when the male Strigoi backhanded me, and I stumbled slightly. There was a high pitched ringing in my ears that I was positive wasn't healthy, and the room had tilted slightly as I tried to counter attack. God, this was getting exhausting I thought, while trying and failing to strike him with my stake. We went back and forth for a while, and that's when I thought I saw an opening for his heart. I wasn't about to hesitate and lose my shot, so I moved forward to stake him, only realizing too late that it was a trap. As I had moved forward for the kill, the woman took her this as her opportunity to knock me closer causing me to lose my momentum and balance, while the male dragged me down the ground and was on me in a flash. He was straddling me while holding my wrists down, making it nearly impossible to move.

This was how I would die. I would be dying for good this time, after escaping it so many times it was surreal to know that I wouldn't be brought back. This was the real deal. I should be terrified, but I was too disoriented to be scared. I was actually surprised that my mind was still able to form coherent thoughts after all of the hits I had received. But nonetheless I wasn't afraid, I mean it had happened twice before already, now wasn't any different. Except, this time would be absolutely painless. It would be euphoric, because I would be in a state of bliss as the Strigoi drained my life away, and I took pleasure in knowing that.

And as his sharp, white fangs came closer to puncturing my skin, and my breathing hitched in anticipation, I found myself feeling regretful. I had let down so many people, and my defeat would surely be an omen for guardians. I had failed my people by not completing the mission successfully, and now the law wouldn't be passed. I failed all the guardians by dying now, and leaving them without a leader. I failed my team by ruining the entire mission and running into the house blindly. I failed the girl in the other room who needed someone to save her. All of those failures were swirling around in my brain as I felt his breath on my neck, while he moved away some hair that had fallen out of my messy bun, and got ready to bite me. m

Kai's Point of View

Despite her translucent body and pale features, she still had the same beauty as she did when she was living. There were no indications that she had been brutally murdered, everything about her looked exactly the same, only duller. It was easy to convince myself that she was really here, and not just a fragment of my imaginations, that it wasn't just a shadow kissed effect. It was easy pretend that this was real.

I felt a smile break out onto my face, and tears began to sting my eyes as I looked at her. God, she was beautiful. I reached my hand out to touch her cheek, wanting nothing more than to feel her warm skin, to hold her once again. But, I only felt air. I pulled my hand back slightly, while she smiled bitterly, her washed out, blue eyes were filled with endless remorse. And I knew that it didn't matter how hard I tried to convince myself that she was really here, because in the end she never was.

It felt like my heart was shattering into a million pieces, like she just died and it was breaking my heart all over again. And I found myself wanting to die, just to be with her again. I wanted to stay here forever, with my mental barriers down, just so that I could watch her. Just so that I could be with her, because the thought of doing anything else was unbearable. The thought of moving on was impossible.

She opened her mouth, wanting to say something but struggling to do so. And I prayed that she would find the strength, because I craved to hear her voice once more. I yearned to listen to the musical tone that haunted my memories, and to know that if my dreams did her magical voice any justice.

"Rose," She finally managed to whisper, looking although the simple word had taken all of her strength. But Rose's name had broke through the haze that I had surrounded myself in. It was like an alarm going off in my head, and I remembered how Rose had helped pick up the shards of my broken heart, trying to mend me. How Rose was there when everyone else was gone, how she was the only person that I had left.

"Where is she? Come on Bridge, tell me where she is." I begged, unable to lose the last thing that I had left in the world. I couldn't lose the last person that I cared about.

Bridget shut her haunting eyes for a moment, and I held my breath as I waited for her answer. After a moment, her eyes fluttered open and she raised her ghostly hand, pointing down the corridor. And it was like I could hear read her thoughts clearly.

Go left. Climb the stairs. Go left. Turn right.

I had what I needed to find Rose, but I found it impossible to break the connection, to throw my walls back up. I couldn't leave, not yet. It was like she understood my thoughts, and she gave me a soft smile. She knew how hard it was to be the one left behind, and what it was like to blame yourself for something. She was so understanding and sympathetic, those were two of the reasons that I had fallen so madly in love with her.

I wanted to hold her again, just one more time. To feel her touch, and listen to her laugh. I wanted to go back, and admit that I was wrong during every fight, so that we would stop arguing. I wanted to go back and make her every dream come true. I wanted to take more time off work to spend with her, and to start a family with her. I wanted all of these things, but most of all I wanted to say a proper goodbye. I wanted to kiss her and tell her that I loved her, so that when she died, she would know that she meant the world to me.

But I couldn't do any of those things.

She just lifted her hand, pointing down the corridor, and I knew what she wanted me to do.

Bridget was gone, but Rose was still around.

I couldn't have saved Bridget, but I had the chance to help Rose, and I'll be damned if I left her die. So with one last longing look, I took off down the hallway and threw my mental barriers up. It took all the strength I had to block her out, but I knew that's what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to help Rose, she wanted to make sure that I wasn't alone in the world, and I knew that she felt my love. She understood all of the things I wanted to say and do.

I could hear Dimitri and Eddie trailing behind me as I turned left down the corridor, and ran until I found the stairs. And as I ran, I pushed everything out of my mind, and focused on helping the last person I had left in the world.

Rose's Point of View

That's when I snapped.

I was Rose Hathaway for God's sake, and I wasn't about to be taken down so easily. I needed to fight and I needed to win. It is who I am. I wasn't about to gibe up and accept defeat, I wasn't going to be that weak. I had a reputation of being dangerous and lethal, and I was going to live up to the reputation. So, despite my exhaustion and injuries, I mustered up all of the strength that I had, and kneed the Strigoi hard in the stomach.

He flinched slightly, shifting his weight to deal with the pain that I had inflicted, which gave me the opportunity that I needed. Using all of my force, I rolled is over so that I was now straddling him, and I took my stake that I had been gripping the entire time, and thrust it into his heart. I watched as his face went slack and his eyes turned blank, before pulling my stake out of his chest, feeling triumphant.

But a snarl reminded me that this was far from over, I turned as the woman launched herself at me, knocking me off the body and back onto the floor. We continued to grapple for a while, and she continued to knock me around until I was positive that she had bruised every surface on my body. By that point she was on top of my chest, and bashing my head with her fists as I tried to block with my left hand, seeing as my right kept a tight hold on my stake.

After a particularly nasty blow to the head, which left me spinning I knew that she had enough, and was ready to go in for the kill. Pinning her forearm against my throat and cutting off my airways, and hissing as she bent her head down closer to my jugular, as I continued to struggle. I tried desperately to push her off of me, and was looking for some type of leeway or a change to wriggle out from under here, but she had me in a tight position. She was constricting my airways while also pinned to the ground, and it was not looking good for me.

But just as her teeth neared my skin, she heard something - which I couldn't over my racing heart - and it stole her attention away from me. I didn't bother to figure out what had taken her attention, instead I lifted my hand and guided my stake into her heart, just like I had been taught all those years ago.

The Strigoi's crimson eyes widened in shock and pain, before her body fell limply on top of me. I wriggled out from under her with what little strength I had left, laying on my back and clutching my throat, desperate for air. I was filled with bliss as I laid in the dark room, despite that I was surrounded by blood and bodies, I was too busy relishing in my victory to care. But then I remembered that something had distracted the woman from killing me, and just like that my short lived happiness was over. I was thrust back into reality by the sound of muffled voices and footsteps coming closer. Thinking it was more Strigoi who had heard the noise and were coming to check it out, I moved into a defensive crouch, preparing to attack.

What I wasn't prepared for was Kai, Eddie and Dimitri to stick their heads into the room. And judging from the startled looks on their faces, I could tell that they weren't expecting what they saw either.


	33. Chapter 33

AN: I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! My friends graciously gifted me with the Vampire Academy: Ultimate Guide. Which if you havent heard about, is basically an entire guide to the series, characters, villians, plots ect. It even has a few quizzes and some Q&A with Richelle Mead. It's pretty cool, and will deffinetly contribute to the rest of this fanfic! But enough babbling! I have a huge post for you today, so please read and review!

Disclaimer: The talented Richelle Mead created the entire world of VA, I just created the plot.

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><p>"What the hell are you doing in here?" I hissed, wondering at which point during this mission had everyone lost their damn minds, myself included. We were all putting ourselves in grave danger by being inside this house, without any sort of plan. We had all just gone into this house, trying to be heroes of some sort, which was exactly what I had warned everyone not to do. The heroes rarely ever lived to tell about their exploits, yet we all try to play that role. I guess it was just a common trait we all shared, another shared trait we all possessed was that we were the best guardians around. Maybe they were linked.<p>

"What are we doing in here? Coming to save your ass, that's what." Kai snapped, moving towards me in a flash. He was studying my features and my battle wounds, obviously trying to keep a cool face and not alert me to the severity of my injuries. But it didn't matter, I already knew that they were pretty bad, I could start to feel the stinging pain that the battle lust has blocked out.

"Well, now that you're here, you can at least help me. There's a girl being held captive, and I don't think we have much time to save her. Come on." I commanded, straightening up out of my defensive position, and nearly toppling over. Everything around me had tilted and my vision grew slightly dimmer. Kai had caught my elbow and studied me, while Dimitri and Eddie, who had been observing the gory room, immediately came over to help.

"Like hell. You need to get out of this house and get back to the clinic at court." Kai told me, and I just rolled my eyes and swatted everyone away, taking a few unsteady steps away from them. The only way I was leaving this house, was if I had that girl with me and I wasn't going to debate that. Now, time was slipping away and soon that girl would be drained, I needed to move now.

"I'll go after I save the day." I told them, as I made my way over to the door. "And you can either help or wait outside." I turned back, watching as the three listened in my words. They all wore the same stoic expression as they took in what I was saying, obviously debating whether they should help me or throw me over their shoulder and carry me out. I turned back to the hall. I didn't have the time for them to debate the correct choice, I already knew what the right thing to do was, and I planned to act on it. If they didn't, than they were the men I thought they were.

I was stealthy walking down the corridor to the room where the remaining Strigoi were. I had made it to the doorway and was preparing to peer in when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I looked into deep brown eyes, and felt my heart begin to quicken. He was going to help me. Dimitri obviously understood that I was doing the right thing, which shouldn't have been a surprise to me. We had always been so alike and saw things in the same way, we both always wanted to do the right thing, no matter what it was or how dangerous it could be. We both just had different methods of helping out, his being concise and thought out, while mine was usually impulsive and poorly planned.

I opened my mouth to say something, when I noticed that both Kai and Eddie were also standing in the hallway, looking ready to take on the entire world. I felt a smile break out on my face, I knew they may not be happy with my choice to fight with all my injuries, but they would support me. They would fight right alongside me. I quickly put on my guardian mask, knowing that this was serious. We could all die in the next few seconds, and it would be my fault. I tried to push the thought out of my head, because the image of Dimitri, Eddie or Kai dying was too unbearable, especially since no one would be coming back from this. Not this time.

Turning back to face the door way, I closed my eyes and gripped my stake tightly, it was now or never. I opened my eyes and dashed into the room, knowing that the guys would be right behind me. As we entered the room I took in the setting, the slate gray room that was void of furniture save a straight back wooden chair, and the frightened looking girl sitting in it. My attention immediately went to the girl, because when I looked at her I saw flashes of myself and of my friends.

Spokane flashed before my eyes, along with Russia but another captivity that I hadn't experienced first hand, but had seen through different eyes flashed. When Dimitri had captured Lissa and Christian as a ploy to get me, he had taken her to a warehouse with straight back wooden chairs and dull gray walls.

The images swarmed my memory, making it impossible to think for a minute. I was struck by all of those reminders of my past, of how those moments were so pivotal in my life. Mason dying, the discovery of restoration and the actual experience of restoring someone. All of those had happened during captivity.

I was stuck in a haze of past memories and previous situations when I finally noticed the fire red hair with pale white skin.

Sonya.

So it was true. The Strigoi in charge of all the others was Sonya Karp, my former teacher and friends lover. It was strange how things worked out. Although I wanted to help Mikhail find her, I really wish she wasn't here because I had no way of restoring her. I either had to kill her, let her go or figure out a way to get her to a spirit users, none of which would be easy.

"Don't kill her!" I shouted at my team, while Dimitri and Eddie engaged the other two Strigoi in the room and Kai went for Sonya. Pushing past the nausea, I shouted through the bond for Kai to distract but not kill Sonya until I figured out the best course of action. In the mean time I made my way towards the girl, needing to free her as soon as possible.

"Who are you?" She gulped. Although she was trying to seem brave, I could see the terror in her tear filled, hazel eyes. She was scared out of her mind and I could understand why. Not only was her entire belief system being shaken due to the revelation of vampires, but she had also been captured and probably threatened by anything she's ever feared. She was also ten seconds away from being dessert.

Seeing as she was the last course, it probably also meant she had watched others die.

"I'm Rose, and I'm here to help you." I explained as I quickly began sawing through the flex cuffs on her wrists that bound her to the chair. "We're here to help you." I added as I watched my friends kill and defeat the other Strigoi, except for Kai. He was dodging hit after hit with Sonya, yet still managed to keep her interested in the fight.

"But how?" She asked, stumbling over her words as she jerked her hands free from the flex cuffs, and scrambled to stand up. "How are you fighting them, how is any of this possible?" She grabbed a hold of me, and refused to loosen her grip. I didn't know what else to say to her, I didn't know how to explain any of this to her. She wasn't supposed to be exposed to this type of thing, she should never have been here.

"Questions later. Right now we have to get you out." I told her, not adding that I had to find a way to restore Sonya, without a spirit user. Instead I pushed her back so we were at arms length, I pushed her caramel curls away from her face, forcing her to look into my eyes.

"But you can't. You can't beat them - they're v-vampires." She stuttered, clearly shocked by her own admission. I was about to tell her that we could beat them, because as dhampirs that's what we were trained to do, but I figured that just might freak her out more. So, instead I decided to go for a slightly different approach.

"You see those guys over there?" I asked, jerking my head towards Dimitri and Eddie who were taking down the final Strigoi. She nodded her head rigorously, and I gave her a slight smile as she did. "You are going to go with them, and they are going to get you out. They are going to make sure nothing happens to you. Do you hear me?" I asked, and she bit her lip and nodded again. I turned to see Eddie sliding his stake out of the limp body, and I knew this was the perfect time to get the girl out and deal with Sonya.

Both Dimitri and Eddie turned to me, obviously wondering what I wanted them to do next, since I put Sonya on a clear, no killing list. I beckoned them over, knowing that they were probably not going to like the task I had for them, especially since I had just gave a lecture about staying the house to help me. But someone had to protect her, and keep her safe while figured out what to do with Sonya.

"Get her out of here, keep her safe. Protect her and bring her to the third check point, with Mathews and Sherman." I commanded, using my leader of the guardian council, although it wasn't necessary. I didn't have to exert my power over the people I cared about, but I didn't want them to put up a fight. They just nodded, understanding that this was a no questions asked order, but I could see the struggle in Eddie's eyes. He didn't want to leave me like this, he wanted to help me fight, but he didn't want to disobey my orders.

"Go." I whispered, pushing the girl over to Eddie and jerking my chin to the door. Eddie gave one last longing look, before grabbing a hold of the girl and guiding her towards the exit alongside Dimitri, who wore an unreadable expression. After I watched them walk out, I turned my attention to Kai and Sonya.

It was an awkward fight to say the least. Kai was on the defensive, which was not something he was use to, and Sonya was using it all to her advantage. She knew that I ordered Kai not to kill her, so she didn't have to worry about blocking her heart, meaning she put all her focus towards killing Kai. He was dodging all of her hits but he wasn't striking back, although I could tell he wanted to. I watched as Sonya, landed what would've been a killing blow if Kai hadn't blocked, but still the hit had done some damage. Sonya had struck out in an attempt to hit Kai's skull, which would've been bone crushing, but Kai had used his arm as a shield. So instead of crushing his head this she intended, her blow had broken his arm.

I watched with wide eyes as Kai gasped in pain but continued to fight. I knew I needed to jump in now, or risk losing Kai. I was set on not killing Sonya, but instead stunning her into unconsciousness, so that I could get her to a Spirit user. It wouldn't be easy, and we would have to continually stun her during the car ride back to court, but it could be done. Now the question was, how do I stun her?

My eyes wandered over to the wooden chair that the girl had been tied up in. I narrowed in on the legs, remembering to when I smashed the table in Russia, and used the leg of it to stab Dimitri and momentarily stun him.

Without another thought I shot forward, grabbing the chair and smashing it against the ground repeatedly until a leg broke off. I picked it up, seeing Kai receive another hard blow as I gripped the chair leg in my hand. It was now or never.

Sprinting towards the two, I planned to surprise Sonya and stab her heart, but she had seen me coming. She shoved Kai out of the way just as I came up behind her, knocking him to the ground and focusing her attention on me, obviously seeing me as a threat. She grabbed my shoulder and snarled as she jerked me forward, blocking her heart from me. Her other hand reached and grabbed the chair leg from my hand, and threw it across the room.

"Rosemarie Hathaway." She sneered, her crimson eyes boring into mine. Yet when I looked into them, all I could see was the azure blue colour that they used to be. All I could see was the person she used to be. "You're famous now, not just to your people but among the Strigoi as well. It's going to be a pleasure killing you." She smirked, her voice cold and harsh as she spoke.

"Go to hell." I spat. I knew that I was probably going to die, but I couldn't bring myself to kill her. I knew it was the only thing that would save me, seeing as it was impossible to stun her with the wood gone, and the only option I had was to kill her. But if I did then I would be destroying my friend's chance at love and happiness, and I didn't know if I could take that away from him. I may be a little cynical about love lately, but that didn't mean that I wanted everyone else to suffer without it. If I was dying to let Sonya live - to let Mikhail have another chance to bring her back, and experience love again - then I would be proud to do so.

"Still ill tempered I see." She remarked, her cold voice was calculating. "Perhaps, I should awaken you. You are powerful among the dhampirs, just imagine how you would be among the Strigoi." She roared, her words making my blood run cold. Being killed and unable to come back was a frightening concept. But it would eventually my destiny, I couldn't live forever. Besides, I had already died twice before, and I knew how easy and painless it could be. I didn't want to, but I could accept it. But being awakened? That was not something that I would allow, not after everything that's happened throughout my life. I rather die than become one of them, because I've seen what it does to you. It turns you into a blood thirsty monster, and it strips away every good thing about you. If I was awakened, I would destroy everything that I had worked so hard to build, I would tear down moroi society and probably go on a sadistic killing spree of my friends. And even if someone cared about me enough to restore me, I wouldn't be the same and I wouldn't still be Rose Hathaway. I've seen what it did to Dimitri, and I did not want to fall peril to that same fate.

I was consumed by the thought of me as a Strigoi, that it took me a moment to realize that her fangs were nearing my neck. I needed to do something quickly to prevent her from awakening me. If I didn't then who knows what kind of wrath I would inflict as a monster, it was almost unimaginable.

I was trying to come up with a plan when I felt the points of her teeth brush my neck, and slowly penetrate. I gasped in pain, before the endorphins from the bite began working their magic, and I completely forgot about all of my troubles. I was sky high and I never wanted to come down.

I was feeling all light and loopy, as the world dimmed around me and I felt a dopy smile appear on my face. I closed my eyes and let myself bask in the rush, wanting nothing more that to spend eternity like this.

But all too quickly I was ripped out of my trance. The illusion of happiness and tranquility was shattered, and my eyes shot open to see the four, gray walls of the mansion. Reality came rushing back as the endorphins began to drain from my body.

Sonya had bitten me, and I should've been stuck in a doped up state, except that she hadn't drank from me long enough. At best she had bitten me for a few seconds, not long enough to be satisfied or drug me. But that didn't mean that I wasn't slightly disoriented.

I looked around, trying to figure out why Sonya had stopped biting me. Although I knew it was wrong, I slightly craved the rush and regretted that she stopped biting me. After all the years with Lissa, and the weeks I spent being bit by Dimitri in Russia, it made it difficult to overcome my feeder addictions. Although I wasn't about to become a bloodwhore anytime soon, I couldn't resist the desire to be bitten. It was sick and needed to be worked on. But when I turned to see Kai moving to strike Sonya, I shook off any last remainders of the high, my attention focusing on the silver stake in his hand.

_NO!_

I shrieked through the bond for him to stop, and tried to force him to drop the stake, but he resisted. He had his mental barriers built high, and I understood it was to block out the nausea and the ghosts, but I prayed that I could break through. But it was no use, he went in for the kill and stabbed her heart, and I watched in shock as she fell to the ground. I stumbled over to her fallen body as Kai removed the stake, his face looking impassive as my hands fluttered over her dead body. I needed to do something, I needed to fix this.

"What did you do?" I asked, my voice low as tears filled my eyes. He had killed Sonya, he had ruined any and all chances of Mikhail getting her back. He destroyed someone else's chance at happiness, and yet I couldn't help but feel like this was partly my fault. If I had devised a better plan than none of this would have happened, if I had been stronger. But of course, I didn't want to admit that this was my fault. I didn't want to admit to my guilt or agony, so I let my anger take over. I let it fuel me, as I began pointing fingers to hide my real feelings.

"What did I do? Rose she was going to kill you - she was going to awaken you." Kai explained, although his face was blank his eyes were begging me to understand.

"You should've let me die Kai." I told him, swallowing back my tears as I slowly stood and faced him. "You should've let Mikhail have a happy ending, you should've given him his chance at love. But you didn't, you stole it from him." I blinked back tears that had began brimming, and I forced myself not to cry. I wasn't about to break down, not now.

"That's crazy Rose, and you know." His voice was pleading, and his blue eyes were torn. I knew that he didn't want to kill Sonya, he wished that she could've lived but it had come down to her or me. And like always, he picked me.

"Is it?" I countered, preparing to use my Rose logic against him. "You and I knew better than anyone what it's like to lose the person you love, to have the reason you wake up in the morning ripped away from you. We both know what it's like to live without our other halves, yet you just took someone else's away. You just destroyed someone's reason for existence." I told him, my voice sounding hollow as I spoke. I saw him wince and look down, taking in my words. I knew that I was hurting him but I didn't care at this moment.

"How do you know?" He asked, voice sounding hard as he looked back up at me, his eyes devoid of all emotion, matching his expressionless face. "How do you know that she wouldn't have just rejected him? What would've happened if she was restored and then she rejected him, don't you think that would've been just as heartbreaking? And you know that there was a strong possibility that she would, I mean, look what happened to you." He spoke, and his words cut me like a knife. Yeah, look what happened to me.

It was obvious that Kai had reached the same point as I had. We were ready to say anything just to hurt the other, we had reached the limit and were ready to push one another over the edge. If I was being rational I would stop right now, and push this aside until we got out of this house and back in the safety of court wards. But I wasn't thinking rationally or professionally, I was thinking like typical, haughty Rose Hathaway. I was willing to do anything to hurt him right now, including bringing Bridget into this.

"My situation has nothing to do with Mikhail's. After everything he's been through, he deserved the chance to see her alive. And who the hell knows what would've happened after, she may have gone running back into his arms. But we will never know, because you took that away from him." I spat, a sneer creeping up my face as I prepared for the final blow. "How do you think Bridget would react. She was always a romantic, and an advocate for choices. Don't you think she'd be disappointed that you just took away someone's choice. Wouldn't she be rolling in her grave right about now?" I asked, knowing that everything I had just said was beyond low. But he had brought Dimitri into this, meaning that there were no exceptions or rules. Bridget may be a sensitive topic, but so was Dimitri.

"Shut up, Rose." Kai growled, and I could hear the threat in his voice, the unsaid "or else" was evident. He wanted me to back down, he was trying to force me to back down, but I wouldn't. And I knew that he wouldn't either, we were both too alike to lose.

"Or what?" I asked, my voice had it's own threatening edge to it as I spoke. "What are you going to do Kai?" I took a step closer to him, in my attempt at threatening him, but it was far from effective. Threatening someone almost a foot taller than you was a tad difficult.

"Nothing Rose. I won't do anything, because I really can't justify kicking your ass after I just saved it. It's counter productive." He snapped sarcastically, making my blood boil. I loved Kai to death, but right now all I wanted to do was strangle him. He truly thought that he had saved me? That I was so helpless and so defensive without him?

"First of all, you didn't save me." I began, my voice rising until I was practically shouting. "I didn't need anyone's help, and I sure as hell didn't need yours. I'm not some damsel in distress, or a girl who needs saving, so shove the chivalry act. I am one of the best fucking guardians, and I know how to take care of myself. I did it today, and I've done it for years and I've made it this far. I think I can manage." I shouted, crossing my arms over my chest and giving him a menacing glare. He just rolled his cobalt eyes and prepared his snappy retort.

"Oh yeah, because you really looked like you could take care of yourself when she was biting your neck, and sucking the life out of you." He sneered, his voice cold and distant. It was hard to believe that the voice actually belonged to him, seeing as he was usually so warm and caring.

"I would've been fine." I insisted, I was annoyed and angry and hurt. I didn't want to be chastised, especially not by him, not right now. I just wanted someone to feel what I felt, I wanted someone else to be as guilty, embarrassed, hurt, annoyed and angry as I was. I wanted someone else to be sifting through all of those emotions and trying to bear the weight of them.

"Somehow I doubt that." He told me, while giving me the "are you serious" look. I felt my hands ball into fists, and I bit my lower lip to keep me from screaming in rage. How could someone I love so much do this to me? How can someone I cared about more than anything, put me into such a rage? I didn't understand how I could go from loving him so deeply, to hating him in an instant.

"Why are you even here, Kai? What the hell are you even doing here?" I shouted, not knowing what else to say. It was a losing battle, yet I couldn't admit defeat. I was grasping for something that would give me the upper hand, scratching and clawing to get my hands on something that would let me win this battle.

"You know why I'm here, I didn't have any choice in the matter." He snarled, eyes narrowing. " I had to come with you, and stay with you. This stupid bond wouldn't allow anything different." And I did understand why he was here. The bond forced us to stay together, to protect one another and to use the power of our link to work with one another.

"If you don't want to be here then leave. I don't need you and I'm not stopping you. I don't chase after anyone Kai, not anymore. So if you want to walk out of my life, I'll hold the door open for you." I jerked my chin up while speaking, keeping my face blank and voice hard. I wasn't going to be that girl who begged him to stay, I wasn't going to chase after him and plead him like I did with Dimitri. I grew up and I wasn't that pathetic anymore, if he wanted to go then he was free to make his own decisions.

"Goodbye, Rose." Kai finally said after a beat of silence, then he turned to the door and walked away, giving one last glance as he did so. He left my standing in the empty room, surrounded by bodies and feeling like a complete wreck. My emotions were so overwhelming that I thought I may puke, all of my injuries were throbbing and I just wanted to break down in tears or beat the crap out of something. I wanted to go on a rampage, but I knew now wasn't the time. I needed to finish this god damn mission, although I could hardly call it that anymore. It was more like a really bad, really unorganized idea that we decided to act on. I started to walk toward the door, but stopped and looked at Sonya's body lying on the wooden floor. I couldn't leave her there like that, not limp and alone. I needed to bring her to Mikhail. So I walked back over to her, and with all the strength I had left I lifted her, so that her upper body was leaning on my shoulders, while her feet dragged behind me.

It was odd to be carrying a dead body through a now abandoned house, but I managed to get through all the twists and turns, finally making it outside. I was thankful that the sky had clouded over, because that meant Sonya's body wouldn't be burnt to a crisp as I dragged her to the car.

I exited the house the same way that I entered, through the back door by the third check point, the exact place I ordered Eddie and Dimitri to take the girl. As I immerged the house, I was immediately greeted by Dimitri running towards me to help carry Sonya. He took her limp body, and cradled her with ease, while I rested against the door frame, feeling exhausted.

"What happened?" Dimitri asked, his voice filled with concern as he looked back and forth between the dead body and me. I shrugged my shoulders, not really trusting my voice at the moment, and instead stumbled down the stairs towards the others, while Dimitri followed silently.

"What do we do now? Call the Alchemists? And where's Kai?" Eddie asked as soon as I was in hearing range. And Although I appreciated that he wanted to help and wanted to pick the best course of action, I wasn't in the right mindset. I just wanted to return to court and hole up in my room until I could go on a rampage. I rubbed my temples for a moment, trying to figure out what to do next when I remembered what Kai had given me earlier. I reached down to my back pocket, pulling out the lighter he had given me, and decided that this is how we would take care of everything.

"Eddie. Find a shed or something, see if there is any type of gasoline." I ordered, and he nodded his head before sprinting off to find some gas. I figured it was a far fetched idea for Strigoi to have gas, but it was better to check. I told Sherman and Mathews to go to the other check points and collect any equipment, then return back here.

That left me with Dimitri, the frightened girl and Sonya's dead body, sitting at the third checkpoint waiting. Dimitri laid her body away from the girl, who had broken down into sobs at the sight of Sonya. I understood that she was in shock and that this was a lot to take in, but I couldn't provide her any comfort right now, seeing I was too preoccupied with my own shock.

I was slight aware of Dimitri's gaze, watching my every move as I starred bleakly at the house. I didn't expect him to do anything, so when I felt a hand grab my shoulder I was stunned to see him starring at me with caring eyes.

I opened my mouth to say something - anything - what I didn't know. All I knew was that I wanted to talk to him, to have one of our typical conversations. I wanted to hear his soothing, Russian accent and listen to him say my name. I wanted to feel him running his hands through my hair, and to see one of those rare smiles on his face. I wanted so many things at this moment, and all of them had to do with him. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything, because when I lay Sonya's body lying in my peripheral, I was reminded that Dimitri didn't love me. He was incapable of loving me, and I couldn't force him to either. Like I told Kai, I wouldn't chase him around and beg for him to reciprocate the feelings. So instead of saying anything, I shut my mouth and jerked my shoulder out of his grasp. I can handle being co-workers, or acquaintances or whatever the hell we were, but I would not try to make him love me. I would not bring feelings into this relationship whatsoever.

Dimitri sensed my abrupt change instantly, and didn't bother pestering me with questions. He instead focused on providing comfort to the human girl we had rescued, while I sat there and starred at the house, waiting for everyone else to return. Soon, both Mathews and Sherman had come back with all the equipment and joined our group, saying nothing as they silently took inventory. I was guessing that they both felt embarrassed that they had stayed outside while the rest of us had actually infiltrated the house and took action, although that's initially what I wanted. I wasn't angry with their choices to wait outside, it just reminded me not to take them with me during the next mission. After a little more waiting, Eddie returned carrying a small red container, which I assumed was filled with gasoline. When he reached us, he explained that he drained one of the cars found on the other side of the house, and drained what gas was left in it. Everyone else applauded his quick thinking, while I just grabbed the gas and entered the back door, beginning to douse the halls with it. Just as I was leaving the house, I flicked the lighter on and brought it to the ground, lighting the trail of gas on fire. I quickly exited the house as it erupted into flames, and I faced my team who was asking what the hell I had just done.

Technically, I had just cleaned up the mess that we had made and saved the alchemists a trip out here. But I also destroyed valuable evidence or useful information the Strigoi might've had hidden inside. But to me, I had set fire to a place that had only reminded me about previous memories. I had turned any bad memories that I had into ash, once and for all putting them to rest.

At least, that's how I saw it as the house in front of me, was quickly consumed into flames.


	34. Chapter 34

AN: First off expect anothere post tomorrow! I wanted to start off on a positive note, and for all of you asking for a Dimitri and Rose moment it will be in the next post! I swear its practically all about Rose and Dimitri, so that's something to look forward too. Alright, now for the more negative things. So this post isn't my best and I am so sorry for that, but I needed to get something up and quickly. I knew that I needed to write this part, but I wasn't really sure how to go about it, which left me in sort of a rut, so I am really sorry about that.  
>But another positive thing; I started a new story. I haven't posted it yet, I was thinking about waiting until this is done. But I was pretty excited about it, like so excited that I planned out the entire plot for the first story and a sequal to it...<br>I also wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed this story, it means a lot to me, honestly. I love hearing what you guys have to say, it's one of the best parts of writting this story.

Chapter Review: Kai and Rose had an argument and he left, Rose saved the human girl.

Disclaimer: Sadly, it all belongs to the talented Richelle Mead.

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><p>I stumbled through the empty hallway leading up to the council chambers. The corridor was spinning and shifting around me, but I just clutched my head and continued to push myself forward, ignoring it. I had instructed my team to go to the clinic and get any injuries checked out, while I alerted the council to our arrival and briefed them about the mission. I also really needed to tell them about the human girl we rescued, and managed to get inside the court grounds.<br>My legs were on the verge of collapsing beneath me, my head was splintering in pain, and bruises coloured my body. My clothes were ripped and torn, while blood seeped through the dark fabric. But none of that mattered, not in this moment.  
>The double doors that led to the council room was in sight, and I limped towards it and was met with the guardians who had let me and Lissa in previously. Both of their eyes widened in shock when I came into view, and they faltered despite their guardian masks, letting the shock break though. I suspected I look a lot worse than I originally thought, which made sense since I felt worse too.<p>

"Don't just stand there gawking, open the doors." I demanded, the throbbing in my head was getting increasingly worse. I was going to need a lot more than an extra strength aspirin to fix this headache. The guardians muttered something about announcing my arrival before I could enter, which was annoying but I said nothing as they slipped inside the doors, leaving me alone.  
>I leaned my head against the wooden doors, the only barrier between me and the royals waiting inside. As I stood there, no doubt looking ridiculous I just willed myself not to pass out. Not yet.<br>The doors opened and I stumbled back slightly, but recovered as the guards nodded their heads, giving me the okay to enter the council chambers. Inhaling deeply, I mustered up as much typical Rose Hathaway bravado as possible. I didn't want any of the royals to see how hurt I was – not physically but mentally, emotionally. I didn't want them to know that this mission had been a freaking roller coaster. So I took all the defiant, cocky self-confidence I had left and tried to project it as I strutted into the chambers….even though it was more like limping.

There was a sharp intake of breath from almost everyone in the room when I entered, their eyes widening as they took in my ragged appearance. But I ignored their stares and whispers, focusing on only one person in the room, Tatiana.  
>She remained the picture of composure, giving me a cool gaze as she remained seated. I knew was she was doing – what she was waiting for – she wanted me to bow to her. After the way I disrespected her before I left, she wanted me to bow right now, and she wouldn't address me otherwise. I on the other hand, wanted her to give me a nod of recognition before continuing. It was like a grudge match as we both stood our ground, waiting for the other to make the first move.<br>I was so focused on starring down Tatiana, that I barely noticed that Lissa had left her seat at the council table, and ran over to me. When she reached me, I broke off my gaze with Tatiana and gave Lissa a weak smile. She was frantic, that much was obvious as her jade eyes flicked to all of my injuries, and her hands fluttered over my body, wondering what to heal first.

"It's fine." I murmured, reaching out and grabbing her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. I really couldn't have her freaking out right now, and this really wasn't the time or place to heal me. Even though I felt like an elephant was sitting on my head.

"But Rose," She whispered, eyes wide as she starred at me in panic. She was afraid that if she didn't heal me now, something bad would happen. She was scared that if I was this bad, then what about everyone else? It was funny that even though the bond between us was no longer there, I was still so attune to her feelings and thoughts. I guess that's what happens when you're as close as sisters.

"I'll be fine, Lissa. You can heal me after this resides." I told her, giving her a nudge back towards her seat. She reluctantly walked back to her spot, but shot me worried looks the entire time, while I returned to starring down the Queen.

"Rosemarie." Tatiana nodded, breaking the tense starring contest and acknowledging me. She probably realized that it was futile to continue this and that she should just give him, because there was no way that I would. "Are you going to tell us how the mission went? Judging from your appearance, I would guess that it was a difficult mission." Tatiana asked in a cool voice, her eyes sweeping over me. I heard the murmured agreements from everyone in the crowd, I knew they were all expecting me to explain how hard and rough the operation was.

"Actually, aside from a few complications it went well." I told her, knowing that the entire mission had been a complication, but I considered it a success seeing as no one died and the injuries weren't too severe.

"Really?" Tatiana raised her brows, clearly expecting a different answer than the one I gave. I just nodded my head, and plastered a fake smile on my face. If this is what it took to get the law to freely pursue Strigoi in place, then I would smile until my face cracked.

"Yes. We infiltrated the house, killing all the Strigoi inside, and did so without consequence." I explained, and watched as the crowd and council members nodded their approval. Now here comes the news, I sighed, knowing that this could either work in my favour or against it. "But we did run into a complication during the mission, something that needs to be brought to the council's attention."

"Proceed." Tatiana nodded, her intrigue about the complication making me want to punch her. She was seriously that excited that we had run into a problem, she wanted to see us fail that badly? What kind of a queen wished that sort of thing on her people, and how the hell did she ever win the monarch elections.

"When we arrived at the house, it was discovered that the Strigoi had a human hostage." I announced, waiting for the shocked royals to calm down before I continued. "She became our top priority, and it did mess with our plan, but we worked around it. The girl is now at the medical center in court." I told Tatiana and watched her emerald eyes widen into saucers. This was an unexpected twist.

"You mean you brought her on court grounds?" A royal asked from the audience, clearly in shock by my decision. No human had ever seen the royal court before, with exceptions of alchemists and feeders. It might've been the wrong move on my part, hell it could've been the worst move I've made to date but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to call the alchemists and there was no way that I could just leave the girl at the house.

"Yes. She had discovered what we were and was in need of medical attention. We were all in need of medical attention." I explained, gesturing to my injuries and hoping that they understood my reasoning. "What else was I supposed to do?" I asked, knowing that there was no real proper answer for this sort of thing.

"We understand that there are no guidelines to this type of situation Rosemarie, but you should've considered the consequences of bringing her here. You just exposed the entire Moroi society, and we have no choice but to keep her here." Tatiana explained, and now it was my turn for my eyes to widen. She was seriously suggesting that this girl stay at court forever? That we take her away from everything she's ever known, and keep her in our world of secrecy and lies?

"You can't do that. How is she going to survive our world, what is she going to do here?" I asked, picturing the human girls with the caramel waves living her life confined in court was impossible. She would be an outcast, and she was going to be ripped away from everything she's ever known, that wouldn't be positive.

"Yes, Rosemarie I can." The Queen told me in a cold, regal voice. It was obvious to me that I had annoyed Tatiana, and she was going to use her status as Queen to shut me up and put me in my place. "She will leave in court grounds as all the other humans do – as a feeder." She explained slowly, like I was a child who couldn't understand a simple concept.

"What? That's it then? You're just going to ruin her life and make her a feeder. Drug her up to high heaven? Let her life the rest of her life getting bitten?" I asked, infuriated by the idea. I didn't just risk my ass and lose Sonya to save this girl's life, just so she could spend it on an endorphin rush.

"What else would you have me do, Guardian Hathaway? She's been exposed to our world and there is no going back. I'm granting her a chance to live, others may not be so understanding." Tatiana told me, referring to the death penalty that some others would rather have in place for situations like these. I just glared at her. I was going to fight for this girl even if no one else was, she needed someone to stand up and help her.

"I didn't risk my life or my team's life just to have this girl drugged for the rest of her life." I snapped, and for once none of the royals seemed surprised by my outburst, apparently I was losing effectiveness. Well, I guess I was just going to have to step it up. "I didn't pry her from Strigoi clutches, and make sure she wasn't bitten, just to bring her back here so someone could get a hit of blood. She can still go back to human society. She isn't the only human who knows about us. It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to make it this way." I told her, my voice completely fearless. I felt strong standing up for her, even though my knees were weak and head was pounding. It reminded me that I wasn't a victim – ever.

"You saved her Rosemarie and that is a great accomplishment on your part." Tatiana told me, although her tone made it sound like it was anything but. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the queen, and bit my lip to keep silent as she continued. "And some humans may know a little about us, but none of them have been inside our court grounds and left. We cannot risk her going back to the human world. We cannot risk anyone finding out about us. And I'm doing what's right Rosemarie, if you want to blame someone for doing this to her, then blame yourself. You are after all the one who brought her here, instead of calling the alchemists or dealing with her in another way." Tatiana told me, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. She was blaming me?

It pissed me off to no end, but as I thought about it Tatiana was actually right. This was my fault, I could've called the alchemists or explained it to her in some way, but I just brought her back here. I was the one who sentenced her to a life of being bitten – this was my entire fault.

"Now, please go to the clinic Rosemarie. The council will be dismissed and we will have another meeting about where to go from here. I will assign someone to get the girl and take her to the feeders building." Tatiana explained with a light flick of her wrist, letting everyone know that the deliberation was over. "It has been a long day for all of us." She said as she made her way to the exit, her guardians surrounding her. And that's when I was reminded that the moroi day had just begun, I was also reminded of the fact that I had just spent hours fighting while she sat here, and she was calling it a hard day? Seriously?

I was frozen in the middle of the council chambers, her words still affecting me. God, I was like a plague, ruining everyone's lives. I had just destroyed this young girl's life, I had ripped apart Mikhail's life and uprooted Kai's life. I just needed to go to bed and stay there for a very long time.

"You really need to be healed." Lissa murmured to me, and I jumped slightly feeling a little startled. I had been lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't even heard her approach, which was a horrible show of my guardian talents. She just gave me a small smile before leading me out into the empty hallway, and placing her hand on my head.

"Liss, don't use all your magic." I asked her right before she healed me, she gave me a peculiar look and I shrugged. "I don't need it all, but the others might. Just heal my bad injuries and I can take care the rest." I told her, I saw her eyes flicker over my body, assessing all of injuries and I saw that she wanted to protest. But in the end she just nodded her head, and touched my temples with her hands and before I knew it, I felt the hot and cold of her magic pulsing through me.

I could practically feeling the beauty of Spirit, just like I used to share the magic when Lissa and I shared a bond. Spirit was like being in a euphoric state, like all the happiness was at the tips of your fingers and nothing could bring you down. Like all of colour, light and music in the world was being channelled into whatever you were doing. Although I couldn't actually feel it right now, and all I felt was the hot and cold sensation, I could recall what it felt like to touch that type of magic. But before I knew it, all of that amazing stuff was gone along with the warmth and the chill, and it was just Lissa and I standing in an empty hallway.

"Thank you." I gave her a weak smile, as all of the happiness and amazingness settled around me, like a halo of dust finally resting after dancing in the sunlight. And I was reminded of how bitter and unfair life was right now. I was reminded that I was responsible for a girl spending the rest of her life as a feeder, and I was reminded that I was the reason why my friend's lover was stabbed through the heart. And I was painfully reminded that I had hurt one of my best friends, and that I had told him to leave…and worst of all I was reminded of that fact that he had actually left.  
>Although Lissa had healed most of my injuries I still felt the world spinning, but I couldn't blame it on head trauma. I could only blame myself.<p>

Lissa was watching me with an intrigued expression, and if I had to bet I would say that she was reading my aura. Normally, I would ask what she was seeing and joke about all the colours, but instead I just turned down the hallway and called over my shoulder. "I'm going to the clinic, you coming?"

Lissa was struggling to keep up with me as we walked across court towards the clinic. Although I still had some injuries her small burst of Spirit had worked wonders. I was still sore but I would live. I was practically speed walking along the path, needing to get to the clinic quickly. Part of the reason for my rush was to make sure my team was okay, another part was because that's where the girl was. I had told Eddie to bring her there and keep her hidden, and I hoped that he had managed to do so. Another reason was because a part of me desperately hoped Kai was there. He had hurt his arm badly during the mission and sustained a few other injuries that he needed checked, and I hoped that he had gone to the court clinic before packing his bags or doing whatever. I wanted to see his blue eyes and apologize for everything.

"Rose, slow down." Lissa breathed, scrambling to keep up with me. In my haste to get to the clinic I had sort of forgotten how much faster dhampirs were, and to my annoyance I slowed down slightly, giving Lissa a chance to catch up. "You seem tense…" She observed when she caught up, and I had to make an effort to keep my pace and not break out in a run.

"Do I?" I asked, and it was obvious that I was tense. Hell, my posture was so stiff while I was walking, it was like someone had attached my spine to a plank of wood.

"What's wrong, Rose?" Lissa asked, stepping in my path and blocking my way. I felt my eyes narrow as I glared at my best friend, she was an obstacle and I needed to remove her. A part of me wondered if I could get away with lifting her up and carrying her to the clinic, because we could get there so much faster… but I quickly pushed aside the idea.

"He's gone." I sighed; slightly shocked that I had admitted one of the reasons why I was so tense. I closed my eyes and rubbed my fingers in a circular movement on my temples. I just needed to get to the clinic and see if he was there, or I needed to go on a rampage and I needed to go now.  
>I slowly opened my eyes and found myself starring into Lissa's confused jade orbs, her eyebrows knitted in confusion.<p>

"Kai left." I explained my voice void of emotion, although I was feeling so many surges of different emotions towards him. Anger, sadness and regret being the predominate ones. "We had an argument and I told him to leave. I was stupid and mad and I told him to leave-" I rambled, my emotions continued to swirl around inside me, creating a tidal wave that kept knocking into me, trying to drown me. I was unable to stop the tears that stung my eyes, and that's when I knew that I needed to stop – needed to fight against the storm raging inside of me. If one thing was certain, it was that I didn't cry. It was weak and it was helpless, and it wasn't me.

"Why did he leave? What were you arguing about?" She asked, sensing my distress and taking a step forward, placing her thin arms on my shoulder and squeezing. "Maybe he hasn't left yet. He probably just needed to cool off. I'm sure he wouldn't leave you Rose, especially not with the bond." She whispered the last word, which almost made me laugh despite the dreaded feeling that overwhelmed me. Little did she know that was partly the reason why he had stayed so many times before, but not anymore.

"He left Lissa. He isn't coming back." I told her, understanding how final all of this was. If Kai left I knew he would never come back, he was stubborn like that. It was a trait we shared. "We fought because he saved me, but in order to do so he had to kill Sonya."

"You don't mean…Sonya…."Lissa trailed off, her jade eyes bulging and mouth hanging open.

"Sonya Karp." I nodded, biting my lip. "Mikhail's Sonya."

"Oh god." Lissa gasped, covering her hand over her mouth and looking at me with wide eyes. I could tell that she wanted to pepper me with questions and ask how everything happened, but knew that I didn't want to talk about it, she knew now wasn't the time to get details, now was the time to do damage control. "It's going to be fine, I know it doesn't seem like it, but we can fix it. Let's just get to the clinic and deal with one thing at a time." She told me, reaching down and gripping my hand, I just nodded, thankful that she had stepped up.

I banged my fist against the door, praying to whatever god was out there that Kai was inside. After Lissa and I had gotten to the clinic and she healed the other members of my team, she forced me to look for Kai. At first I protested, needing to talk to the human girl who I saved, but Lissa had shooed me off, promising that she would take care of everything. Although it took a little more persuading to make me leave I finally did, the desire to find Kai had won over and I had fate that my friend could handle it.  
>I banged my hand against the door again, trying to look through the bond but he had set up impenetrable walls. At first I wondered how he managed to make them so strong, but I had a feeling that his emotions were a key factor. He was too pissed and confused to let down his mental barriers, he was all over the map with his emotions.<br>Well, join the fucking club, I thought as I kicked my foot against the door. I wanted so badly for him to just swing open the door, and too roll his cobalt eyes at me. I didn't care if he was still furious with me, I just wanted to know that he was still here and that he didn't leave.  
>I leaned my head against the door, shutting my eyes and standing there, probably looking like an idiot. It was because I am an idiot, I thought, I am so stupid. Kai was right for leaving, what I did was so thoughtless and callous, he deserved a lot better. He shouldn't have to put up with someone who freaks out all the time and cannot control her own emotions. He shouldn't have to sit there while I bring up dead lovers.<p>

I stood there for a few more moments before slowly peeling myself away from his doorway, and walking to the lobby of guest housing. I was just planning to go out and find Lissa, when I was struck by an idea. I wanted to face-palm myself for not realizing it as an option before, this was how I would really figure out if Kai had left or not.  
>I marched up to the frail moroi secretary of sorts, who sat behind a desk off to the side of the lobby. She was basically in charge of the entire building, and if someone needed something, or had a phone call then she was the first person to go to. I figured she would have the information that I wanted.<p>

"Excuse me?" I asked in a polite tone that I rarely used, the woman looked up and I smiled sweetly. "I'm Rose Hathaway. I'm staying in a room here for the time being. Listen, my friend forgot some stuff in his room, and asked if I could grab it for him. The only problem is I don't have access to his room, could you help me with that?" I tried to give her an innocent and doe eyed look, praying that my reputation didn't perceive me.

"I'm technically not supposed to do that…" The moroi woman trailed off, her eyes darting around the empty lobby. I had a feeling she was only of those quiet, socially awkward types.

"Please? I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important." I told her, knowing that I was laying it on thick. "He's on official guardian business, just trying to protect moroi like yourself. Besides, you would be doing me a huge favour." I told her, biting my lip as I watched her debate whether or not to let me in or call court security.

It appears my acting skills are better than I thought, because she sighed and pulled out a ring of extra keys, asking what room he was in. I told her the room number, and she slid a brass key off the ring and handed it to me, giving me a stern look as she warned me to bring it back right after. I nodded, smiled and thanked her before bolting in the direction of Kai's room.

Please be there. Please be there. Please be there.

And if you're not there, then please let your stuff be there.

I reached his room and stuck the key in the lock, gripping the doorknob tightly. I closed my eyes and envisioned what I wanted – needed – to see. I imagined all of Kai's luggage and clothes folded and put away nicely – the exact opposite of mine. I picture all of his belongings in the proper place, and everything neatly arranged. But when I twisted the knob and swung the door open, I was met with a completely empty room.  
>There were no shoes in a straight line, no books or pictures sitting out. His iPod and cell phone weren't charging beside his bed, and all of his bags were missing. I knew without even having to step into the room that Kai had done it. He had really left me.<p> 


	35. Chapter 35

AN: It's a little late, but better late than never, right? I had to do some editing on this, and I cut out some of the Dimitri and Rose stuff, but don't worry it will be in the next post! Alright, so thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story, I am so thankful! I love hearing what you have to say, and your suggestions really help shape this story. So please review!

Disclaimer: I only own this plot and a few select characters, other than that it belongs to the crazy talented Richelle Mead

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><p>I didn't bother going into his room. It seemed masochistic of me to do so, why would I subject myself to that type of pain? Why would I want to sit in his empty room, knowing exactly where all of his possessions should be, but aren't? It wasn't worth it to wallow in self-pity in his room, especially when there were so many other things going on. I didn't have time to mourn his loss right now. It could wait till tonight, although it felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest. So I did what I did best, I shut the door and locked it, forcing my feet to move one step at a time.<p>

I returned the keys to the receptionist and gave her a quick thank you, making up some excuse that he must've grabbed it after all. I then pushed open the guest housing door, walking into the cool air.  
>Where to next? I asked myself, sort of unsure of what to do now. I knew that I still needed to tell Mikhail about Sonya, and remove her body from the trunk of the SUV. I was dreading the thought but I knew that I needed to step up and do it. Mikhail needed to hear it from me.<p>

The entire time I walked from the guest housing to the guardian headquarters where I suspected Mikhail to be, my feet felt like lead, it was like I was dragging them forward. It was a strange and awkward sensation because my legs were weighing me down, but my head was high up in the clouds. My thoughts were reeling and although moments earlier I said I wouldn't dwell on Kai leaving, I couldn't help myself.  
>He had packed his bags and disappeared. It was mind boggling that he would do so. I really must've hit a cord when I brought up Bridget. Anger surged up within me; well he hurt me when he brought that up about Dimitri. I knew that things had gone horribly wrong with me and Dimitri. I didn't need someone pointing it out to me, I already knew. But that was the difference I guess, my relationship had ended badly and by choice (granted it wasn't my choice...but), while Kai's relationship with Bridget had ended because she died. If she were still alive then I had no doubt in my mind they would be married with kids by now.<br>My anger died down and I remembered how in love they were. She was smart and beautiful, caring and compassionate, while he is strong and determined, protective and sweet. They complimented each other well, and you couldn't help but feel happy whenever you were around them. It broke my heart that she died, and it was even worse that he was alone. I may have had my heart broken with Dimitri, but it comforted me to know that he was alive and living is life. I may hate him some days or think I hate him at least, I may drive myself insane with our strange friendship of types, and I may want to yell profanities at him until I turn blue in the face on occasion, but words still couldn't express how happy I was that he was alive.  
>I didn't know how Kai survived. I didn't know how he lived each day without the person that he loved. I just couldn't understand how he forced himself to get up every morning, knowing that the reason for his existence was gone. I just didn't know how you picked up the pieces and started running after that. I had done my best to help him in Europe, but I guess I had forgotten to help him once we got to the states. I guess that I had become too preoccupied with other things, that I forgot that Bridget was ripped away from him. It was the only reason I could think of for saying what I did, that coupled with the fact that I wasn't thinking and completely exhausted.<p>

My brain was on such an overload that I had hardly realized that I was standing in front of the guardian headquarters, and I felt icy cold dread spread through my veins at the thought of what I was going to do next. I knew that I was the one who had to tell Mikhail and I needed to do it now, but a part of me prayed that he wasn't here so I wouldn't have to tell him just yet. I hated being the one to rip away all his hope. I didn't want to be the person who destroyed his happy ending, who ruined all of his dreams. I sighed as I walked in the doors, greeted by the soft clicking of fingers on keyboards and hushed voices. I walked through the hallways, nodding at those who congratulated me on a successful mission, if only they knew.  
>I walked down the stairs to the basement where the filing was. It was Mikhail's job to do filing, I was going to switch him to in the field work, but let him keep the filing job for the time being, so that he could concentrate on finding Sonya.<br>Punching in the codes to one of the doors, I opened it slowly, praying that Mikhail wasn't down here. But of course he was, he was at his desk hunched over a notepad, scrawling furiously. He looked up as soon as I entered, smiling widely as he put down his pen and came over to hug me.

"Good job on the operation, I heard it went really well." He congratulated, his blue eyes sparkling. I tried to smile and hugged him back, hating myself for what I was about to do.

"Thanks, listen I have to tell you something," I started, forcing myself to get right to the point. I was known for my ability to deliver bad news, I did it hundreds of times before and it shouldn't be any different now.

"Okay, but can it wait a minute?" Mikhail asked, walking back over to his desk and sitting down, flipping through his notebook. "I have something to show you, I think I'm finally making progress." He began, and I found myself wandering over to the desk and looking over his shoulder at the notebook. I felt my stomach drop as I peered inside. Page after page was writing all about Sonya, information on her whereabouts and what she was doing right now.

As Mikhail rattled on about his discovery of where she might be, I felt myself zoning out. For the briefest of moments I thought about not telling him. The thought to dump Sonya's body somewhere, and pretend that I had never seen her crossed my mind, and maybe I would even placate him but searching for her. It was only there for a slight second, but then I quickly vanished it. I couldn't do that, I wasn't going to sit here and let him waste his life away, searching for a woman who no longer exists. I had to tell him, and I had to do it now.

"Mikhail," I interrupted, my voice sounding strangled and strange. He broke off mid-sentence and starred up at me, eyes filled with confusion. I swallowed the knot that formed in my throat and pushed forward, knowing that I may be on the verge of losing two friends today. "I have to tell you something, it's about Sonya." I told him, and I think he could instantly tell it was bad news.

"What about her?" He asked hesitantly, almost as if he too would rather go on being ignorant. I had to admit that it might be easier, that ignorance had its bliss and protected people from the harsh truth, but I also tried to live my life as honestly as possible. I rather know the painful truth than have someone bullshitting me or leaving out parts of the story that would hurt me. Especially something like this.

"When I was in the Strigoi hideout, I heard the leader talking and others address her as Sonya." I started, watching as he took this information in with a blank, guardian face. "At first I didn't think it was possible, there was no way that Sonya would be here after all these years. But when I was saving the girl, I recognized Sonya." I told him, as he nodded his head along. "I ordered everyone not to kill her, just to distract her while I came up with some type of plan. I thought that maybe I could stun her for a while until we got back to court, and Lissa could restore her, but something happened. It was me or her, and I am so sorry Mikhail, we did everything that we could." I whispered the last part, waiting for him to freak out or get mad but he just sat there in a comatose state. For a moment I thought that he was stunned to the point of silence, but then he starred up at me with tear filled blue eyes.

"Say it." He demanded in a monotone voice, lips quivering as he tried to hold it all together. "I won't believe it until you say it. I want you to confirm that she's gone." He told me, eyes pleading with me to deny it all and say that it was a mistake and she was still alive. God, I wanted so badly to say that it was a mistake. I wanted to give him his world back, because right now I knew it was crumbling.

"She's gone Mikhail." I shook my head, gulping down as I watched the tears spill down his cheeks silently. "She died." I told him, and watched as his composure broke down in front of me. A man that had seemed so strong and undefeated for as long as I knew him finally showed weakness, he was finally torn apart and it was my entire fault.

"How did she-" He broke off, unable to finish the sentence. I understood though, if I was in his position I would want to know how she died too, whether it was painless or not.

"Staked." I confirmed, resting my hand on his shoulder as he put his head in his hands. "I am so sorry, you don't know how much I wish I could bring her back, I would give anything to go back and save her Mikhail." I told him, my sincerity obvious in my words. I wished that I could go back and redo that entire operation, knowing that nothing would've stayed the same if I had.

"I need to be alone." Mikhail murmured, leaning out of my grasp as he did so. I just let my hand fall away and nodded my head. I would want to be alone too. I began walking to the door when I felt something in my pocket. I slowly grabbed the jagged edges and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Her bodies in the third parking garage on the far side of court. Take all the time you need." I told him as I tossed the keys onto his desk before exiting the room. I leaned my back against the door and slid down to the floor, willing the tears not to come.

When I finally gained enough composure I stood and made my way out of guardian headquarters, feeling numb the entire time. Why was the universe so unfair and cruel? Why did it give someone hope, only to snatch it away? Why did the universe suck? Good people didn't deserve this crap. Karma needed to get this stuff straightened out, because she wasn't the only one who could be a bitch.  
>I kicked several rocks as I walked aimlessly away from guardian headquarters, not really wanting to return to guest housing but not wanting to go anywhere public either. I debated about going over to Lissa's or maybe Adrian's but decided against it. I wanted to be alone for the time being.<p>

"Guardian Hathaway?" Someone asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see a moroi man, dressed in a mediocre suit who greeted me with a polite nod. I could instantly tell that he wasn't royal, but he was familiar, I just couldn't place him.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to remember where I've seen this man before. He just opened a file that he had under his arm, rifling through a few papers before handing me one. I took it warily, reading the first few sentences and feeling my stomach drop, I remembered where I'd seen him before.

"It's lucky that I found you, because the movers have a time slot open right now." The man told me, with a small smile on his face. This was the guy that Kai and I had chosen to do the renovations for our townhouse that we bought. And he had come to tell me that the house was ready. How damn ironic. Our townhouse is finally finished on the same day that Kai picks up and leaves court. Like I said, the universe is just fucking cruel.

"Perfect." I told him, although it was anything but. I wanted this new house but I only wanted if Kai was going to live in it with me. Without him there in the kitchen eating breakfast every morning or stealing the remote to watch bad TV, I didn't know what I was going to do.  
>The renovation man motioned for me to follow as he babbled on about the new town house, but I didn't pay too much attention. This was Kai's job. He was the one who met with this man and arranged for everything to go smoothly. He's the one who dealt with the town house while I just waited in anticipation.<p>

"Where might I find Guardian Peters? He was the one I dealt with throughout the renovations." The man observed, again ripping me out of my thoughts. I just turned to him, he wasn't the only one who wanted to know where Kai was.

"Guardian Peters has taken an indefinite leave of absence." I told the moroi, my voice indicating that this topic was not to be brought up again. Understanding he nodded his head and mumbled his apologies before continuing on about the house, and I just followed along completely uninterested.

And that's how I ended up with my bags in hand, standing in the empty town house that was now my own. I dropped my bags and they landed on the hard wood with a thud, the rest of my stuff had already been put into my bedroom by the movers. I set my phone and keys down on the small table by the door, taking a tentative step down the small hallway, knowing that this wasn't how I was supposed to explore my first and only new house. Kai and I were supposed to enter and freak out about all the cool things together. We were supposed to want to throw a party right away. It shouldn't just be me walking through the empty house, looking at all of the cool things that Kai made sure our house had.  
>But I still moved forward, walking into a bright, country style kitchen. It was pretty awesome, with its white counter tops and light wood cabinets. It even had yellow stools around the island in the middle, whit matching yellow stools surrounding the breakfast nook, which had a bench on one side. Although I wasn't one too freak out about having a nice kitchen, Kai had done a good job with designs.<br>I walked into the room on the left, realizing that this was our… was my living room. It had sky blue walls and crème coloured couches that faced a big screen TV. Along the walls were large photographs of Russia, Germany and other places that I were familiar to me in Europe.  
>I walked around checking out the bathrooms and made my way upstairs; looking into the first room that I guess was mine. I pushed open the door to see all of my luggage in a bright red room with black furniture. It looked elegant as I stepped inside, and admired my huge bed and bathroom attached, but what caught my attention was the photos covering my walls. There were tons of pictures in glossy black frames of all different shapes on my walls, and in each of them were pictures of me and my friends.<p>

I smiled as I studied each picture, wondering where Kai had gotten them from. One was from my graduation after party where I as huddled with a few of my friends, dressed in my green dress along with my nazar. Another was with both my mother and Abe in Europe when we had lunch together in Turkey. There were tons from my childhood covering the walls, along with one of my favourites of me and Lissa dressed up as fairies for Halloween years ago. Hell, I even had a few pictures on my wall with Christian. It was incredible how my entire life seemed to be splayed out right now, it was fascinating but it broke my heart to know how much effort Kai had put into this.  
>I stepped out of the room and closed the door softly, walking around the house a little more and exploring all of the neat things, but the entire time the only thing my mind could concentrate on was the fact that I was absolutely alone.<br>It was a suffocating kind of feeling. You would think that it would be liberating and free to be alone, but it was the exact opposite. It felt smothered and claustrophobic as I restlessly moved around my empty house. I wondered it was because I never truly lived on my own before, and never really spent time like this alone. I mean I grew up living in St. Vlad's surrounded by people, then to living with Lissa and back to living at 's. After that I moved to court where I lived alone in the dhampir dorms, but again I was in a dorm. Then when I was in Europe I was always in some type of dhampir dorm or housing so that I was never alone. In all of that time I had only lived alone when I was in Russia searching for Dimitri. But it hadn't bothered me so much then because I was on a mission, I had a purpose for why I was there and why I was alone. Now? I was alone because I pushed Kai away.

I glanced at the clock, the blaring red numbers told me that it was finally the middle of the moroi night. Everyone was finally asleep and it occurred to me that I probably should be too, seeing as I've been awake for a full twenty four hours but the exhaustion had yet to sink in. My muscles were tense and aching for a rampage and my mind was on overload, I needed to go and I needed to go quickly. So I hurried upstairs and grabbed a pair of running shorts and a tank top, slipped on my running shoes and headed to the front door.  
>I spotted my phone sitting on the small table by the front door where it stayed after I walked in the door. I picked it up and noticed all of the missed calls and text messages from my friends, but none were from the person I actually wanted and needed to hear from.<br>I set the phone back down and grabbed my keys, opening my door and taking a step out into the warm sunshine. As soon as I stepped out onto my porch I saw him, it was hard to mistake his tall figure and for a minute I felt my heart stop beating.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice low and empty, mirroring the exact way that I felt right now.

"I came to check on you." He told me, his beautiful voice made me want to melt. But I couldn't do this right now, I thought, I didn't need the added questions that his presence brought. I was already struggling to find the answers to the ones that I already had, I could not process all of the new ones that were swirling around in my brain.

"In the middle of the night?" I asked sceptically, crossing my arms over my chest and starring him down. He just gave his shoulders a small shrug and stepped forward so that he was standing at the edge of the first porch step. I studied him when he did so, and noted that he was still wearing the ridiculous duster that he had since I'd known him.

"Well, thanks for your concern, but I'm fine." I told him in a prim voice. "No need to check on me comrade." The words just slipped out and I immediately bit my tongue, I blamed the duster for my slip up, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Are you sure?" He asked, concern palpable in his voice. "I know today was tough." Tough was an understatement. The girl I risked my butt to save was dragged away to the feeders, I had to tell Mikhail that his lover died and it was my fault, and I found out that Kai really had picked everything up and left. Today was heartbreakingly and suffocating and made me want to curl up in my bed or hit something. Today had invoked a lot of emotion, but it was the unfair reality of my life.

"Nothing I can't handle." I shrugged, trying to seem careless. I didn't want him to know that I was on the verge of breaking and that I felt all over the map, and was unable to direct myself.

"Don't lie." He told me, causing me to widen my eyes in surprise. "I can see right through it, I always could." He gave a small smile as I stood there baffled. It was true, he always had an uncanny sense of when I was lying, and although it annoyed the hell out of me I had to admit I was sort of glad. If he could tell I was lying then it meant we still shared our strange bond and ability to read each other easily.

I swallowed, preparing to brush off his comment and walk away, but something stopped me. "He's gone." My voice cracked as I spoke, and I stood there stunned as the words just escaped my lips. I wanted to slap my hand over my mouth but was unable to move, I had just confided in Dimitri. "And he's not coming back." All of my strength crumbled around me, and brick by brick my walls were coming down, and I was slowly coming undone.

Before I could even register what was happening, Dimitri had pulled me into a tight embrace. All I could smell was his aftershave that made my head spin in a good way, and brought back endless memories. I didn't let myself question why he was hugging me and instead just went with it, needing to be close to him and feel his heat.  
>Traitorous tears began to wash down my face, and instead of forcing them to stop I just let them. I had been holding them in for so long it was impossible for me to stop it. It was impossible for me to stop any of this – I felt like I was being ripped apart and nothing could keep me together.<br>Dimitri pulled back slightly, and I tried to make out his blurry expression but couldn't. For a minute I thought he was just going to pull away completely, until I felt his graceful fingers wiping away my tears. His hands felt exactly as I remembered, long and strong with callous on the tips from years of training. I reached up and held his hand against my cheek for a minute, while I hiccupped and the tears slowed.

"It's going to be okay, Roza." He whispered softly, and I felt a chill from my Russian nickname. I know that I had banned him from using it before but I didn't care right now, it just felt so right. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will be. I promise."

"H-how do you know?" I asked, my voice catching on a sob. He wiped away the remaining tears and gave me fragile smile.

"Because, you can get past this, you always do." He assured me, his fingers catching a lock of my dark hair, and he tucked it delicately behind my ear. "I know that everything's a mess, it seems like nothing is going to get better, and the weight pressing down on your shoulders might just crush you. But you can survive it. If anyone is capable of coming out of situations like his victorious, then it's you, Rose."

"It doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel like I can be triumphant. Not this time." I whispered, sharing my fear of being inadequate with him, feeling like he might be the only one to understand me.

"You can and will be." He told me with all the confidence in the world. "You are one of the strongest people I know. You are so passionate and determined, it's impossible for you not to be. It may take a little time and persevering but you can do it, Rose, I know you can."

I wanted to smile despite the tears that still leaked down my cheeks. His words had installed warmth in the empty and cold feeling that I had been feeling all day. He believed in me, and that maybe just enough to get me through this. I felt like someone was tearing me apart, stripping away all of the pieces. But maybe it was possible to stop those feelings and to collect all the pieces, to put myself back together again. Maybe I could do it if I had help.


	36. Chapter 36

AN: You can kill me later. Seriously, I know that I totally deserve it right now. You don't even know how sorry I am, but I was just swamped! I had exams last week, meaning that the few weeks before were filled with projects and essays. So I am seriously so sorry. Hopefully this post will kinda make up for it? And for all of you asking about Kai; the next two posts are going to explain everything and whether or not he's gone for good or making a return!

Disclaimer: As always, I do not own VA. Richelle Mead does!

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning surrounded by brilliant red walls. I stretched out under my thick covers feeling all of my muscles relaxing, the smell of aftershave still crisp and fresh. The events from last night began to<p>

play out like a movie in my mind, and I was comforted by the memory of Dimitri embracing me. I could practically still feel his fingers wiping away my tears. I also took comfort in what happened after. It was

nothing overly spectacular but it was sweet and…normal. And normalcy was something my life was seriously lacking.

After his words of confidence he sat on my porch steps with me, holding me close as we stared out at the blazing sun. It was a tender moment that had a sense of déjà vu, forcing me to think back to when we sat

atop the roof of the resort in Idaho. We said nothing but instead sunk into the comfortable silence.

I hadn't let my mind wander then. Partly because I only wanted to savour the moment while it was happening, but mostly because I was afraid of what it would stumble upon. I just wanted to hush all of my thoughts

and I did, but not that I was awake and alone, there was no way to silence them. They were screaming at me.

What did this mean?

I never used to be one of those girls. Never used to overanalyze everything and try to find the deeper meaning. Hell, I used to pity those girls and now I was one. It was annoying and frustrating but I couldn't stop it.

I needed and wanted to know what he was thinking and what all of this meant. A part of me actually debated asking him and just being up front and blunt, while another part thought that I should just brush it off

and forget about it. Always the inner tug of war – always the constant battle, I groaned and pulled the covers over my head.

After an acceptable period of wallowing and self-pity, I crawled out of the protective fort of pillows and blankets, forcing myself to take a shower. I was still a leader and I still had a job to do, I needed to push all of

my raging problems with men out of the way, and focus on more important things. I could continue over analyzing and finding alternate meanings later.

I stayed in the shower until the water began running cold, and then I jumped out and put on my guardian uniform. I tossed my damp hair into a messy bun and didn't bother with makeup. I hurried downstairs into

my awesome kitchen, my stomach grumbling the entire way, but then I remembered that I didn't have any food and I was in desperate needed of almost all necessities. So instead of stopping in my kitchen I just

grabbed my keys, phone and wallet before setting out towards the café near guardian headquarters.

On the way there I began going through some of the messages that I ignored last night. I had a received a few more, but none were from Kai but I did have lots from Lissa, Adrian and Christian. A voice in the back of

my head continued to nag me all the way to the café as I scrolled through my messages, and it continued to whisper that I didn't have any messages from Dimitri either.

I tried to shove all of the thoughts about Dimitri and Kai out of my brain, but it was practically impossible. Everything around me continued to remind me of the two, and I was ready to pull my hair out because of it.

No men. I needed no men in my life. They just complicated the hell out of it.

I sighed in exasperation as I opened the door to the café and was instantly engrossed in the smells of teas and pastries, and my mouth instantly began to water as I approached the front counter. I pointed at the

double chocolate éclairs and told the barista two of those and a large chai tea.

I had just paid and was waiting for my tea when I felt someone crash into me, and arms wrap tightly around me. I tensed at first, my fighting instincts kicked in until I realized that it was Lissa. Her thin pale arms

were in a death grip on me and she was murmuring things were to low and quick for even my ears.

"Whoa, whoa Liss," I told her, smiling as I slid out of her grip and looked into her wide green eyes. "You need to slow down, and explain in an appropriate decuple what is going on."

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" She asked, eyes narrowing as she studied me. Apparently I had worried her when I didn't pick up last night, and now that she saw I was fine, she was pissed. It was still so

strange that I could pick up on her emotions so quickly, even without the bond. I guess that's what happens when you're as close as sisters.

"I was really tired, and needed to get away from everything for a while." I shrugged, not wanting to tell her about Dimitri. I hardly knew what was going on with that, how could I possibly explain to someone

something that I hardly understood? "Sorry that I worried you."

She slender arms across her chest, tilting her head so that her blond hair fell away from her face, and pursed her bubble gum lips. She was trying to detect whether I was lying, so I tried to keep my face neutral so

that my expression wouldn't give anything away. After I kept her in the dark about the bond between me and Kai, and the dangers that followed I had a feeling she was a little wary about trusting me. She would

never admit it, but I had a feeling that she suspected I was still hiding a lot from her.

"It's fine. But if you need to be alone at least text me to tell me, that way I'm not freaking out." She chided, after a moment when she obviously decided I wasn't hiding anything. I just nodded my head and made a

crack about her acting like a mother.

She ordered a coffee and we sat down at a small table in the back corner of the café, and she leaned in closer as she began providing me details of what happened yesterday after I left the clinic.

Apparently, Lissa was unable to stop the guardians who came for the girl. She had made a big scene, yelling and shouting at the guardians to leave the girl alone. Eddie, Christian and Adrian had apparently jumped in

too. But even combined they weren't able to stop the guardians from taking the girl over to the feeders building.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes, inhaling deeply. This morning when I had forced myself out of bed, telling myself that I had responsibilities to take care of, I hadn't meant this. I was thinking more

along the lines of paperwork and maybe even talking to Mikhail, not that either of those sounded overly pleasant, it was better than dealing with this. I mean, I knew it was my responsibility, but how could I fight the

Queen on this?

I had to figure something out. I needed to find some way to help this girl out. It was my fault she was at court and in this situation. I was being selfish when I burned the house and ignored calling the alchemists.

Tatiana had pointed out earlier that this was my fault, that by dismissing protocol I had put so many at risk, and now this human girl was paying the price.

"We have to help her Liss." I sighed, opening my eyes and seeing concern written all over my best friend's face. She was sympathetic towards the situation and I could tell that she wasn't completely comfortable with

the thought of this girl being a feeder forever either.

"I know," She nodded her head, her jade eyes boring into mine. "But how? Tatiana is set on keeping her here." I bit my lip, and nodded my head. How the hell was I going to rescue this girl? It seemed useless for a

minute, but then I felt an idea spark in my mind.

Lissa sensed the ignition in my brain, and watched as the fire of an idea began to burn, and all the pieces fell together.

"What is it and how do I help?" She asked, and I grinned at her. Having her ready to jump into whatever crazy and impossible plan I thought up made me beyond happy. A felt a warmth spread through my body,

tingling my fingers and burning the soles of my feet. This was friendship.

"We need to compel the girl to forget about everything. We need to make her forget about our entire world. You need to make sure she forgets all of this" I explained, lifting my arms and gesturing to everything

around us. This was probably our only hope, we needed to make the girl forget and somehow convince Tatiana that this was the best option.

I didn't have a damn clue on how we were going to convince the queen that compelling someone – which was against moroi law – was the best option, but we had to do it. I had a feeling I was going to be enlisting

the help of the misfits.

And that's how I ended up standing in my new kitchen, surrounded by my friends who were all wearing determined expressions. I had just explained the poorly thought out plan to them, hoping that they would all

agree to play a role in this crazy attempt to rescue the human girl.

Lissa was standing beside me, and continued to shoot me glances during my entire explanation of the plan, and throughout my friend's silence. It was obvious that she was nervous. She knew that regardless if the

queen dismissed this idea than we would do it anyway, and if that was the case then it would be treason. Of course, this wasn't the first time I roped Lissa into high treason, she had played a pivotal role in breaking

free Victor Dashkov all those years ago. Something that has remained top secret for years, no one outside our circle and Victor knows that we were behind his diabolical escape from Tarasov.

"I'll do it." Eddie nodded, standing as he turned to look at me, his hazel eyes were so serious. Everyone in the room was watching him, but the only person he was focused on was me. Somehow I knew he would be

the first person to agree to this, maybe it was because he was a guardian, or because he had also been a part of Victor's escape. But I think it was because of Mason, and it was because of how close we were now. He

had once told me that he would do whatever I asked, no matter how incredibly insane. He said that I saved his life twice and he owed me.

I just nodded my head, my throat constricting as I thought about how much we had been through. He would always jump in, doing whatever crazy task I asked. I was so thankful to have a person like him in my life.

"Me too," Christian nodded, standing up and taking a few steps over to Lissa, pulling her in tightly. He smiled at her briefly, before his icy eyes focused on me and he subtly nodded once more. Christian would never

pass up something like this, he would want to be involved in whatever crazy, Rose Hathaway stunt that were planning, especially if it meant going against the Queen and the royal rules.

"You're going to need me, I guess." Adrian sighed, but had a smirk on his face. He really was newly reformed, I thought as he rolled his eyes at whatever snarky comment Christian made. I once remembered a time

where Adrian swore that he would never be a part of this kind of thing, that he didn't want to be included in my delusional plans. Hell, that he didn't want to be included in anyone's crazy or delusional plans. He just

wanted to do his own thing, he didn't care about politics or Strigoi or really right and wrong. He just wanted to smoke his clove cigarettes, to drink his scotch and go to parties. Now, he was willing to join in on the

madness.

"Of course I'll help." Tasha said, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I didn't exactly want her help, or want her in my house at all actually, but she would be useful. That didn't mean that I still didn't want to

karate chop her in half though.

"We will too." Mia smiled, signaling that both she and Jill would help out. I smiled at everyone and Lissa gave my hand a squeeze, our team had been assembled. One part of this insane plan was done, now we had to

move on to the trickier parts, but I was feeling way more confident about it. We had two Guardians, six moroi – two of which were spirit users and the rest being trained in defensive magic – we were set.

I was grateful that no one bothered to mention the three unspeakable men in my life – Dimitri, Kai or Mikhail. I think they all understood that each of these men and I were having problems, and no just average

problems but the kind that make you flee court and breakdown in the basement of guardian headquarters. Although, these three guardians could be a tremendous help I couldn't use them, there was too much

personal problems going on to include them. Not to mention that one of them was on an indefinite leave of absence.

"That's as much as we can do tonight. Everyone go home and sleep, but be here early tomorrow to go over the final details." I nodded, while everyone stood and chatted a little more, before saying their goodbyes

and exiting in small groupings.

I was just shutting the door behind Lissa and Christian, when I turned and headed back to my kitchen, only to see Adrian sitting on one of the stools around the island. I put my hands on my hips, tilting my head and

studying him as he grinned up at me.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked, curious as to why Adrian had stayed. Although I loved him as a close friend, and trusted him (ignoring that he betrayed my trust with snooping around in my things) he and I

hadn't really been the same since we broke up all those years ago. I loved him and I knew he loved me, but we didn't really have these alone moments anymore. We had never really just spent time in each other's

company after we broke up, minus a few spirit dreams here and there. But those weren't the same. They weren't like being around him in real life.

"Thought I would hangout for a little while, figured you could use a friend." He shrugged, playing with the edges of a bright place mat. I nodded my head and took a seat on the stool beside him.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, my voice softer now. This was one of the few times that Adrian and I had meaningful conversations without all the sexual innuendoes and sarcasm.

"Well, mostly because Peters picked up and left, leaving you all alone in this town house." He started, his emerald eyes looking deeply into mine. "And because although you won't admit it, things are still rocky with

you and Belikov, regardless of your awkward friendship. And because you told Mikhail about Sonya, he freaked like expected and you blame yourself." I found myself gawking at Adrian in stunned silence. How the hell

did he figure all that out? I mean Kai leaving was obvious to everyone, although no one will really come out and say it, but the Dimitri thing and the Mikhail thing? Few knew about either, and I doubted that Lissa or

Kai would've told Adrian about the whole Dimitri thing.

"When did you become so observant, Ivashkov?" I asked and Adrian's smile broadened. I continued to stare into his non-glossy green eyes, taking pleasure in the fact that they weren't blood shot and that he didn't

smell like alcohol. He really had changed.

"I always have been. I just kept my observations to myself, besides the smoking and the alcohol inhibited me from actually expressing them sometimes." He shrugged with a small smirk, but then his face turned

serious, and his eyes seemed even more intense. "It wasn't hard to figure out Rose. Anyone who cares about you can tell what's happening, and although you put on a strong act, we know that it's hard on you." I

just bit my lip and nodded my head in silence. Anyone who cared about me? So basically all of my close friends understood what was happening, but none of them would say anything. I was actually grateful for that.

"It's really that obvious?" I asked, my voice a half whisper as I ran my fingers through my dark hair. Adrian just gave me a sympathetic smile and nodded once. "Can we not talk about it?" I asked, not wanting to say

the dread that I was feeling. I was already feeling pathetic, and I did not want to share my misery, even if he already knew about it.

"Sure." He told me, and I just nodded my head as we sat there in silence. But after a moment he added something, making my heart swell and a small smile break out on my face. "But just so you know, we are here

for you, all of us. If it was possible to carry the world on your shoulders, then you would be the best bet to do it. But it can't be done, and that's why we're here. We want to help you carry everything, and we want to

be a part of all your crazy, stupid schemes."

I mumbled a thank you, leaning my head against his broad shoulder, as he wrapped his arms around me. We sat like that in peaceful silence for a while, and I remembered how much I actually missed Adrian's

company. And secretly, I wished that I could have loved him like he wanted me to all those years ago. I wished that I could've just been with Adrian, because although there were complications with our relationship,

they were nothing compared to the complications I had now. I wished that I could love him like he loved me.

Dimitri's Point Of View

Incredible.

That was the only word that could come close to describing last night. Nothing overly amazing happened, but sharing a moment with the woman I loved was amazing. Just being with her was a blessing to me, but

being able to hold her and sit with her, gazing up at the sky? It was practically a miracle to me.

Whenever I spent time with her, or watched her it made me realized what an idiot I was for letting her go. I was being a coward back then, and I didn't truly understand the implications my words had. I regret them

every day, and I regret how badly they affected her. I never wanted to hurt her, it was actually the opposite, I wanted to help her.

She never should have been involved with me from the start, back at St. Vladamirs when I was her mentor. But I eventually got over that, my love for her was too strong. Right and wrong didn't matter as long as I

had her in my life. But then when I was awakened and then restored, I knew our relationship was too wrong to work. Although I still loved her, she deserved a lot better and she was meant for greater things. She

deserved someone who wouldn't hurt her or let her down. She deserved someone better than me.

But just like how it had been at St. Vladamirs, my love blurred the lines between right and wrong, and what she deserved. Sometimes I thought that I was being selfish, by loving her so much, by not putting what

she deserved first. But my love clouded everything over. Making it impossible to decipher what was good for her and what wasn't.

But then I had to remind myself that Kai Peters was still in the picture, and that he too loved Rose very much. I knew they had a bond and that they were close, but I didn't know if it was a platonic relationship or if it

was something more romantic. I mean, she was crying over him last night, and about how he abandoned her.

I guess that was a running theme in Rose's life. That all the men who entered her life walked out at some point, either that or they disappointed her. Mason Ashford, Adrian Ivashkov, Kai Peters and me. At some

point we have all let her down or walked way, whether it was intentional or not it still happened and she didn't deserve it.

I will stay. If she wants me around then I will stay, and I will do everything in my power to make it up to her. I will correct all of the disappointments that I have caused her. If she wants me to stay, then I will stay.

I made my way over to her townhouse, unsure of what I would say once I got there. I wanted – needed – to see her and fix what I broke all of those years ago. I needed to tell her that I will stay.

I was just coming up to the large white building, when I watched the door open and Rose stepped out. Although I had seen her just last night, I was still struck by her beauty. I had once compared her to an avenging

angel, and it was true she was heavenly. She had the ability to bring destruction and chaos with her, but did it with such an effortless grace.

I was so consumed in her beauty that I almost didn't notice Adrian step out behind her, smiling broadly as he hugged her tightly. I stopped walking and watched there embrace for a minute, knowing that I was far

enough away that they wouldn't notice me in the misty shadows of the rising sun.

I assumed that Adrian was just leaving. I decided that I would wait patiently for him to do so before confessing my love to Rose, I really didn't need an audience for this. But he didn't leave. Instead he lingered on her

porch, laughing and tugging on her hand. There was a part of me that desperately wanted to hear what they were saying, and was tempted to edge closer but I realized that I was already invading her privacy and

needed to stay back.

I watched as they laughed and smiled at one another, until Adrian finally walked down the porch steps and turned back to Rose. I figured he was leaving when I saw Rose turn and walk back inside, until I saw her

emerge moments later, locking the door behind her. She was leaving with him, and I realized that my chance to tell her tonight was also leaving.


	37. Chapter 37

Blame fanfiction, because if it had let me log on this would've been up days ago! I swear it likes to just give me problems on purpose -.-  
>Anyways! Thank you for all of the reviews, and any adivce or feedback it means alot! And sorry, I'm going to try to be more ontop of my posts again.<br>This one is multiple perspectives, I hope you like!

Disclaimer: It's soooo not mine. Only the plot and a few characters!

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><p>"Does everyone understand the plan?" I asked for the last time, and received nods from all of my friends and Tasha, who were crammed into my kitchen clad in black. We had been running over the plan repeatedly, making sure that it was drilled into everyone's mind and that there were no substitutions to this plan. After what happened on the mission the other day, I didn't want to risk anyone veering away from the plan. We so didn't need a repeat of that disaster.<p>

"Alright, and here is where I give you a chance." I sighed, looking into the earnest eyes of my friends, feeling that knot of despair in the pit of my stomach that I always did whenever I dragged someone I cared about into my schemes. It's not that I regretted doing this, I knew saving the girl was the proper things to do, it's that I felt guilty for roping my friends into something that could easily become treasonous. "Here is where I give you, you're only chance to back out without any type of consequences. This is your only chance to walk away, because once the plan is in motion there is no backing out or second guessing. Once you're in, you're in. So, here's your out, if you want to walk away this is your only chance to do it."

Everyone just looked at one another, then looked at me like I was crazy for even suggesting the idea that one of them would walk away. The incredulous looks I received from my closest friends – Eddie, Christian (yes, I now considered Christian a close friend. Sometime between Spokane, the attack on the school and restoring Dimitri, he actually became pretty useful.), Adrian and Lissa – filled me with warmth and I remembered last night. I had said it before, that normalcy was something my life lacked, and I think my friends sensed that because Adrian had dragged me to Lissa's house, where we all hung out for the evening. I don't know how they knew, but I needed them at that moment, I needed to not be a guardian for a minute and instead just hang out with my friends.

"No takers? Good, let's go." I gave everyone a tight smile, before leading them out of my house and locking the door behind everyone. I maintained my guardian composure but secretly I was freaking out, I knew that if this went badly we would all be implicated. Although Lissa and Adrian were the key players here, they would mostly likely get off the hook because of their royal status. Christian and Tasha would be in trouble, especially considering their family history, but they would probably walk away from this too. Mia and Jill would also get into serious trouble, but the likely hood of them getting caught wasn't very high, mainly because they were just the lookouts. But me and Eddie? We were dhampirs, and if we got caught we would be facing serious consequences. I had no doubt in my mind that if this went wrong, one of us would have a one way ticket to Tarasov.

Once we were all outside, everyone gravitated to their groups and set off in separate directions. Lissa, Christian and Mia began walking towards royal housing, just as Adrian, Tasha and Jill headed towards the feeder building. Leaving me and Eddie waiting anxiously on my front steps, praying to whatever god was out there that everything goes well.

Waiting was the part I dreaded the most. It killed me that I couldn't jump into action immediately and help, but it was impossible for me to contribute to the first part of the plan. Neither Eddie nor I had the status or the magic to help, and therefor had to leave everything to the moroi. All we could do was wait for the signal so that we could jump in, and use our physical strength and guardian tactics.  
>So we both waited, silently gazing out at court sprawling around us. We watched as non-royal moroi and a few dhampirs that lived in the townhouses near mine, scrambled to begin their day. And I internally sighed, wishing that my life could be as simple as theirs. I loved my life and all of the people in it, but sometimes I just wished that all the craziness would stop, even for just a minute.<br>Eddie must've been thinking along the same lines. After a moment he leaned against the railing on my porch, glancing up at the thousands of stars glittering above us, looking somber as he voiced his thoughts.

"Do you ever wonder if we're the only ones with complicated lives?" he asked in a humourless voice. I glanced sideways at him, wishing that Eddie could have the humour and liveliness as he once did, before Spokane and the attack, and everything that followed. I wished that he could have some of his optimism and hope back, because maybe it would help heal the wounds that have been festering ever since Mason's death.

"I know that everyone has problems, and everyone faces obstacles in their lives, but honestly? It feels like we're the only ones who are dealing with it to this magnitude. It feels like we're the ones suffering the most, and I wonder how it's possible that the universe can suck that much." Eddie sighed, and I just looked up at the brilliant orbs of light shining above, knowing that he was right. Sometimes it did feel like the universe had it out for us.

"I know." I whispered, wrapping my arm around his shoulder and pulling him in tight. "The universe is cruel and unfair, and it's random. It's frustrating and infuriating, and sucks on so many levels." I sighed, running my fingers through his soft hair as he nodded his head. "And you're angry. You feeling like your breaking apart, piece by piece, like this is all just some cruel joke. And I know that you're losing hope, but you have to fight and have to overcome all those dark feelings. You can't lose hope. You can't lose faith."

I understood perfectly what Eddie was feeling, because I was feeling it too. I felt the same weight of the world crashing down around me. I felt the same anxiety because there were some things I couldn't outrun. I felt the same terror that made it impossible to breathe whenever I thought that we were fighting a losing battle, that the evil might actually win.

"I don't know what to do." Eddie told me softly, pulling back so I could see the shinning of tears in his hazel eyes. "I don't know how to keep fighting when it feels like there's nothing to fight for. I want to protect those that I care about and I want to fight against the Strigoi, but how do I do that when I couldn't even protect Mase? How can I do that when I got captured during the attack, or when the mission blew apart a few days ago? How can I help when it feels like all I ever do is make it worse?"

"Eddie Castile, you are one of the best damn guardians and you know it. You've had hardships and you've made mistakes, but that's what makes you such a great guardian. You know your priorities and you know how to protect those that you care about. I wouldn't have let you protect Lissa if I didn't think that you could keep her safe." I told him, gripping his chin and forcing him to look at me. How did we ever get this far? How did my childhood friend who shared my dreams of becoming a famous guardian become so dark? How did either of us end up like this? "You cannot give up hope, we both know Mase would kick your ass right now for even thinking that you weren't a worthy guardian. So just slow down for a minute, take a breath and remember that everything may seem dark and twisty now, but it will get better. Just focus on making Mason proud."

"I wish he was here." Eddie gave a wistful sigh, sniffling slightly. "You know that he would've run into that house right beside you to rescue that girl, and that he would've had a field day burning it down. And that he probably would've jumped at the chance to be a part of this operation. He would've gone all mission impossible." He laughed, wiping away the tears that were cascading down his cheeks.

"Oh God, I know. He would've had the entire getup and probably would've sung the theme song." I laughed, imagining Mason with his red hair, running around with that smirk on his face, and before I knew it the tears were flowing down my face.

"And we would've mocked him the entire time, but he would trump us all with his stupid jokes, and we would all be dying of laughter by the end of it." Eddie exclaimed chuckling at the thought, while I choked on a laugh. We were both doubled up in hysterics by the end of it, imagining all the possibilities and antics Mason would've pulled if he were still alive.

"God, I miss him." I sighed, shaking my head. The memory of Mason standing in doorway of the house in Spokane, gun in hand as he threatened Isaiah flashed in my mind, and I remembered just how brave he was.

"Yeah…I do too." Eddie agreed, his voice sober as we leaned into each other, starring up at the dark sky in silence once more.

Lissa's Point Of View

I grasped Christian's hand tightly when royal housing loomed in front of us. No one spoke the entire way here, instead we were all just consumed in our thoughts. My heart was racing as we walked towards the entrance of the building, and the only thing I could think of was how much easier this would be if Adrian was here too. He was always able to convince Tatiana to see things his way, and with him we could've convinced her easily. But I knew that the groups had to be split evenly; one spirit user each, one Ozera each and one lookout each.  
>We passed several guardians on the way to the Ivashkov wing where Tatiana lived. Each of them nodded and greeted us before moving on, which only made me grip Christian's hand tighter. I had done something like this before when we broke out Victor, and I barely made it out of there without being thrown into Tarasov myself, I so didn't want a repeat.<p>

"Deep breath, it's all going to be okay." Christian whispered into my ear, and I looked up to meet his icy blue eyes, nodding my head. If anyone else had told me that it was going to be okay, I probably wouldn't have believed them, but with Christian by my side I knew it would be.

"I'll be waiting." Mia told us as we approached the wooden doors, leading to Tatiana's parlor. We both nodded our heads and watched as she disappeared down the corridor. I looked back up at Christian, finding comfort and confidence in his eyes. I could do this, I thought as I knocked on the wooden doors.

Adrian's Point Of View

"Lord Ivashkov! Wonderful to see you again," greeted one of the moroi receptionists at the feeder building. I just gave her a lazy grin, trying to appear casual as I watched Tasha sneaking towards the hallways that led down to the feeders.

"It's always good to see you too gorgeous. Now, tell me, what will it take to have my name at the top of the feeder list?" I asked, leaning in close and giving her a rueful smile. She just fluttered her eyes, blushing as she looked over the schedule. God, women were so easy sometimes.

"Well, I'm not supposed to be doing this, but if you're quick I can take you back right now." She smiled as she stood; beckoning me to follow her down the hallway that Tasha had just gone into. That was simple, I thought as I watched the moroi lead me through the maze of hallways and room, no compulsion necessary (which was lucky, I needed to preserve my strength).  
>She tried to continue flirting, but I was too preoccupied peering into all the rooms, trying to find Tasha or the human girl. I figured it was lost cause, until the moroi woman led me into a feeding room, where the girl with caramel waves sat, looking terrified.<p>

"This is her first time." The moroi whispered into my ear, obviously trying to seem seductive as she did so. I just nodded my head, it was obvious that it was her first time, her eyes were huge and she was shaking slightly.

"You don't say." I mused, my eyes darting around the small room, trying to look anywhere but at the shaking girl, but unable to. This, I realized, was why Rose wanted to save her so badly.

All of the feeders Moroi used to get blood are addicts. They crave the endorphins from the bite, and don't care about wasting away their years. To them, they have the absolute perfect life. But this girl? She wasn't addicted yet, and she was afraid. She was young and probably had dreams, she didn't want to be here. She still had a chance to escape from the prisoned life of a feeder. Because in reality, they were trapped. They spent their days being bitten, before they're locked in their rooms. They rarely see outside the feeder building, and they are always looked down upon. They are imprisoned, and they don't even realize it.

"Yeah, the guardians brought her here a couple days ago. No one has fen from her yet, so enjoy it." The moroi whispered in my ear, while I just stared blankly at the human girl, not even acknowledging that the moroi receptionist was trying to use a seductive voice.

I took a step towards the human girl, watching a she shrunk back into her chair, tears seeping from her wide eyes. And I felt sorrow run through me, shaking me to my core. Where the hell was Tasha? We needed to hurry and get this girl out of here, I couldn't watch her terror anymore.  
>I sensed someone entering the room, and sure enough it was Tasha. The moroi receptionist hadn't noticed yet, but she was about to.<p>

Lissa's Point Of View

"Your majesty," I greeted, bowing and sneaking a glance at Christian. Mostly to give me more confidence, but also to confirm he was bowing.

"Vasilisa, wonderful to see you dear." Tatiana cooed as I erected myself. I smiled at her, keeping my regal attitude and confidence in place, but I still felt like I was going to throw up.  
>I knew that most of my friends disliked the Queen – disliked is probably an understatement – but she took me under her wing when no one else would. After my parents and Andre died, I was completely lost in court life. I didn't know what to do or how to live up the expectations. It was easier when Rose and Christian and Adrian were around, but there were times when they weren't. When Rose was in Russia, when Christian wasn't speaking to me, and Adrian was too drunk I was alone and lost. Tatiana took me under her wing, and taught me how to hold myself. I was grateful to her, but I knew that I needed to stand up to her.<p>

"You too your majesty, but I'm sorry that it's not on better terms. You see I really need to speak to you about something important." I told her, glancing up at Christian as I spoke. He gave me a tender smile, and squeezed my hand, looking prouder than ever.

"Oh heavens," Tatiana gasped, hand covering her mouth and her eyes bulging. "Please, no, Vasilisa, how could you have been so irresponsible?" Tatiana asked, standing and walking over to where Christian and I stood.  
>I felt my eyebrows knit in confusion, and I looked up at Christian for some guidance, wondering what I had missed. He just shrugged, obviously as clueless as me. Tatiana's emerald eyes shifted from me to Christian several times, and I noticed a glare whenever she looked at my boyfriend.<p>

"Pardon, your majesty, but what are you talking about?" Christian asked bluntly, at least he didn't curse, that in its self was a blessing.

"What am I talking about, Lord Ozera? Only the fact that you have knocked up the Dragomir Princess!" The queen exclaimed, causing my eyebrows to raise and my jaw to fall open.

Adrian's Point Of View

I continued to shoot worried glances over at the hazy receptionist in the corner, making sure that the compulsion wasn't wearing off. I knew Tasha was pretty good, I just didn't know how good.

"Stop worrying, she's dazed." Tasha's voice caused me to snap my head in her direction, she was trying to console the human girl who was verging on frantic. Part of this ill thought out plan forgot to cover what would happen if this girl started freaking out, and guess what? She was freaking out.  
>I knelt beside her, watching as her eyes shifted from Tasha to me. She was like an injured animal being cornered, she was out of her element and afraid. And although both Tasha and I knew that we should be sweet and understanding, that we should to coaxing her out, we didn't have time for that. The receptionist told me when we were heading down here that I had to be quick, I knew the feeder's schedule was tight, and if we took too long then we would be caught. We didn't have time to comfort the terrified animal, we needed to yank it out of the cage and drag it with us.<p>

"Listen, we're here to help you." I told her, watching her hazel eyes study my face. I could practically see the battle waging inside of her. She was debating whether she could trust us or not, whether staying here would be more beneficial than coming with us. "Come with us. We want to get you out." She bit her lip, and I wondered how long she would take to make a choice, my eyes shooting to the door for any signs of company.

"I-I don't know." She whispered, tears filling her eyes and causing my stomach to twist. This girl must be going through hell. "This is all so confusing…it's happening so fast." Her eyes swam with confusion.  
>I was about to open my mouth to comfort her, to try and pursued her to come with us, to assure her that we would help her. But then Tasha's impatient voice cut me off.<p>

"Adrian, we don't have time for this." She urged, eyes also darting towards the doorway, which seemed like an impending doom. Like at any moment, someone could walk past and ruin everything. "Just compel her." She hissed, and I nodded my head.

"You are going to come with us." I told the girl in a calm and soothing voice, watching the tension leave her body and her eyes glaze over. "You are going to follow us silently, keeping pace and remaining discrete. Understand?" I asked, my voice smooth and steady as the girl nodded her head, caramel waves bobbing around her face.

"Let's go." I nodded at Tasha, grabbing the girl by her shoulder and leading her out of the door. Tasha did the same with the receptionist, knowing that we were going to need her to change paperwork, and move around appointments, that was the only way we were going to get away with this.

Lissa's Point of View

The room was silent for a heartbeat, and I was too shocked to form a coherent sentence. Christian on the other hand, thought this was the funniest thing in the entire world. He promptly doubled over in hysterics, wiping the tears that were forming in his eyes. I glared at him, why was it that he and Rose always laughed at the most inappropriate times?

"Excuse me Lord Ozera, but I do not see what's funny about this. You have just ruined Vasilisa's bright future. She is only twenty-one for goodness sake!" Tatiana continued, and I managed to scramble up an explanation and stop the madness.

"We're not…I'm not pregnant. No little Dragomirs…not for a very…very long time." I probably sounded like a blubbering idiot but I was still overwhelmed, she seriously thought I was pregnant?

"Thank god." Tatiana sighed, wandering back to her seat, while Christian sobered himself up. "Now, what was it that you wanted to tell me?" She asked, and I prepared myself for the best sales pitch of my life.

"We came to speak to you about that human girl, the one from the rescue mission." I told Tatiana, watching as her eyes became wary and her face apprehensive. Her shoulders were tense and she shifted in her chair, regarding us carefully.

"Yes, what about her?" She asked in a clipped tone, and it was obvious that I was treading in deep water right now.

"I know a way we can release her, without fear of her sharing our secret."


	38. Chapter 38

AN: Hey guys! So here is a HUGE post for everyone, mainly to make up for my crappy updating. I'm talking over 6000 words...so yeah. I know that I said you would figure out about Kai in the last two chapters, but I hadn't been able to fit it in, so I seriously pinky swear you will in the next chapter.  
>This post is multiple POV, but mostly I want to know what you think of Eddie's? I had the most fun writting his (as well as Adrian's) but for Eddie I think it was really...sad. I don't want to spoil, but please let me know :)<p>

And lastly, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me while writting this, and anyone who has ever reviewed. It means a lot!

Disclaimer: Sadly, VA does not belong to me, but a girl can wish right?

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><p>Adrian's Point Of View<p>

"Come on. Come on. Come on." I muttered, as Tasha and I rushed through the corridors of the feeder building, her with the dazed receptionist and me with the hazy human girl. I continually shot glances around us, checking for anything or anyone who could catch us.  
>This, was why I never used to take part in Rose's crazy schemes, this right here. Because I felt like I was going to implode, that I was going to spontaneously combust from all of the worry.<p>

"You need to stop." Tasha hissed, she had a calm exterior as she led the receptionist by the elbow down the hallway, her azure eyes darting around the vacant hallway was the only indication that she was worried. "You need to stop freaking out. Because if something goes wrong, or god forbid the compulsion wears off, I'm going to need you to jump in and fix it. I can't have you freaking out, because then the human will freak out and my girl will probably freak out, and I cannot have all of you freaking out."

"I am not freaking out." I glared, as Tasha snorted and rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath. We rounded another corner, and were coming up the reception area of the feeder building, which was where everything would become difficult, as if it wasn't already.

I knew what we had to do once we reached the reception area, and I knew that it had to be done quickly. We would have to get the paperwork and make sure that it was properly changed, but thankfully we wouldn't have to change an electronic version, because I was never put into the system, since I had just showed up. Then we would have to erase and steal any and all information about the girl, and with any hope they had only started a file and didn't create an electronic version yet. If there was a merciful god out there, then there wouldn't be anything in the database about her yet.

But the trickiest part about this was that we had to do it without anyone noticing. We couldn't let any of the staff of moroi see what was going on. They couldn't know that we were toying around with this.

As soon as we approached the pristine lobby I felt my muscles cease and tense up. I couldn't do this, what the hell was I thinking? I had been hanging out with too many guardians and saints. I wasn't a hero and I couldn't save this girl. I wasn't like Rose or Belikov or even Christian, I wasn't cut out for this. I was just Adrian. I was just a royal party boy, an addict with no work ethic or real job. I wasn't a guardian or an advocate or…or…anything. I was just Adrian and I couldn't do this.

Tasha had surged ahead, until she realized I wasn't with her. I had frozen in place, my fingers digging into the arm of the human girl, as I had this silent epiphany. Looping back, and dragging the receptionist, I found myself looking into deep blue eyes.

"What are you doing? Adrian, come on let's go." Tasha kept her voice low, and I could tell that even though she reprimanded me for freaking out early, she too was freaking out. Tasha could just hide her fear better.

"I can't…this…this isn't me." I told her, my voice hoarse as I studied the hallway. I could feel my mind beginning to wander, to fall into spirit's tight grasp. I could feel myself balancing on the edge as my mind spun. Almost like I was circling the drain, swirling around and around, slowly everything began to blend together, meshing until it was no longer distinct.

_This isn't me. This is not who I am. I am not a hero. I'm not good enough to be a hero. _

This was what madness felt like. I was the definition of crazy and delusional. I mean, I somehow convinced myself I was capable of this, how insane could I be? My brain was broken, darkness was spreading through it, slowly capturing each cell and causing my brain to become…faulty. That's what I was, I was faulty.

A dud.

"Look at me Adrian, you are not a dud." Tasha assured, grabbing my face and forcing me to meet her eyes again. I blinked rapidly, wondering how she had known that's what I was thinking, and slowly it dawned upon me that I had probably said all of that aloud. In my fragile state I must've begun saying my thoughts and she had heard the entire thing.

"You are not a dud. You just helped save this girl's entire life. And who knows, she could do miraculous things for the world – maybe not our world – but you would be the reason behind her future." Tasha assured, and I found myself glancing over at the dazed human girl, remembering back to my earlier thoughts.

When I first laid eyes on her I only felt sorrow. I had a revelation as to why Rose wanted to save her so badly, I saw the fear radiating off of the girl. I could see it in her wide hazel eyes that she was terrified, that she was weak and helpless. I saw all of those feelings, and I wanted to save her. I had the instinct to help her somehow, and I needed to grab a hold of that feeling again. I needed to remember how vulnerable and afraid she was, and I needed to be able to do something for her.

If I could just do that, if I could just hold onto the mental image of the human girl, shaking in the chair then I could get through this. I could be the hero, I could be a saint or an advocate…well, maybe not a saint.

Lissa's Point of View

"Vasilisa," The word left Tatiana's lips in a grave whispered, and my eyes met her usually kind (to me at least) emerald eyes, but this time there was no kindness. Instead there was passion and…fury. There were so many emotions in her glittering orbs, the irrational part of me briefly thought that they would explode. That her irises would split open from all of the emotion swimming inside, and that Tatiana would be covered in glittering green.  
>I quickly shook the mental picture from my mind, knowing that these Tim Burton type thoughts were just a side effect of Spirit, but I knew Rose would like the thought of an eyeless Tatiana.<p>

"Compulsion is illegal and never to be used. The moroi use their gifts for good, to help benefit our society, and compulsion is not a proper use of a gift. It is vile and barbaric. I am appalled that the thought would even enter your mind." Tatiana explained, her voice never raising over a tense whisper, almost like she was trying to contain herself, like she was trying to keep her voice from shattering.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that she wanted to yell. That she would probably pop a vein from shrieking and screaming at me and if I were anyone else then I would have been afraid. But I was Vasilisa Dragomir, meaning, I got a light smack on the wrists before being sent away.

My nine letter last name, and blood pumping through my veins prevented her from screaming at me, stopped her from having a fit. Because I was the only Dragomir – I was a prized jewel – and I was this girl's only hope. I couldn't cower away, especially since the Queen wouldn't actually yell. I needed to fight and I would be successful, my name and lineage would guarantee my success.

At least, that's what I kept telling myself.

"It entered my mind because I excel at it and I've used it before. You know that, you just don't want to admit it." I told Tatiana, channeling all of my confidence and defiance. In the back of my mind I imagined Rose smirking, nodding her head in approval. And if I turned slightly, I could see Christian doing the same.

"Vasilisa!" Tatiana scolded, clearly outraged by my admission. She opened her mouth to continue on what I expected was a very long, very angry lecture but I cut her off. I wanted to be heard first.

"This girl doesn't want to be here. All of the other feeders do – which we have plenty of by the way – but this girl doesn't, and she had a right to be let free. Do not make her an addict against her will, and take her life away." I told Tatiana, my stomach clenching as I did.

I felt like I had two different options at that point, two different paths that I could follow, and two different people that I could be.  
>I felt brave and confident, like Rose or Christian, I felt defiant and capable. It was an empowering feeling, and I felt like I had the capability to conquer the world. But I was also nauseous and terrified. I didn't want to upset the only woman who showed my guidance over the years. I had two choices, whether I wanted to continue standing up for my beliefs, or if I wanted to back down and accept defeat.<p>

"By keeping her here, you are taking away her freedom. You are forcing her to stay here when there are ways to let her free. You are stealing something from that girl, and I guarantee that I'm not the only one who sees it that way." It was a snap decision, but I could feel in my heart that it was the right one. I was making the right choice. I was standing up for what I believed, for what was right.

I think Tatiana could see that I had made this choice. I think she could tell that I was throwing all of my respect and manners out the window, and that I was throwing caution to the wind. It was obvious that I wasn't acting like my usual respectable princess self, I wasn't putting on airs anymore.

Rose's Point of View

"That's my queue," I sighed after closing my phone and I broke away from Eddie. Although I didn't really want to leave Eddie, I was thankful for the sound and knew that I had a job to do. And this signal provided a relief, it meant that half of the plan worked out well, and now I just had to pray that Eddie's signal would come shortly.

"I would wish you luck, but you don't need it Hathaway." Eddie smiled, and I just gave his arm a squeeze, silently thanking him before heading in the direction of the feeder building.  
>I gave one fleeting look back, watching as he just continued to gaze at the stars above, and I felt a smile form on my lips. He was going to be okay. We were all going to be okay.<p>

I quickly jogged to the elaborate feeder building, making sure that I stuck close to the shadows and avoided any eyes. Everything had gone accordingly on this side of the plan. I just prayed that Lissa and Christian were also successful.  
>As I got closer to the building, I spotted Jill leaning against the stone wall, trying to remain nonchalant, and if I had to guess, I would say that Adrian and Tasha weren't far away.<br>Once I was close enough for her to see, Jill pushed herself off of the wall and slowly began making her way along the side, further into the night shadows. I followed her slowly, trying to remain unseen.

Once we were far enough behind the building, in the shadows of court where no one could see us, is when Jill stopped. I quickly caught up to her, ignoring the prickly sensation I was getting on the back of my neck, for such a pristine building it was creepy on near the back.  
>I was close enough to Jill that I just wanted to wrap my arms around her, I was so thankful that everything had gone well and that everyone was safe. But I knew that I shouldn't, I needed to remain impassive and level headed. All of my emotions and feelings needed to be checked at the door, because I couldn't let anything get in the way.<p>

When I was still at the Academy, Dimitri had tried to teach me that lesson over and over again. He tried to teach me self-control and remaining distant. I was supposed to protect and fight, I wasn't supposed to _feel_.  
>The other novices grasped that concept early on, Eddie was proof of that and so was Kai. Both of them had the ability to kill, fight and protect without remorse.<br>But me? Well, I was a little bit trickier. I never seemed to learn that lesson, instead I felt it all too passionately. Maybe it was because for as much as he preached that he leaned his control and that he had the ability to look at things logically, Dimitri also felt things too passionately. I mean how was I supposed to learn how to treat things indifferently when my mentor was struggling with the same thing?  
>I knew that Dimitri felt remorse whenever he killed someone, he had told me once upon a time. And I knew that he – not as often as me, of course – let his emotions take control, and even sometimes get in the way.<p>

But although I didn't learn that lesson when I was at the Academy, I slowly began to realize that my emotions were getting in the way, that my impulsivity was ruining everything. I thought I had learned, and I thought that I had reformed myself, but I hadn't. The mission was proof of that.  
>I had let my emotions get in in the way, and I acted impulsively. And due to my actions I endangered my teammates on the mission, I saved a girl only to have her condemned to life as a feeder and I lost Kai. My emotions had gotten in the way, and that's what fucked me over.<p>

It's what screwed me over so many times in the past.

Adrian and Tasha stepped out of the shadows, which silenced my mental rant. I didn't have time to think about anything else. I needed all of my attention on this. I needed to focus on right here and right now.

Eddie's Point Of View

The high pitched ringing of my phone is what broke me out of my trance. I had been starring up at the stars on Rose's front porch, replaying the conversation we just had.

Rose and I had always been friends. But we were never close, until Mason died. Before that, I just hung out with her on occasion, joked around and had a few classes with her. Back then she was Mason's close friend, not mine.  
>But after Spokane, everything shifted. We both needed to fill the void that Mason left – she needed a new best guy friend, and I needed a new best friend – but it wasn't any easy one. When Mason died, he left a gaping hole in both of us – in practically everyone.<p>

Mason was one of a kind. Always positive and always bright, he would do anything for his friends. There weren't many pure people like him in the world, so losing him was just a hit to the entire school. Everyone loved him, it didn't matter if you were close to him or not, he always made it feel like you were best friends.

So, it was no wonder that losing him hurt so much. Especially when I felt like I should've tried harder. Who knows, maybe if I had been able to resist the endorphins from Isaiah's bite, then maybe Mason would still be alive.  
>It was a painful thought that plagued me ever since the endorphin high wore off. I remember the moment, it was clear as day. I was lying in a bed at the Academy's clinic, with a solemn looking Christian and a tearful Mia gripping my hand tightly.<p>

I blinked a few times, unable to remember how I got here. The last thing I remembered was sitting in a straight back wooden chair, my hands bound behind my back with Isaiah sauntering towards me, and Rose screaming in the background.

At first I thought that Isaiah knocked me out or something, and that the guardians must've shown up soon after. It was the only rational explanation; that the guardians had figured out where we were, and that they killed the Strigoi.  
>But that didn't explain why Christian and Mia looked so…agonized. And that also didn't explain why they were sitting at my bedside. I mean out of the four others who'd been captured, I figured Mason and Rose would be the most likely to be sitting by my bed.<p>

And that's when everything clicked. Something had happened to Mason and to Rose. There was no other explanation, something went wrong.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice strong and steady despite the fact that I wanted to hurl. I was a novice, and would be a guardian in less than a year, I could take it…or at least pretend to take it.

There was a beat of silence, and all that could be heard was Mia's soft sniffling. Christian wasn't looking at me and neither was Mia, they were both caught up in their own sorrow. And for a minute, I thought that neither would answer me, but then they did.

Christian looked at me head on, his icy eyes boring into mine as he laid his hand on my shoulder. He gave it a firm squeeze, and I would never forget what he said then, "I'm sorry man. I am so sorry."

Everything else sort of blurred together after that. My room was filled with doctors, moroi officials and guardians. They pushed fluid and sugars, asked questions and explained what had happened. But I was dazed through the entire thing and not because I was still groggy from the high. I was hazy because my best friend died, and I couldn't remember a damn thing about it.

The rational part of my brain knew that Mason's death wasn't my fault. That I couldn't have stopped Mase from running back into that house, even if I had been in my right mind. Mason was determined in that way, and nothing I could've done would have stopped him.  
>But then there was always a nagging voice in the back of my mind. It was the same one that told me what to do in emergency's and how to act and think. I'd like to think it's my guardian voice, trying to somehow guide me or something like that.<br>That voice, was always questioning what if?

What if I'd been stronger? What if I could've helped with the escape plan? What if I could've stopped Mason? What if I could've helped Rose? What if I had died instead?

I struggled with the questions almost every day. They were persistent after Spokane, always on a constant loop in my mind. But slowly over time I didn't think about them as much, but they would always be in the back of my mind. I would always second guess everything about that captivity, always wondering how different things would've been.

I knew that I shouldn't dwell in the past, especially when so many things were happening in the present. I needed to live my life, which meant putting that all behind me. It had been years and I was still letting it hang over my head, so I needed to do what Rose said. I just needed to focus on making Mason proud, and everything would be alright.

At least, that's what I told myself as I jogged over to royal housing.

Rose's Point Of View

"You need to de-compel her or whatever." I commanded Adrian, looking at the human girl, who had a dreamy look on her face. Both Adrian's and Tasha's eyebrows rose, confused and surprised by my words. Jill just stood quietly beside me, obviously not wanting to get in the way.

"What? Why?" Adrian asked, and I opened my mouth to explain by Tasha cut me off.

"Rose, if we stop using the compulsion, she will start freaking out." She explained, shooting glances at the girl who was just starring off into space. "The last thing we need is her to be screaming and yelling and drawing attention to us." She had a point. I really couldn't expect to remain unseen if I was dragging a screaming and shouting human across court.

"Yes, but Adrian is commanding a lot of Spirit right now, and he needs to save his energy for the guardians at the gate," I explained, while continuing to make surveying glances around me, this place was seriously creeping me out. "The guardians at the gate are going to be the hardest, and if Lissa couldn't come through then we are going to need all the power we can get. Besides, she will slow us down if she's under compulsion."

Both Tasha and Adrian fidgeted, and no one said anything. We were both right in our own way, and now we just had to decide how to proceed. I knew that it would be impossible to force Adrian to stop using compulsion, the only what I could do that was if I knocked him out, and that wouldn't help matters.  
>The two moroi looked at one another, and then looked at the girl, before shrugging.<p>

"It's up to you Rose, if you think that I should stop compelling her, then I will." Adrian nodded, leaving the decision in my hands. I knew what he was saying, the unsaid words that hung between us: You're the leader, and it's your choice. But if things end badly, well… I told you so.

"Stop compelling her." I told him. I felt confident in my decision, because although my emotions and impulsivity had gotten in the way in the past, my gut never let me down. And I had a gut feeling that I was right about this.  
>I watched as Adrian slowly turned towards the girl, he blinked several times and I watched as the dreamy look disappeared from her face, only to be replaced by panic.<p>

She opened her mouth and I knew she was ready to scream, and I could not let that happen. So, just before the shriek erupted from her throat, I jumped practically on her, covering her mouth with my hand.  
>Her eyes were bulged and she was fighting my hold on her, but it was no use, I was way stronger than she was.<p>

"Shh, shh! Shhh!" I hissed, begging her to stop this muffled screaming. I didn't have time for this, and I needed her to stop so that we could continue on with the plan. "Please, for the love of god, just shut up."  
>Surprisingly, that did it. She stopped screaming and wiggling, instead just stared at me with horror struck eyes. I didn't remove my hand just yet, but I gave her a calm smile.<p>

"Much better, now do you remember me? I'm Rose, I helped you out of that house the other day." I told her, watching as she frantically nodded her head. "Good, you remember. Alright, now you need to listen to me okay? I need you to stay calm, I'm going to help you out of here, I'm going to get you home. But I need you to be quiet, okay?"

She nodded once more, and I slowly took my hand away from her mouth, preparing to smother her once more if she did try and scream. Luckily, she didn't. She took several deep breaths, her eyes staying locked on me.

"You're…you're really going to take me home?" She asked in a small voice.

"I'm really going to take you home." I told her, giving her a reassuring smile as I grabbed onto her hand. "But we need to get going. So try to keep up and keep quiet. You'll be home in no time." And with that I began pulling her towards the front gates, the rest of my renegade following behind, sticking close to the shadows.

The front gates were in sight when I spotted Eddie in my peripheral, and he wasn't alone. I veered over, my gang following closely behind as we dove into the shadows where Eddie and his group were.

"Did everything go accordingly?" I asked, not bothering with any other type of greeting. The finish line was in grasp, and there was no way that I was letting it go.

"Everything was accomplished." Eddie nodded, but I noticed that he didn't agree with the whole "going accordingly". I glanced at Lissa, and felt my eyes widen in shock. She was leaning against Christian, her eyes slightly bloodshot and hair dishevelled. It was far from my usual put together and pristine best friend.

"What happened?" I hissed, eyes darting between Christian, Eddie and Mia as I shuffled towards Lissa.

"It's fine. I'm okay." Lissa assured when I got close enough to her. I surveyed her up and down, noticing that she didn't have any type of marks on her.

"She and Tatiana got into it, but Lissa held her ground." Christian explained, smoothing her blonde hair. "We thought we had it, but Lissa had to compel her in the end. It just took a lot out of her."

I knew what Christian was saying. He was telling me that the darkness was seeping in, that compelling Tatiana had been a huge drain not only on her powers, but emotionally as well. Lissa would be fine, but she would need a few days to herself, she would need to rid herself of the darkness, somehow.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do." I announced, needing to create a new plan. "Eddie, you are going to take Lissa back to her room. Everyone else is going to come with me to the gates." Everyone nodded, but Lissa began to protest.

Originally, the spirit users and I were supposed to approach the gates while everyone stayed behind. They were strong enough to compel guardians, and the fewer people we had the better, but now with Lissa out of commission, I was going to need as many people as possible.

"Eddie, take her there now." I demanded, not wanting to hear Lissa's protests. Without another word, Eddie grabbed Lissa's shoulders and began leading her towards her room. She tried to break free but she was too weak and Eddie had years of training.  
>I felt guilty for doing this too her. I felt guilty that we were no longer bonded and that I couldn't take away some of the darkness. And I especially felt guilty for harshly having Eddie cart her away. But I didn't have time for guilt, I reminding myself, feelings needed to be set aside.<p>

"Once we get to the gate, I need you to channel all of your energy in compelling them. There should only be two or three at the gate, so divide and compel. I'll sneak her out in the meantime." I explained, receiving nods before grabbing the girl's wrist, and running to the front gates.

We were in luck, there was only three guardians manning the station, one of which was Dimitri. I nearly froze in place when I saw him, I didn't even think that he would be guarding the front gate. According to the guardian schedule, he usually stuck to perimeter surveillance, event guarding or one on one protection. I never even imagined he would be an obstacle in this mission.  
>I didn't let it hinder me for too long, instead I regained composure and stormed the gates with my team close behind.<p>

The three guardians were stunned when we approached the booth attached to the gate system, but they were quickly on their feet. The two other guardian's relaxed slightly when they saw me in the lead, but Dimitri remained wary and on alert. He obviously noticed that I was a woman on a mission, and nothing would stand in my way.

"Guardian Hathaway," One of guardians greeted respectfully, but his eyes soon narrowed on the human girl I was gripping to. He took a step forward, obviously sensing something was seriously wrong here, but before he could do anything I cut him off.

"Now!" I shouted, watching as all of the moroi approached the guardians, locking eyes and putting them in a trance. But I specifically watched as Adrian approached Dimitri tentatively, sensing that he was the hardest to compel. But before he locked eyes with him, he turned to face me.

"Do you seriously want me to compel Belikov?" He asked, obviously waiting for my orders. I watched as Dimitri calmly surveyed what was happening around him. His two colleagues were being compelled, one by Tasha and Christian, the other by Mia and Jill.

"You're trying to rescue her," Dimitri stated, voice low as he looked around at everyone. As he looked at me and at the girl I was still holding onto tightly.

"We're _going_ to rescue her." I told him, watching as he starred at the other guardians being compelled, and I watched as he glanced at the red button that would set off the court's alarm. I felt panic rush through me, causing me to lose my breath.  
>For a brief second I thought his higher reasoning and loyalty to the guardians might win, and that he would alert the rest of court. For a quick second I thought he might do the right thing – well, the guardian's definition of the right thing.<br>But then I saw something in his smouldering eyes, and I knew that he wouldn't turn us over. I knew that he would help me, he would take my side because he knew that it really was the right thing, despite what the guardians might say. He was ready to jump into the treasonous plan.

I watched as Dimitri leaned over, and pressed another button, which opened the wrought iron gates. I sighed in relief, and felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

"Thanks," I breathed, taking a slow step back as Adrian too backed up. I knew the rest of the gang would finish their compulsion and follow through with the rest of the plan. They would go back to their rooms, and wait until I gave them the signal, that would tell them we were in the clear.

I tugged on the girl's wrist and we darted out of the booth, Adrian right behind us, our feet pounding against the rocky terrain, which quickly morphed into pavement as we sprinted through the gates. I felt a heap of weight lift off my shoulders as soon as my foot stepped off of court grounds, only to find it come crashing back down when someone called my name.

"Rose!" He shouted, and I wondered what he wanted. Had he changed his mind? Was he going to drag me back to the guardians? No, Dimitri would never do that to me.  
>Before I knew it he was standing beside me, looking god like as ever. Focus Rose, I chided myself mentally.<p>

"I'm kinda busy here, Dimitri." I told him, as I pulled on the girl's wrist, making sure she kept pace with me. I knew it was difficult for her, and that I was probably yanking her arm out of its socket right now, but I needed to get her as far away from court as possible.

"I'm coming with you." He told me, almost causing me to trip over myself. I glanced at Adrian, but she stayed silent thought the entire thing.

"That's not necessary, I have it all under control. Besides, I'm not going far, only-" I began but Dimitri cut me off, which in turn made me glare at him.

"Only going a mile or two, because you're meeting someone, I know. Tasha filled me in." He told me nonchalantly, and I grinded my teeth in frustration. Note to self, kill Tasha later, or at least tape her mouth shut.  
>Before I could open my mouth to protest with my usual Rose logic, Dimitri cut me off again, and I swear there was steam coming from my ears at that point.<p>

"Save the twisted Rose logic," He told me, a small smile on his face. "I'm coming with you. Besides, it will seem less suspicious, and the others already compelled the guardians to think we are scouting out something." He explained, and I rolled my eyes. Damn it, he was right.

"Fine." I huffed and continued to surge forward, very aware of Dimitri's presence beside me.

After a while we slowed to a moderately quick pace, mostly for the girl's and Adrian's benefit but for ours as well. We needed to start scouting for danger or for the person that I was meeting.  
>Dimitri and I formed a protective like circle around the girl and Adrian, with him on the left and me on the right. We didn't even have to say anything to one another, it just happened. Which either means that our guardian instincts are so ingrained, or that our connection was perfectly in sync.<p>

I didn't have time to figure that out, because about a hundred yards away I spotted a car. It was a tan Honda CR- V that was pulled off the road, parked near the trees and brush that surrounded court. It would be undetectable to human eyes, but thankfully I had better vision.

"Come on, we're almost there." I whispered to the girl, sliding her hand in mine once more, and quickening the pace. Dimitri was hanging back and sticking close to Adrian. I could feel a smile break out on my face as we reached the car.

Home free, I thought.

The driver's side door opened, and a woman with tousled blonde hair, dressed in dress pants and a blue button up.

"Well, isn't it my favourite alchemist." I laughed, while Sydney grimaced. When I first met her in Russia while I was searching for Dimitri, she disliked me from the start. But over time she grew warmer towards me, especially when we ran into each other on occasion in Europe. But about a year before I came back to court, she returned to the states again.

"That's me…unfortunately" She told me, and I just rolled my eyes. I knew that she was kidding around, because why else would she do a favour for the eternally damned like me, if she didn't have a soft spot.  
>Adrian and Dimitri had just caught up and joined our semi-circle, studying Sydney as she bristled at their arrival.<p>

"Okay," I turned back to the girl, watching as she studied Sydney from head to toe. "This is Sydney; she's going to take you home, okay?" I assured her, beckoning for Adrian to step forward.

"Wait, no." The girl latched onto my arm, her fingers digging in. "I thought you were taking me home. Rose, please don't leave me." She begged, tears filling up in her hazel eyes.  
>I opened my mouth, getting ready to calm her down, but then I realized something. I didn't even know this girl's name. I had been so hell bent on rescuing her and helping her, but I never learned her name. Something about that struck me.<p>

"What's your name?" I asked softly, and she just gulped, nails still digging into my arms.

"Brooke." She told me, tears washing down her face.

"Okay, listen Brooke. I have gotten you this far, right? You trust that I want to help you, right?" I asked, while she just nodded her head slowly. "Alright, so you just have to trust that by going with Sydney I'm helping you. She's going to get you home, I promise." I told her.

Before I could say anything else, Adrian stepped between us, pushing me back slightly. Using a calm voice, he began using his compulsion. He was telling her to forget. He was telling her that she got lost and the Sydney found her on the side of the road, that she was going home. That's all that she would remember.  
>I just bit my lip and watched Brooke nod in compliance. And silently, I watched as Sydney led her to the car, and drove away.<p> 


	39. Chapter 39

AN: Hey guys! First off thank you for all the reviews, they really do mean a lot and they give me the inspiration I need to keep writting. So please, please review! Secondly, I said before that the story was going to start winding down soon, and we're at that point! It's kinda the begining of the end! I don't know how many more chapters there will be (probably a decent amount) and so I want your input on how I should end things! I have a few ideas, some I know you will probably kill me for...but let me know what YOU want!

Enough babbling, onto the story!

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own VA...let's be serious, if I did I would not be writting fanfics...just saying.

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><p>The three of us stood there, just staring at the empty road. No one spoke. We were all too lost in our own thoughts to say anything. Somewhere in the back of my mind, amidst all of my jumbled thoughts, I realized how odd it was that the three of us were together. That we were together and not jumping down each other's throats.<p>

I mean, we had all come a long way. There once was a time where I never imagined that the three of us could be civil, much less work together.

We all had a complicated past that intertwined with each other. These men were a huge part of my life, and two of my greatest loves. And for them, I knew that I was the same. My past with both of these men, and there past with each other, was difficult to map out. Each relationship was equally filled with twists and turns, both mine with them, and theirs with each other.

Although Adrian and Dimitri would never be friends, I knew that that both worked towards a common goal on more than one occasion. This mission was just an example, I was positive that they had overcome obstacles while I was in Europe.

I was just about to suggest that we all start heading back, mainly because I needed to give the clear signal to everyone else, but also because I just wanted to go home and relax. But suddenly the road in front of me began to fade away, being replaced by all new surroundings.

I briefly had a falling sensation, like I was tumbling down an endless black tunnel. It was like I was spinning around and around, then suddenly, I landed and was walking down a busy street, a duffle bag heaved over my shoulder.

I was in Kai's head.

He must've accidentally let his barriers down. It was the only explanation as to why I somehow fell in, especially since he had been blocking me for the last few days.

I made sure that I stayed silent through the bond, that I didn't give any signs that his barriers were down. It was tricky, but I managed to block my end just fine.

I sort of expected for something crazy and chaotic to be happening, I mean that was usually why one of us got pulled in. Because the bond mate's emotions were so overwhelming that they dragged you in, or because something so epic was happening that the barriers slipped and you fell in.

But nothing crazy was happening. All Kai was doing was walking down a road, with cars zooming by on the freeway. I had a distinct feeling that he was still in the states, maybe not in Pennsylvania, but definitely still in America.

My guardian instincts kicked in and I began observing his surroundings, trying to find something that would indicate where he was. But there was nothing that gave me a hint as to where he was. So, I began digging around in his mind, remaining stealthy as I tried to find a recent memory that would give me clue to his location.

Dozens of images began flitting through his mind. Motel signs and airport flights and schedules, were the images that I picked up out of everything else. And from that I gathered that Kai had managed to scrounge up enough money and book a flight back to Europe.

I felt a little guilty about the money part, knowing that majority of his savings went towards our house. And between the motel that he stayed at for the last couple of days, food and other necessities, the plane ticket had been a little bit of a stretch, but he managed.

But what really struck me was that he was going back to Europe. I questioned what he would do and where he would go once he got halfway around the world. I mean, he had no one left except me, and I was still at court. There was a chance that he would return to the European guardians, but for some reason I doubted that he would do that.

Briefly I wondered if he would go rouge. When I was in Russia saving Dimitri I had run into rouge dhampirs – otherwise known as unpromised – and although they were reckless and had no allegiance to the guardians or a school, there was an appeal.

Over the years, I had run into a few more unpromised guardians, and I'd be lying if said the desire to be one was never there. To fight and protect on your own terms, not to be held back by the rules and regulations of moroi and guardians, to kill and hunt without consequence.

I wanted to do more digging in Kai's subconscious but knew that it wasn't right, I would be pissed if I knew he was searching my mind. So I decided that I would make my presence known, but just as I was going to say something, I was pulled out of his head.  
>Dimitri was standing in front of me, gripping my shoulders his head bent to my eye level, with Adrian standing close by a worried expression on his face.<p>

"Rose?" Dimitri asked cautiously, and I had a feeling that wasn't the first time he said my name. I just nodded my head, still feeling a little dazed from being jerked back and forth between perspectives. You would think that after years of dealing with this that I would become accustom, but sometimes it was all still surreal.

"We've got to start heading back now," Dimitri told me gently, and lightly guided me with my elbow back to court. I didn't protest like I normally would've, because the reality of what I just saw was sinking in. Kai was really leaving.

I was silent for the walk back – which was something that didn't happen very often, seeing as I always felt the need to talk. But it seems like Adrian picked up that I wasn't going to make conversation, so he began speaking, probably to ease us all.

"So Belikov, why were you at the gates today?" Adrian asked, and I shot him a curious look. Apparently, he was more observant than I gave him credit for, because he noticed that Dimitri wasn't normally guardian the gate.

"I took over Mikhail's shift," he explained stiffly, shooting glances at me every so often. "He's still torn up about…Sonya, and I wanted to help him out."

I internally sighed. In all the chaos that has happened lately, I had forgotten about Mikhail's pain. I needed so badly to focus on rescuing the girl that I had forgotten about the other casualties along the way. I had disregarded everyone's pain and all of the collateral damage – I had to – it was the only way that I could make it through this rescue operation.

But now that it was over?

Everything was suffocating. Everything was deafening. Everything was uncontrollable.

It was like there was a pressure building, and I hadn't realized. And now I was so weighed down, my shoulders slumping and it felt like my spine was going to snap - the buildup of pressure was ready to explode. I couldn't carry all of this, I tried but I couldn't hold the weight. I tried to take steps, to balance everything out but it just became heavier.

We stayed silent for the rest of the walk back. Whether it was because the subject of Mikhail's pain had caused awkwardness or if it was because we were lost in our own trances, I didn't know. The only thing I was certain of that guilt and suffering were spiteful emotions, and didn't make carrying the world on my shoulders any easier.

When we got back to the wrought iron gates and successfully made it past the guardians at the gate, we all stood around awkwardly. I didn't understand why we were standing there at first, but then I realized that they were waiting for me to give them some type of instruction.

"Uh, Adrian?" I cleared my throat, looking into his emerald eyes, ready for my command. "Can you tell the others that we're in the clear." He nodded his head, and set off towards royal housing, and I watched him retreat.

"Ivashkov!" I shouted once he was a couple yards away. He looked over his shoulder and I smiled sweetly at the man that I still held close to my heart. "You did amazing today, you really are the hero I knew you could be." I told him with a smile, knowing that he could hear me regardless of the distance.  
>He just winked at me before hurrying back into the direction of housing, leaving me alone with Dimitri.<p>

"I guess your shifts over the day," I turned to Dimitri, shrugging. "I'm going to go home, but thank you for everything you did today. It means a lot." I smiled, before turning to leave.

There was a small part of me that wanted to stay and talk to him, but my fatigue won over. I wasn't physically exhausted – I had been through worse, and today was nothing in comparison – but it was more of a mental and emotional exhaustion.  
>Everything had been taking a toll on me lately, slowly breaking me down each day. And every morning I found that I had to build myself back up.<p>

I wasn't a weak person. I had been to hell in back so many times in my life, and I've had to fight to my last dying breath (literally). I'm not a fragile girl by nature, and I pride myself on being kickass, but I wasn't invincible by any means. And I think I was just starting to realize that.

It's hard not to think it sometimes. Especially when you're as young and fearless as I am, when you've been resurrected twice and fight evil on daily basis. It's hard to remember that even though you're lethal, and wild that at the end of the day, you really are just…human.

Cut me and I bleed red.

It's something that I forget often and I've had to remind myself of a lot lately. I'm not invincible by any means. I'm affected by everything that happens around me, no matter how above it I think I might be. I can throw punches, round house kick and deliver insults without remorse, but none of that means that I'm unaffected.

I was broken. It killed me to admit it even in my head, but I knew there was truth to those words. Every day there were things that chipped away at me. It didn't mean that I was helpless or weak, it just meant that I had to work a hell of a lot harder to get up in the morning. I wasn't invincible, but I was a survivor.

"Rose," Dimitri's voice stopped me, and I looked back at him. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked, his eyes glistening with concern.  
>Normally – especially if it were anyone else – I would brush of the question, telling them of course I would be okay, I was Rose Hathaway. I wouldn't think through the question, I would just blurt out an answer.<br>But this time, I actually thought about the question for a second, turning it over in my mind. Am I going to be okay?

"Eventually," I felt my lips curving into a smile, and I began walking away, feeling his eyes burning into my back.

I was walking back to my house when that creepy sensation started spreading over my body once more. It was the same feeling that I got when I was behind the feeder building, and it made me wrap my arms around myself.

I shot glances in every direction as I walked, along gradually picking up my pace. I didn't know what this weird sensation was all about, and I didn't know why it was freaking me out so badly, but I couldn't help it, I just wanted it to stop.

I was anxious to get home. I just wanted to take refuge in a safe place, and be surrounded by the four red walls of my bedroom. But as I climbed my porch steps, I froze.

My door was ajar.

It reminded me of when Dimitri and I approached the Badica house during my qualifier. We had found the door slightly open, and scuffed. It had turned out that Strigoi had kicked it in during their raid of the house.

I shook the thought out of my head. It was impossible that Strigoi had come to my house at court and kicked in the door. There were wards, not to mention they don't know where my house is. Besides, if by some twist of fate they managed to get into court, I highly doubt they would go for my house first, especially when they're surrounded by moroi.

No, this wasn't done by a Strigoi. But there was a voice in the back of my head, whispering that it could be him.

I felt fear beginning to seize me and paralyze me. But before it could completely wrap it's self around me and suffocate me, I broke free. I was a guardian, and we couldn't let fear inhibit us from doing anything.

My guardian instincts kicked in as I surveyed my surrounding, noting nothing out of the ordinary. I then crouched by the door, examining it like Dimitri had done all those years ago, I ran my fingers along the edges, noticing no scuff marks. I lightly touched the doorknob, twisting it and coming to the conclusion that whoever opened the door didn`t force it open.

That meant one of a few things. Either, the person had a key to this door and opened it (which was unlikely, because I was positive I had the only key), or they had tools to open the locks and doors(which many guardians do), and then there was the possibility that I had forgot to shut it in my haste and was freaking out over nothing.

I prayed to god that it was the last one, as I pushed the door open further and stepped inside.

I stealthily began searching the house, moving swiftly and silently as I looked for anything out of the ordinary. I was trying to calm my racing heart, by convincing myself that this could've just been a robbery, although that wasn't good either it was better than the alternative. But somewhere in the back of my mind, that stupid voice of reason or whatever, was asking me why someone would break into one of the most lethal guardian's house.

I scouted each room thoroughly, noticing nothing out of the ordinary, and that's when I started up the stairs. The further I ascended the sicker I felt, the more steps I took the more I knew that something wasn't right.

I slowly crept towards my room, feeling a pull to enter it. I knew that whatever happened – whoever broke in – had gone to my room for some reason. I had no idea why or what they did, but I was about to find out.

I lightly pushed the door open, listening to it creak as I stepped lightly into the dark room. At first I noticed nothing out of the ordinary, but when I flicked on the lights I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

All of the picture frames that lined my walls were now empty, the photographs were now laying in the center of my bed, ripped and shredded into a collage. I approached cautiously, feeling like I had a block of ice in my stomach. Like my body was slowly freezing from the inside out, that ice was pumping through my veins and shutting down all of my vital organs.

I didn't let the feeling hinder me though, I knew that I had to stay sharp and alert. So that's what I did as I looked at all of the tatter photographs, noticing that I had been ripped out of each one.  
>They were carefully arranged, each one overlapping the other but not blocking any of the people in the pictures. In the back of my mind I wondered what he did with the shreds of me, if the sick bastard took them with him or just put them in the garbage. In the center of the sick collage, I noticed a folded piece of parchment, with my name elegantly scrawled on the front.<p>

I snatched the paper, already having an odd feeling of what it would say. I knew that it would be filled with threats, that there would likely be an ultimatum, and it would be signed by _him._ And sure enough, I was right.

_You really outdid yourself by rescuing that human girl. But I should not have been surprised, you have always been such a problem solver, Rosemarie. Too bad there are some things in life that can never be solved. No matter how many lives you had to live, your wit and perseverance cannot compete. It seems that I have caught up with you once more.  
>Do not delude yourself by thinking you can escape again. Europe was just the beginning. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want. No matter who gets in my way. You and Kai should know that by now, but if not, I do not mind refreshing your memory. <em>

_I am giving you one final chance Rosemarie, turn yourself over or fall peril to the same fate as Kai. You have witnessed what it is like to watch your love ones perish. Do you wish to experience it?_

I crumpled the note up in my hand, clenching my eyes together and biting my lip. He had found me.

I burst through the doors of guardian headquarters, and I think everyone who saw me knew that I meant business. I continued to stomp through, barking and beckoning at guardians to stop what they were doing and follow me. And that's exactly what they did.

"Listen up, something big is going to happen and I need all of my attention focused on it, I don't have time to assign orders. Therefore, when I give a command, I expect it to be done. I don't care by who, I just want it done, understand?" I shouted at the guardians following, knowing that they were efficient enough to get whatever I needed done, I just needed it clarified,

"I want the best guardians we have assigned to Vasilisa Dragomir, Christian Ozera and Adrian Ivashkov," I shouted, knowing that those three would be targets and needed to most protecting. I looked over my shoulder to see guardians nodding their heads while others scribbled things down. I continued walking through the maze of hallways and rooms.

"I want Dimitri Belikov, Eddie Castile and Mikhail Tanner assigned to them. Now." I added hastily, knowing that those three men are the best guardians and would protect my friends with their lives. It also provided another opportunity to keep all of my friends in pairs, making an attack not impossible, but way more difficult.

"Contact the leader of the European Guardian council. Tell him Rose Hathaway is calling in her favour," I demanded, walking into my new sleek office. I inhaled the new paint smell, and was disappointed that I couldn't enjoy it more, but I had more pressing issues at hand. So I stood behind my glossy desk, and faced the remaining guardians who were waiting for a task.

"Get a hold of the Alchemists. I want them on the lookout for Kai Peters. Tell them to send a worldwide alert, and to contact the human officials. Let them know to keep an eye on airports in both the states and Europe. I want every guardian, moroi, alchemist and human on the lookout for him." I ordered, watching the guardians nod their heads. "I want him found and brought back to court." I told them, watching as more guardians dispersed.

"The rest of you, go to the front gates and bring back a compiled list of everyone who has entered or left court for the past month and a half. Make sure that everyone knows the only reason they should even be knocking on that door, is if you have what I need." I told them sternly, feeling like the take no prisoners' leader I knew I could be.

"Perkins, hold up." I called to a guardian that I had seen around and knew from the gym. He stepped back into my office, looking like he was ready for any order I gave him. "I need you to call around and get in contact with Abe Mazur. Tell him that his daughter needs to speak with him, and that it is urgent. Do not, I repeat, do not let anyone know who you are calling. Is that clear?" I asked my voice low and tense. Perkins nodding, his face indicating that he would treat this task like it was life or death, and I appreciated that.

"Contact him or one of his associates, then report back to me. Do not speak with anyone else, understood?" I asked, my voice softer this time, and with that Perkins left, shutting the door behind him.

I sat down on the black leather chair, closing my eyes and biting the inside of my cheeks until they bled. And for the first time since finding the note, I let myself break down, resting my head on the desk and wanting so badly to admit defeat.


	40. Chapter 40

AN: I know...finally right? I have no excuses for why it took so long to update. Let's just say that writer's block is a really hard thing to overcome. But I promised I was going to finish this story and I'm sticking to that promise.  
>I just wanted to thank everyone who has stuck by this story. You guys are the reason why I keep writing and why they story is what it is. Because of YOU! So thank you to everyone who has read it or reviewed it. Please, continue to do so and I will continue to keep you guys entertained.<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own VA or it's characters

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><p><strong>Rose's Point Of View<strong>

I was shrouded in darkness, it surrounded me. I considered turning on the light, but didn't dare to illuminate the room. I preferred the darkness for some odd reason, I felt safer amidst the blackness.  
>There was a peaceful feeling in the room. Everything was silent as I laid my head against my sleek desk. The only sound that could be heard was my rhythmic breathing.<p>

In and out. In and out. In and out.

I took comfort in the steady pattern. I needed the simplicity of it and clung to it dearly. I needed this right now, with all the craziness happening outside of my office door, I needed the easiness of breathing.

But of course, the calm didn't last long. There was a pounding on the door that immediately caused my breathing to hitch. Thoughts of _him_ filled my mind, and I imagined endless possibilities of what could be waiting on the other side of that door. Hell, I didn't even know who this bastard was, for all I knew he could be knocking on my door and I wouldn't even know.

I cautiously stood, approaching the door slowly, shuffling one foot in front of the other until I was practically pressed up against the wood. I grabbed the cool knob, preparing to twist it when I paused briefly.

"Who is it?" I asked, in what I hoped was a strong voice. I heard a muffled voice claiming that it was Guardian Perkins, and upon hearing that I swung open the door, gesturing him inside.

"Did you get a hold of him?" I asked hastily, not realizing how much I actually needed Abe. I needed him for his resources and cunning ability to get things done, even if by force. But I didn't just need solely for his sneaky skills - I needed him because he was my father.

"I contacted one of his associates," Perkins nodded "He said that Mr. Mazur will get the message and be in contact with you very soon." I breathed a sigh of relief before thanking Perkins and sending him out.

My father was coming and that put me at ease for the time being. Something about having a scary man that people called Zmey – a snake – soothed my racing mind and allowed me to sit back down at my desk, and rest my head.

**Dimitri's Point Of View**

I had been working out in the gym when the guardian came to tell me that I was being assigned to guard Christian Ozera. I had asked why – knowing that Christian wasn't assigned a sanctioned guardian, but I also knew he wasn't very high on the list for one either – but was only given a vague response. The guardian had just told me that Rose had ordered that I protect Christian Ozera, and that was all I needed to hear.

It's why I found myself knocking on Lissa's door – knowing that Christian would be with her. Within seconds, the door was flung open and I was face to face with brilliant jade eyes.

"Hey Dimitri, what are you doing here?" Lissa asked, with a smile on her face. Although she looked happy, I could tell that she was a little frazzled at the moment. I didn't know why, but I was positive that I was about to find out.

"I was assigned to guard Christian, and I had a hunch that he would be here." I watched as Lissa's smile quickly turned into a frown, and her eyebrows knit in confusion.

"You too?" She asked quizzically, before stomping away from the door and going to sit on the couch, her arms crossed and expression confused.

"What do you mean "you too"" I asked, shutting the door behind me as I walked in, noticing that Eddie, Mikhail and Adrian were here, while Christian sat on the couch beside Lissa.

"Rose assigned both you and Mikhail to guardian Christian and Adrian, and she also made sure that Eddie wouldn't leave my side." She sighed, looking around the room at all of the guardians. "Rose is scheming and I want to know why!"

"You're not the only one," Adrian murmured, as he leaned against the wall casually. I couldn't help but feel grateful that I wasn't the one assigned to him. Adrian wasn't a bad guy by any means and we occasionally worked well together, but I don't know how long we would last in a guardian/charge relationship.

"Let's just go to guardian headquarters and ask her," Christian suggested in a soothing tone, and right as the words left Christian's lips, Lissa was on her feet and dragging him to the door.

"Good idea, let's go." She shouted over her shoulder, beckoning for everyone to follow, which we did.

We trailed behind Lissa as she led us to guardian headquarters. Along the way, we saw tons of guardians who weren't on active duty, buzzing around. It was obvious that they had been sent to do a task and that they were trying to do is as quickly and efficiently as possible.  
>I was on guard after that. This wasn't just Rose assigning her friends more protection, this was something bigger than that, and she was involving almost every guardian at court.<p>

We entered guardian headquarters, and saw that it too was hectic. There were guardians making hasty phone calls, studying files and making reports, and practically running to and from the archives.  
>We all stood there for a moment, drinking in the sight. The guardians were usually doing these jobs, but not to this level. Literally, everyone in the building was doing something, and they were doing it as quickly as possible.<p>

Eddie was the first one to snap out of his haze, and he walked over to the guardian manning the reception desk. Giving a nod of respect to the guardian, Eddie began speaking.

"I'm here to see Guardian Hathaway," He explained, figuring that the guardian would just wave him by, but instead he shook his head.

"No can do, she strictly said no visitors right now." The guardian said, before continuing to type away on the computer. Eddie just turned back to us with a peculiar look on his face, before shrugging.  
>I knew that if Rose had requested to see no one, than that meant no one would get by. The guardians wouldn't allow it, and anyone who thought they could try was a fool. But Lissa was determined to see her friend.<p>

I watched as the blonde moroi waltzed up to the guardian next, chin jerked high and shoulders straightened. The guardian just looked up from his screen briefly, before turning back to whatever it was he was doing.

"No visitors," He told her sternly, and she waved his words away.

"I'm Princess Dragomir, and I need to speak with Guardian Hathaway, so I order you to let me see her." My eyes widened in shock at Lissa's words, and I was pretty sure the others did too. Lissa was never one to assert her power or status over others, but I guess she was willing to do anything to get to her best friend. I know that Rose would do the same, they both would take down anyone standing in their path to get to one another, they just had different techniques to do it.

"You may be the Dragomir Princess, but she's the leader of the Guardian council. Right now, her word overpowers any order you give me. I'm sorry Princess, but Guardian Hathaway is busy and does not want to be interrupted." He told her, but this time instead of turning back to his screen, he stood and walked towards the door that led to the archives.

Normally, if you were the guardian in charge of manning the desk, you were not allowed to leave. It was bad breech of guardian protocol on his part, but I had a feeling that it was because Rose had him doing about a million other things.

Lissa came back to the group, with a mixture of defeat and frustration playing across her features. I took a deep breath, wanting to console and convince her that I would get to the bottom of this, but I didn't have time. I looked at the unmanned desk and knew that this was my window of opportunity.

"Go wait outside," I told them in a low voice, looking around for any guardians who might be lurking nearby. "I'll go figure out what's going on." And with that I started down the hallway that led to Rose's office.  
>This wasn't just about helping Lissa anymore. I needed to figure out what was going on for myself too. I needed to find out why she was on such high alert, and I needed to see if there was any way I could help.<p>

I saw guardians giving me strange look as I marched down the hallway. Like they were intrigued by what I was doing, but were also ready to tackle me if I did something out of line. I had a distinct feeling they knew something that I didn't.  
>The closer I got to Rose's office the more the guardians around me tensed. Some slowly got out of their seats or stopped what they were doing to watch me, some edged closer but I didn't falter.<p>

I remained calm and confident as I strode down the hallway, but when I approached Rose's office, that's when all hell broke loose.

A few of the guardians who had been watching me with curious and tense expressions, blocked the last few feet leading to her door. They stood there with stoic expressions, looking like they were ready to render me unconscious. The rest all stood around, like they were ready to jump in if a fight aroused.

"Excuse me," I spoke, biting each word while sizing up the guardians. I knew they were doing the same to me.

"Can't do that Belikov. We're under strict orders, unless you have information that she needs, then you're not even supposed to look at that door." One of the guardians told me, sounding gruff as the guardians who were observing nodded.

"How are you so sure that I don't have information that she needs?" I asked them, knowing that I didn't have any type of information, but I was hoping that pretending I did would get me into her office.  
>I watched as the guardians exchanged looks. Some looked unwavering, like they were certain that I didn't have any information and that they were going to follow Rose's orders, while others looked a little hesitant. I knew they were contemplating whether I actually had the information I claimed I did. They didn't want to risk sending me away if I actually had something Rose needed.<p>

"Information about what?" One of the guardians asked warily and I racked my brain for something to tell him. I didn't know what to say, but I knew that I had to come up with something quickly, or else they would know that I was lying.

"It's private. Guardian Hathaway would be livid if I shared it with anyone else." I told them, making sure my mask didn't slip out of place.  
>Back at the Academy I used to chastise Rose for lying. She did it to get out of trouble all the time, and was great at coming up with lies from the top of her head. And now, I found myself channeling her logic and lying skills.<p>

I watched the war waging between the guardians. Half were hesitant to let me through, knowing that if I really did have information and they denied me to see Rose, she would have their heads. And the other half were certain that I didn't have any information, and that I was just disobeying orders.  
>I watched the guardians blocking my path exchange a look, and begin to shuffle out of my way. I nodded, keeping my face blank as I stepped forward, feeling victory just a few steps away when a voice shouted, ruining everything.<p>

"He doesn't have any information," A haughty voice snapped, and I turned to see the younger guardian that Rose reprimanded in the gym – the one who told her to fight me – and whom she called "junior" shouting. "He's faking it. He was assigned to protect Christian Ozera, meaning unless something has happened to his temporary charge, then he has no information for Guardian Hathaway."

The other guardian looked back at me with their eyes narrowed, and I knew that there was no way that I was going to get past them now.

"I think you should leave, Belikov." One of the guardians grunted, taking a step forward as some type of threat.  
>I debated starting a fight and maybe sneaking past them, but I doubted I could pull it off. I was good – I could take down a few opponents at a time – but there was no way that I could take down everyone in the guardian headquarters.<br>So instead of starting a fight I wasn't sure that I could finish, I just nodded my head and turned around. I could feel eyes lingering on me as I walked towards the exit, I could tell that many were surprised, they thought I was admitting defeat. What they didn't know was that I was just going to use a different tactic. Something was seriously wrong, and I wasn't going to stop until I figured it out.

**Kai's Point Of View**

Nausea boiled up in the pit of my stomach as I stepped into the airport with my bag slung over my shoulder. I had been going back and forth all day, trying to decide what I was going to do. I was conflicted between returning to Europe or going back to court and to Rose. I wanted to badly to go and mend things with her and I knew that was the right thing to do, but my pride kept getting in the way. Apparently Rose's attitude had rubbed off on me over the years, because now I'm practically as stubborn as her.

_Just go back to her you idiot._

I knew that I should listen to the voice in my head, the one screaming at me to go back and apologize, the one that sounded an awful lot like Bridgett. I wanted to listen to it, but every time I heard it I thought back to the fight that we had before I left. I thought about all the words that we said and what she said about Bridge. I knew I was being overdramatic but after seeing Bridgett's ghost in the house, everything just felt so raw. It felt like she had died all over again – like I had agitated and old wound, causing it to re-open – and Rose's words were like adding salt to that wound.

Besides she's probably doing better without me there. I bet if I let down my walls and went into her head, everything would be going great. I was tempted to take a peek and had been since I left, but I didn't dare. For one it was an invasion of privacy – and something that both Rose and I hated – but also I didn't want to risk her detecting me. If she knew I was in her head and found out where I was, she would do everything she could to bring me back, even if that meant tracking me down and bringing me back herself.

We need time apart to think, I told myself. We need to look at our lives and figure out what we need most. We need to do this for ourselves. I love Rose with all my heart and I will always love her – she is my family – but I need to open up. I can't close myself off to the world and hang onto Rose, I need time to heal. And Rose needs to figure out where to go from here and she needs to figure out how to mend things, and she needs to do it without my distraction.  
>At least that's what I told myself as I checked my bags in and headed towards airport security. I was doing this for both of us, I was doing the right thing…I hope.<p>

I was approaching security when I felt eyes on me. Making sure not to make it obvious, I craned my head around and noticed two figures, dressed in business apparel, watching me carefully. Their eyes looked away when I spotted them, but I didn't seem to alert them.  
>I turned back around and continued walking towards security, my muscles tensing for a fight as my guardian instincts kicked in. During my quick sweep, I knew that they weren't moroi but I hadn't had time to detect whether they were dhampirs or not. They weren't in guardian uniform and they didn't seem to be posing any danger, but that didn't mean they weren't a potential threat.<br>Knowing that I needed more information on who these people were, I started slowly my pace and looked down from my ticket to the terminal signs, pretending to be confused about my destination. I began looking around, seeing them in my peripheral and noting that they were keeping their distance from me. I took a tentative step forward, before turning back slightly and looking at them once more, noting that they were not dhampirs.

I considered ignoring them and continuing to walk to security, seeing as they posed not actual threat to me. They were probably just oblivious humans who just sensed something off about me (happens more often than you'd think. Just something about being lethal I guess, guardians must just give off a sense of danger sometimes.) but when I turned, wanting to confirm once more that they weren't threats and I could just get on my flight, I noticed something on one of the human's skin.

A golden lily.

To anyone else the tattoo would've been hard to notice unless directly talking to them, but thanks to my heightened vision I could see the ink from a distance. The sign marking an alchemist adorned both of the human's cheeks. I thought they hadn't been threats, but I was clearly mistaken.  
>My mind tried to conjure up reasons why they would be tailing me, seeing as they try to keep as much distance from us as possible when they're not doing business. A few came to mind but I pushed them aside, no one would have ordered the alchemist's to find me, I have no one except….Rose.<p>

Could she wield that type of power? Could she order the alchemists to find me and bring me back to court? Who was I kidding, of course she could, she was leader of the guardian council and her father is a powerful man who has his hand over the alchemists. Not to mention she was Rose Hathaway.

Although another reason why they were here came to mind, this one less pleasant than the last. I felt fear seize me as I toyed with the idea that maybe_ he_ had commanded them to find me. It seemed kind of unlikely, but then again whoever this guy was he was powerful and unpredictable. Who knows, maybe he finally got tired of playing around, and ordered the alchemists to find me and bring me to him.

I guess there was only one way to find out.

I turned on my heel and strode over to the alchemists, one of which had a stunned expression on his face. And as I came closer, I noticed something that I didn't from my previous distant, that he had a glass eye. Odd… I thought as I approached them, but quickly pushed the thought out of my head, it wasn't important.

"Let's cut to the chase, shall we?" I asked in a low voice once I was close enough, noting that the man with the glass eye was staring at me with his mouth hanging open, looking like an idiot. I knew that I should probably address the woman he was with from this point on; she didn't lose her composure and looked as tough and capable as any guardian. "Why are you tailing me? And who ordered you to?"

The woman pursed her lips for a moment and regarded me with wary eyes – typical alchemist behaviour. There was several beats of heavy silence while the woman and I starred each other down, and I noted nothing out of the ordinary about her appearance – dark hair and skin, dull charcoal pantsuit which is something a typical alchemist would wear. For a minute I didn't think she would say anything, and maybe I would have to threaten the drooling Cyclops beside us for answers, but then she spoke.

"Do you really think you're behaviour is wise?" She asked in a brisk, hushed voice, causing my eyebrows to rise in surprise. I had never met an alchemist who actually spoke back like that, I mean I knew they didn't like us and they made that obvious, but most were too scared to question us like that.

"Do you really think trailing a highly trained and lethal guardian in wise?" I shot back, realizing how ballsy I was acting right now. Rose really was rubbing off on me. "Not very sneaky or smart if you ask me," I scoffed.

The alchemist's lips quirked up in a small and unexpected smile, "Believe me Mr. Peters, if we wanted to remain unseen we would've been." Her comment made me reconsider my bold move, and made me realize that I may have just walked into trap. "Now, follow me." She ordered, before turning briskly and stepping towards the airport's exit.

"Tell me who you work for first and why." I demanded, not wanting to go anywhere until I knew who ordered her to find me. I watched as she turned to look back over her shoulder, studying me head to toe once more.

"You will find out who I'm working for when they want you to know." She told me sternly and evasively, just like any good alchemist was trained to do. I figured that she must be higher up in the ranks. I was positive that she was the boss of the men beside me who was starting to thaw from his brain freeze. "And as for the why, I'm just following orders. Something that you should learn to do,"

I watched as she turned around and began walking, not even turning to see if I was following. It was almost like she expected me to or didn't care if I did or not. I watched as the other alchemist quickly caught up with her while I stood there, still kind of struck.  
>I could just turn around and walk to airport security. It was plausible that I could actually make it onto my flight before they even tracked me down again, if they even tracked me down again. I could go back to Europe and ignore the alchemist and ignore whoever was telling them to find me.<p>

I could.

I watched as people swarmed all around me, some looking excited while others looked haggard. I watched as they prepared to jet off to far off places or scurried towards baggage claim.

I could, I thought. But I won't, I decided before following the alchemists out of the airport.


	41. Chapter 41

AN: Hey guys, here it is for you. Please read and review. As always thank you for the support and the comments, they mean a lot. And if you wouldn't mind, check out my oneshot/song fic for vampire academy, it's called just breathe and should be on my profile.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or it's characters

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><p><strong>Adrian's Point Of View<strong>

"So, what you're really trying to say is, you failed." I clarified bluntly; receiving glares and facial expressions that told me 'now is not the time'. I brushed them off with an eye roll, but pressed my lips together tightly, preventing any further comments from slipping out.  
>Normally I said whatever brash comment came to mind, and didn't worry about whether the timing was appropriate or not. But with everyone this worried and Rose acting so strange, I knew now seriously wasn't the time for any of my remarks. And from the grim look on Christian's face I could tell he was thinking along the same lines.<p>

"You said you have another plan?" Lissa prompted after she finished glaring at me, her expression turning hopeful as she looked at Belikov. I pressed my lips together tighter to avoid expressing my opinion, which was purely doubtful. I knew that Belikov was skilled and when it came to Rose he was fiercely determined, but this time I don't think it was enough.  
>For starters none of our plans ever seem to go as plan or have the proper outcome. Something or someone always interferes and jumbles it all up. There have only been a handful of times that I can count where the plan turned out successful, and even then it was a struggle.<br>And the other thing was that we were going up against Rose. I mean, she was the mastermind behind a lot of our schemes, and she is legendary when it comes to pulling off the impossible. It wasn't like we were trying to break into the feeder's building or sneak out of court; this was trying to force a lethal, temperamental and stubborn guardian to speak to us.  
>It wasn't that I didn't have faith in Belikov, because I did, actually if any of us were actually going to be close to succeeding, he was our best bet. It was just that I had a lot of faith in Rose's ability to get what she wants – which is keeping everyone away – and I just don't want to see Lissa get her hopes crushed. Spirit was weight down on her as is and she didn't need the added stress.<p>

"Just spit it out!" I heard Lissa yell, which snapped my attention back to the situation at hand. At first I thought she was yelling at Belikov, probably for not explaining the plan fast enough, but I quickly realized that she was speaking to me.  
>Her jade eyes were wide and filled with frustration and sadness. Her fists were clenched at her sides and she was biting her bottom lip.<p>

"Spit what out?" I asked, feeling a little dumbfounded, how did this conversation even get to me? Everyone around us looked equally stunned and confused, like none of them could follow the conversation either.

"What you're thinking. I can sense it in your aura, all of your negativity and doubt, so just spit it out." She demanded and I found myself regretting that I ever taught her how to read auras, it's just been a pain in my ass ever since.  
>I opened myself up to her aura before speaking, wanting to get a handle on her emotions before I proceeded. I suspected that there would be darkness around her, and I was right. Once I channeled her colours, I noticed the darkness ebbing and flowing around her usual gold aura. It wasn't enough to send her over the edge or spark a catalyst, but it was more than she usually had surrounding her.<p>

"Cousin," I told her with a lazy smile, knowing that she needed to relax. The plan and my feelings about it could wait, right now she should just lay down and let go of some of that darkness. "Let's go back to your house and take a breather, you and Ozera can have dinner and then we'll talk about this later." I told her, using my blasé attitude with her.

"Why should we talk about this later? We need to talk about this now!" She hissed, and I watched as the darkness rippled around her. I took a step forward and rested my hand on her shoulder, trying to send some calming feelings her way.

"Because you have too much darkness surrounding you," I explained, as I beckoned for Christian to step forward. "And talking about this is only adding more. You don't need the added stress." I told her sternly, making it clear that her resting wasn't an option.  
>Lissa and I walked along a very thin line, teetering between greatness and insanity, and it only took one misstep to push us towards madness. We had to look out for each other, we had to help each other balance and when one of us was feeling weak, we had to be strong for them. Admittedly, it was usually Lissa who helped me manage and who let me lean on her when I felt like I could no longer stand. But times like now – when she needed help – I could step up and be strong for her, I could let her lean on.<p>

"I'm. Fine." She enunciated, like that would somehow convince me that she was perfectly okay. I just shook my head and signaled for Christian to lead her away.

"You're not." I told her as she tried to shrug Christian off, but he persisted, lightly trying to guide her away. "Just get some rest and we can talk then, alright? In the mean time I'll try to figure this out." I didn't know how I would figure it out, but I would try my hardest to do so.

"Perhaps, Mikhail could guard Christian for a few hours while Adrian and I figure out how to go from here." Dimitri suggested, and I tried to keep my face blank as I turned my eyes towards him. Belikov and I working together, alone towards a common goal didn't exactly sound pleasant, but if it meant Lissa took a break and we found out what Rose was doing, then I would do whatever was necessary.

"Yeah cousin, as soon as Belikov and I come up with a full proof plan, then we'll let you know." I smiled at Lissa, watching her eyes flicker back and forth between me and Dimitri. I knew she wasn't yet convinced, even as Christian slowly tugged on her hand. "Think of it this way, you and I are basically switching roles. Normally it's you who helps think of a plan while I kick back and wait to be needed. So just enjoy this break, alright?"  
>Although she still didn't seem convinced. Christian squeezed her hand and smiled she sighed, following as he began leading her towards royal housing. Eddie and Mikhail soon followed, walking in a typical guardian formation as they watched for any danger, which left me and Belikov standing there, watching them walk away.<p>

"Let's get started, shall we?" I sighed, tearing my eyes away from my friends as they walked out of sight. Dimitri said nothing, but just nodded his head in agreement.

**Dimitri's Point Of View**

"No, that won't work." I sighed while Adrian just rolled his eyes, and mumbled something about needing a drink. We had been tossing ideas back and forth for an hour, each one worse than the last. We were sitting in a café in the central area of court, sipping coffee and talking in hushed voices.

"Well, what's your next great idea?" Adrian asked while rubbing his eyes. I knew that he was frustrated, mainly because I shared that frustration. Adrian could try and brush it off or deny it, but he still had feelings for Rose. I also knew that he would do anything to help her, that he would drop everything if she were in trouble. It didn't matter how hard he tried to overcome or suppress his feelings, they always won out. I also knew that this thing with Rose was killing him – not knowing what was going on with her – I knew because it was killing me too.  
>Adrian and I shared a lot more than I liked to admit, one of our common traits was that we would drop everything for Rose, another was that we both tried to deny it. The difference was that I was done pretending that my feelings weren't there, I wasn't going to let hold them in any longer or repress them. I was going to embrace my feelings for her, because she is the only woman I have ever loved and I want it to stay that way, I don't want to lose her again.<p>

"I don't have one." I told him, pushing away all other thoughts. I knew that I would figure out what to say to Rose and express my feelings after we figured out what was happening.

"That makes two of us." He sighed, putting his head in his hands, annoyance radiating from him. I knew that he said that Lissa was struggling with darkness right now, but I was starting to worry that Adrian might be too. All this stress and frustration probably wasn't helping anything.

We sat there in silence for a few moments, our minds running on overdrive as we tried to create a plan that would help us gain insight on what was happening with Rose. It felt like we were just running in circles at this point, trying to create an elaborate plan, running through the logistics then realizing a major flaw and having to start all over again.  
>Maybe that was our problem –we were trying to come up with an extravagant plan, something that Rose herself might come up with. We were trying to think up something that would rival Rose's plans and wit, something that she wouldn't be able to avoid, but in doing so we were running into too many problems. Maybe if we created a simple and basic plan that it would work – it wouldn't be something she would expect, and it would be easy to pull off.<p>

"That's it." I announced while standing and grabbing my duster off the back of the chair. Adrian lifted his head and regarded me with wary eyes.

"Let me guess, you came up with a plan?" He asked in a dull voice, obviously not believing that I had actually come up with a full proof plan.

"Just get up and let's go. I'll explain on the way."

**Kai's Point of View**

The silence in the car was suffocating as the rural sights of the interstate sped past, I sighed and leaned my head against the plush interior of the alchemist's car, wishing that I hadn't gotten in without answers. It was too late now to demand them, meaning I was trapped in this car without any information as to where I was going or why.  
>Although I had pretty much figured that I was being taken back to court. I figured that Rose was the one who contacted the alchemists and told them to find me, because honestly…who else would?<p>

I closed my eyes and contemplated escaping to Rose's mind, but I wasn't ready for that yet. Even if I was right and I was going back to court and to Rose, I wasn't there just yet and I was going to salvage all the time I had away from her right now.  
>I loved Rose – she was my family; my everything – but what happened between us on that mission was still too fresh. Rose didn't understand but seeing Bridgett in that house, what it did to me? It was too hard to explain, even to her.<br>Bridgett's ghost reminded me of how much I loved her, of how I would've done anything for her. It reminded me that some sick bastard killed her to get back at me and that although Rose sympathized; she hadn't had to lose anyone like that.

Rose understood pain and hardships more than others. She experienced pain and had watched people she loved die. Rose had the man she loved walk away from her –that has to be one of the hardest things – but at least she could take comfort that he was alive. She could draw happiness from the fact that he was still living and breathing, even if he didn't love her anymore, but me? Bridgett wasn't living nor breathing, instead she was stuck in the in between. She still hadn't found peace.

Rose understands a lot of things, but this isn't one of them.

So, I was going to find peace in the distance separating us. I was going to mourn and allow the pain to sink in and with each mile that I get closer to her I am going to find my resolve. That way, when this car finally reached court gates, I can step out and be ready to face my family without any pain.

**Dimitri's Point of View**

Adrian looked thoughtful as we continued walking towards royal housing. I had explained the plan to him while he nodded his head, turning over what I had told him. His face was creased as he took in my words, and I waited for his response.  
>After a while I was beginning to think that I wouldn't get one, that he wasn't going to register his opinion. Or I was expecting a typical Adrian Ivashkov response – something flippant with no point or reason.<br>But then Adrian stopped walking and turned to face me, his eyes serious and filled with an emotion I couldn't place, taking me completely off guard.

"I've been going over this again and again in my mind, practically since she left but especially now that she's back." He told me, his voice steady and solemn. "I was never the guy for her."

This was not something that I had expected and honestly, I wished that he had just given me a snarky response to the plan instead. I didn't know what to say to him right now, I didn't know how to have a heart to heart with Adrian, and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Look…Adrian, I don't think – " I began, but Adrian just held up his hand to cut me off.

"There is only one man meant for Rose Hathaway and that's you." He told me sincerely, his green eyes sharp and alert, almost like he was seeing the world clearly for the first time. He began walking slowly, continuing toward royal housing. "The rest of us were just fooling ourselves by thinking we had a chance. It's always been you and I think I've always known that." He paused, his eyes widening slightly, like he was replaying his words and realizing the truth in them.  
>"There will always be a place in my heart reserved for Rose. I hate that I love her, but I don't regret any part of our relationship. She's the reason that I became this person, why I am who I am. I may not be a hero or anything even spectacular, but I'm starting to reach my potential. And that's all because of her." I though over his words and nodded my head slightly, knowing how far Adrian has come since we first met.<p>

He had a bad reputation that even rivalled Rose's and he was known for all of his vices. No one ever expected anything from. He was just Adrian Ivashkov – a lazy, spoiled royal who was wasting his life away – a man who would never amount to anything. That was all anyone ever say and that's why no one expected anything, instead they just kept enabling him.  
>But after I had been restored and Rose left for Europe, I began seeing Adrian more often – due to my friendship with Lissa – and we began noticing the differences. The changes were small and slow at first – hardly even noticeable – no one thought anything of it. Overtime the changes became more gradual and more noticeable – he wasn't smoking so much, he wasn't fooling around with women as much and he wasn't partying as hard. We were all beginning to see glimpses of Adrian at his best and people were starting to notice his potential.<p>

Adrian had always been told that he couldn't amount to anything, that he couldn't be a hero or even a good man. He was told that he had nothing to contribute and that he was useless. He was told it so often that he began believing it – until Rose.  
>After she gave him the drive and courage to change himself, he became the opposite of what everyone thought he was.<br>Adrian claimed he wasn't brave or strong, that he didn't possess any hero qualities, but in moments like these, when you see how much he's had to overcome, I think he might actually be the most heroic out of all of us.

"But that was the flaw in our relationship – well, one of the biggest." A ghost of a smile playing over his lips as he thought about his broken relationship. "Rose pushed me to change myself and brought out the best in me, she forced my potential to shine through…but I didn't do the same for her. I didn't push her to want to be a better person, my presence didn't make her want to fix her flaws – but yours does." He explained and I found myself hooked on his words. "When you're together, you both make each other want to be better. Just being near each other makes you push yourselves. It makes you challenge your limits and beat the odds."

I listened to his words and found the truth in them. Roza always made me want to better myself. She made me want to be a better man, but not just for her. I wanted to be better for myself and for the world. That's why it was so hard to let her in after I was restored, because I knew that I would never be good enough to be with her, that I could never be a better man for her.

"So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: you two deserve each other. You both may think you're better off alone sometimes, but being apart isn't good for you. Just please, for my sake don't ever hurt her again."

"You're a good man Adrian," I nodded, knowing that his words were true and wise. He was right about it all.

"I know," he sighed, looking up at the sky. "Sometimes I wish I weren't."

**Rose's Point Of View**

The thought of spending the night alone in my house was terrifying. I knew the Alchemists had found Kai but he wouldn't be back at court until tomorrow at least, meaning that I would be spending tonight alone in the house. The thought that _he _had already been in my hose was paralyzing. It was unimaginable to think that he had been in my bedroom and made that collage of ripped photos, it actually sent shivers down my spine and caused my toes t curl. I hated that bastard but what I hated most was that I was actually afraid of him.  
>The option to spend the night at Lissa's or Adrian's was tempting, but I needed to distance myself from them. It was my only method of protecting them, even though it was useless because if he wanted them, he would get them. But I was still trying, meaning that although I rather be sleeping at Lissa's and raiding her fridge, I would be spending the night alone in my bed with my hand gripped tightly on my stake.<p>

**Lissa's Point Of View**

"_That's_ your plan?" Christian asked incredulously, while I sat on the couch, silently mulling over the plan. "You spent hours and all you could come up with is this? One of you is a lethal guardian with connections to the highest dhampirs; the other is a royal Spirit user, with a direct connection to the queen." He sputtered

"Your point?" Adrian asked lazily, rolling his eyes at Christian's tirade. But I had to admit when Dimitri and Adrian said they finally came up with a plan, I expected it to be incredible and full proof and what they told us seemed like the exact opposite.

"My point is," Christian huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking directly at Dimitri and Adrian, before saying unflinchingly. "Your plan sucks."

"I'd like to see you come up with a better one." Adrian challenged, and I knew that this was going to get out of hand if I didn't step in soon. Emotions were running high and everyone was being pushed to their limits, it wouldn't surprise me if people begin saying and doing things they don't mean.

"Any plan would be better than that one." Christian shot back and I felt myself rising to my feet, and then all eyes were on me and the bickering forgotten. Eddie moved closer, hovering around me and ready to jump in at a moments noticed.

"That's enough," I demanded. "Let's focus on what's important here, which is getting Rose to tell us what's going on, after we accomplish that you can go back to bickering."

The men in the room calmed slightly, but still shot glares at one another. I sat back down on the couch and ran over the plan once more in my head, could it really be that simple? Would all we'd have to do is show up at her door, armed with questions and not leave until we get answers? Would that be enough to break Rose down?

"I think it's our best shot," Eddie announced surprisingly. We all turned to stare at him, wanting to hear his opinion seeing as he had questions too. "Rose will be expecting us to try something big. She'll expect us to approach her at the guardian office, or call her out in public. She may expect us to show up at her house, but she expects us to knock on the door not ambush her."

"That settles it. Let's go." I announced, watching as everyone sprang into action.

**Rose's Point of View**

I was standing in my kitchen, my back pressed against my fridge as I stared into space. I was zoning out and didn't want to go to sleep despite my fatigue; I also didn't want to keep looking over my shoulder. It worked for a while, until I heard a strange noise coming from my living room.  
>My skin began to prickle as I pushed off the fridge and edged my way towards the living room, millions of thoughts passing through my mind, each of them increasingly worse. My imagination was running wild as I thought of all the sick jokes he could be playing, and that's when I paused.<p>

Why the hell was I so afraid of this bastard?

I had faced down worse things in my life. I had run away from a highly protected school and tracked down a sadistic, power corrupt moroi. I had survived being captured and watching a friend die, I had killed Strigoi who murdered my friend. I pushed through seeing ghosts and darkness, and I survived an attack and rescue mission. I followed the man I loved around the world, determined to fulfil a promise to kill him. I broke a man out of a high security prison and discovered the impossible. I had done all of those things and beaten the odds and my enemies countless times, so what was I afraid of?  
>Maybe I was afraid because he played sick games, because he taunted me and tried to scare me, or maybe it was because he could take away my friends and family?<p>

But so could all the others.

Everything I had faced in the past, all of those obstacles and all of that evil could've done the same thing. Of course I was afraid then, but I didn't let it hinder me or paralyze me. I pushed through because I was a fighter, and that's exactly what I was going to do now.

I was done cowering in fear and I was going to find this son of a bitch, and I was going to end this once and for all.

I stomped towards the window but a banging on my front door stopped me. I decided that the front door needed my attention first, so I walked over still feeling confident as I opened it.  
>Honestly, I kind of expected it to be the psycho stalker waiting there, but instead I saw a few of my friends clustered around my door. I sighed in frustration, expecting that they would show up sooner or later.<br>Even though I had an epiphany about not being afraid moments earlier, I knew that it only extended so far. I wasn't going to be terrified anymore and I wasn't going to stop hunting him – which also meant that I wasn't going to stop protecting my friends. Meaning that they still had to stay in the dark about all this.

"What do you want?" I asked in a haughty tone, knowing that I was being bitchy and unfair, but it was for their own safety. If I could tell them and still keep them safe than I would, if I could clue them in and still protect them than I would tell him in a heartbeat, but I can't. I rather have my friends hate me and not trust me as opposed to having them dead.

"What do we want?" Christian asked incredulously, always the first one to speak up. "We want answers." Leave it to him to cut right to the chase.

"Yeah? And I want to be left the hell alone, but we all don't get what we want, do we?" I spat, watching as Christian's crystalline blue eyes narrowed, and he opened his mouth to throw an insult back at me.

"You want to be alone? I'm sure we can all arrange that." He hissed, just as I opened my mouth to snap that he was losing his touch. "But you would never last. You're nothing without an audience, Rose."

"As opposed to you?" I snorted, unsure of where I was going with this but knowing that I would come up with something snarky to say. "Because I forgot how well you did being on your own, before Lissa came along and made you who you are." I watched as he clenched his fists, while I reminded of how alone he was before Lissa and I came back to the school. It was a low blow seeing as the only reason I knew how unhappy he had been was because I used to be bonded with Lissa.

"At least I'm not a heartless bitch, who can never accept help, or hold together a relationship to save her life." Christian snarled and I huffed in frustration, trying not to let him see how low that blow actually hit. Over the years Christian and I have gone back and forth, and we've said worse things than this, but this time was different. When lives were on the line and tensions were running high, it was hard not to take everything said to heart. I had thick skin – when you're as sarcastic as I am and make as many enemies as I do, you need it – but this comment stung.

"Yeah, at least you're not heartless." I snapped sarcastically, before moving to shut the door. But a hand shot out to push it back open, and I looked to see Adrian standing there with a daunting expression. "Move it or lose it." I growled.

"Not until you explain what's going on." He told me, refusing to back down, reminding me once again of the man he's become.  
>In the back of my mind, I was wondering why Lissa wasn't there with them. It struck me as odd that they would hold an interrogation without her, but then again she was keeping her distance, so I shouldn't complain.<p>

"I don't have to explain anything." I snapped, knowing in my heart that it wasn't true. They had a right to know but I couldn't put them in that kind of danger. But wouldn't it be better if they knew? I wondered, wouldn't it help them stay on guard? Yes, it would…  
>In that split second decision I decided I would tell them, that maybe it would protect them. But when I opened my mouth and willed the words to come out, they didn't. I tried to make a sound but was unable too mostly because my mind had wandered, and past memories grabbed a hold.<p>

I was remembering the bodies of my friends, their mangled corpses found with vacant eyes. I remembered the fear pounding through my body as we raced to get to them – to help them fight – and I remembered the feeling of defeat when we found their bodies. I can still hear the sounds of my frustrated screams and Kai's angry shouts, and feel the tears streaming down my cheeks as I began my rampages.  
>I remember trying so, so hard to protect my friends, doing everything in my power to keep them safe. But it had never been enough, we were always one step behind and just a little too late. It had weighed down on us. Whenever we closed our eyes we saw them – Landon, Blake, Colette and the rest of our friends – we could never banish the gruesome images. We could never get rid of the guilt or dark feelings that engulfed us whenever we thought of them, and we could never stop questioning the choices we had made.<br>What if we never told them? What if we had fought harder? What if we had left earlier? What if we had died on that platform?  
>There were too many what if's and different variables that we could've asked ourselves. So many unanswered questions and too many secrets. But it didn't matter now if we had the answers, or if we had uncovered secrets, because it didn't change the fact that they were dead and that we were ultimately to blame.<p>

But now, I had uncovered a few secrets and learned a few things since Europe and I was faced with a decision. Do I tell my friends or continue to leave them in the dark? Do I make the choice for them or allow them to fight alongside me? Do I stay here and try to beat him or do I run?  
>The choice was mine. Kai wasn't here to help me figure out what the right choice was, and even if he was, I wasn't sure he would help me. This one was on me, meaning the fate of my friends was on me.<p>

I had to make a choice and I didn't know if I could.


	42. Chapter 42

****AN: Alright, here's another one. And in advanced, kinda sorry for what I do to Adrian in the end... I totally love him and that's actually why I picked him to be _that _character. He is SO much fun to right and that's another contributing factor as to why I picked him. I think he has the most to offer with character growth and such. But enough rambling!

Disclaimer: I own only the plot and a few select characters.

* * *

><p><strong>Rose's Point Of View<strong>

It was a split second decision that could affect the outcome of well…everything. My choice on how to move forward would change how this turned out, it would mold the events that happened next. And it was a decision that I wasn't sure I was one hundred percent behind.

With one last look at my friends, I slammed the door.

I wasn't proud of my choice, but if I had told them I think I wouldn't have been either. It was a losing situation for me, no matter what I picked it wouldn't turn out the way I hoped.  
>I leaned my back against the door, my head rolling back and my eyes shutting, biting my lip as I listened to my friends shouting and banging on the door.<br>The sound of their shouts echoed through my mind and all of Christian's words coming back, banging around on the inside of my skull. My fingers clutched the doorknob, wanting to twist it an open the door but unable to do it, I couldn't open the door and let all my problems crash through.

In his rage Christian had called me heartless, but he didn't know how wrong he was and he didn't know that I wished he was right. Maybe if he saw me on the other side of this door he would realize that I wasn't heartless, that I was actually the opposite. Maybe he would see that I felt things too much, too strongly and too passionately. Maybe he would see how painful and actually heartbreaking it was to feel so deeply. Maybe he was see that I craved to be heartless, because feeling nothing had to be better than feeling all of this pain.

Tears were stinging and burning my eyes, begging to escape and shatter what little composure I had left. I tried to fight them, blinking them back and willing them to vanish but it was no use. They eventually broke free and began rolling down my cheeks, and I found myself questioning how the universe got so screwed up.  
>I slid onto the floor unable to breathe. I think the realization of everything had hit me so hard – finally noticing that everything was coming unraveled left me gasping for air.<br>I knew that my life was complicated and always hectic – that was no secret. I knew that there were cracks but I never knew that it was this broken. I knew that not everything was bright and shiny like it used to be, but I didn't expect it to be like this.  
>I used to see my life as small parts that made up a whole and I always focused on those small parts. I became fixated with certain details, knowing that there were fractures but not worrying because it was only a small section of my life. But it's like now I'm finally seeing the whole picture – looking at my entire life – and realizing that it's not little sections that are broken, but the entire thing. My life was damaged and ruined beyond repair.<p>

I brought a shaky hand to my face, trying to steady my breathing and bring it back to normal. I couldn't be breaking down like this and I couldn't fall apart, I needed to stay strong. But deep down inside I knew that being strong wasn't an option right now – at least not tonight. I couldn't be the hero or the martyr right now, for once I needed to be the person being saved. I needed someone to rescue me from this pit of despair, but I would never admit that.

"Rose?" an unsure voice asked, and my head snapped up to see a blurry looking figure hovering over me. I hastily wiped my eyes and jumped to my feet, preparing to attack when I realized it was Lissa standing there.

"How did you get in?" I asked sharply, knowing she couldn't have gone through any of the doors because they were locked, and I doubted she could break through.

"Are you alright?" She asked, ignoring my question. I was about to open my mouth to protest and demand how she got in when I saw him. He was standing at the end of the hallway, his masked firmly in place as he observed the interaction. He was the one who helped her in and from the sounds I heard from the living room earlier, I had to guess that they used the window.

"I'm fine." I jerked my chin up, still pressing my back against the door as I thought about what they had just witnessed. They had both just watched me break down and fall to pieces. "Now, why are you here?"

Lissa opened her mouth but no words came out, and that's when it all clicked. She was here for the same reason my other friends were – to demand answers. And that's when I realized that my friends at the door were just a distraction so that Lissa and Dimitri could sneak it.

"We just want to help." She said finally, her jade eyes filled with worry and sympathy.

"I don't need it and I don't want it." I told her coolly, hating that I had to be so distant. Hating that I was being so weak and hating that I had to lie. In all honesty I craved her help – or even just her comfort – but I couldn't admit it, I couldn't endanger the people that I loved.

"You looked like you needed it a second ago when you were on the floor." She told me her voice still kind but wavering to snappiness. I kept my composure but felt my eyes widen slightly, I guess she was feeling just as annoyed and helpless as I was right now.

"Looks can be deceiving." I told her while brushing past and walking towards the kitchen, not looking at Dimitri as I walked past. Lissa of course followed me and watched as I began rummaging through the fridge.

"Don't do this Rose, please don't be like this." She pleaded, her voice causing my to squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears that still wanted to flow. She didn't understand how much her words were hurting me, how much I wanted to give her the answers she wanted. I was fighting a war within myself to keep from telling her, and right now I didn't know which side was winning.

"Do what?" I asked as I spun around, "Keep something private for once in my life? To have something I don't want to say, because it has nothing to do with you? Just because you're incapable to keep things to yourself doesn't mean that I am." I lashed out, knowing how wrong it was with every word I said.

"You know that's not what I mean." She snapped back, but I could tell from the way her eyes gleamed she was hurting.

"Look Lissa, give me a break. I have things going on, but I don't what to talk about them to death, alright? Not everything is this world has to be analyzed and dissected or rationalized and talked about. There are somethings that are just better left unsaid." I explained, turning back to the fridge so that I wouldn't have to look into her eyes any longer, because if I did I would crumble.

"Rose –" She began but I lifted my hand to cut her off, dreading what I was about to do. I turned slightly, facing Dimitri who was still watching our interaction with observant eyes.

"Guardian Belikov, will you please escort Princess Dragomir back to royal housing." I commanded, using my 'guardian council voice' and asserting my power over him. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway, I needed them gone and this was the way to do it.  
>I could see the hesitation flash in Dimitri's dark eyes. He didn't know whether to listen to me, or back Lissa up. It was a hard choice, on the one hand Lissa was royalty and his saviour (so he thinks) and he felt pledged to her. But on the other hand I was the leader of the guardian council and his boss, meaning a direct order from me had to be obeyed.<p>

"And please use the door this time." I told them in a cold, stern voice, hoping that would sway his decision.  
>Dimitri just nodded his head, choosing to listen to my order rather than follow Lissa's lead. He moved gracefully over to a stunned looking Lissa, and put his hand on her back while guiding her to the door, his eyes never leaving mine as he did.<br>I followed them slowly, wanting to make sure they left and to lock the door behind them. Lissa just watched me with helpless eyes the entire time, whispering for me not to do this.

"Rose, please just talk to me." She begged, wanting so badly to just understand. I wanted the same but if it meant risking her life than I wouldn't do it. Her being alive meant way more to me than her hating me.

"Have a good night Princess." I told her once they stepped onto my front porch. The use of her title must have been a slap in the face, but I didn't care at this point….well, that's a lie. I cared but I pretended not to, keeping my expression cold and impassive.  
>And with that I shut the door and locked it, knowing that what I just did – what I did tonight – could very well be the end of all my friendships.<p>

**Kai's Point Of View**

I don't know how, but I managed to fall asleep in the car. I wasn't surprised about waking up in the car or being in danger because I knew the alchemists wouldn't try to kill me or throw me in a ditch. I was just surprised I had been able to fall asleep around them. I mean, they thought I was a creature of darkness, you would think it would hinder my sleeping pattern, but it didn't. I woke up the next morning (moroi morning) feeling refreshed as we drove down a familiar road surrounded by trees. I knew this was the road that led to court gates and that I would soon see the entrance.  
>And sure enough, as soon as I thought about it my dhampir senses picked up a silhouette looming in the distance and I knew it was the court gates.<p>

I felt a surge of anxiety and dread burst in my veins, causing my heart rate to pick up speed as I thought about what I was returning to. Before I fell asleep I promised that I would find my resolve, that when I stepped out of this car that I would be ready to face Rose. I promised that I would leave everything that had happened on the other side of the gates, that once I crossed the wards everything would be forgotten.

But I wondered if I could really do that.

The possibility of me not being able to let go of this stupid grudge was very real. I could cross those wards and never have anything to do with Rose again. I could walk through that gate only to turn around and walk back out, without even seeing my bond mate again.  
>The reality of my choice and the impact it would make became clearer and clearer as we approached the gate.<br>It was my choice whether I walked back in there ready to face Rose, if I could let my family back in. I had to decide if I could overcome my feelings of grief and pain or succumb to them. I could either fight and go down swinging, or accept defeat and let those dark feelings eat me alive.

The alchemists pulled over to the side of the road, just a few yards away from the court gates. It was obvious that this was their limit and that they refused to get any closer to the civilization of the eternally damned.  
>The woman turned from the driver's seat and looked back at me with an unsurprisingly stern expression, while the Cyclops stayed facing forward, refusing to turn back and look at me, not that I minded.<p>

"They're expecting you." She told me, her voice level and eyes alert. "I trust that you can make it to the gates without an escort." I heard the hidden message in her words or maybe it was obvious, either way she was telling me that I was to walk through those gates without hesitation or deferring from the plan. If I didn't the guardians would be on me within minutes.

"Yes ma'am." I nodded while unbuckling my seatbelt. I grabbed my large duffle and began to slide out of the car, but just before I got out I turned back to her. "You're very talented you know – you have the wits and skill to rival any guardian. Too bad you think we're eternally damned, you would be a useful accomplice."

"Well, Mr. Peters as heartfelt as that comment was, I cannot change my beliefs nor do I wish to." The woman told me, before turning forward and getting ready to drive away. I just nodded my head with a small smirk on my face, as I stepped out of the car and shut the door.

They didn't bother waiting to watch me walk in and I didn't bother to watch them drive away. They had done the same thing at the airport – leaving without checking if I was following suit – and I concluded that it was either because they expected me to do what I was told, or they just didn't care. Maybe it was a bit of both.  
>It didn't really matter anyways, I didn't have a choice regardless if they had stayed and watched. If I don't walk through those gates in the next couple of minutes, the guardians would start to swarm and begin searching for me. I would have several minutes on them, but that wasn't enough when I was running from the guardians, I would get a good head start but I would never be able to get distance.<br>Besides, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to run, I was just filled with conflicted emotions.

The thought of seeing Rose stirred up a lot of feelings – anger and angst being the major ones, because on one hand, I was still hurt and pissed at her. But on the other, I loved her, she changed my life and how could I ever distance myself from such an amazing person? How could I not run back to her right now and wrap my arms around her, how could I not spend the rest of my life with her cracking jokes, and how could I not live without my best friend?

With each heavy step I asked myself those questions. Every foot I put in front of the other I wondered why I was still even considering. Every step closer to the gates I wondered how I could be so stupid to think I could live without Rose Hathaway in my life.  
>And when my foot finally crossed the invisible ward, I could practically feel all of my pain and anger evaporate. All of my wavering indecision vanished and all of the dark feelings that twisted inside of me disappeared, leaving me with nothing but excitement about seeing my best friend again.<p>

That excitement is what fueled me and kept me going.

After the guardians cleared me and checked my belongings, I took off at a sprint, not sure where I was going. I quickly probed Rose's mind to get a feel for her location, and I could that she was at our townhouse. As soon as I knew that I took off on a dead run across court, nothing getting in my way from seeing my girl.  
>I weaved my way around passersby and nodded at a few guardians who were patrolling the grounds, but for the most part I never took my focus off of her. Seeing Rose and hearing her laugh, thinking of her smile as she said something sarcastic, it was pushing me forward. I missed her more than I realized and I can't imagine leaving my bond mate again.<p>

I didn't slow when I caught sight of the quaint townhouse – of our house – in fact, I sped up and bounded up the porch steps. I moved to open the door but was surprised to find it locked, I knew in the back of my mind that it was strange, Rose was never really one to take those precautions. I shrugged it off, still too concerned about seeing Rose. I pounded my fist against the door, shouting for Rose to open the door.  
>After several minutes, filled with me pounding against the door and doing a reassuring check that she was inside, the door swung open and there stood Rose.<p>

I didn't hesitate, I immediately grabbed her and pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her tightly. I felt her silky hair and heard her unsteady breathing as she returned the gesture. And in that moment it was like a piece of me that had been missing – a piece that I didn't even realize was gone – had been restored.

"I'm sorry," I murmured into the top of her head, "I am so sorry. I was such an idiot and I never should've left you. I love you and missed you."

"I missed you too." She sobbed into my chest and that's when I pulled back, immediately realizing something was wrong. This was a joyous reunion and she should be happy, but instead she was crying, and Rose Hathaway was not one to cry tears of joy, meaning that she was genuinely upset about something.  
>Her appearance confirmed something was wrong. Her eyes were red and swollen and her skin looked gaunt and pale. She was shaking slightly and seemed frail – and that's when I knew whatever was happening was of the utmost importance. Frail was not a word that describes Rose.<p>

"What's wrong? What's happening?" I asked, taking her face between my hands gently and forcing her to look at me. Her brown eyes were glistening with tears and I saw true terror in their depths.

"He's back." She whispered.

Those two words were enough to fill me with fear. My spine went rigid and a tremor shook through my body, gruesome images flashed through my mind and for a moment I was paralyzed.  
>Tears continued to stream down Rose's face as she looked up at me. I was still frozen, knowing that he would have tracked us down eventually, but surprised that he had found us so quickly. I guess we made it easy – it wasn't like we were staying inconspicuous or anything.<p>

"It's going to be fine." I whispered, pulling her back in tightly. "We are going to take this son of a bitch down." I promised as she buried her head in my chest.

**Adrian's Point Of View**

My fingers circled the ring of condensation my glass left on the bar. I leaned forward and watched as the water spread across the dark wood, it was the only entertainment I had while waiting for my next drink.

After we left Rose's last night my friends all decided to go back to Lissa's and talking about our next great plan. They were all hell bent on figuring out what she was hiding. They hadn't come to the same realization that I had – that trying to get Rose Hathaway to do something she didn't want to was pointless. Rose could very well be a criminal mastermind – no, she _was_ a mastermind – and that meant that she could evade us forever. People like her, people who possessed that type of wit and determination could accomplish whatever they wanted.  
>They knew that but they just didn't want to admit it. Rose had already won this and there was no point in competing in a losing battle.<br>So I made an excuse, telling them that I was tired. Of course, I forgot that Tanner had to guard me and practically watch my every move. Meaning that I had to escape from his watchful eyes.  
>I could've just gone to the bar with him, but I wanted to be alone and wanted to drown my sorrows. I had been doing well lately, and finally succumbing to my addiction felt like defeat, but I needed it. I didn't want someone observing my misery, and I didn't want him telling the others.<p>

So when we got back to my section of royal housing, I told him he could have the guest room while I retired to my room. Once there I shut the door and quietly opened the window, trying to be as silent as possible as I crawled through. I must've been like a ninja because Tanner had yet to find me, if he even realized I was missing yet.

The bartender set the glass of amber liquid down in front of me wordlessly, before moving down the bar to continue his inventory. I was the only one in the entire bar, which wasn't a surprise seeing as it was edging closer to the morning. I had been here all night – this was my refuge and safe haven.

I lifted the glass and brought it to my lips, feeling a calm spread over me as I took a gulp, feeling a slight burning that I had become so accustomed to. My eyes drooped and I inhaled, smelling all the liquors and must from the bar, listening to the bartender move boxes.  
>This is my refuge, I thought again. When everything in my life was spiraling and everything seemed so uncontrollable I came here. Whenever spirit became too overwhelming, the clinking of glasses and burning of alcohol drowned it out. When the pressure of this life began to weight down on my chest, my addiction seemed to lift it slightly.<br>I was always doing a balancing act, wavering between two paths my life could take:

Love or hate.

Sobriety or addiction.

Dreams or reality.

Triumph or defeat.

Greatness or madness.

Life or Death.

I was always teetering on the edge and anything could sway me in one direction or the other. I thought that I was done and that I was working my way to walking the straight and narrow, or at least being on the side of goodness, but with each drink I ordered I was beginning to think that I was wrong.

"Something told me I'd find you here." A voice chuckled, as I heard the legs of the stool beside me scrap against the floor. The sound brought me out of my inner musings and I opened my eyes, staring at the remnants of my drink.

"Is that so?" I asked nonchalantly, downing the rest of my drink before setting it down on the bar and waving the bartender over for a refill.

"Of course," the voice laughed again, as I starred at the clock above the bar, realizing that it was later than I thought. The moroi day would be starting soon, and if I had any hope of sneaking back into my room I would have to leave soon.

"And why were you looking for me exactly?" I asked as the bartender set down my drink and I nodded my head as a thank you. I grabbed the glass, preparing to chug it before leaving.

"So I could do this," the person told me, causing me to pause before I could get the glass to my lips. For the first time since he sat down beside me, I looked at him and was so shocked at what I saw that I nearly dropped my glass.

"Do what?" I asked, keeping my voice calm and steady, although I knew whatever was coming was far from good.

"Do this." He told me while making eye contact with something or someone behind me. I anticipated what was coming and I was correct, within seconds something hard made contact with the back of my head, and pain shot through me. Everything turned black and I knew I would have a killer headache when I woke up.

The worst part was, I didn't even get to finish my drink.


	43. Chapter 43

AN: Tada! Here is the next chapter, hopefully it won't leave you on the edge of your seats like the last one. I just want to say how much I kinda love Lissa in this post...not sure why but I think Im really finding her voice. Let me know what you think!

Also, I give huge hints as to who has Adrian...at least half of the duo. So take a wild guess and see who it is!

As always thank you for reading and reviewing, your reviews give me the inspiration for the story and help fuel my writing, so keep it up.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of the characters (except for a few) everything belongs to Richelle Mead

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><p><strong>Adrian's Point Of View<strong>

My head rolled forward and I winced at the pain shooting through it. God, what the hell happened? Everything was hazy – like it always is after I go off on a bender – but it eventually comes back. Sometimes the memories return excruciatingly slowly and in snippets, while others come spiraling back like a wicked curve ball or a bullet ricocheting inside my brain. But they always come back.

While I waited for my memories to return I pondered where I was and why I was sitting. The logical part of my mind – if you could argue that I had one – told me that I had probably passed out on a bench or something on my way back home. But my instincts were telling that wasn't right, they were telling me that something serious was going on and that I needed to clue in – quickly.  
>I slowly and cautiously opened my eyes, expecting that there would be a light from the lamp or possibly the last rays from the setting sun and that they would kill my eyes, but there was no rays or lamps. In fact, I had no need to fear for the light because there was none – at all.<p>

If my instincts weren't screaming at me before then they were now. I blinked my eyes a few times, trying to adjust the darkness, but even with my heightened vision I couldn't see. Wherever I was, it was pitch black and it was obvious that I wasn't meant to see.  
>That's when I knew something really wasn't right and when I figured out I was in danger. Whatever happened last night wasn't anything good and I needed to figure out what.<p>

I tried to think about what Rose, Belikov or Castile would do in this situation. I tried to focus my mind and act like a guardian, although I knew I was the farthest thing from one, but training my brain on that actually helped.  
>I decided that if they were in this situation, they would begin feeling around and trying to sense out their surroundings. They would use their other senses to figure out where they were, so that's what I began doing.<br>I felt around and realized that my hands were bound, something that I should've figured out sooner. But even with my hands tied, I still felt around and tried to find a clue. But the only thing I felt was hard – like cement or concrete – it was cold and smooth. I knew that I was on the floor and in a room of some sorts, but that hardly told me anything.  
>I racked my brain for what else they would do, all three of them were resourceful and cunning, I was sure they would come up with some type of plan. But I came up empty, not sure what else to do but sit there, until an idea struck me. I shouldn't be asking myself what they would do, all of them have an entirely different skill set, I had to ask myself what Lissa or any other spirit user would do.<p>

I honestly wished someone could've witnessed my genius brainstorming.

I quickly got into a comfortable position, wriggling until I was lying on the floor with my eyes shut. I took a few deep breaths and tried not to think about how disgusting this place probably was and how grimy I was getting and instead, focused my attention on the magic.  
>I felt it swell inside me as I drifted off slightly and I began trying to reach out, I needed to get a feel for who was sleeping and who was awake. I wasn't sure what time it was, but I was guessing it was somewhere during the moroi morning or midday, which meant my chances of reaching someone's subconscious was slim. But I still had to try.<p>

I felt the magic extending and my subconscious was reaching, desperately trying to find someone to connect with. I had my mind set on Rose – someone who I had a strong relationship with – but her subconscious wasn't asleep. I figured I would try Eddie or Christian, but just as I was about to search for them, I felt the magic find someone and I didn't hesitate to let my subconscious extend and pull them into a dream.  
>I didn't really think about who I was creating a dream with, I just assumed that it was Rose, since I had tried to find her first. I figured that she had fallen asleep and that I was unintentionally still trying to find her.<br>But when the dream finally manifested and the setting of the dream appeared all around me, I didn't find myself with Rose. Instead, I found myself facing a girl with long, platinum blond hair.

**Dimitri's Point Of View**

We had spent majority of the night going over what happened at Rose's earlier and, by us I mean Lissa ranted, Christian tried to soothe her while Eddie and I watched in vigilant silence. It had been a long night to say the least but my mind had wandered off slightly, thinking about the haunted look in Rose's eyes and the strange way that she had acted. She had called Lissa by her title – something I had never heard her do unless in a formal setting – and I know it had struck something in Lissa, something that Rose would never purposely do to her best friend.  
>All I knew was that something was wrong with Roza and I couldn't even get close enough to figure it out. But that's the way she's always been, I remember when we were at the Academy and she was struggling, she wouldn't let anyone in or ask for help. She liked to push through and struggle until she achieves whatever she was aiming for. She was tough and headstrong – just some of her qualities that made her who she was.<br>The time passed by uneventfully and without disturbance. Christian finally coaxed Lissa to bed, telling her that she could worry about everything tomorrow, while Eddie and I set up a guarding schedule. Admittedly, it was hard to do at first. Eddie was hell bent on staying awake, even though I told him that sleep was vital and to get as much as possible whenever it was safe, but he was determined to protect and stay awake.  
>After some convincing and bargaining, it was decided that I would take the first sleeping shift so long as he took the second. I thought I would fall asleep instantly, but the only thing I could think of when my head hit the pillow, was Rose.<br>I thought of how it would be to have her lying next to me, to hear her breathing and watch her roll all over the bed. I thought of how it would be waking up to her beautiful brown eyes and glowing smile, and I just prayed that someday I would get the chance to find out.

When it was Eddie's turn to sleep I still had a hard time convincing him to go, but I eventually won him over, knowing he was probably tired seeing as it was reaching the morning. Lissa and Christian would be sleeping for a while longer and that would give Eddie time to rest. And while the house slept, I diligently watched the house and tried not to let my mind wander to anything but protecting – it seemed to work, because before I knew it was late morning and Christian and Eddie were awake.

"Lissa's not up yet?" Eddie asked when Christian walked into the living room and flopped on the couch. He shook his head and shrugged, glancing down the short hallway that led to their bedroom.

"It was a long night," He brushed it off; even though we all knew the real reason she was sleeping so late. Everything had been weighing down on Lissa lately, all of the Spirit madness and Rose drama, combined with the spotlight she was constantly under, it was taking a toll on her. Although Lissa hated to be seen or treated as breakable, it was hard not to because in some ways she was. She could with stand a lot of troubles, but they tended to cause fractures that quickly brought her to her breaking point.  
>We quickly changed the subject so that we could avoid talking about Lissa, she was our friend and talking behind her back about her instability (especially in her own house) would definitely not bode well. But just as we began speaking about upcoming events in our schedules, a knock on the door interrupted us.<br>We all just stared at one another, wondering who would answer the door since none of us technically lived here. It was more or less Eddie and I glancing at Christian while he looked between the both of us.

"Come on, you're my temporary guardian, shouldn't you open the door in case it's danger?" Christian asked, while Eddie snorted and rolled his eyes.

"I'm a guardian, not a servant. You're just too lazy to get up." He sighed while Christian got up and walked to the door. Eddie didn't have to but he must've taken Christian's lame danger joke seriously and flanked him to the door.

When the door opened and agitated and anxious looking Mikhail stormed in, his eyes scouring the entire room, paying no attention to Christian's sarcastic remark. Mikhail's posture and determined attitude must have been contagious because I found myself on my feet with my eyes flickering around the room, I was sure if I looked at Eddie he would be doing the same.

"Is he here?" Mikhail asked, his voice sounding tight. "Is Adrian here?" I glanced over at Christian and Eddie, before stepping closer to Mikhail.

"Why would he be here?" Eddie asked, although it was plausible for him to be here it was unlikely at this hour, Adrian typically slept until the afternoon.

"Because I've looked everywhere for him and I can't find him." Mikhail told us. He managed to keep his guardian mask in place but I could see the fear in his eyes, I could see the terror he felt at the thought of his missing charge. "Adrian's gone."

**Adrian's Point of View**

The setting of the dream was beautiful as always. It was a garden filled with flowers, everything blooming and blossoming in a wide vary of colours all around us. I reached my hand out and touched a bud that had yet to bloom. Within seconds of my touch the bud began to open and a brilliant purple flower erupted from the vine. I marvelled at flower and let my hand drop to my side, still feeling the magic pulse through me.  
>When I finally tore myself away from the flower I remembered that I wasn't alone. Turning back to the girl with the long blond hair, I remembered that I had pulled her into my dream. Although I hadn't intended to pull her in, I was still glad to see her.<br>She was wearing a long, emerald dress that just barely brushed the grass. Her hair was loose and gleaming, acting like a veil as she moved. She was just as distracted by the scenery as I had been moments ago, in fact she was mesmerized by it. I could see her wiggling her bare feet in the grass and the way she touched the flowers with such tenderness. It made me excited that I had pulled her into the dream, knowing that no one else would really appreciate the atmosphere of it – of how magical the dream was.  
>But this wasn't just about the magic, I reminded myself, there was a pressing issue at hand. I needed her help with something happening in the real world and despite the relaxed scenery I had cast, whatever was happening wasn't as peaceful.<p>

"I didn't know we were having a lesson." Lissa stated, still with her back facing me as she admired some more plants.

"Later cousin, right now I need your help." I told her, but something struck me. Lissa had asked about a lesson and didn't jump straight to questioning me, which meant that she didn't realize that I was stuck in a room somewhere with my hands tied.

"Help with what?" She asked curiously, as she twirled around with her arms extended, her gauzy, summer dress billowing out around her.

"Somethings going on in the real world – something strange – and whatever it is cannot be good." I explained, unsure of how to tell her what was happening. I hardly knew anything; I just knew that I couldn't see and that I was tied up. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. What if I was just letting my imagination run away with me? What if insanity was doing this?

But what if it wasn't? What if something serious was going on and I brushed it off because I thought I was crazy. I needed to say something – my instincts were telling me to – and besides, who better to tell it to than the person who understands the most? If anyone would understand and get me out of this mess, it was Lissa.  
>At first I thought it was Rose, mostly because she's always been able to do the impossible. I figured she could fix anything because she's messed up a lot and managed to repair most of the damage. Rose was strong and fierce – but so was Lissa. She just showed her strength differently than Rose.<br>Lissa was more strategic and thought out. She made plans and used her brain and magic to help her out. She's accomplished a lot in her lifetime, she just doesn't use brute strength to do it.

"Lissa – somethings wrong." I inhaled, taking a calming breath. "I don't really remember what happened. I ran off last night to go to the bar and I spent the entire night drinking, I couldn't help myself. But something happened, I don't know what, but when I woke up I was in this room. It – it's dark and I can't see and my hands are bound. God, Lissa I don't know what to do, I can't survive this kind of thing." I rambled, hoping she would pick up all the pieces and somehow understand. Hoping that she would know what to do and how to help me.  
>I watched as she stopped spinning and admiring the garden, she stilled completely, not moving or saying anything. Her body was ridged but I still couldn't see her face, which just made me anxious for what she was about to say. I had so much faith in her and I knew she would come through…at least, I prayed she would.<p>

"Please Lissa," I begged, my voice sounding strange to my own ears. I wasn't one to plead for anything, not when I usually got my every wish, it was a foreign concept entirely. "Please help me."

That must've sparked something in Lissa, because although here body was still tense, she began moving slightly. I watched her intensely as she took a deep breath in, smoothing her hair before turning around to face me. And when she did, I felt my breath intake sharply.

Those eyes.

And just like a ricocheting bullet, everything from last shot back.

Just in time too, because within seconds of my memories rushing back, the dream began to flicker. Lissa stood there looking confused and uneasy as she asked me questions that I couldn't hear, and like that, the dream ended altogether and I was thrust back into the cold, dark room. But this time I wasn't alone.

"Have a good dream, Adrian?"

**Lissa's Point Of View**

I shot up in bed with laboured breathing, still trying to grasp what had just happened. Adrian had pulled me into a beautiful spirit dream, but had said something about blacking out and waking up in a dark room. He _begged_ me for help and Adrian Ivashkov has never begged for anything in his life.  
>That's when I knew something was seriously wrong, because I was hesitant before, he was supposed to be with Mikhail, not in some dark room. But then why did he beg for my help?<br>And when I finally turned around, the look on his face, it was a look of pure shock and terror. Whatever trouble Adrian was in, it was bad and he needed my help. He had intrusted me to help him and I was determined to do it.  
>Shouts from the other room brought my attention back to reality. It sounded like everyone was arguing over something – Rose, I was assuming. I listened for a minute or so more, hearing the angered whispers that would turn into frustrated yells and back down to whispers again.<br>I threw off the covers and stood up, before crossing the room and quietly slipping out the bedroom door. I wanted to know what they were fighting about, but I knew if I walked out there now and they saw me, they would all stop arguing. They thought I was too fragile with everything going on lately, but what they didn't know is that I could handle it all. I knew my limits and I had yet to reach them or break them.  
>I tiptoed down the short hallway, until I was practically at the entry way to the living room. I peeked m head around slightly, seeing that Dimitri, Eddie, Mikhail and Christian were all standing there, looking frustrated and annoyed.<p>

"What do you mean he's gone? How can you just lose him?" Christian asked, pitching his voice low. He was probably doing it for my benefit, knowing that I was sleeping.

"He's gone as in gone, I don't know how else to say it." Snapped Mikhail, which made my eyes widen in surprise slightly, he had always been such an easy going man and to see him like this was strange. "And he ran away, he must've snuck out the window last night. I don't know how I lost him – most of my charges want to stay safe not run off."

"Don't get all pissed at me, because you lost your charge." Christian snarled back, obviously disliking the way Mikhail had snapped at him earlier. Although they may be friends, Christian had no problem saying it how it was, even if how it was made you wince.  
>That's also when I clued in that they were talking about Adrian, about how he was missing. I had some information on that, so maybe if I told them they wouldn't just shut me out.<p>

"Okay, enough." Dimitri stepped in, always the voice of reason. "Do we even know he's missing, he could just be at the bar or out for breakfast? Maybe he's trying to see Rose or with Tatiana, did any off us ever consider those options?" He asked in a calm voice, I watched as the men in the room thought about it. The looks on their faces told me that they had considered it more and more now, but little did they know he was actually missing.

"No, he isn't there." I told them, stepping into the room. All eyes were on me at that moment and Christian moved his way over to my side.

"Did we wake you?" he whispered softly, concern written all over his face. I just shrugged and let him wrap his arm around me, loving the feeling of comfort that spread over me whenever he was near.

"Where is he then?" asked Mikhail, his voice noticeably calmer as he addressed me, making me want to huff that I wasn't delicate. Although I didn't want people yelling at me, I rather them not treat me differently.

"He's in a dark room somewhere, a basement I'm guessing." I told them, watching their eyes widen. "He said it was too dark to see and that his hands were bound. He doesn't know what happened, but whatever it was, wasn't good." I explained, watching the guardians in the room tense.

"How do you know?" Eddie asked, his posture and attitude ever vigilant as his eyes flickered around the room.

"He pulled me into a Spirit dream." I told them and watched as they nodded their heads, understanding how I had gotten all the information. "I was about to get more information but then he pulled out. Something or someone must've woken him, but honestly he looked really afraid." I gulped, knowing that was a vital piece of information. If Adrian was missing but completely happy it wouldn't be so bad – yes, we would still look but we could rest knowing he was alright. But Adrian was missing and afraid, which probably meant he was in serious danger.

The boys jumped into action at that moment, beginning to work together rather than fighting against each other. I watched as they immediately began going over what happened, this time without accusations and talking about what could've happened to Adrian.

"It couldn't have been Strigoi." Eddie stated but there was an edge of uncertainty to his voice, no one wanted to believe that a Strigoi could've taken Adrian, especially when he was supposed to be at court, but we had to consider the possibility.

"We can't rule that out yet." Dimitri told him, causing me to shudder at the thought of Strigoi taking Adrian or even being able to get him outside the wards…unless something was wrong with them and they were able to cross over…that couldn't be possible.

"What are the possibilities? Would someone take him as a political statement? Taking him and using it against the Queen?" Mikhail asked, it was a possibility, everyone knew he was the Queen's favourite nephew.

"You can't rule out revenge either." Christian stated. "Someone probably got mad he slept with their girl." He snickered, although his heart didn't seem to be quit in it. I grabbed his hand, fully understanding the way he was feeling.  
>We all worried about Adrian a lot, me in particular, but it was mostly fear for what he could do to himself. Adrian was his own worst enemy and his destructive traits were what kept me pacing some nights. I never expected Adrian to be in any type of danger except from himself. And although he may not think so, he was a fundamental part of this group and it couldn't function without him.<p>

"Right now we can't rule anything out." Dimitri nodded, looking at all of us before saying something that caused my mind to practically blow. "There's one thing we have to do immediately though and that's tell Rose."

"Go to Rose? Will she even listen to us?" Christian asked, his voice doubtful. But I knew where Dimitri was going and I knew why he was telling us to go to Rose, everything began connecting and making sense.

"Yes, she will." I announced, my eyes connecting with Dimitri and seeing the worry in his dark brown eyes. This was worse than I expected it was. "There was a reason Rose assigned you to guard us and it was because she thought this would happen."

"What are you saying? That she knew someone was after us but didn't say anything?" Christian asked, his voice balancing between disbelieving and pissed. He didn't understand why Rose wouldn't tell us but for me the pieces were all coming together; Rose's behaviour, the extra protection and now Adrian's disappearance.  
>The guardian's in the room became, if possible, even more stiff and alert. Someone was hunting us and it was their duty to protect, they were going to do everything possible.<p>

"She couldn't." I kept looking in Dimitri's eyes, seeing that he had figured everything else out too. "She was trying to protect us by distancing herself and giving us guardians. She hoped we would stay away and stay safe."

"That still doesn't explain why she didn't help us or who's doing this and why." Christian huffed, not liking being out of the loop.

"They weren't after us, they were after here and we just got in the way." I explained, my voice gravely quiet and mute as all these revelations came tumbling through my mind.

"What does that mean for Adrian?" Mikhail asked, he too was out of the loop about the whole thing. I thought back to what Rose said that night in my room, when she was explaining what happened to her and Kai's friends in Europe when they didn't give in or when they got in the way. I remembered how hollow her voice was as she spoke those words.

"Capture. Torture. Slaughter." I spoke softly, my voice barely audible as I thought of Adrian in the lush garden, standing there with his emerald eyes and sable hair and then I thought of him in a cold, dark basement….and suddenly, I had the overwhelming urge to vomit.


	44. Chapter 44

**AN: **Here is a SUPER long post for you...I'm talking 6000 words...So hopefully that will tide you over until the next post.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews and comments I've received, they are amazing and YOU are amazing. I love to hear what you guys think about the story and what you want to happen and such.

*I also just wanted to let you guys know, that I wrote the ending and have a feeling you guys are going to FREAK out. It's pretty dramatic, and let's just say it's anything but a fairy tale ending ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or the characters, all rights belong to Richelle Mead

* * *

><p><strong>Rose's Point of View<strong>

I wasn't very good at waiting around for things. I wasn't a patient person by nature and had to work hard at keeping a level head while waiting for things, but even then I was never good at being idle or sitting around and waiting for something to happen. I always wanted to jump straight into action, which is usually why I got into so much trouble.

This time seemed no different.

With Kai back at my side I felt a little better, like I had more of a chance of conquering this son of a bitch. I felt like I didn't need to hide in my house anymore or answer the door with a frying pan – something I was close to doing.

Although, I still wasn't completely at ease (I was never sure I could be, at least until this guy was six feet under) but I did feel like I could take a breath.

After our embrace I pulled Kai into our home, thankful that I could stop calling it just mine, and explained to him everything that happened while he was away. He listened thoughtfully and intently, never interrupting or questioning anything, he took everything in and thought it over. I could tell that he wanted all the information before creating a plan or jumping to something – he was a guardian after all, he wanted the facts and logistics.

I figured that after I told Kai about what happened, he would be all for starting a takedown plan. I thought that after he had all the information he would be right beside me, storming into guardian headquarters and pulling together a team to infiltrate every building in court, or that he would go to the queen and demand she put court on lockdown. I assumed he would at least do something, but instead he sat on the crème coloured couch in our sky blue living room, face somber as he lost himself in thought.

When I promptly asked him what the hell he was waiting for, his cyan eyes just flickered towards me, filled with an unreadable expression. I felt my heart lurch in my chest at the look in his eyes, they weren't necessarily defeat, but something worse…something more desperate and urgent. It was the look that animals get in their eyes when they feel like they're being backed into a corner, the look that people get before they jump off a bridge to their death.

I knew that look well.

I'd seen it many times in my life, sometimes on other people…sometimes when looking at my own reflection. It was an uncontrollable expression that flashed across your face and burned in your eyes, it was a warning to anyone and everyone nearby that you were running out of options, and that you weren't afraid to go down swinging.

I couldn't count how many times I had felt that way, like a rabid animal being forced in a cage. It was that gleam in my eyes that appeared when I was in a hopeless situation, which was exactly the kind of predicament we were in now.

There was also one other thing I knew about that look, that it was completely and utterly contagious.

Kai tried to smooth his face and make it appear blank, but that did very little when you had a mental link to someone. But I still appreciated his effort; we both knew that only the worst could happen if we both wore that look…

"I think we should wait until Abe gets here." He told me at last. I lifted my eyebrows in surprise but said nothing. Abe was supposed to be here within the next day or so, which in the grand scheme of things wasn't that long to wait, but in our situation a day seemed like a lifetime away. "I mean, we should be using all the resources we have, especially him. He is valuable to us right now, especially since you don't want to involve the rest of your friends."

I bit my lip at his words, I could tell from the tone of his voice he didn't think that was a good idea. Although Kai promised I could take lead on this, that they were my friends – my family – and that I could decide how we handled this, I knew he didn't like the way I was controlling the situation. He supported me, of course, but if it were up to him he would be doing it differently.

I understood his reasoning, but the haughty and defiant part of me wanted to defend my choices by asking him how his choices affected his friends in Europe.

"Alright, we'll wait for Abe." I agreed, not bothering to acknowledge the remark about my friends. This was my choice, I reminded myself, I was doing what's best.

Waiting for Abe was easier in theory, but actually sitting in my living room and counting down the hours to his arrival was something completely different. I hated just sitting here and waiting like a sitting duck, and it wasn't helping that my mind was running wild and rampant. I needed to do something and I needed to be useful.

The waiting around was killing me and nothing could preoccupy me. I lay sprawled out on the couch with my arms wrapped tightly around Kai, with my mind spinning in circles and flooding with unwanted thoughts.

Kai had one arm wrapped around me while the other absently played with a lock of my hair. We were both trapped in our own personal hell – although somewhat similar they had differences.

For Kai, he was being forced to relive and rethink his decisions about Europe. He was replaying every second of what happened over and over in his head, remembering every detail of what happened to his friends and family. He was being reminded of the most horrible time in his life, of finding his family murdered and reliving the guilt and the anguish.

He had to remember what they were like in life and how happy they had all been. Then he had to remind himself that they were dead and never coming back.

And I was being forced to think about what was to come. I had to imagine the cruel and tortuous things that were waiting in store for my loved ones. I had to sit there feeling powerless and scared as I waited for a phone call telling me my friend was gone, or I had to wait and find their body. I would have to torture myself with the anticipation of my friend's deaths, and I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it.

We were both trapped in our own hell, practically the same but at the same time, completely different. They resembled each other in so many ways. The same kind of pain was there – the same sadness and despair, the same guilt and anxiety.

Everything was the same, except that Kai was remembering what he lost and I was getting ready for what I was about to lose.

**Lissa's Point Of View**

After the wave of nausea passed and I felt well enough, I stood from the couch that Christian had led me to. I hated that they were all hovering. They were attempting to make themselves look busy by making breakfast in the kitchen, but I could see their eyes darting over and assessing me. All of them were ready to swoop in and save me at a moment's notice and I appreciated that, but I didn't need it. I was stronger than I looked; I just wished they could all see it.

"Want some pancakes?" Eddie asked when I sat down at the kitchen table next to him. I just shook my head and watched him devour the food that Christian was making.  
>It was kind of fascinating to see how much of an appetite he had, even at a time like this. But then again, Rose was the same way, nothing could ever get in the way of a great meal, not even the most dire crisis. I guess it was a dhampir thing, when you train hard almost every day, it builds up an appetite. But looking at Mikhail and Dimitri, who seemed to be eating average breakfast servings, I concluded it was probably just an Eddie and Rose thing.<p>

There was a few beats of silence, with the only thing to be heard was the clinking of cutlery and the sizzling of the stove as Christian flipped more pancakes. It wasn't a tense silence per say, but you could tell that everyone had the same thing on their mind, but no one wanted to voice it.

My eyes flickered around in anticipation, expecting someone to cut to the chase and bring it up. But all of the men in the room seemed suddenly very interested in their pancakes.  
>I sighed in exasperation, knowing that the reason they were all avoiding it was probably because they didn't think I could handle it. They didn't want to say something that would set me off, but what they didn't understand was that Adrian was in desperate trouble – he needed our help, whether it made me crazy was irrelevant, especially when he could die.<p>

I looked around the room this time and surprisingly caught Dimitri's eye. He was watching me with an unreadable expression, his food long forgotten as he studied me. I didn't know what to think or say, not while he was staring me down like that. I was ready to just sever the eye contact, when Dimitri spoke and I felt my eyes widen at his words.

"We should try our luck at guardian headquarters, Rose should be there today." Dimitri announced, and I watched as everyone in the room looked at him slowly. We had all been thinking it, I was just glad he was brave enough to say it.  
>Before I got all nauseous and was forced to sit on the couch until the rooms stopped spinning, we had agreed on telling Rose what was happening. I still stood by that decision and knew that we needed to put it into action – quickly.<p>

"Let's go." Eddie agreed, and then before I knew it all the guardians were on their feet and heading towards the door. Christian and I were walking together while the dhampirs created a protective formation around us, still wary about whoever was out there.

**Rose's Point Of View**

"I can't just sit here and do nothing!" I finally broke, my voice exasperated as I stood and began pacing. I couldn't sit there any longer and imagine the horrible things that could be happening at this very second. I needed to do something – anything. It could be the littlest thing, so long as it was something other than sitting around and waiting. "I need to help, I need to be useful."

Kai stood slowly, watching as I stormed into the kitchen and began throwing my phone and keys into a bag. He said nothing as I collected items I thought I might need and shoved them into the stylish but still practical purse – I may be scared and profession, a complete new Rose Hathaway in some eyes, but I still had fashion sense.  
>I wasn't even sure what I was going to do or where I was even going, I just knew that I needed to get out of the house. I was trapping myself further by sitting around, but putting my life on hold I was letting him win. I told myself before my friends ambushed my house that I wasn't going to let this sociopath rule my life, and I was sticking to that promise.<p>

"Where are you going to go?" Kai asked finally, as he slipped his cell phone into his back pocket. I knew he rather wait for Abe but I also knew he understood my need to keep busy, and that he would come with me wherever I was going.

"Guardian Headquarters," I shrugged, knowing that was the best option. If something happened while I was there, I would be surrounded by guardians that followed my command, I would have quick resources and backup at the ready.

"Sounds good," Kai agreed as we stood in the kitchen for a moment longer, and I thought about anything else I might need to bring, it already seemed like I was brining every purse sized object in the house at this point.

Once I was sure I packed everything, we made our way to the door with our eyes darting and our spines ridged. I knew that as soon as we stepped out that door, we would snap into guarding duty and take up guardian techniques. Neither of us would drop the precautions until we reached the guardians building, and even then we would still be on high alert.

We were so attuned to one another as we walked, I could practically feel Kai's muscles tensing as he walked and knew exactly where his foot would land, it was eerily creeping. And although I hated to admit it, I understood why someone would want our bond and by extension us.

I didn't agree with their methods and I didn't want to be used and observed like some type of science experiment, but I could understand…slightly.

What happened between me and Kai was incredible and magical, it had never been heard of until now. When Lissa and I had the bond everyone was curious about it, always relaying the stories of previous guardians with bonds to their charges, but this was different. There were no legends about dhampir bonds, there wasn't any proof that one had existed before us.

I mean… Kai and I still had that musty old book that was actually tucked into my purse right now, the same one that my friends had stolen weeks before, but that still didn't shed any light on the situation. The book spoke of how bonds were forged – although we already knew, a spirit user had to bring back someone who was dead – the book did mention it in greater detail.

But there was something I remembered reading, it was a short paragraph that didn't say much, it just mentioned something about a bond being forged without the person coming back from the dead. Of course, that didn't apply to us on two accounts, because firstly Kai and I had died, and secondly you still needed a spirit user…but still it was fascinating.

I was distracted with the thoughts of bonds and magic, so much so that Kai had to nudge me. I practically forgot that we were vulnerable right now and needed all of our attention focused on our surroundings, not that it mattered anymore, guardian headquarters was already in sight.  
>Besides, when my eyes scanned the scenery I saw nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't really expect someone to leap right out and attack us anyway, that wasn't this psychopath's style, he preferred prolonging the misery and forcing us to come to him.<p>

Kai and I were able to relax when we stepped slightly when we stepped foot in guardian headquarters. I think it was the safest place for us to be, surrounded by lethal guardians who could kill at a moment's notice. If something happened, whoever was behind it would be taken down – quickly and painfully.  
>The guardian at the front desk had picked up the phone and seemed to be in mid dial when we walked in. As soon as we did, he hung up the phone and scrambled over to us.<br>He was a younger guardian so this type of scattered behaviour was kind of expected, especially since I started barking orders the other day and put everyone on edge.

"Guardian Hathaway, I was just about to call you." He told me, his eyes wide and eager as they flickered to me and then they slid over to Kai. "Guardian Peters, it's good to have you back." Kai just gave a quick nod, still tense.

I kept walking towards my office while Kai followed and the young guardian trailed behind. He was explaining that he had news to tell me, but I just expected it to be standard guardian information – shift rotations, court visitors, and guardian requests – so I waved my hand dismissively.

"Thanks for the update." I told him, while still striding towards my office. "You can put any additional information in my mailbox and I'll be sure to grab it later." The guardian had gotten the message that the conversation had ended. He had stopped walking, but I could tell he clearly had more explaining.

I figured he was just excited to speak to the head guardian and wanted to get some type of recognition. I turned and gave him a kind smile, hoping that would satisfy, little did I knew he actually wanted to warn me of what was in store.

Kai and I walked through the guardian offices and nodded at fellow colleagues, but we mostly stuck to ourselves and tried to make it to my office as quickly as possible. We wanted to work in a safe environment and brainstorm – anything that kept us busy and made headway. Even if we didn't make much progress, I would at least be doing something.

I quickly stepped inside my office and shut the door tightly after Kai walked in. The lights had been off and everything was quiet, which gave my office an eerie feel. I was just about to flick on the lights and illuminate the room when I felt Kai tense beside me. I quickly spun around with my hands clamped down on my stake.

I hadn't noticed when we first entered the room, but now I could clearly see that someone was sitting in my chair. Not only did that scare the hell out of me, but it also pissed me off – it was after all my leather chair, that made me look crazy important, who the hell did this person think they were?

Whoever it was had the chair turned away from us, staring at the wall behind my desk which had a large, framed photograph of court behind it.

"Last time I checked, the name on the door says Rose Hathaway, which your clearly not." I growled, my voice low and menacing. If this was really the guy who had been torturing us, then he had made a pretty bold move. Having a showdown in my office where I was fully armed and had backup at the snap of my fingers was risky and just plain stupid. "So you have five seconds to get your ass out of my chair and show me who you are, before I break your face."

It wasn't my best threat but it sure as hell was my most convincing. My voice sounded fiercer than it ever had and I was ready for a fight. Adrenaline was bursting through my veins and all of the confrontations and drama over the last few days was enough to spark my anger. I had enough of this and was ready to show this fucker who he was dealing with.

"Now little girl," the sly voice chuckled as the chair spun around, and I found myself staring into eyes identical to my own. "Is that anyway to greet me?"

Yes, sitting there in my chair in all of his pimped out and pirated glory was Abe Mazur, world renowned mobster and my father.

He wore that typical sarcastic grin that made people instantly wary, and matched it with is outrageous clothing choices. You might think that with the severity of the situation, one might not put too much thought or effort into dressing up (I knew I wasn't looking as up to par as usual) but Abe was still dressed like any other day.

He was decked out in a pearl grey suit, accented with a crimson scarf and matching pocket lapel. As usual his gold jewelry glinted from his ears, around his neck and on his wrist. I had no doubt that if I looked at his feet, he would be wearing an expensive pair of shoes that would complete the ensemble.

He appeared so laid back and carefree that one would assume he was high ranking, maybe even royal. But no one should ever second guess his appearance, I've overheard and even witnessed Abe do some pretty crazy things to get what he wanted, he was ruthless and would stop at nothing to finish what he started.

I guess that's where I got my determination and relentless attitude from. Admittedly, I got a lot more from Abe that I wanted to accept, like my tendency to be callous and sarcastic at the most inappropriate times, I also seemed to inherit his knack for trouble.

"Zmey, how on earth did you get in here?" I asked, my voice filled with a slight annoyance at him for trying to scare me like this.  
>This was typical Abe behaviour though, and I shouldn't have been surprised. He liked to play games and pull tricks, it's how he got what he wanted and he was notorious for it. The first time I met him, I was warned to be careful because he's always playing several games at once, and it willing to bend the rules of each.<p>

"It wasn't a surprise." Abe stated, still lounging in my chair. "I told the guardian at the front desk that I would wait in your office." I almost rolled my eyes and wanted to smack myself for not listening to the guardian before, clearly all of this could have been avoided.

"Whatever." I groaned, not wanting to deal with this or really him for that matter. I came here to work and now that he was here, hopefully we could make some progress.  
>Abe picked up on my mood and gave me a wry smile, he didn't care that I was pissed off, he would never pass up a chance to crack a joke.<p>

"This is the thanks I get for flying around the world to help my daughter." He sighed, standing from the chair and walking over to the shelves near my desk. I quickly took the chance to sit in my chair, wanting to sink into the comfortable leather, Kai just stood where he was, looking amused. "I drop everything at a moment's notice to come and see you, and all you do is sass me. I'll be expecting a wonderful father's day present to make up for this."

I wanted to roll my eyes and point out that father's day was still months away, but another joke took precedence over that. I saw Kai smirk, obviously hearing what my mind conjured up.

"I'll be sure to do that old man." I gave him a dry smile, getting ready for the punch line. "How do you feel about getting a few new scarves? I mean, you must be running out of them? Besides, you need more to complete the rainbow."

Abe just turned to me with his eyebrows raised, smirking at my joke. "That sounds lovely Rose. But I wouldn't trust you to pick them out, judging from the way you're dressed, it's easy to see you didn't inherit my excellent fashion sense."  
>And with that Abe turned back around and continued inspecting my office. I took a quick look down at my outfit, seeing nothing wrong with my tight jeans and tank top with a long cardigan, especially under the circumstances.<p>

Yet, I found myself smiling in spite of my annoyance, although Abe could be overly sarcastic and said smart ass things at inappropriate times (much like myself) it gave me a little comfort. He was here and although he was cracking jokes at my expense it still made the situation a little less bleak.  
>Although the semi-light hearted feelings didn't last long, because there was suddenly shouting coming from the other side of my door.<p>

There was multiple footsteps and yelling that ranged from various pitches, and I wondered what the hell was going on outside of my office door. In retrospect, it should've occurred to me sooner what was happening, I should have expected something like this.

Kai had tensed at the sounds and I had abruptly jumped to my feet, my muscles coiled and ready for a fight. Abe continued to stand there and casually glanced at his no doubt expensive watch while managing to look bored. If I weren't so preoccupied with the current situation at hand, I would be asking him how the hell he could seem so calm throughout all of this and probably make a joke at his expense.

Kai had begun edging towards the door while I covered his flank, our hands resting on our stakes that were concealed on us at all times.

I was crouched low and ready to leap as Kai rested his hand on the doorknob, whoever was standing there would be blitzed from my sudden attack and would be easily taken down. Through the bond Kai knew what I was doing and didn't need to look back to see that I was ready, instead he just gave a quick count down through the bond.

_Three, two, one. _

And then he flung the door open and I wasted no time leaping at whoever was on the other side. I wasn't really paying attention to who I was tackling, I was just focused on getting them to the ground and would worry about everything else later.  
>My body slammed into theirs and hitting low, I used my weight to knock them to the ground. It was easier than I anticipated (which I predicted was going to be easy to start) and whoever it was, had been pinned to the ground with little struggle, with my body holding them in place and my stake aimed to kill.<p>

I think my sneak attack momentarily paused whatever was happening, because everything was silent and still for a breath. All of the commotion halted as I found myself starring into the crystalline blue eyes of an Ozera…Christian to be exact.

I was torn between breaking out into laughter at the fact that I had tackled Christian to the ground, and punching him for even being in the guardian headquarters after I distinctly told him to stay away. But with a quick glance, I realized that he hadn't come alone, the entire gang was standing there with startled looks on their faces.

"Impressive," Abe's jovial voice broke the quiet tension that had built, and seemed to snap everyone out of their startled haze. "If it weren't for the fact that he's a defenceless moroi and that I could've done it."

"Who are you calling defenceless?" Christian snapped as he tried to wiggle out from beneath me and failed. I gave him a look as to tell him, that he was proving Abe's point right now.

"I'd like to see you try that old man." I snapped as I took Abe's hand, which he'd extended to me. As soon as I was up, Lissa rushed to Christian side as he stood and brushed himself off, giving me a death glare.

"Are you crazy?" Asked Christian, clearly directed at me. His voice was filled with his usual snark. "Actually, don't bother, I already know the answer."

I returned his glare defiantly, still angry that he and the rest of my friends were here in the first place. I mean, why couldn't they get the hint already?  
>I quickly scanned them once again, noticing they all looked a little on edge, probably expecting me to attack all of them. I also realized that Adrian wasn't with him, he must've gotten the message that I didn't want them around right now – smart guy.<p>

"I would say that I'm sorry, except I'm not." I snapped back, repressing the urge to stick my tongue out at him. Kai just nudged my shoulder and shook his head, obviously agreeing that I shouldn't stick my tongue out.

Christian was opening his mouth to fire another sarcastic comeback my way, but Lissa grabbed a hold of his hand and squeezed tightly. He looked over at her and she gave him a look, words passed between them and it was almost like they had their own bond.

Christian nodded his head and kept his mouth shut, but his eyes told me this was anything but defeat. Lissa then turned to face me, her expression was smooth and unreadable, but her eyes wavered with uncertainty.

I didn't need a bond with her to know what she was thinking, she was unsure about where we stood after what happened. Lissa didn't know how to act around me, which was a strange phenomenon for her – for both of us actually. We'd never used to be afraid to act a certain way around each other and had never been this unsure, we had always been comfortable and at ease – which is why this was so surreal.

The indecision seemed resolved as her eyes hardened slightly, and she seemed to make up her mind on how to proceed. It looked like she was going to act like Princess Vasilisa, meaning that I was going to act like Guardian Hathaway – all feelings pushed aside.

"Perhaps we should talk somewhere more private." Abe suggested, and I knew that he was right. Attacking Christian in the middle of guardian headquarters, then fighting with my friends screamed unprofessional. Besides, the last thing I needed was Tatiana hearing that I used violence on a moroi, even if it was just Christian.

Without taking my eyes off Lissa, I gestured everyone into the office and gave the rest of the guardians in headquarters a stern look before shutting the door.  
>Once it was closed I just stood and stared at it for a moment, wanting to delay the inevitable argument that about to happen. I just wanted a second of silence before turning around and facing everyone.<p>

I took a moment to compose myself, but as soon as it passed I turned around and faced my friends, giving them all a level gaze.  
>Everyone returned the look, clearly we were all feeling a little frosty today. The only one who looked close to normal was Abe, who was wearing a look of utter delight, clearly enjoying the show.<p>

"Vasilisa, Christian and Eddie, it's wonderful to see you again." Abe greeted with a sly tone and I just sighed, wishing we could just save the formalities and get right to it. I didn't want to have this fight right now, or even to be honest but I also rather get it over with.

"And Belikov, the last time I saw you, you were just a boy." Abe smiled and I felt my eyes widen as I looked between them. Dimitri kept calm and stoic, his expression unreadable as he nodded at my father.  
>I remembered when Dimitri was a Strigoi and warned me to stay away from Abe. He told me that Abe was just a bad guy, I figured it was because he was a mobster but maybe there was something more going on their…if Abe knew Dimitri on a personal level there had to be. I would have to question the old man about it later.<p>

"We get it, you're happy to see everyone, now let's move past the reunion and onto more pressing issues." I snapped, not caring how bitchy I sounded. I had a right…or at least I was going to try and justify that I had one. "Like why you're here."

I watched as everyone shared a look, before Mikhail opened his mouth to explain what was happening, except the voice that ended up speaking wasn't his. Instead, an irritated and haughty voice interrupted him and surprisingly, it wasn't mine.

"We want to know why you keep lying to us." Lissa demanded, her voice sounding opposite of her usually light tone. It seemed to throw everyone off guard a bit, but no one faltered for long. "I especially want to know why you lied when you were in danger – when we were in danger. I want to know why you think it's okay to keep things from us, especially important life threatening things."

I was about to open my mouth and tell her that it had nothing to do with her, that's why I didn't want to tell her, but I knew that wasn't right. This had everything to do with them, but I was trying to protect them, that was the only reason I was hiding things and being deceptive.  
>I had convinced myself that it was the right thing, that by lying to them I was protecting my friends. I'd spent nights trying to justify why I was doing this, but if it was really the right thing, would it keep blowing up in my face like this?<br>I was beginning to second guess and doubt my decisions. Actually, I had been second guessing my choices for a while now, but this was rally forcing me to look at what I'd done. Maybe, I really had been wrong and I shouldn't have lied to them.  
>Although I would never admit it, it was too proud and too stubborn to accept that I was wrong. It was probably another trait I'd inherited from my father, but I couldn't admit that I was at fault, not when everything was falling apart. I needed to stay in control and I didn't need someone telling me that I was wrong, especially not my friends.<p>

"Just trust me." I shouted, my frustration about everything was boiling over. I was fighting the urge to just walk out the door and slam it behind me. I didn't want all of this blame and responsibility anymore, I wanted to be normal and carefree, I didn't want to keep defending choices I thought were right. "You never used to doubt me, never used to question me. And now? That's all you ever do, you second guess my every move. I need you to stop playing detective and believe in me."

I pursed my lips and starred at Lissa, forgetting about everyone in the room and just focusing my attention on her. I knew that we were all reaching our breaking point and things were getting heated quickly, I also knew I should probably take a breath and back down. Except that I couldn't, my pride wouldn't let me admit that I was wrong.

"How can I?" Lissa shouted back, running her fingers through her platinum hair. It was becoming obvious that her frustration was bubbling up, and through all of my anger and annoyance, I felt a hint of concern for her.  
>These tense emotions weren't helping the darkness that was no doubt coiling within her, and I was nervous about what would happen if it got out of control. "You're lies just keep piling up!"<p>

"I lied to protect you!" I exclaimed incredulously, my concern for her mental stability momentarily forgotten while my emotions took control. I lied but I had good intentions, can't they see that?  
>I was trying to do what was best for all of us, how could none of them see that lying to them was tearing me apart. I knew now that it wasn't the right decision, but what other choice did I have? I was backed into a corner.<br>She just shook her head, obviously not understanding my reason for lying. I knew that we had reached an impasse, that we were at a crossroad and both of us were arguing about which way to go.

We had arguments in the past, what friends didn't? They've ranged from childish fights about what costume we were going to wear for Halloween, to fighting about whether Christian Ozera was dangerous or not, and then fighting about going after Dimitri, which resulted in my departure to Russia. Up until recently, that had been the biggest fight that Lissa and I had ever experienced, but since my return from Europe, it felt like all we ever did was fight.

I was doing what I thought was right – I was trying my damn hardest to protect my friends, my family and the people of court. I was in a hopeless situation and I was holding on for dear life, and Lissa was trying to understand and help, but what she didn't understand was how dangerous this fight truly was.

"I get that you're trying to protect me, but I'm not defenceless anymore Rose!" She swallowed, eyes blazing with defiance and determination. It was a look that had been missing from her eyes for years – sometimes I really forgot it existed. "I can take care of myself. I'm not the fragile girl from the academy anymore, I'm not scared to stand up for myself and I don't need my best friend to fight my battles. I don't need you to say the things I'm too afraid to, and I haven't needed you to for years."

Lissa's words were like a slap in the face. It was like she didn't appreciate all of the times that I threw myself in the line of fire to protect her. It almost felt like she was mad at me for protecting her for all those years, for shielding her and helping her.  
>I was proud to see that Lissa had become strong and independent. It was what I wanted for years, for her to finally grow into herself. But I never wanted Lissa to stop needing me and I never wanted her to resent me for helping. I never expected her to say that didn't need me anymore.<p>

I loved Lissa was all my heart – like a sister – and we would always be linked, but right now we didn't feel close. It felt like we were on opposite sides of the world again, barely connected, it felt like we were completely distant and living our separate lives, hardly on the same page. Hell, I didn't even think we were in the same library.

How was it that she could be standing right in front of me, but she's never felt so far away?

"I think we're done here." Kai announced, obviously sensing that I was on the verge of saying or doing something that I was regret and probably get me locked in jail for. "You guys should leave."

Kai had walked beside me and gently taken my hand, giving it a light squeeze for comfort. Although it provided anything but comfort, there was nothing to help you after your told that you're not needed.

"We can't leave." Another voice announced, this one deep and sounding like honey. I looked over to see Dimitri standing a few feet away, his expression concerned as he looked between me and Lissa. "We can't leave because the real reason we came here, was because Adrian's been taken."


	45. Chapter 45

An: Hey guys! I'm sorry for the wait, honestly I am. I have just been writing a lot for the ending, and neglecting this part...which was actually really hard to write... I hope you guys like it and there should be another post headed your way soon!  
>Thank you, SO much to everyone who has reviewed, it means the world to me. Your comments really push me to write (although it may not seem like it!). Without them I wouldn't still be writing this story!<p>

*DUH DUH DUH you figure out who took Adrian below...I can't wait to hear what you think! Please let me know!

So here you guys are! And as always, I don't own VA or it's characters!

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><p><strong>Rose's Point Of View<strong>

The words swirled around in my brain, clashing and colliding with each other until it was all just a jumbled mess. Those four words were replaying on a constant loop in my mind, so much so that it felt like they had lost all meaning. But it didn't matter how many times I turned them over in my head, I couldn't grasp it.

Adrian had been taken.

Those words described my worst fear. It was the thing that I have been dreading ever since this began, ever since I came back from Europe. It was a plague that concerned me from the moment I stepped across the court wards. Still, it took me by complete surprise knowing that it actually happened.  
>I knew it was a possibility - a likely one too - but I guess a part of me never really expected it to actually happen. Call me ignorant or just plain optimistic but I thought if I tried hard enough to protect them then maybe I could actually keep them safe. But I guess it was stupid and naïve to think that adding a little extra protection and distancing myself was going to stop this guy. I should have known better. I should have been there. How could I have been so...blind? Ignorant? So unconcerned?<p>

I bit my lip, whether it was to stop te unshed tears that were burning in my eyes, or because it provided some strange type of relief. Almost like a rampage, since I couldn't just run out the door and sprint away. Although there was nothing else I could think of doing right now. I wished that I could just run away from it all, that I could start moving my feet towards the exit and sprint out of guardian headquarters - maybe even court entirely.  
>I imagined what it would be like to run outside of the wards and just keep running, not stopping until court had disappeared from my view.<p>

But I couldn't leave. I couldn't leave my friends to fight my battle and I couldn't leave them in danger. Besides, there was no way in hell that I was going down without a fight.

Kai wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side, still trying to provide a semblance of comfort, but it was impossible to feel reassured right now. I knew that Kai understood that, he had been in my exact position a short time ago. He knew all of the emotions pulsing through my right now, he could relate.  
>Which is why I knew he wouldn't but hurt when I pulled away from him and shrugged his arm off. I needed my own space to breathe and think, I needed to take a step back and this about this with a clear head.<p>

"You're sure?" I asked, snapping back into my typical leader role. Although I was still trying to wrap my brain around it all, I needed to do something and take some type of control. I needed to be useful right now. "Are you positive that he's been taken? That he didn't just go somewhere for the night? That he's not just with some girl right now?"

I knew the answer to my question as soon as the words left my mouth. The grim looks on my friend's faces said it all. I saw that look in their eyes - the same glimmer I'd seen in Kai's eyes earlier - the same desperate and urgent look that signaled how scared and hopeless they felt. The look spoke legions, explaining how they felt backed into a corner and would start lashing out at anything and anyone. It was the same look that I knew was in my eyes right now.  
>I didn't need any verbal confirmation that Adrian had been taken, not when they all had that look in their eyes.<p>

"He contacted me through a Spirit dream." Lissa explained, her voice polite and distant as she spoke. Although she didn't sound as pissed as before, it still wasn't her usual tone. Lissa was still upset about what happened and I knew the raging fight we had wasn't over yet - there was more to come. "He told me that someone took him last night. He said when he woke up he was in a dark room with his hands bound."

I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. My mind was conjuring up images of Adrian in a dark room with his hands tied together, his face gaunt and his lively emerald eyes appearing dull and void. The thought of him like that was practically unbearable and it made bile rise in my throat.

I had been in his position before. I had been trapped with my hands bound, unsure of where I was or if I was every getting out. I think almost everyone in this room -well, at least Eddie, Christian, Lissa and I - had been in that situation.  
>We knew what it was like to be used as pawns, knowing how expendable we were and that we were just being used to forward destructive plans.<br>We knew what it was like to be trapped while our minds ran wild with all the possibilities, agonizing and obsessing about the torture that was to come.  
>We knew what it was like to plead for someone to rescue you, to try every crazy plan that came to mind and hope that it worked out.<br>We knew what it was like to bargain and beg with anyone that would listen - to our captors, our friends and even God.

We knew what it was like to sit and wait for someone to save you...or to die.

"What were his exact words? What did he tell you?" I asked, knowing that any information could be vital. The smallest shred of information could tell us where Adrian was. "Where did Adrian take you in the dream? What did he show you?"

No one questioned me, instead they all just turned to look at Lissa, awaiting her answer. If she had been thrown off guard by my question then she hadn't shown it. She seemed thoughtful for a moment, her eyes focusing on something far away as she tried to remember all the details about the dream. Trying to remember where Adrian had taken her and what he had said when the dream manifested.  
>While she was recalling the memories, I was thinking back to my own captivities and thinking about when Adrian had created a Spirit dream with me. I thought maybe Adrian may have given us a clue as to where he was, whether he did it consciously or subconsciously, maybe he gave us a hint. It was a long shot, if he knew then he would've said something, but I was just praying it was in the details.<p>

"a garden." Lissa breathed finally, her eyes shut and her brow furrowing. Her fingers twitched slightly as she reached her arm out slightly, we all just watched and said nothing as she recalled the dream. "He took me to this beautiful garden, with sprawling plants and blossoming flowers." She explained and I found myself frowning.  
>I thought maybe he would've taken her to a place with relevance, possibly even the place he had been taken to, but a garden just seemed so unrelated. I couldn't see any ties from the Spirit dream to anything happening in reality.<p>

"I was in a long green dress and he was wearing a white button down." She explained, the creases between her eyes getting deeper as she continued relaying memories. "He said he needed my help with something in the real world, he told me something was wrong. He went to the bar and something happened. Then he woke up with his hands bound."

"Is that it?" I prompted, knowing that was nothing to go one, that there were no hints in the dream. It was a disappointing but it had also been a long shot.

"He begged me to help him." Lissa told me, her jade eyes opening, almost like she didn't want the mental image anymore. "And when I turned around to ask him what was happening, he looked so stunned and so...scared."

Her words were like cold water, like someone had thrown me into a frozen lake and I was trying to claw my way to the surface. Adrian Ivashkov begged for nothing in his life, not when everything was handed to him. Even when he was in a tough situation, Adrian played it cool and nonchalant.  
>And Adrian Ivashkov wasn't the type to scare easily. Yes, on occasion he gets freaked out and refuses to participate, but I had never seen him scared.<br>I've seen him unhinged and angry, I've seen him drunk and emotional, but never had I seen Adrian afraid. It just wasn't a typical emotion for him. So to hear that he was scared, it was the most painful feeling in the world, because I know that I had caused this.

**Adrian's Point Of View**

Had I gone insane?

It was a good question, one that I really didn't know the answer to anymore.

The answer had to be yes, it was the only explanation for why this man was standing in front of me with a condescending smile, while I laid on the ground with my hands bound. It was the only reasonable answer for why the world was spinning and nothing seemed real.

Everything that I had forgotten about last night had come back, startlingly so. I remembered downing my drink as I got ready to leave the bar and I remember someone sitting down in the chair beside me. And I painfully remember those striking jade eyes looking back at me, before being struck over the head.

Sure enough, I was staring into those same jade eyes now, the same ones that Lissa shared. Although they were the same shade, Lissa's eyes looked very different, maybe because they were filled with love and warmth. These eyes were filled with cunning and calculations, there was no love in their depths.  
>I remembered the last time I had seen this set of jade eyes. It had been years ago, back in<br>Vegas, when Rose was dead set on finding a way to bring back Belikov's soul. The last time I had seen these eyes were when I had been pushed through a hotel emergency exit, so as to avoid the bloodthirsty Strigoi inside the hotel.  
>After that they disappeared and we never spoke of it again. We couldn't and wouldn't, mostly because Rose had busted him out of a high security prison, but also because we assumed he had died.<br>He did after all have a terminal disease that was supposed to kill him. He should have been dead even before I met him, but by some twisted form of torture, he forced Lissa to heal him. But even Spirit could not prolong his death that long, he should have died shortly after he escaped from prison. But here he was, standing in front of me, jade eyes gleaming.

"Never thought I'd be seeing you again." I told Victor Dashkov, not bothering with the witty banter right now. From the short amount of time that I had spent with him, I knew that he had sarcasm to rival my own and that he was annoying enough to get under Rose's skin.

"I wish I could say the same." He told me, his body being illuminated by a bare light bulb that gave the room a dingy feel. My eyes darted around the room and I noticed a few things, the first being that this was in fact, a basement of some sort - a cellar if I had to guess. Secondly, I noticed the figure standing a few feet behind Victor, and I recognized the face of Robert Duro...or more specifically his golden aura.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my eyes flickering away from the Roberts shining aura. I didn't want to ask, I wished that I could have stayed impassive and cold, but I took whatever bait Victor was offering. He already had me, how much worse could it really get?

"I've been watching you for some time, keeping tabs on you. Just in case I needed you." He explained, his voice sounding so casual as if he was talking about the weather rather than stalking me. "I hoped it wouldn't have come to this, that Rosemarie would have just surrendered, but we all know how stubborn she is. Hopefully, you will be a good enough bargaining chip."

Everything slowly began to click, and all the pieces were falling together. Victor was the man that was tormenting Rose, who wanted her and Kai to help him with whatever scheme he had planned next. I felt my eyes widening in the realization and I felt my stomach tensing at the thought.  
>Rose had said that all of Kai's friends and family had died because they didn't give in, because they tried to fight. Was Victor actually behind these cold murders? It seemed impossible, he was an old man for God's sake. But when I looked into his empty eyes I knew it was entirely possible. Victor was hungry for power and would stop at nothing to get it.<p>

**Lissa's Point Of View**

None of us were safe anymore. We were all in danger and had been for some time. Our lives were all on the line and there was nothing that we could do about it. I knew from the glint in Rose's eyes that she was afraid, she would never admit it but she was.  
>I wanted to walk over and hug her, to hold her tightly and whisper that we would figure something out - it's what she would do if roles were reversed. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was still so angry and upset with her, I felt like I didn't know the person standing in front of me anymore.<br>Maybe I was being selfish and over dramatic, maybe it was the darkness planting these irrational thoughts in my brain, but I couldn't help but feel this way. She was one of the few people I had left in this world, and I guess I just selfishly wanted her to stay the same. I wanted her to be the Rose I always knew, the one who didn't keep secrets and try vigilante type missions by herself, the one who I could depend on.

I watched as everyone tried to spring into action, silently observing as Rose hashed out every detail about what's happened. I studied everyone as Abe left to go make some calls, in an attempt to track down Adrian's location.  
>I felt like I was standing in the eye of a hurricane, watching as the storm raged on around me while I stood completely still. I was bracing myself for the storm to hit, to blow me away and spin me around...but it never did. I was waiting for the chaos to ensue, but nothing ever happened.<br>I had a sinking feeling that the only way we would ever find Adrian again was through a Spirit dream. I also had a dreadful feeling that if whoever took him knew he was capable of connecting to others through dreams, they would never let him sleep again. But it was still worth a try.

"I'm going to go to sleep." I announced, causing all the conversation to halt and everyone to turn and look at me. They all looked surprised by my admission, maybe they were shocked that I had even spoken in the first place, I had after all stayed reserved for most of the discussion

"You are going to sleep?" Eddie asked, I could tell that he was a little taken aback that I wanted to take a nap in spite of everything that was happening. But when my eyes caught Rose's, I saw  
>a type of approval in her eyes. She understood what I was doing, or at least trying to do.<p>

"Yes, one of us should be sleeping just in case Adrian tries to make contact." I explained and watched as everyone nodded slightly. I think we all knew it was a little far fetched, considering everyone knew Adrian was a Spirit user and had remarkable abilities, but someone still had to try.

"That's a good idea." Rose agreed, her eyes met mine for a second before they went back to scanning a stack of papers in her hand. I watched as she flipped through the papers, looking so much older than her years. "Eddie, you go with her and make sure she stays safe." She ordered without even looking up, her voice professional and nothing else.

I knew that was me que to leave, so with a goodbye kiss to Christian and a wave to everyone else, Eddie and I left the room. As soon as we opened the door to the guardian headquarters, Eddie was tense and alert, ready for any and every threat that might arise. I smiled sadly, thankful that I had him around but wishing that he had been there with Adrian that night.

**Adrian's Point Of View**

"You never answered my question." Victor mused, pacing back and forth through the small room. I watched his movements with sharp eyes, trying to retain everything for when I got the chance to talk to my friends again. I wanted to give them as much information as possible.

"And what question was that?" I asked, making sure my voice seemed level and assured. I knew pretending not to be freaked out was no use, Robert could probably see it all in my aura and tell Victor later, but it made me feel a little less powerless.

"How your dream was?" He asked with that stupid grin on his face. I could really understand why Rose thought he was so infuriating, even the little things about this guy got under your skin. "I figured I would ask because you wont be having another any time soon."

"What makes you so sure of that?" I snapped back, his words making me feel uneasy - as if I weren't feeling that way already. "You can't compel me not to dream."

"No, I suppose you're right." Victor chuckled, and for the first time in my life, I actually wanted to hit somebody...not that I would have any clue how to do it, I would more likely injure myself in the process. "But we'll just keep you awake long enough for your guards to come down, then you should be easily compelled not to sleep."

I felt my lips tighten into a thin line and my spine go rigid, they had already thought all of this out and I had nothing. This entire situation just kept looking bleaker and bleaker, and I questioned - seriously this time - if I would actually make it out alive.

The answer looked like a no.


	46. Chapter 46

****AN: Hey everyone! Here is another one for you! I am warning you that some of the stuff that happens with Lissa in this chapter is kinda mature and I hope you guys can read and appreciate what happens! I tried to write it as best as I could, so let me know what you think about that!

This chapter is shorter than I'd like it to be! But that's because I cut the last part, because I wanted to include it in the next chapter. And let me tell you, it's pretty intense!

As always, I big thank you to anyone had read or reviewed this story. You guys are exceptional and I love you! You really motivate me to get more creative with the story line! Which I promise is winding down soon!

Please let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I don't own VA or any of the characters, everything belongs to Richelle Mead!

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><p><strong>Rose's Point Of View<strong>

I was looking over the logs from the front gate when Lissa and Eddie left. Mostly because I wanted to see if there were any names that jumped out at me, but also because I couldn't look at Lissa anymore.  
>She was the only family I really had left, the one person who had been there since the very beginning, who had survived all of this craziness with me. Fighting with her was the last thing that I wanted to do ever, but it wasn't something I could fix or control right now. We both just needed to push everything aside and look at things logically, we could figure everything else out once we had Adrian back.<p>

I sighed in frustration, getting absolutely nowhere with these logs. No one suspicious had entered or left court within the last few weeks...or months for that matter. Most of them had just been nobilities and their guardians, leaving shortly after they came. That meant one of two things, that either this guy had snuck into court or he already had a place of residence here - either way it meant he could move around undetected - which was bad for us.

I set the papers down and closed my eyes, trying to come up with some sort of a starting a point. I didn't need a plan and honestly I didn't really want one, they never turned out how I want them to anyway, I just needed a place to begin and I could figure out the rest from there.  
>I wondered if I wasn't going back far enough, that maybe I should get more information on Europe and start from there, but then an idea hit me. I was trying to go back further but maybe I should be investigating more recent events.<br>I was going about this the wrong way. I figured that if I nailed this guy that he would lead me to Adrian, but what if it was the other way around? What if I focused more on tracking down Adrian and all of his movements and connections, and then it will lead me to him. It was worth a shot, and it was an easier starting point than combing through everything that happened in Europe.

I stood abruptly, feeling for the first time since the news broke, a small surge of hope. It was another long shot idea, much like Lissa's plan to sleep and see if Adrian contacted her, but it was worth a shot. Besides, the only other idea we had come up with so far was to let Abe make some phone calls and scan through records.  
>I felt everyone's eyes on me when I stood. They had all been talking quietly amongst themselves as they too scanned additional information, but all that stopped when I began gathering my things.<p>

"Where are you going?" Asked Christian, obviously wanting to stay in the loop as much as possible. He and Adrian may of had their share of falling outs in the past, but they were close, and Christian couldn't stand to lose another person he was close to.

"I'm going to the bar." I told him, grabbing my purse and heading to the door, feeling confident about what I was going to find there. I mean, someone must have seen something, Adrian couldn't have been the only one in the bar.

"Typical." Christian snorted, still rifling through papers. "Adrian's gone so now you have to be the new drunk of the group." I just shot Christian a look and continued walking towards the exit, not bothering with a snappy comeback.  
>I was just about to shut the door behind me, still wanting to give the guys some privacy as they continued to search for a paper trail of some sort, when a hand snaked out and grabbed it, preventing me from shutting it.<br>I looked at the hand, knowing those long, graceful fingers anywhere but still needing a type of confirmation. I trailed my eyes up his arm, past his shoulders and up his neck, not stopping until I met his eyes. I looked deeply into his determined brown eyes, seeing the strength there - a strength that I desperately needed right now.  
>His seemed to sense what I was feeling, and it shouldn't be a surprise, since he always seemed to know how I was feeling. I could see the words that he wanted to say, that I could borrow some of his strength, if I needed to.<p>

It was like an entire conversation was passing between us, like we had our own secret bond and didn't need words to convey how we felt and what we wanted to say.

"I'm going with Rose." Dimitri turned around and announced to the group, who just nodded their heads, as if expecting this. "Call us if anything happens."

And with that he followed me out of my office and through the guardian headquarters. I could feel many eyes on us as we walked, and I wondered what it looked like - what we looked like.  
>I mean, I always knew we complimented each other - at least in the past we did - we always had the same confident stride and powerful presence. I couldn't imagine what we looked like now, if we both still had the same radiating energy that we used to, if we still moved perfectly in sync.<br>I glanced up at Dimitri, only to see him looking at me. And that's when I knew that we still moved just as we always had, we still commanded the same fighter type energy we used to and we still complimented each other, exactly as we used to.

**Lissa's Point Of View**

I set down my keys on the kitchen table before collapsing into a chair. I had only been up a few hours and I was already exhausted, everything that happened today was tiring. My mind felt strained and my nerves were pinched, I swear the smallest thing could set me off right now. I was just so on edge, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.  
>I let my head fall into my hands, trying not to let all of this darkness coiling within me take control. But it was hard not to, it was hard not to see how screwed up things had gotten, and it was hard not to see that we were fighting a losing battle.<p>

It was hard not to imagine my options.

I knew that I could escape these torturous feelings, that I could give in and let them consume me, or I could stop them forever. I knew that there were ways that I could prolong the darkness, that I could take a drink and let them melt away for the time being...or I could do what Sonya did.  
>I could become Strigoi and the darkness would never touch me again. I could never feel this way again, I could finally get rid of these heavy emotions forever.<p>

The idea was crazy, I knew that. Becoming a Strigoi was a fate worse than death, it was not something that one should ever do or even consider doing. It was dark and immortal, it was monstrous. I had seen what Strigoi could do, I had watched them terrorize the night and steal lives.  
>Dimitri had told me first hand how horrible it was to stalk the night, how indescribable it was to take an innocent life. He told me how awful it was to remember the months he spent as a Strigoi. It was not a life that I should be even considering.<p>

"Are you okay?" Eddie asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. I lifted my head out of my hands and met his eyes, noting how concerned he seemed. It almost brought a smile to my face, reminding me I was lucky to have someone as caring and sincere as Eddie guarding me.

"I'm fine." I tried to muster a smile, knowing fully well that I was lying. I was anything but fine, I was imagining trading my soul to get rid of all this darkness within me, to banish this hopeless feeling of dread that settled in my stomach. "It's just hard. I'm going to take a shower, hopefully it will help me relax."

"Alright." Eddie told me, still watching me carefully as I stood and made my way to the bathroom. I knew that he would stay stoic and alert even when I was in the shower, that he would probably do a thorough search of every room, making sure it was safe. It was just the kind of guardian Eddie was - correction, it was just the type of man Eddie was.

"Hey Eddie," I called before walking down the hall to the bathroom. His head snapped in my direction, his movements quick and efficient as any guardian. "You're a great guardian and an even better friend."

And with that I turned away, grabbing a towel from the linen closet and walking into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me. I wanted to make sure there was no chance of Eddie figuring out what I was about to do.  
>I quickly started the shower, and began rummaging through the medicine cabinet. I was desperately searching for Christian's box of razors and felt such an overwhelming relief when my hand rested on them.<br>I quickly dumped out the contents and watched as thin metal blades scattered onto the bathroom sink.

I know that turning Strigoi was not an option, one that I should never even let enter my mind again - but this I could do.  
>It was something I did sporadically after the accident, before we knew anything about Spirit or it's side affects and long before we realized how complicated our lives had gotten. I knew that it scared Rose and Christian was always concerned about it, but it provided such a relief that they would never understand.<br>They didn't know what it was like to feel so crazy, to feel so out of control that you need something to keep you grounded. They didn't understand what it was like to feel so wild and unpredictable, how terrifying it was to know that you had control over your mind or emotions.  
>They didn't understand what it was like to have such an overwhelming mental pain, to feel so much emotionally that you just needed to physically take it out. They didn't realize that I needed a physical outlet to release this pain, that I needed a mark to prove that it was all real - that it wasn't just in my head.<p>

They would never understand how much of relief the biting of the razor brought. And that's why they would never find out.

I picked up one of the razors, letting my fingers run over the smooth blade. I wriggled with anticipating, remembering what the slice of the blade felt like as it cut across my pale skin. I closed my eyes and brought the razor to my wrist, remembering what peace used to feel like - remembering what my life was like before all of the chaos and complications.

It was that moment that I dug the blade into my skin, dragging it across and opening my eyes to see a trail of blood in it's wake. I bit my lip from the stinging, watching in fascination as the blood clotted and feeling a release deep within.  
>It felt almost like the darkness had let go slightly, like it's tight grip had loosened slightly and I regained a bit of control.<p>

It was then that I felt a little less hopeless.

**Adrian's Point Of View**

"So what's your plan?" I snapped, forgetting all about trying to remain impassive. "Are you just going to keep me awake with your mindless babble and slow wit?" I asked, my voice sharper than I intended.

Victor just smiled and turned to Robert, who remained unmoving. He was exactly as I remembered - freaky and unhinged - he was a future glimpse of what could happen to me if I continued to let Spirit push me to the edge. Robert was an example of every bad thing that could happen to a Spirit user.

"Did you hear that Robert, he thinks I'm the one with the slow wit." Victor laughed, turning back to me with an amused look on his face. I clenched my jaw to keep from yelling out a string of insults, knowing that whatever I could say or do now wouldn't change anything - they had me for now. "Don't look so dejected Mr. Ivashkov, I assure you that you'll be properly distracted."

His words sent shivers down my back and caused me to tug on my restraints, only to realize how tightly they were tied. I was stuck here for the time being and the worst part was I had to listen to him drone on about how he's going to conquer the world.  
>God, I really screwed up this time. Why couldn't I have just stayed home or at least brought Mikhail with me? Why did I have to go and drown my sorrows alone?<p>

"Well, get on with it." A bitter smile formed on my face as I tried to gather my usual cunning. "Brag about your plan and explain on the details, prove to me how quick witted you really are and gloat about how you pulled one over on Rose Hathaway."

"Ah, Adrian." Victor smiled, his eyes crinkling slightly, almost like he was sincere. "You should know that a gentleman never boasts about his victories."

"And why not? Who could I possibly tell?" I gestured at the dull, cement room. "I need some type of entertainment, and besides, from what I've heard, I'm going to die anyways." I gulped, wanting to seem brave although I didn't want to die.

"I suppose so." He smiled kindly, before turning back to Robert and murmuring something. Robert just nodded his head and left the room, leaving Victor and I alone in silence.

I honestly didn't think that Robert's absence would cause such an uncomfortable feeling, but it did. Victor and I just looked at one another, him with a smug expression and me with narrowed eyes.  
>I would've thought that Robert leaving the room might make it more bearable, but I found myself wishing the strange man would return. Maybe it was because he seemed so childlike. I knew he wasn't an innocent, Robert's role in this was just as big as Victor's, although it was easy to see Robert had been manipulated. But something about his juvenile demeanor made me feel a little more at ease.<p>

So you can imagine my relief when he returned to the room with a wooden chair, placing it down next to Victor who murmured a thank you. I watched as Victor took a seat and Robert took a step back and stood against the wall. Victor really had control of his brother, but I found myself wondering how easy it was to twist Robert's arm - and I wondered if I could do it.

**Rose's Point Of View**

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?" I hissed in frustration, ready to pounce on this idiot bartender. I think the only thing keeping me from attacking him, was Dimitri's light grip on my elbow, which kept me surprisingly grounded.

I had actually been grounded and relatively calm until this point, even during the walk to the bar, which was filled with an undescribable tension.  
>During the walk across court to the section filled with business and shops, Dimitri and I hardly spoke and remained on high alert. But the few words shared between us held such meaning and depth, that the idle moments didn't even matter.<p>

After we emerged from guardian headquarters and walked briskly towards the bar, I felt words bubble to my lips. I didn't know what I wanted to say, or why I even wanted to say something. I think that the reminder that we still complimented each other was urging me to say something - anything.  
>But before a sentence formed in my brain, Dimitri had said something instead. I wondered if he too was being reminded of how well we used to work together.<p>

"You can trust me, you know that right?" Dimitri asked and I felt my jaw going slightly slack. I turned to look at him again, knowing my eyes would convey what I wanted to say, which was 'where did that come from?'. He nodded my head, understanding my expression.

"I know you, sometimes better than I think I know myself." He explained and I had to bite my lip to keep from gasping, surprised that he had said those words aloud. I knew it was the truth, because I felt the same way towards him. "So, I know that you're struggling with who to trust and what to do. You are strong Rose, but sometimes even the strongest of us need help sometimes. I just want you to know that you can trust me."

I didn't say anything for a while after that, instead letting Dimitri's words sink in. Could I really trust him? Had this been years ago I would've said yes in a heartbeat, I wouldn't even take time to consider my answer.  
>I used to trust Dimitri with everything and willingly put my life in his hands countless times. Even when he was a Strigoi, I sometimes found myself putting my trust in him. There was just something about him that I trusted - some greater goodness that allowed me to put all my faith in him.<p>

But then everything shifted.

Nothing was as it used to be, everything had changed and left me standing here, wondering if I could still put my faith in a man whom I used to unconditionally trusted.

I looked at him again, trying to decipher whether his words were true and if I could believe him. And when my eyes rested on him, I wanted to facepalm myself for even considering it. That eternal goodness that always seemed to radiate from him was still there, shining brightly.

"I know." I murmured, knowing that he could hear me. His dark eyes flickered towards me. "I trusted you in the past and I trust you now. You've never failed me when our lives were at stake and I expect that you won't now."

"I'm glad that I'm worthy of your trust." Dimitri admitted as he opened the door to the bar and motioned fo me to enter. I nodded my head, trying to remain impassive as I walked in, but inside I was praying that I was worthy of his.

**Lissa's Point Of View**

There was a brief moment of panic after the high of the cut wore off. It was a vaguely familiar feeling that I used to get occasionally, and it mostly consisted of fear.

I was afraid that someone would find out, that they would see the cut and try and admit me to a mental institute I was afraid that I had cut too deep and that the bleeding wouldn't stop and I was afraid of the disappointment that my friends and family would feel if they knew about what I had done.

I imagined the way my friend's would avert their eyes and pretend it didn't exist, and I imagined the way they would study me when they thought I wasn't looking. I imagined the look on Christian's face if he saw the fresh cut and the heartbreaking expression that would flash in his crystal eyes. I imagined the fearful and confused outburst Rose would have if she knew, and how she would try to console me. And I imagined my family's reaction to this if they knew, wondering how disappointed or hurt they would be to know what I was doing.

All of those thoughts made me wish that I had never done it - but they also wanted me to do it again.

It was wrong and I knew that I couldn't do it again, that I shouldn't do it again. But the thought was so tempting, and I had to put down the blade to keep from digging it into my skin once more.

Bandaids, I told myself, I need to cover this.

I began rummaging in the cabinets, searching for antiseptic and a bandage, luckily finding both. With shaking hands I cleaned the cut and bit my lip against the stinging, watching the blood trickle down the sink.  
>As soon as the cut was covered with a bandaid and the sink had been cleared off, I found myself staring in the mirror, hardly recognizing the girl standing in front of me.<p>

She may share my features but she was not me. No, this was a girl I had never met before, one who yells at her friends and cuts herself to escape from the madness in her mind. This girl was not the Lissa Dragomir that I wanted to be.


	47. Chapter 47

AN: Alright! I know that it's been a REALLY long time since I've posted, but I have an honest excuse (one I know you probably don't want to hear) but it's VERY important. So here's what happened: I had finished this story, was actually halfway through writing one more part to it. But I had downloaded this new software and within the next day or so my hard drive was fried. It literally died during an essay for my morning class the next day, and I drove to best buy and had a meltdown to the geek squad guy. I'm talking full on tears! I mean all of my essays were on there, all of my other writings and this story! The guy said there was nothing they could do to get back my files, so that was pretty brutal. I ended up going out and buying a mac (three cheers for apple and icloud) and am still trying to learn how to use everything.  
>SO, in short the reason I wasn't posting wasn't because I gave up or lost interest, it was because everything was gone, I was without a computer for a while and Im still laptop challenged with this mac...so don't worry! I'm going to try and do like double time on this story!<p>

ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoy this chapter and like what happens. It's a little informative and gives you some background, that way everyone know's what's going on when all the action starts next chapter!

Thank you everyone who has stuck by this story, I know I put you guys through hell with my updates but it really means a lot!

Disclaimer: as always, everything belongs to Richelle Mead.

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><p><strong>Adrian's Point Of View<strong>

"So," Victor began in a pleasant voice, speaking as if he was about to teach something rather than explain his evil plan. "What would you like to know first?"

I felt my eyebrows raise slightly at the question, really not sure where I wanted to start. He was honestly asking me to pick what I wanted him to disclose? He really wanted me to sit there and listen as he divulged his evil plan? I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, of course he was going to tell me and brag about everything he'd accomplished - because I would never get the chance to tell anyone.

I had known that I was going to die since I woke up in this room. I had the feeling that this was the end for me and Victor had even agreed that I wouldn't be living much longer after this. He agreed that I would die down here, and he did so in such a cavalier manner. It made my skin crawl, how could someone have such disregard for a life?

I knew the guardians killed all the time, that they leapt into action and killed without mercy, but not without remorse. Every life that a guardian took - inhuman or otherwise - was remembered, they even got tattoos on the back of their necks to symbolize the kill. It wasn't something that was easily forgotten, how could you forget someone's soul leaving their body or their aura disintegrating?

I knew Rose struggled with the deaths on her hands, the ones that she's caused herself and the ones that are being blamed on her. I had seen the uncertainty in her eyes whenever she spoke of the deaths in Europe, I could see the indecision that hide behind her confident exterior. I could see the flashes of hurt and remorse whenever she spoke of the strigoi she's staked or decapitated, I could see the brief moment of silence she has whenever her fingertips brush her neck. It was a vast difference from the girl who used to beg to kill, the one who was bloodthirsty and hellbent on riding the world of the undead.

But then again, she had been a girl then, not understanding the complexities of someone dying. Now, she understood it perfectly.

Not that I knew much more on the issue. I never had to take a life or experience that type of loss, I never wanted to get my hands dirty or even participate int he fight. I preferred sticking to the sidelines with a scotch in hand and throwing the victory party.

I did what I know and I supported them, but I didn't participate. I didn't want to end up like Belikov, Castile, Tanner or even Rose. They were all damaged and broken, hardly able to keep their lives together or form functional relationships. You could argue that I didn't need to physically get into the fight, that I could just use my magic to help the cause, but look at how Lissa's coping with that.

It was easy to see that Lissa was pretending to be okay, but that she was the furthest thing from alright. She might not have to physically battle evil but she had to mentally, which strained her to the point of insanity.

"I want to know how you're still alive." I snapped, diving in with the question that I wanted to know most, the one that would unravel all the other answers. If I knew how and why Victor was still alive, maybe I could do something to reverse it. I don't know how the hell I could do it, but maybe I might be crazy enough to pull it off.

Was I really thinking about killing someone? Was I really considering killing a high security criminal?

I had really lost my mind.

"Jumping right in I see." Victor smiled, leaning back slightly and shooting his brother an unreadable glance. "Spirit does incredible things, I don't have to tell you that Adrian. But so much of it is still vastly unknown, which is why I didn't expect any of you to realize what was happening, it's why I knew Rosemarie would never know."

"Never know what?" I asked, my mind racing thinking of all the things that affected Rose, all the things she could be blind to.

"That my life is bonded with hers." Victor grinned triumphantly, and I knew whatever far fetched plan I had about killing Victor died right then. How could I kill Victor if his life was tied to hers? The answer was simple, I couldn't, no one could.

**Lissa's Point Of View**

I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to shut my eyes in drift off. I felt so restless and my feet kept tangling in the sheets, while I tossed and turned, my fingers brushing against the bandage. I yearned to touch the scar and feel my skin's jagged edges, to feel the angry red line and puckered skin that was a reminder that I was still alive.

That scar was would be a reminder of everything that's happened in these last few weeks, of everything tragic and troubling. It would be a reminder that Adrian was missing and Rose had drifted, that we were all unhappy and too afraid to admit it. It would be a reminder that madness was seeping into my brain, infecting my thinking and poisoning my emotions.

It was a reminder that everything was hopeless, but in spite of that I was still alive, I could still feel pain.

All of these horrible and horrific things were happening all around me. The foreshadow of death and destruction, the promise of Rose's surrender and the drifting of our once tight knit group.

The last one sounded like it wasn't that bad, most people - if they heard I was putting my friends drifting on par with abduction and death - would brush it off and tell me to get over it, that friends come and go. But those people obviously have never experienced a friendship like the one we all shared. It was impossible to get over losing your friends, it was impossible getting over a broken family, it was impossible to go on without love.

After you feel that sensation in your chest, knowing that every would be alright, just because your friends would be there, no matter what. After you feel that smile spread across your face - even when you want to cry - just because your friends have some crazy plan to help you with whatever you're facing. After you feel that pain in your stomach from laughing so hard, so hysterically over something that nobody else would find funny.

You can't just get over those things.

It was one of the hardest things happening in our lives right now, the fact that we were all growing up and separating. I thought that growing up would be easier, that we would stay close, maybe even become closer - because we wouldn't have to deal with all our childish problems. But it was the opposite, because we now had to take ownership of our adult responsibilities. We couldn't shrug off things when people were depending on us, not when we had so many tough decisions weighing down on our chests.

I would give anything to go back to the Academy - a time when everything had seemed so difficult, but now looked so easy. I longed for the small dorm rooms and barely edible food from the dining hall. I missed the security of the school's guardians and the guidance of the teachers. I missed the closeness we all shared and the simplicity of the daily schedule.

Because now, being free of those gates, just felt like utter chaos.

**Rose's Point Of View**

When Dimitri and I had entered the bar that Adrian frequented most often at court, we found ourselves standing there alone. Of course, it was still pretty early for someone to be drinking, but around Court you always go the unexpected.

The dark bar smelled of expensive whiskey and stale tabaco, a scent that forced my nose to wrinkle. I walked down the bar, running my fingers on the dark mahogany, stopping when I got near the end and noticing something not quite right.

Dimitri had been walking along the booths, both of us just taking a look around. But even when we were just taking a leisurely look, not exactly searching for clues, I was able to detect something off. It was a guardian's instinct to find things that were out of place and things that didn't fit, it was like a sixth sense that helped us protect our charges.

And something about this scene struck me as off.

I was standing near the end of the bar, where one of the chairs had been pulled very close to the other, one that laid on the ground. It looked like someone had left in a haste…or been dragged out.

I could picture Adrian sitting in the chair, before being hauled out of the bar after the chair was knocked over. I could picture him struggling against whoever was dragging him out, or knocked out.

Dimitri had walked over and bent down next to the chair, while I grabbed the empty glass that sat on the bar. I picked it up and looked at the droplets of amber liquid that remained in the cup, knowing without a doubt that this was the remnants Adrian's scotch. I set the glass back down on the bar, surveying the scene for any other hints that Adrian had been here.

When I saw nothing else, I was about to ask Dimitri what he thought of all this, if he thought that there had been a fight of some sort. But as I opened my mouth to ask the question, a shuffling came from down the bar. Dimitri and I looked at one another, each resting our hands on our stakes, preparing for an attack.

"Who's there?" I asked, my eyes never leaving Dimitri's as he stealthily made his way down the bar, closer to where the noise came from. I knew that the only way to get out of this bar, was through the front or back exit, both of which either had Dimitri or I in the way of.

Dimitri was now directly in front of where the noise had come from, waiting patiently for me to give him the cue. My eyes were intensely stuck on his dark ones, as I gave one last warning to whoever was behind the bar.

"I said who's there?" I asked but when I got no response, I nodded my head at Dimitri, who, in a fashion that could only be described as badass, leapt over the bar. Swift and silently, he jumped on whoever was hiding behind the bar. The movement had been strong and graceful, but judging from the clatter that had come after Dimitri had jumped, I was guessing whoever had been hiding's reaction was less that that.

There was a strangled cry as I ran forward, leaning my body over the counter and gazing down at the tangled mess. Dimitri had pinned down a stunned looking moroi who was struggling underneath him, futilely trying to overthrow Dimitri. I smirked in amusement, knowing that this moroi could use all his strength and probably his magic, and still not be able to wriggle out from beneath Dimitri.

My amusement quickly faded though when I remembered why we were here. Dimitri and I weren't just teaming up to sneak up on moroi and tackle them for fun, we were doing this because Adrian was missing and it looks like he disappeared at this bar.

"Who are you?" I barked, hopping over the bar and standing over the now limp moroi. It seems he finally realized how pointless it was to struggle and just accepted that he was going to be pinned down for as long as Dimitri decided.

"James Baraday." He huffed, clearly worn out from flailing against Dimitri, who I might add looked perfectly at ease. The name didn't ring any type of bell in my head, he wasn't royal that's for sure and he wasn't noble or famous in our world. If I had to guess, I would say that James belonged to the lower class portion of the moroi - which there was nothing wrong with, Mia after all belonged to that class and I didn't have a problem with her (anymore).

Meaning, that James was probably the bar tender here, since I doubt he could afford to drink away his day like richer folk. I found my smile returning to my lips, knowing Dimitri and I might have just struck gold. I mean, who else would be better to find that the bartender himself? He's the one person that had to be here to witness what happened, he could never leave the bar.

Dimitri's eyes met mine, and like what usually happened whenever we looked at one another, a million messages passed between us. All of our thoughts about what was happened were silently shared, our ideas on how to handle the situation being discussed wordlessly. After a moment of pure silence and eye contact Dimitri nodded his head and released his hold on the bar tender, remaining close in case he tried to make a run for it.

"So James," I began in a tone that was mild yet menacing. I wanted him to feel comfortable enough to tell me what I needed to know, but I also wanted him to remember I could cause some serious harm to him if I had to. "Tell me, do you know Adrian Ivashkov."

"Of course." He answered immediately, his eyes eager and earnest. "He's the Queen's great nephew, who doesn't know Lord Ivashkov."

"I didn't mean do you know of him, I meant do you know him - personally?" I asked, smiling slightly while Dimitri hovered near by. "Have you met him? Is he a regular at this bar?" I knew what the answer was - of course he knew Adrian, how could you forget the famous royal who drank his sorrows away here?

"I guess so…" James trailed off, looking a little nervous as he spoke, his hazel eyes darting to the door and noticing that Dimitri stood in the path. "I mean, it's not like I know him really well or anything. I serve him his scotch and he leaves a nice tip, that's about it."

"What kind of tip did he leave last night?" I asked, deciding that I had eased in enough and it was ready to ask the real questions. "Who was he drinking with? And why did he get dragged out of the bar last night?" I held nothing back and let my voice raise slightly as I asked James the questions, who in turn just stared at me with wide eyes.

"I-I don't know what you mean?" James stuttered, gulping and looking at Dimitri like he would offer him some type of protection from me. Dimitri just remained stone faced, letting me take control and ask the questions.

"I mean, who the hell was sitting next to Adrian at the bar? Who dragged him out of this bar, probably unconscious while you stood there?" I asked, taking a menacing step closer to the bartender. I smiled slightly, knowing that if he wasn't scared before then he would be now. "You better tell me the truth or else you will be the next one dragged out of this bar, and trust me when I say that you will regret not telling me everything."

"I don't know anything! I don't know, I don't remember!" the bartender cried, clearly afraid.

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?" I hissed in frustration, ready to pounce on this idiot bartender. I think the only thing keeping me from attacking him, was Dimitri's light grip on my elbow, which kept me surprisingly grounded.

"Rose, it's isn't worth it." Dimitri whispered and I stared at him in disbelief, how could inflicting harm on this idiot bartender not be worth it? "Can't you see?" Dimitri asked and I felt my eyebrows knitting together, see what?

I turned back to the bartender and saw his blank face, how underneath you could tell he was scared and nervous but on the surface there was nothing. He was trying to remember - but he physically couldn't...he had been compelled.

My eyes met Dimitri's and now I understood, maybe we didn't get a name or a description of whoever took Adrian, but we did get something. Whoever had taken Adrian had been a Spirit user, and there were only a handful of those in the world, which meant we were getting a little closer to finding him.


	48. Chapter 48

AN: Hey guys, here's another chapter for you. I wanted to say thank you for all the support once again, that it really means a lot and I wanted to let you know that the story is coming along, I promise. I had aimed to end it at 50 chapters, but now it looks like it will be over by Chapter 53! I know that doesn't seem like a long time for you, but then again it will be 53 chapters...thinking about it I'm amazed I wrote that many!

Let me know what you guys think, I know a lot of you are begging for more Rose and Dimitri stuff and I'm trying to get it just right! I don't want it to be an instant thing, I feel like that would kind of be an injustice after everything they've been through in these last 47 chapters. I want it to be perfect, so be patient it will happen, but just when you least expect it!

Please review! Your thoughts/opinions/comments and questions do mean a lot for me. I love hearing what you guys think, especially since this story really is for you guys. So let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: VA belongs to Richelle Mead and so do the characters

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><p><strong>Rose's Point of View<strong>

I left the bar feeling blissfully optimistic and hopeful, even more so than I had when I walked in. I went there thinking that I might get a description or a clue that would lead me to Adrian's location, but instead I got the next best thing. I now knew that whoever had taken Adrian was a Spirit user, they had to have a higher compulsion than other moroi to be able to compel the bartender.

And although it was hard to detect a Spirit user - it had taken forever for us to realize Lissa was one or for us to find Adrian, add to that the there were some Spirit users like Avery Lazar, who could conceal their powers - so finding the culprit would be difficult, if it wasn't for the fact that I had a plan.

When Dimitri and I exited the bar, leaving James Baraday more confused then when we came in, I was practically skipping back to Guardian headquarters. My feelings must have been contagious because Dimtitri looked just as hopeful, he was even smiling…well almost.

"This is amazing." I breathed, my footsteps falling in sync with Dimitri's. He just regarded me with a tender look in his eyes, like he wasn't as excited about hearing the news as he was about seeing me happy again. "This is honestly the best news I've heard in a really, really long time."

"Yes, it really is." Dimitri agreed, his voice low and deep but still filled with happiness. I grinned at him, before stretching my arms out and spinning around on my toes, too ecstatic to care about anything else. Dimitri just watched, trying to hide a smirk, much like he used to do when I said something funny in our training sessions, but he tried not to laugh.

"We're really going to get him back." I sighed, still spinning as I starred at the starry sky and thought about the future. I imagined what it would feel like once Adrian was back and this psycho was dead and gone. I pictured everyone smiling and happy, just like we used to be, not worrying about anything except Christian and I throwing the occasional dig and Adrain's inappropriate comments. I thought about all of our futures, and how eventually all of the misfits would grow old and get married, have kids and bore everyone to death with reminiscing about the good old days.

I thought about growing old with my best friends and felt that fluttering deep within my chest, the one that assured me everything would be okay.

I had stopped spinning by then and found myself sneaking a glance at Dimitri, who seemed to be doing the same to me. We had begun walking in sync once again, like a team moving together towards a common goal. And that's when I found myself reaching for him, maybe because I was feeling sentimental about the thought of everything being okay, of everyone growing old. Maybe I was doing it because I needed some type of comfort, or because it was familiar - because he was familiar.

I wanted to have a good reason for doing what I did, even though in retrospect it wasn't a huge deal, but I didn't have a reason except that I did it because I wanted to.

I reached out and grasped Dimitri's warm hand, interlocking my slender fingers with his and squeezing tightly. I bit my lip to keep from smiling, feeling relieved that his hands hadn't changed, I still remembered his callous fingers and strong grip.

I peered up at him, noticing that he was looking forward as if he didn't notice that I was holding his hand. It wasn't the expression I was hoping for, but then I reminded myself that he hadn't pulled his hand away.

And I took comfort in that all the way to headquarters.

**Adrian's Point of View**

"You're life is bonded with Rose's?" I clarified, still unable to wrap my brain around it. I wanted to shout that he was a liar and that it was impossible, but with all the craziness happening lately I knew it could be possible, after all Rose was bonded with Peters. "Is that even possible?"

"It's entirely possible Mr. Ivashkov." Victor smiled, clearly enjoying my disbelief. From what I've gathered, he loved having people hang off his every word and listen to him in awe, which was sort of what I was doing, except I was listening to him for ulterior purposes…or at least that's what I was claiming. "Just like the bond between Vasilisa and Rosemarie was forged, or the one between young Avery Lazar and her two bond mates."

I felt my eyes widen in fear, thinking about what happened to Avery and her bond mates.

Avery had manipulated everyone and practically gone crazy with her bond. She was too obsessed with gaining more power that she didn't consider the imbalance it had, how the darkness eventually fried all of their brains and left them in a mental institute. We knew after that incident that creating a bond with more than one person was dangerous and should never be done. But now? Rose was in a three way bond with one of her bond mates being Victor Dashkov.

But if it was just a bond then how was his life tied to hers? Usually bonds just save one person (or in Rose's case her's and Kai's) and keeps them tied to a spirit user, so that they wouldn't fall back into the world of the dead. But Victor said his life was tied to hers? Did that mean that she actually saved him? Or was Victor just messing with my already fragile mind?

"Confused?" Victor laughed, watching my face with an amused expression. I instantly hardened and nodded once, not wanting to give him a verbal confirmation that he could twist. "I'll explain it for you then. A person does not have to die to be bonded to another, you just have to have enough Spirit to bond their life to another. But this type of bond is a different type, the same magical properties aren't there but something greater is; the ability to tie their lives. Meaning, if I were to die than so would Rose and vice versa."

The thought of Victor and Robert standing over Rose's dead body made me sick. I could picture it too well, imagining her limp body laying in an abandoned factory, covering in blood while Victor smiled in delight. It meant that he had been hiding out and watching her, probably for weeks, trying to find a good opportunity to create this bond. It was just luck that Rose had died and that Victor had bonded their lives together…although I doubt Rose would see it that way.

I was stunned into submission, knowing that my fears had been confirmed, Victor couldn't die unless Rose did and that was not a trade I was willing to make. I knew the others would side with me, we would all agree that Rose was too important of a person to lose, but not just to us. She was a huge part of our lives and I couldn't imagine a world without her, but that didn't come close to what would happen if she disappeared from our society.

Many people, especially dhampirs would not have a voice.

They would never be able to demand their rights or stop the fascism that somehow always infected our politics and people. It was already hard enough for them to be heard, even with Rose as their leader, imagine how it would be if that voice was suddenly silenced?

We couldn't lose her and if that meant that they couldn't me, then at least I could actually die for something.

The concept was terrifying, I was still nervous about dying. But her life takes more precedence over mine, she was an advocate for something and was standing up for what was right. I on the other hand, was wasting my life drinking scotch and letting my mind deteriorate. It was clear to see who's life had more weight and meaning behind it, and who would be better off just to fade away.

"Why Rose? Why choose her when you could've bonded yourself to almost anyone?" I hissed, wanting to know why this bastard had chosen her when he could've had anyone, why he would put in all that effort just to tie his life to hers. I suspected the reason he did it was for ego, to prove that he could finally pull one over on Rose Hathaway.

"Because whenever you think of the most indestructible person in this world, who comes to your mind?" Victor sneered while I adjusted my restraints. I thought about who was the most indestructible person in this world and although Rose did come to mind, she wasn't the only one who I thought of. I imagined Castile and Belikov and remembered that they too had been through tragedies and trials, overcoming everything just like Rose has.

"Why can't she tell?" I asked again, still too shocked to really understand or accept that one of my best friend's - the girl who literally changed my life - was tied to power hunger, high security criminal like Victor Dashkov. "Why can't she feel you there? Sense your presence or get pulled into your mind?"

"I suspect it's because she hasn't tried, or she's trying to deny I'm not there." Victor mused, looking at Robert for a brief moment before turning back to me, his face surprisingly sober. "Many still don't understand the properties of the mind, just like most still don't understand Spirit. Both are always changing and evolving, chances are no one will ever fully understand both. But if I was giving my honest opinion as to why I think Rosemarie hasn't figured this out yet, it is because I think she's afraid."

"Rose Hathaway does not get afraid." I spat instantly, knowing that I would always defend Rose like this, well her reputation at least. I couldn't do much for her, but this I could do, I could still defend how fearless she was…even though I knew she wasn't as strong as she led on.

I knew that Rose had been afraid before, that underneath her facade of complete competence and confidence, that she was just as scared as the rest of us. I had watched her exterior crumble in fear and the terror of indecision take over. I had seen the lost and unsure girl that hid inside one of the strongest and most prestigious guardians of our time.

Seeing Rose like that, broken down and unsure, clearly afraid of what was going to happen next, it was the most terrifying experience I've ever had. When the person you depend on to be the strongest begins to break, it leaves you wondering what's going to happen next.

It makes you question whether the world can really go on if someone so strong get broken by it.

**Rose's Point Of View**

"Please tell me you found something." Christian asked as Dimitri and I walked in the door, no longer holding hands but still a lot closer than colleagues or even most friends walk.

I could practically feel Abe's eyes narrowing into slits at the sight of Dimitri and I like this. I had almost forgotten how over protective he got about my boyfriends or love interests - not that Dimitri was either of those anymore - but I distinctly remember him telling Adrian how gruesome it would be if he ever caused me any type of pain.

I could also sense Kai's surprise through the bond, clearly he was taken aback by mine and Dimitri's closeness, not just proximity wise either. It would be foolish to pretend that I wasn't starting to feel a little bit more towards Dimitri, especially if I was trying to hide it from Kai, who was literally in my head. If I had to admit it then yes, I was starting to warm back up to the idea of Dimitri, but I would never fully accept the concept.

Too much had happened between Dimitri and I to ever be together again. Too many problems have come between us and too many things have polluted our relationship.

Although we'd overcome most of these things, we couldn't conquer everything.

And if we could never move past what happened than we never had a chance together.

I could practically feel Kai reading my thoughts, looking for any deeper meaning or trying to see if I was hiding anything. But of course he came up empty because I was being truthful, there could never be anything between Dimitri and I ever again, it just wasn't meant to be. And although I didn't believe in fate - I believed and doing things for yourself and making things happen - I did believe that there had been all of those obstacles in our way for a reason.

It sounded like such a pathetic excuses for why I wasn't trying with Dimitri, but I honestly believed that those roadblocks had been put there for a specific reason. If Dimitri and I had been able to overcome them then it meant that we could make it, be happy and succeed. But we couldn't make it past everything in our way.

I was about to open my mouth and answer Christian's question, wanting to let everyone know what we've discovered and to shake Kai out of my brain and off the topic of Dimitri. But just as the words were forming on my lips, I watched Kai's azure eyes widen in surprise and his sharp intake of breath.

"No way." He breathed, reading my thoughts and letting the pieces fall into place.

"Tell us already." Christian complained, not wanting to wait any longer. "You forget we don't all have a bond that links us to the warped mind of Rose Hathaway." He snapped and I felt my eyes dart to him, clearly he was still pissed about me tackling him earlier, although I wouldn't regret it for a second. Actually, I kinda felt like doing it again, just to shut him up.

"Rose and I found out that whoever took Adrian from the bar is a Spirit user." Dimitri jumped in, realizing that I had the look on my face that said I was going to punch someone and wanting to cut in before my fist made contact with Christian's face.

The group was stunned momentarily by the admission and I had to admit it was pretty big news when you thought about it. There were only a handful of Spirit users in the world, we had only ever found five without including the aura's that Lissa had seen when we were in Tarasov. It was kind of mind-blowing to imagine that one had come all the way to court and kidnapped Adrian, it just seemed like such crazy odds.

"How do you know?" Asked Mikhail, laying down the file he was looking at and staring at us inquisitively. I smiled slightly, glad that he had forgiven me enough to talk to me, although I knew it was just business and he could go back to hating me after we found Adrian. I wouldn't blame him either, I was the reason Sonya was dead - the love of his life died because of me. I know, I could never forgive anyone who did that to me, as a matter of fact I would probably kill them too.

"The bar tender had been compelled to forget everything." I announced, knowing that there would be even more questions, so I continued with the rest before they started asking. "As we all know, it takes an immense amount of control to erase a human's mind with compulsion and even more for a moroi. It would have to be a Spirit user."

I could practically see the wheel's turning in the guys' heads, they were all pulling together the information and piecing it all together. I could tell that they agreed this was great information to have, but they didn't know how we were going to use it. They all knew how rare Spirit users were and how hard it was to find them.

"That's great news, except it doesn't give us much help." Christian announced, being blunt as usual. "I mean, look how long it took everyone to realize that Lissa was a Spirit user, or for us to find Adrian in the first place? We've only ever known of a handful, do you really think knowing he's a Spirit user helps us at all? Maybe it just makes this even more complicated."

"It would if we didn't already have a plan." I interjected, feeling pleased that I could knock down Christian's negativity. I was determined to stay optimistic throughout all of this, I didn't want to succumb to the hopelessness or bitterness again. I had to hold onto hope, because without it I didn't know if I could survive this - if any of us could survive this.

"And what is this brilliant plan of yours?" Christian asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice masking the pure curiosity. I looked at him and into his bright blue eyes, wanting to ask what the hell his problem was because he was being more snarky than usual. I wanted to ask him why he was even here if all he was going to do was act bitter, but then I realized what was happening.

There was a glint in his eyes expressing the anxiety that he was burying, that he was hiding from all of us. He was trying to act fearless and careless, just like I occasionally did and that's how I understood. Christian did not want to get his hopes up, he didn't want invest anything into find Adrian because he didn't know if he could handle losing him. It was easier to lose Adrian if he had already come to terms with it, rather than lose him after having hope and convincing yourself that it was possible.

"Auras." I whispered, knowing this idea wasn't surefire. There could be a lot of things that got in the way of this plan, but it was the only one we had so far and unlike Christian, I was investing hope and everything else I had into this. "Adrian had a bright gold aura and so does this Spirit user, together they would be giving off a bright glow that neither of them are probably going to mask. Meaning, if we get Lissa to look then we can determine if they're still at court. If they are then great, if not then we continue looking but it would still given us an idea of where they could be."

**Lissa's Point Of View**

I was unable to get any sleep. Instead I just stirred restlessly in my bed, my mind drifting to mindless topics and wandering on the what ifs of the world. I was wondering about how different our lives would be without all of the tragedies we've been through, how things would change if we hadn't had to endure all of the pain.

I thought about what it would be like if Adrian hadn't been taken, if Rose had never left for Europe and if Dimitri had never been turned Strigoi. I pictured what it would be like if we had never gone to Alaska and to Tarasov, if Rose had never gone to Russia for Dimitri and if we had never gone to Idaho for the ski trip. I pondered what it would be like if we had never met Adrian, if Mia hadn't been such a brat when we first met her and f I stayed away from Christian like Rose said all those years ago. I imagined what it would be like if Mason had survived Spokane, if my parents didn't get in the car that day and if Christian's parents were never awakened.

But most of all, I thought about what it would have been like if Rose and I had gotten away that night in Portland. I imagined what our lives would be like if we had made it to Jeremy's car and gotten to the trains station like Rose had planned that night. I pictured us living in California like she had said, living our lives far away from the twisted world of the moroi and dhampirs.

The life I imagined seemed idyllic and perfect. I imagined Rose and I living in a small house, working waitressing jobs as we payed our way through university. I figured we would have a few friends - maybe they would be human perhaps some moroi and dhampirs on the outside like us - and we would be close as we navigated our lives.

I fantasized about it and almost wished that it could've turned out that way. I wished that we had made it to the car that night without the guardians interfering and I wished that we had left this life behind. But then I remembered all the people I would have left behind with it.

I imagined my life without Christian or Eddie or Adrian. I imagined what it would've been like not meeting them or becoming close to them and how complete they make me feel, I imagined living without that completeness. I pictured what it would be like without Dimitri protecting me or being an advocate for the moroi or a representative of my family.

I thought about how empty I would've felt without them, and suddenly everything we have been through seemed a lot more worth it.

Perspective, I thought as I brushed my finger tips against the bandage, I just needed to get some. Which is exactly what I got when I heard a faint knocking at my door, causing me to climb out of my bed and quickly pull on a sweater, needing to cover the bandage from curious eyes. The last thing I needed was someone asking questions or keeping a close eye on me, not when all eyes should be searching for Adrian.

"Hi." I breathed, opening the door and seeing Eddie standing there, the same stern guardian look on his face. I knew that he had something to tell me, but that he was also doing a quick sweep of my room, his eyes flickering around to make sure everything was safe. I wanted to just assure him that it was, but I knew that I should let him finish, because he was after all just doing his job.

"Everyone's here, they said they had some news." Eddie announced. As soon as I heard those words I practically pushed him aside and darted to the living room where all of my friends sat.

I figured they would all be smiling and talking, or at least going over logistics for how they were going to get Adrian back. I imagined that the idea of a plan would set the guardians in motion and that Christian would be jumping right in, maybe even Abe would be back from making his phone calls and would be helping. But when I walked into the living room everyone was silent.

Kai, Rose and Dimitri were standing together near the wall, all with blank expressions on their face. It was clear that they had their guardian masks on and that they weren't planning to take them off anytime soon. Christian and Mikhail sat on the couch, neither of them speaking either as they shot looks of accusations at the dhampirs.

At the sight of all of my friends in silence I felt my heart stop beating, but not because they had drifted. But when Eddie had told me there had been news, I immediately took it as good news…but he hadn't clarified which type of new it was. By the looks of it, it didn't seem very good.

"No. No." I gulped, terrified of what their silence meant. I thought of all the possibilities, my mind running wild with thoughts of Adrian dead and broken in the Court's hospital wing. I imagined his golden aura dimming quickly, fading away as his soul left his body, except that once it left it would have no where to go. I thought of his soul unable to rest, his spirit roaming for the Shadow Kissed to see, trying to find some type of rest. "I don't want to hear it. You shouldn't have woken me just to let me know he was should have just let me keep sleeping"

With that I turned and shoved past Eddie, trudging back to my room and to the sanctuary of my bed. I didn't want to mourn with them or be with them, I just wanted to lay in my bed and imagine that everything was fine, to remain obvious in my daydreams and fantasies. I didn't want to think of the heart break in pain in our lives any longer, I just wanted to forget it all.

**Rose's Point Of View**

I watched as Lissa retreated to her bedroom, clearly upset at the thought of Adrian being dead. We all looked at one another, wondering where the hell she had gotten that from, why did she think Adrian was dead? Did she see something while she was sleeping, or did she just assume he was by our unexpected arrival?

Christian had stood immediately and I took a step away from the wall I was leaning against, our eyes meeting as each of us took steps towards her bedroom. My feet faltered for a minute and Christian seemed to pause to, not sure which one should go to comfort her. Christian was an obvious choice, he was her boyfriend after all and he hadn't been lying to her for the last few days. He wasn't the reason why Adrian was missing right now and he and Lissa were actually speaking to one another.

But then again, I had been her life long best friend. I had been with her through it all and we had stuck by each other through the worst of times, and I had always been there to comfort Lissa when something like this happened. I was always there to explain things to her and to have her back, I was there and ready to help.

But did she want my help or comfort?

I could see in Christian's eyes that he was thinking the same thing, he knew that I was always willing to jump in whenever Lissa was upset, always ready to make everything right. He knew that the only thing I ever wanted to do was protect Lissa, that I never wanted to hurt her or any of my other friends. I think he knew that, or at least I hoped he knew that.

He nodded his head, signalling that it was alright for me to go, that I could try and help her right now. He was letting me go and comfort her, which almost made me fall over in relief. I hurried to her room, not bothering to knock as I swung the door open and looked at her shaking figure, hiding beneath the blankets.

"Lissa," I spoke softly, walking over to her bed and lightly sitting next to her curled up figure. I lightly grabbed the blanket it and pulled it enough so that I could see her face, her bright green eyes wide and earnest, looking so innocent and afraid. "Lissa, Adrian isn't dead. Or at least, we don't think he is." I told her, wanting to let her know that before I continued to say anything else.

She shifted in the bed slightly, her pale hair tangled around her face but still making her look angelic as ever. She reminded me of a child right now, she looked so lost in the world and I hated to see her that was. I hated to see what was happening to my best friend, she didn't deserve the madness that darkness had been infecting her with.

"He's not dead?" She asked, her voice filling with hope as she looked at me. I just nodded my head, smiling at the surge of happiness that lit up her features. "But I thought - the way you guys were acting out there, it just seemed-" She tried to explained, sitting up and smoothing her hair down slightly.

"We weren't acting that way because Adrian was dead, or because there was any type of bad news about him." I explained, my hands finding hers and gripping them tightly. She clamped down on them tightly, because I think she knew that we both needed each other's comfort right now. "We were acting that way because we have a favour to ask you, because we think we can find Adrian but we're going to need your help."

"Anything." She said instantly, without hesitation or a pause. She was willing to do anything to find and save Adrian, as long as we brought him back she was willing to made any trade, even if it was her sanity.


	49. Chapter 49

AN: Here is a SUPER long post for you guys (long overdue, I know) but I'm trying, so at least give me some credit for that! I'm trying to put as much of this story in each post as I can, so each post is going to be about this length (approx 7000 words)

Alright, so as you know I love hearing from you guys and what you predict is going to happen or what you thought of certain parts. What I really want to know is, how did you like the moment between Abe and Rose? Or the last section of Adrian's Point Of View? Because those two parts were my favourite to write and I want to know what you think! So write a quick response and tell me what you think! 

Another small note before I let you continue, I have to give credit where credit is due. So, some of you may notice that there is a piece in this post that sounds familiar, and that's because I took a few pieces from one of Marilyn Monroe's famous quotes, just because I thought it was gorgeous and could never think of something that perfect to say.

So without further ado,

Disclaimer: I do not own VA, all rights go to Richelle Mead

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><p><strong>Rose's Point of View <strong>

Have you ever heard the expression: The silence was deafening? Because It's true.

The silence that hung in the air as Lissa searched for golden aura's in court was piercing. She was standing quietly a few feet in front of the rest of us, wanting to separate herself from any type of distraction. The rest of us just stood there silently and patiently, waiting for something - for anything.

Periodically I would make eye contact with the guardians that formed a loose perimeter around us for added protection, or I would shoot Abe a glare whenever he opened his mouth to say something that would probably be sarcastic and not useful. Other than that, I just stood and watched Lissa with the same intensity she was focusing with.

Every once in a while she would take a few steps in certain directions and everyone would tense, expecting her to turn back to us and point that Adrian was that way. But Lissa never did, instead she just stood very still and breathed very lightly, her back facing us.

When we first walked out into the summer air, I had been full of hope. I didn't detach myself from my feelings like I did when I was guarding, instead I let my emotions play out, not even trying to hide them. I let my hope grow like weeds, tangling itself around me and wrapping around my body.

But the longer we stood there, without words, the tighter hope's grip got - constricting me until I could barely breathe. I had so much hope, so much that when nothing happened and Lissa didn't move, it began to choke me.

I struggled for breath as I stood there, trying not to cough or sputter because I didn't want to disturb Lissa. I gripped my throat and tried to take deep breaths, feeling over dramatic and stupid for even having hope in the first place. I knew the chances of finding Adrian this way had been a long shot, but I let myself believe that we could do it.

I let myself hope because I thought we would overcome this, I thought that we would find Adrian and bring him back. I thought because we had overcome so many odds before, that we would definitely overcome this one. I thought because we had saved captives before, that since I had been captured and survived, that it would be the same for Adrian.

But that wasn't true. I could see that now.

I walked away from the group, needing to get away for a minute and try to breathe. I needed to put everything back into perspective, to get my head straight and look at things logically. One of the things Dimitri was always trying to drill into me back at the academy was to leave me emotions out of the equation. I always struggled with it, my love and dire need to do good always fuelling me in battle, but I knew he was right. When your emotions clouded your judgement, you wouldn't be able to think properly or deceiver anything.

Right now, I needed to take a step back so I could think clearly. I needed to remove myself and catch my breath, before I decided to jump back in and make decisions. It was the responsible and right thing to do right now, for the rest of my friends and for Adrian.

I pushed all of those thoughts away though, instead trying to focus on my breathing. The thought of Adrian never coming back wasn't helping me in gaining control of my laboured breaths and I don't think questioning the odds or anything else would either. I just needed to inhale with a blank mind, hoping some of the air would eventually find its way to my lungs.

I closed my eyes as I stepped away from the group, resting my hand against the bark of a nearby tree. Focus Rose, I told myself, knowing that I needed to just clear everything away.

**Adrian's Point Of View**

"You're never going to get away with this you know." I told Victor finally, knowing that it was such an overused line that many heroes often said. But this time it was true, Victor wouldn't get away with this. "You may be able to cause some more chaos, kill me and be able to run perhaps, but you would never get far. Not with Rose Hathaway on your trail."

"Ahh, it's endearing how much faith you put in her." Victor smiled, his green eyes showing how unconcerned he was. "Naive, but endearing nonetheless." His words made me grind my teeth together, wishing I could say something - do something - that would piss him off. I wanted him to feel as angry and frustrated as I did right now.

"You call it naive, but we both know I'm right to put my faith in her." I explained, making sure my voice portrayed a carefree feeling. I wanted to sound as flippant as I normally did, even though my vision was practically tinged in red. "She had won almost all her battles, she's practically undefeated. She's twenty-one and already killed more strigoi than guardians twice her age, she's also leader of the guardian council. You said it yourself she's nearly invincible, you tied your life to hers - you put your faith in Rose too."

"I'm not denying that Rosemarie is a force to be reckoned with. If I could have her playing on my side, I would probably be king by now." Victor explained, his voice filled with that annoying charisma. "Rosemarie excels in the physical aspect of success, using threats and brute strength to get her way. She's no match when it comes to my cunning and wit."

"Well it's a good thing I'm not just putting my faith in Rose, but in all of my friends." I smiled, putting on a good front. "If Rose excels in the physical aspects, what do you think the rest of them excel at?"

"You mean the used to be renegades and retired vigilantes?" Victor scoffed, clearly amused by my statement. "You really think that Dimitri Belikov is capable of anything when he's too busy pinning over Rosemaire? Or that Edison Castile won't just get captured along with you? Maybe you think that Christian Ozera might be your salvation, but he's too busy making sarcastic comments and watching out for his girlfriend. The only one who has the chances of finding you is Vasilisa, but she's too busy reeling with darkness to try."

I said nothing. I didn't know what to say to that, other than "Yes", because I really believed they would all come through for me. Why did I think that? Why did I put such blind faith into these people, sometimes I questioned that too. But the answer was simple, because they were always there for each other, they were always ready to help even if the person didn't want it. So why should this time be any different? Why wouldn't they use all of their resources and power to help me now?

Despite all of the things happening in their lives, despite Rose going through hell, Lissa going crazy and the guys trying to look out for them, they would put all that aside for me. And if not for me, then for their morals and the greater good.

"They can't save you, your foolish to think otherwise." Victor continued when I said nothing, he was losing his smug facade and his voice was no longer amused. I think my silence was getting to him, that my previous words about putting my faith in my friends was plaguing his mind. "They have all lost the spark that fuelled them and the motivation that drove them. Even I can admit that they were all once unstoppable, that they conquered so many obstacles but over the years they've been fading. They have all let their personal problems and past experiences stop them, each of them have built up a wall that they can't break through."

"Well maybe this is the perfect way to ignite that spark again." I told him, with the same amusement and taunting smile he had used on me prior. I could tell that I had gotten under his skin slightly, that he was the one reeling in annoyance now. And damn, did that feel good to know.

Victor got up wordlessly, his jade eyes not meeting mine as he turned away. I watched with satisfactory as he motioned for Robert to follow him out of the room, obviously not up for this conversations again. I understood why he was leaving, I wouldn't want to listen to someone threatening my evil plan either. I planned to just watch him leave, feeling exhausted about our never ending conversation, but before he left the room I found words bubbling to my lips.

"By the way," I called to Victor, who stopped walking but didn't turn to face me. "You better pray Rose doesn't find out about your bond, because we both know she would kill herself rather than let you live."

**Lissa's Point Of View**

I could feel the hot summer wind blowing my hair around, tickling my skin and tangling itself, but I ignored it. I wasn't going to let anything distract me right now, not the wind and not the dark thoughts tingeing my brain.

When Rose had told me they needed my help to find Adrian, I didn't hesitate to help. I was willing to do whatever it took to bring Adrian back, no matter what the cost. Especially since I figured it was low, or else Rose would never ask me to do it. She cared about me too much to let me risk myself, even if it was for Adrian - she would've found another way.

But this time it was different, this time instead of smiling and thanking me for my help, Rose stayed solemn. She looked me in the eyes, her face void of any of it's usual fire or happiness, and spoke.

"Consider this, please." She urged, which made me pause. Shouldn't she be trying to talk me into this, not forcing me to think about my decision? "It's okay if you choose not to, everyone will understand." Her words caused my skin to prickle, maybe Rose was asking me to put myself in danger for Adrian. But that was so uncharacteristic of her, after all those years of putting me first it just didn't add up.

"What's there to consider, Rose? It's to save Adrian." I told her, waiting for her to agree as soon as the words left my lips. But all I was met with was silence, Rose said nothing and just kept looking at me with that serious expression. "What aren't you telling me Rose?" I finally asked.

"We need you to use your magic." She sighed, breaking her gaze with me briefly and looking at the door. Almost like she wished she could be anywhere but here, like she wished she was in China rather than asking me such a favour. "But no one wants to ask you to use it if it's gonna put you on edge. No one - especially Adrian - would want you suffering like that, we don't even know if this idea would work or not."

I knew she was right, that Adrian wouldn't want me using my magic if it meant pushing me closer to the brink of insanity. It was something he knew well, something that he feared for me too. I knew that using my magic, especially right now, could push me closer to the edge…but I had to try. I don't think I could love with myself if Adrian died when we had a opportunity to find him.

"But there is a chance, right?" I asked, knowing so long as there was a chance that I would take it. The look on Rose's face spoke legions, the subtle glint in her dark eyes told me that yes, she thought there was a pretty good chance of bringing Adrian back.

And with that, I stood and changed into unwrinkled clothes. I smoothed my hair and took calming breaths, my fingers still tracing the bandage as we headed out immediately, wanting to put this plan into action. While I had been getting ready, Rose had been making calls and arrangements for other guardians to come for added protection. I didn't see why it was necessary with all of our friends around, but I didn't say anything.

I was escorted out into the balmy weather, told to take my time and stop whenever I needed to, I was told that everyone was there to support me. I just nodded my head throughout everyone telling me that, itching to use my magic and try to find Adrian.

I stood separate from everyone, making sure to stay relaxed and open as I thought about gold. I thought about pulsating colours and sparks of magic, of beautiful Spirit dreams and the feeling of magic flowing through my veins. I thought about how bright Adrian's aura could be, about how much he's taught me. I thought about what the gold represented, of how it was a symbol for Spirit, for light and for life.

And with those thoughts on my mind, it helped me read the auras of everything and everyone in court. All I could see were magnificent colours, ranging all over the spectrum. Every once in a while, I would catch a glimpse of gold and feel a pull in a certain direction. I would feel like Spirit was gravitating me to a direct location, towards the light and life of Adrian's aura. It was like we were magnets, our magic attracting one another.

But then the pull would cease, and I would go right back to sifting through a sea of colours, praying that the gold would find me once again, that it would pull me back. I would go back to tracing my bandage, questioning whether I could really do this and really find him. I would go back to praying that I could, trying to make deal with God to bring Adrian back.

**Rose's Point Of View**

"Are you okay?" A voice asked as a hand was placed on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and wiped away the tears that had spilled down my cheeks. I turned to look into eyes that were identical to my own, knowing that for once in his life, Abe was being sincere.

"Do I look alright?" I asked sarcastically, knowing that I was an absolute mess. Just because Abe had suddenly developed a paternal instinct that undoubtedly wouldn't last past the end of this day, did not mean that I would suddenly open up and share all the thoughts that were jumbled in my mind. Abe may be my biological father who I shared too many common traits with and I may get along with the man on occasion, but that did not mean that he was suddenly my dad, who I had a close bond with.

No, Abe was just a man who gave me life, who threatened to drag me out of Russia by my hair when I was eighteen and threatened my boyfriends. Abe was a mobster who's help I asked for when I was truly desperate and who I could sometimes count on if I was lucky. Abe was just my father - just like Janine was just my mother - both estranged and both not really apart of my life.

"No, Little girl, you don't." Abe told me, pulling a handkerchief from his suit pocket and handed me a crimson handkerchief, which I just stared at. I was being stubborn as usual, especially after my mental spiel about how Abe was just a man I knew, who occasionally helped me and nothing more. I didn't want to accept help or anything, not even a handkerchief, not when I was determined to stay strong and independent. Although, I had to ask myself how well that was turning out.

"Take it. You need it." Abe extended the crimson fabric towards me, which I reluctantly took.

"You're the only person in this world who still owns handkerchiefs, Old man. You really need to move on with the times, it's more sanitary that way." I mumbled as I dabbed the tears with the handkerchief, secretly glad that he carried one, no matter how out dated it was.

"There is never an expiry date on something as classic as a handkerchief." Abe stated smoothly, clearly never going to change his ways and become a normal person who carries kleenexes or god forbid use his sleeve. "Now Little girl, whatever problem you're having can be easily solved if you just told me. Although you may not think so, I can still be very…persuasive." Abe smirked and I just rolled my eyes.

"It's a need to know basis." I snapped, again not wanting to tell him what's wrong. I didn't really know why I was being so stubborn or so callous and cold, except because I could. I was being cold, heartless Rose because I excelled at it, because I didn't want to feel the pain that I was inflicting. I wanted to build up those walls of hardness and detachment that would keep me safe, that would keep my distance and allow me not to watch the destruction I was causing. I wanted to shut my eyes and have everything fall away, I wanted to turn it all off.

For once in my life, I wanted to give up and give in. For the first time in my life I was honestly considering the idea of accepting defeat. I wanted to hoist the white flag, I wanted to let myself be captured and dragged away.

I had been close to losing hope before - I mean really losing hope. I had been close to giving up so many times, but I always had fight left in me, I always kept pushing through. But this was different - now it felt like I had really lost hope and a world without hope was not one worth living in.

I always had an optimistic view, even at the darkest of times. I always believed I could do the impossible, could beat the odds and save the day. Except all I could think about since I returned to court, was how bleak everything was and how I couldn't do it - not this time.

But how could I possibly admit that? How could I possibly speak those words, the one that my mind was almost too afraid to think? How could I possibly say that it was over, that I had no more fight left in me? How could I say that Rose Hathaway was finally done?

I couldn't. But I couldn't keep pretending either.

I looked into Abe's eyes - the eyes of a mobster, who was confident he could get himself out of any situation - and wondered if I could say what I was thinking. I wondered if I could admit all the dark thoughts that were plaguing my brain, if I could explain the dread that filled my lungs.

"I don't know anymore." I blurted before I could talk myself out of it. Although I didn't want to share and even if I did, there would be a list of about ten other people I rather share these thoughts with, I was going to do it anyway. I needed to get these swirling thoughts and feelings out of my brain, I needed to share them before they took over me completely and I did something crazy (well, crazier than usual).

"Rose, what ar-" Abe began, but I just held up my hand to silence him. I needed to explain without any interruptions if I was going to say any of this.

"I don't know anymore." I repeated, trying to get my thoughts together, but unable to. I guess I was just going to wing this, just like almost everything else. "I don't know if I can keep putting my friends at risk, if I can keep lying or pretending I have hope. I don't know if I can keep coming up with ideas to save the day, when all I want to do is accept defeat. I don't know how many times I have to die before I stay dead and I don't know how many times someone I love has to be put into danger. I don't know how much more I can be pushed before I break."

I breathed a sigh of relief (if you could call it that), while Abe and I just stared at one another. No words were spoken between us and neither made a move, instead we just stood there in stunned silence. I say stunned, because I don't think either of us really expected me to share what was wrong. It was a shock to hear the words said aloud and it left us both kind of speechless. It was moments before someone finally made a move.

Abe, clearly at a loss for what to do and struggling to think of something quickly - because he was never at a loss for words or action - made the first move. He took a slight step forward and opened his arms, in a slightly unsure manner that didn't fit Abe's typical overconfidence, it made the gesture even more awkward. I stared at the Old man in complete and utter silence, wondering what the hell he was trying to do. Did he really want me to hug him?

"No way, not gonna happen." I took a step back, putting my hands up in a warding off gesture. "Don't even try it Old man, or I'll put you into a full body cast." Abe stood there for a few more moments before lowering his arms back to his side and huffing in annoyance.

"Fine. But that's the last time I ever try to give you fatherly support again." Abe scoffed dramatically, shrugging off the whole thing. Honestly, I think he was being so over dramatic because he was embarrassed, it was easily understandable, I denied his hug. It's like when someone leaves you hanging for a high five and all you can do is shrug it off.

Before things could get any stranger, Kai interrupted with good news.

"Lissa found something!" He shouted, before turning back and jogging over to the cluster of people. I looked at Abe quickly before spiriting over the group, trusting that he would catch up eventually, as soon as he nursed his pride.

I had reached the group of people and pushed my way through the centre where my friends were, not caring who I elbowed in the process. I needed to know what Lissa had found, I needed some sign that I shouldn't give up. I needed some freakin hope.

"What? What it is?" I asked, my heart beating so loudly in my chest I was sure everyone could hear it. I studied everyone's face, looking for a hint as to what happened. I saw faint glimmers of happiness in everyone's eyes, except their facial expressions portrayed confusion and frustration, making me question what Lissa found.

"He's alive." Lissa announced confidently. She was certain about it which nearly stopped my breathing, she was so sure that it had to be true. Adrian was still alive, which was exactly the kind of sign I needed. "Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Some freaky Spirit thing." Lissa shrugged, with a smile on her lips. I knew she was just as relieved as I was with this information, I knew that she craved the same type of hope I did.

"Well, where is he?" I asked, praying she knew the answer to that question. But as soon as the words left my lips, her smile faltered and faded away. The sign that had been so strong, the hope that had been so real seemed to fade away.

"I don't know." Lissa admitted, the desperation evident in her voice. It was crystal clear that she felt responsible almost, like she was to blame for not being able to find him. I wanted to hug her and assure her that it wasn't her fault, but I needed to get answers first. I needed to know all the information before I could console her. I wasn't just Lissa's friend anymore, I was the leader of the guardian counsel and that came before her. I needed to do my job before I could be her friend, it was twisted and I hated it but I couldn't do both right now.

"What do you know?" I asked, making sure my voice sounded as soothing as possible. Although I had to be a guardian right now, I didn't have to be distant about it.

It's ironic almost, how I could go from wanting to be cold and distant, to craving affection and friendliness. Moments ago I wanted to give up and turn everything off, but now I was up and fighting again, willing to do whatever it takes. I guess that's what happens when your knocked down, you think about giving up and just staying down, but eventually you pick yourself back up. Eventually something happens that makes getting back up, dusting yourself off and risking getting knocked back down again worth it. Even if you get knocked down harder and harder each time, there is always a reason I seem to get back up. Maybe I'm just masochistic, or maybe I'm just as crazy as Christian's always claiming.

"I know that he's alive and I know that he's close by, I just can't pinpoint him exactly." Lissa explained, her forehead creasing as she thought about anything else she knew. I just stood there silently, waiting for her answer as the summer breeze ruffled my hair. "He's not on court grounds but he's really close by. That's all I can tell you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry Liss, you did a great job." I encouraged, knowing without her we would still be going through files back at my office. Because of her we actually had useful information, we had ground to start running on. "Without you we would still be no where, so don't be sorry."

Lissa and the rest of my friends were escorted back to their houses, everyone decided that it had been long day and we all needed out rest for what was about to come. I knew that everything had been an uphill battle so far and it had been really tough, but it was only going to get harder from here on out. I needed to make sure that everyone - including myself - was ready for that. I needed to make sure that we all knew what we were getting ourselves into, that everyone knew just how agonizing it would be.

"It's gonna be alright you know." Kai told me as we walked towards our townhouse, his voice breaking through the silence of the balmy summer evening. The sun would be rising soon and everything was dewy, it was the perfect time of day to be outside.

"You don't know that." I told him, inhaling deeply as he gave me a sidelong glance. His crystal blue eyes giving me the look, as if to tell me that, he did in fact know that. I just rolled my eyes, "Kai Peters, what on earth makes you think everything will be alright? Especially when things honestly seem like they can't get worse, although I know they will because I just said that."

"Because everything happens for a reason." He shrugged, like it was the simplest thing in the world. I found myself staring at him in disbelief, because unlike Kai I didn't believe in fate or chance, I believed in what I could do for myself and right now, that didn't look like very much. How could Kai put such blind faith into such a cliche?

"Because I have to," Kai answered, obviously reading my thoughts. I decided not to scold him on it, because I was intrigued by what he was saying. Not because he could convince me, but because if I was going to rebuttal, I would need a good counter argument. "After everything we've been through, after all the death I've seen and all the death I've caused, I have to believe that there's a bigger purpose. I have to believe that not everything is random and that things really do have meaning. I have to believe that."

I said nothing in response, instead thinking about what Kai had said. He could be right, that all of the death that we've encountered in our lifetime - all the times we've died, all the people who've died and all the people we've killed - have to mean something. Tragedy's don't just happen because of mistakes or coincidence, or because god is bored.

Or do they?

"I believe that people change, so you learn to let things go. So that you learn to let them go." Kai smiled and I found my footsteps faltering. I just stared at Kai intently, mesmerized by what he was saying, I wanted to hear more because it sounded so…beautiful. "I believe that things go wrong, so that you can appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies, so that you learn to trust yourself."

"I trusted myself and look where that got us? Just because you believe in something Kai doesn't make it true." I told him, knowing that maybe if I had put my trust in others - if I hadn't been so god damn stubborn, things would be different - Adrian would be with us right now.

Just because Kai was telling me these beautiful words that I desperately wanted to believe, didn't mean any of it was true. It didn't mean that because if I believed in myself more, that I would suddenly have the answers and it didn't mean that if I let go and accepted that people change, that my friendships would suddenly mend themselves. It didn't mean that if I believed everything happened for a reason, that things would suddenly turn our the way they should.

"Rose, sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Kai explained, making me want to sigh in exasperation. "You need to stop being so stubborn and accept that you can't carry the world on your shoulders anymore. You need to put a little faith and something other than yourself, or else your gonna run yourself into the ground. You can't do it all and that's okay, because you've done so much already…but somethings are out of your hands."

"I don't believe it fate or chance or luck. You know that, I believe in skill and strength and action." I threw my hands up into the air, my frustration quickly rising to the surface. "I believe that if you want things done, if you are ever going to accomplish anything, then you need to do it yourself. It's been proven to work, so excuse me for not putting my trust into something as fickle as fate."

I could hear the question forming in Kai's mind, barely concealed as he wondered, why the hell I could just put my trust into it? He wanted to know why I was so against believing that everything happens for a reason, he wanted to know why I couldn't just give a little of my will and trust into that belief. But how could I? After all that I've seen in my life, how could I possibly believe that it's all been for the better?

Lissa's family died in that car accident and there's nothing that proves that was for the better. Mason died in Spokane trying to be gallant and I can't see how that fits into fate's plan. The Strigoi left in ruins and I don't understand how that was chance or destiny. Dimitri was awakened into a monster who recked havoc before being turned into a dhampir again and was unable to love me, but I can't figured out how that was supposed to help me trust of let go. I died again in Europe and dozens of people died because of me, and I can't piece together how that was all apart of a bigger plan.

Adrian is missing, my friends are in danger, I've completely lost myself and I know that all of this didn't fall apart because something better is going to happen.

Our lives haven't been turned upside down repeatedly because there was some sort of universal plan.

"Then why did they?" Kai asked soberly, having read my thoughts. "If there is no universal plan or chance and fate don't exist, then what is the explantation for all the trauma in your life? Because surely all of this didn't happen accidentally or coincidentally, there had to be some sort of cause or reason."

I pursed my lips and steeled myself at his words, not liking what he was saying. I hated that he was trying to prove a point and I had hardly any counter argument, because telling him it just happened "because" did not seem like a strong rebuttal.

"The universe isn't that random or that cruel, even you have to believe that." Kai reasoned when I said nothing. "You're right, believing that everything has a reason doesn't mean that things will magically be fixed of perfect again. Nothing will ever be like it was, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe everything broke because it wasn't that stable to begin with, maybe everything is destroyed because you're getting a second chance to rebuild it all."

"But what if I put my faith into that? What if I choose to believe that everything will be alright and nothing turns out right? What if things just get worse, friendships drift further and more people die?" I asked, my voice soft as I peered into Kai's earnest eyes.

"Well, then we'll all have you around to save the day." Kai smiled, before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me. It was exactly the type of comfort I needed right now, something to hold me together when I felt like I was breaking apart.

"Let's go home." I muttered.

**Adrian's Point Of View**

Moments after Victor and Robert left the room, I felt my mind spinning with opportunities. I had obviously pissed Victor off enough that he left me alone and forgot about watching me so that I didn't pull someone into a Spirit dream. I was reeling with the thought of contraction someone, wondering if this was maybe a trick Victor had set up.

I was weighing my options, trying to decide if I should just play it off and do nothing, or if I should create a dream. I knew that I wouldn't get another opportunity like this, but I also knew that if this was a trick, I definitely wouldn't get another opportunity. I had to take my chances, I needed to get Rose this information.

So with that, I closed my eyes and prayed one of my friends were asleep, preferably Rose or Lissa. I had the strongest connection with the two of them and knew that it would be easiest to contact them and I needed easy right now. I relaxed and thought about expanding my mind towards one of the two, trying to pull someone in, but I got nothing.

Neither of them were sleeping right now, which meant they were probably spending all waking hours searching for me. I felt myself internally groaning, grateful that they were probably looking for me, but wishing they would take a nap or something.

I was hoping that maybe Christian or Eddie would go to sleep next but I wasn't sure, they probably wouldn't sleep until Rose and Lissa were. It was all so annoying that they had to be so heroic and moral all the time.

I was about to open my eyes, deciding that it wasn't worth getting caught if none of them were asleep, but then I felt something. Someone had fallen asleep, one of my friends and I didn't hesitate to pull them into a dream. Just like the dream I shared with Lissa earlier, I didn't really know who I was pulling in until they were there.

And just like last time, I was shocked at who stood before me in this dream.

I didn't spend much time worrying about the setting of the dream, or what either of us was wearing. It wasn't a dream designed for a pleasurable conversation or Spirit lesson, it was a dream to convey information. Meaning the more answers I could give about the situation, the better. So I kept the dungeon like room I was trapped in the setting and I didn't bother taking myself out of the binds I was in.

Dimitri stood in the opposite corner of the room, dressed in his typical cowboy duster and had that blank expressions guardian's excelled at. He seemed to notice every detail and understood what was happening right away, not taking any time to get his bearings or ask stupid questions. Instead, he just jumped right in and began taking control, something I was thankful for.

"Who took you?" He asked, not bothering to ask any intro questions, like if I was hurt or not. I think Dimitri thought if I was alive than the rest really didn't matter, we could deal with my injuries later and he was right. "Do you have any idea where you are?"

"Victor and Robert." I told him immediately, not wanting to delay the information. For all I knew Victor was hovering over me, ready to end this Spirit dream. I needed to make sure Dimitri had the information he needed. "They knocked me out at the bar and dragged me here. I don't know where I am, I just woke up in this disgusting cellar, with these annoying binds." Just because I was relaying information, didn't mean I couldn't give my opinion on it.

"What else do you know?" Dimitri prompted, his eyes were darting all around the room. I could tell he was inspecting it for something, but I didn't know exactly what. It didn't matter anyway, so long as he was still listening.

"I know a lot actually, Victor takes pleasure in rubbing in every part of his plan, taunting me with everything we didn't notice." I explained, hesitating slightly. I knew I had to tell him everything, but I wondered if I should tell him about Rose's bond to Victor. I knew she had a right to know, but I also knew Rose had a temper - I had been at the receiving end too many times.

Rose already wanted Victor to pay for what he had done to her and her friends, she used to wonder if his imprisonment at Tarasov was enough. The only thing that ever stopped Rose from hunting Victor down and locking him back up in that prison was the belief that he was dead. If she knew that he was still alive and that he was to blame for everything that happened in Europe, then she would want Victor dead.

But if Victor died, then so would she.

So how could I stop Rose from killing him? I could tell her about the bond that they shared and how she would die too if Victor was killed, but that might just provoke her. Rose could be a martyr when she wanted to be, she could be so damn selfless and selfish at the same time. It's why I knew she would have little hesitation about killing herself if it meant Victor would die too.

So what did I do? Pass the information on about the bond and pray that she doesn't do something stupid, or keep it to myself and hope that she gives him mercy when an attack happens? I thought about it and I knew that I should tell Belikov, because the chances of Rose being merciful seemed slim.

"We have a problem." I sighed, hating that this had to be ten times more complicated that usual. I mean kidnapping should just be straight to the point, there shouldn't be added troubles of Spirit and bonds or craziness. If you ask me, that's just overkill. "It sounds crazy and complicated, but then again what in our world is normal and easy? What I'm going to tell you is vitally important and it could change everything."

"What is it, Adrian?" Dimitri asked, his eyes no longer scanning the cellar, but focused on me. I could see the intensity in his eyes, the same kind of intensity I often saw in Rose's.

"Rose and Kai aren't just bonded to each other, they're bonded with Victor too." I breathed, still baffled by it all. "Victor and Robert were tracking Rose, waiting for the perfect time to forge a bond. When she died on that platform, Robert bonded Rose and Kai's lives to Victors - ultimately bringing Rose back from the dead and creating a three-way bond."

I knew that Dimitri had heard the story about what happened to Avery Lazar, meaning that he knew the consequences to bonding to more than one person. He knew that it was imbalanced and dangerous, that it made each person in the bond practically insane, it was like being a Spirit user on crack.

"That's not even the worse part." I added, wanting to tell him everything before he said anything or came to any type of decision. "This isn't just any type of bond, it's different for obvious reasons. The worst of those reasons being how tightly this bond is forged."

"What do you mean?" Dimitri asked, stepping forward slightly. I could see that he was hanging off my words, preparing himself for the worst and getting ready for what he was about to hear.

"I mean, that Rose's life is directly tied to Victor's," I sighed, feeling the same hopeless dread that I had when Victor first told me. "It means that if one of them dies, than so does the other."


	50. Chapter 50

AN: FINALLY WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! Dimitri and Rose have a HUGE chunk in this post, where they finally come to terms with things...or do they? Read and find out!

The end is near, things are going to be tied up and the ending may or may not be fairytale worthy...who knows! Please keep reading and let me know what you think. I am very excited to hear about what you think about Rose and Dimitri...especially since you've been waiting 49 chapters for this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, just this plot

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><p><strong>Adrian's Point Of View<strong>

The look on Belikov's face told me that I finally cracked through his guardian exterior - something I had tried to do in the past and failed. I remember the first time I met Belikov back in that lodge, when I interrupted an argument between him and Rose. I remember walking up to Rose, wrapping my arm around her and going along with her charade, because she was trying to make him jealous.

I was doing it for a chance to see Rose and have her close, but there was an added bonus of trying to break down a guardian's mask that seemed so appealing. It didn't work of course, but that didn't discourage me from trying again. Every once in a while I would say or do something - usually involving Rose - that would be purposely for trying to crack Belikov. I rarely succeeded though, until now.

"Are you sure?" Dimitri asked, wanting to make sure I was absolutely certain before going ahead with whatever plan was probably being pieced together in his mind. A part of me wanted to roll my eyes and make a flippant comment, I mean did he really expect me to be joking about this? I could just picture it now, "Haha, sorry Belikov. I know I'm in grave danger, but I couldn't help myself, I needed to pull some cruel prank just to ease the tension." He would have my head.

"Is this something I would joke about?" I asked, giving him a look as to remind him of the conversation we had a while ago about Rose. In that short walk from the coffee shop towards royal housing that day, I had practically spilled my soul to Belikov. In that brief conversation I had explained how he and Rose were meant to be and in doing so, I revealed just how much I loved her.

And it was because I loved her so much - even still, when my feelings had become more platonic - that he knew I would never joke about something this serious. Not when it had to do with Rose.

Dimitri stayed silent for a while, like he was really thinking about what I had just told him. I understood why he was being so pensive but that didn't change how annoying it was. Didn't he understand I only had god know's how much time before Victor found out what I was doing. He and I needed to come up with some type of plan, or at least he needed to assure me that he would come up with a plan, rather than return to the waking world and just keep sitting there stunned.

I was getting ready to say something and urge him out of this trance, but before I could he snapped out of it himself. His eyes met mine and I could practically see the thoughts swimming in them, all of the wavering indecision.

"We can't tell her." He announced and I just sat there, wondering what his reasoning was. If we weren't going to tell her, then why did I even tell him in the first place? "She'll kill herself, I think you know that."

"And if we don't tell her, she'll kill Victor accidentally and die anyway." I told him, already having gone over this in my mind about a million times. There was no winning in this situation, Rose could die regardless if we told her.

"Yes, unless I get to Victor first." Dimitri explained and I felt myself leaning forward, listening to whatever plan he'd conjured up. "When we track down your location, I'll make sure I'm apart of the team that goes after Victor. Before Rose can get her hands on him, I'll incapacitate him and make sure he gets back to court safety. She'll be furious but she won't be able to kill him if he's not a direct threat."

It sounded like a good plan, assuming that he could beat Rose to Victor and get him into guardian custody before she killed him. Although, that still left us with what to do after he was captured. There was no guarantee that Rose's life would be safe, there was always the possibility that Victor would kill himself or do something equally diabolical.

"What do we do then? Their lives will still be bound, Victor will probably be put to death after this." I told him, not needing to explain that if Victor is sentenced to death then Rose would die too. There was no telling what Victor would do if he was captured, from the stories that I heard, I knew he wouldn't go without a fight.

"This is all just to buy some time for you and Lissa to figure out how to break the bond without killing Rose or Kai in the process." Belikov explained, like breaking a bond forged by strong magic was the easiest thing in the world. I just stared dumbfounded at the man, wondering how the hell he thought these things worked. "Don't worry Adrian, if anyone can figure it out, it's you and Lissa."

I decided that those would be the best parting words. I let the dream dissolve around us, but not before raising my hand as a gesture of goodbye. I didn't really question Belikov's presence in the dream or how I ended up contacting him, when we never really had an established friendship. But I was almost relieved that I had found him, even though I had been searching for Rose or Lissa, I was even desperate enough to search for Christian and Castile. But oddly enough I was with Dimitri and maybe that was for the best, because he was always the kind of man who got things done.

Rose was the poster child for getting things done, for being powerful and strong. She was widely known for her incredible guardian skills and being a brave person. She was famous in our world, but I often forgot about who helped guide her. Sometimes I forgot of who she used to be, of how wild and careless she was. Sometimes I forgot that Dimitri had dedicated hours, taught her everything he knew and sincerely tried to make her a better guardian and a better person.

And although Belikov and I had our differences over the years. Although he and I loved the same girl for a long time and although he was the better man, I had faith in him.

It sounded crazy, even to me. I never thought that I would depend on Belikov for anything, I honestly never though he would become such an intricate role in my life. But slowly, over the last few years and especially the last few weeks, he's become a bigger part of my life. Who would have ever thought that this man, who I once resented and blamed for my failed relationship, would actually play such a pivotal role in my life. Who knew, that my life partly rested on his shoulders.

Thankfully, I knew he could carry it.

**Rose's Point Of View**

I had an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. It made it impossible to sit still or relax, meaning that sleep was out of the question, even though I felt exhausted. Instead, I paced around the house unable to concentrate on anything in particular. I just kept walking around to every room, glancing at everything and envying Kai who had called asleep easily.

What the hell was happening?

I couldn't control the feeling, it was impossible to suppress or ignore. It just seemed to keep building, the pressure building and slowly becoming impossible to handle. After a while I just couldn't take it and found myself changing into workout clothes, thinking that maybe a rampage would help ease all the tension. I was about to walk across the hall and wake up Kai, not wanting to leave him in the house alone. But when I walked into his room and saw his sleeping form I couldn't bring myself to wake him.

He looked so peaceful and calm, it was impossible for me to shatter that, especially since there haven't been many of those moments in his life lately. I knew that if I woke up, he would become just as anxious as I was - it was a miracle my tidal wave of emotions hadn't woken him already. I knew that if I peered into his mind, that I would see how he was probably having a beautiful dream that kept him blissfully unaware of the chaos happening in this world - in my mind - at least for a few more hours.

So, instead of abruptly yanking him out of his happy dream and forcing him into the harsh reality, I just shut his door lightly and tiptoed down the stairs. He didn't need to watch over me while I beat the crap out of a punching bag or sprinted around court, I would be fine on my own and hopefully he would too.

But when my hand rested on the door knob, I wondered if he really would be safe on his own. My head was swimming with dark thoughts about Kai being captured or killed while he slept, completely unaware. Although he was a guardian and had those warning instincts ingrained in him, I wasn't sure that would be enough. Just in case, I thought as I pulled out my cellphone and dialled the number for guardian headquarters.

"Hello?" answered a guardian, sounding alert despite the hour.

"This is Guardian Hathaway," I began, knowing that with a simple demand that I could ensure Kai's safety. "Send an extra guardian to patrol the townhouses on the south-eastern border of court." I knew that someone would be sent over immediately, especially since there wasn't anything else for guardians to do at this time. If I kept the order direct without any type of hint as to why I needed them to patrol, then maybe they would assume someone was lurking around. This would probably give them some type of enjoyment on the job.

"Right away." The guardian responded before I hung up, giving me the comfort I needed before leaving the house.

The gym was empty, as expected. Every sane person was in their beds sleeping right now, not going for a late night workout like I was. I shook my head and rolled my eyes as I set down my gym bag, wondering why I couldn't just be a sane person sometimes. It seemed to be a question I was asking myself a lot lately, it seemed that everyone was asking that question actually.

If I was being honest with myself then I wouldn't have to ask. None of us really had to ask why all of these things were happening to us, we didn't really need to question why we seemed to crazy when everyone else was normal.

It was because each of us possessed something special.

Why? That was a question I didn't know, maybe there had been something in the water at the academy and it only affected us. Maybe it was fate like Kai had claimed or maybe it just happened completely at random.

It didn't matter anyway, it didn't matter why we were special or how it happened. All that mattered was what we did with our abilities and specialities, how were we going to contribute to our world? How we were going to help and how were we going to protect? Other than that, nothing else mattered…well, almost nothing.

I taped up my hands as I accepted that I would never be normal, not wanting to injure myself like last time I boxed. I knew that someone probably wouldn't find me until morning if I did, because Dimitri had only found me by pure luck last time.

My mind drifted to thoughts of him as I approached the punching bag, remembering all the times he's saved me over the years. Memories of all the injuries I had received at the academy - not just physical, but mental too - and even since I've returned at court flitted through my brain, right before I punched the bag. I hit the bag forcefully, wanting to expel all of my uncertainty about Dimitri from my mind.

Even with all the death and deranged psychos surrounding my life, I could get Dimitri out of my head.

It was horrible, that even with Adrian missing, a part of my brain was reserved for thoughts about Dimitri. It was like an entire lobe was dedicated with memories, opinions and facts about Dimitri - and it was on constant replay. I was always wondering about him and how he was, about whether he was safe and happy. But the thoughts that consumed that part of my brain the most, were my feelings towards the man I used to call my mentor and my lover.

It was pathetic that I needed an entire section of my brain dedicated to sorting through my emotions for him, but it was true. I could never figure out how I felt about him, it was always changing and evolving, it never seemed to line up with my past feelings at all.

I punched the bag, harder this time.

Why couldn't I just figure this out? Why couldn't I just decide how I feel? I mean, it's one of the easier decisions I've had to face as of lately, so why couldn't I just pick? _Because you're scared_, a voice inside my head whispered.

I slammed my fist against the bag, trying to silence the voice. I hated being called scared, even if it was just my thoughts, I never wanted to seem that weak. If I were afraid of something as harmless as love, then what the hell was I doing being a guardian? I shouldn't be out battling evil or fighting Strigoi if my feelings were freaking me out this much.

I kicked the bag this time, causing it to swing.

_It's okay to be scared_, the voice in my head reasoned. But was it really?

Was it alright to be obsessing about this while bigger issues were happening, while Adrian was missing? Was it okay to be wondering about Dimitri while Lissa was struggling and Christian was at a loss with helping her. Was it fine to be internally struggling with this while Kai was getting over Bridgett and Eddie was still mourning Mason?

_Of course_, the voice in my head continued, _you're afraid of getting your heartbroken like before. You're only mortal, it's okay to have fears. _

I heaved a sigh, before lowering to the ground on unsteady legs, unsure how much longer I could stand. Who knew how mentally exhausting all of this could be? I felt like all the energy and anxiety that fuelled my rampage was drained from me, like every single emotion had been sucked from my body. All of my breath and all of my thoughts had evaporated, leaving me completely empty on the ground.

I couldn't move or catch my breath as I just layer on the ground, the punching bag swinging slowly to a stop above me. I felt my heavy eyelids begin to close and I didn't fight them, instead I let them close. I needed sleep at some point and now was as good of time as any to get it. Of course, passing out on the gym floor wasn't the best place to fall asleep, but I didn't know if I had the strength to drag myself back home.

So, I just drifted off.

But of course, I was startled awake shortly after.

My eyes snapped open at the sound of voices and to the feel of a hand on my shoulder. I immediately leapt up onto my feet, tensed in a crouched position and ready to fight. It took a few moments with my hands curled into fists and eyes blinking rapidly, to realize that it was my friends standing in front of me.

None of them looked stunned as I would've expected, but then again, they had been around me for long periods of time and were accustomed to this happened, especially lately. I guess all of them knew I would react in this way.

"It's the middle of the night." I sighed, dropping my fists to my sides and rolling my shoulders back. I honestly wondered if none of them could sleep either, but then I noticed Kai was standing off to the side and I knew they were here for a specific reason, seeing as they must've woken Kai up. "But you have news."

"We know who took Adrian." Lissa piped up, her lips pulled up into a smile.

"He pulled you into a Spirit dream? How is he holding up? Is he hurt? Does he have any idea where he is?" I asked, the questions just kept coming. I was too ecstatic to stop them, I needed to know everything.

I saw Lissa's smile falter briefly and a flash of uncertainty crossed her features. I felt my heart stop beating when the emotion crossed her face and I wondered if Adrian wasn't okay. I mean, it was granted that he wouldn't be the same, but I prayed that this wouldn't affected him forever. I saw what captivity had done to Mia, to Eddie and even to me.

Being abducted took away the laughter and the happiness. It was as if the captor didn't just take you away, it's like they took a piece of you too, one that you couldn't get back. When you're taken, you lose a bit of your trust and faith in everything you used to believe in.

I prayed that whoever took Adrian wouldn't steal the light from his life. I couldn't imagine Adrian without his happiness or witty sense of humour, I don't think he could survive without that piece of him.

"I don't know, he didn't pull me into the Spirit dream." Lissa confessed and I found my eyebrows knitting together in confusion. My eyes flickered around to my friend's faces, wondering who Adrian would've pulled into a dream if not me or Lissa? My eyes rested on Christian or even Eddie, but they both shook their heads.

I was about to open my mouth and ask, but just before the words escaped my lips, I felt my eyes flickering to Dimitri. Somehow, without needing to ask, I knew that Adrian had pulled him into a dream. But why?

Aside from the fact that Dimitri was sleeping, I mean by the looks of it everyone had been asleep, so why Dimitri? It's not like he or Adrian had much in common, or even liked each other all that much. For as long as I've known the two men, they were both perfectly happy staying away from the other. So, why did Adrian pull Dimitri into the dream.

As I stood there, staring baffled at Dimitri, I realized it didn't matter. I was being petty, it didn't matter who Adrian pulled into his dream, it just mattered that he had the ability to Spirit dream at all. If by any luck, it meant that whoever had captured him wasn't very smart if they were letting a Spirit user dream.

"Who took him?" I asked Dimitri, wanting to finally put a name to the man who has caused me and my friends so much pain. I watched Dimitri in fascination as he kept his guardian mask on, opening his mouth to tell me who took Adrian. I decided that since he was wearing his mask, that I probably should to, just in case.

"Robert Duro and Victor Dashkov." His mask was completely intact as he spoke, even though I felt mine crumbling and revealing how shocked I was. By the looks on everyone's faces I could tell they felt just as stunned as I was, clearly never expecting those two to be behind it all.

Silence hung in the gym for a long time, everyone just as paralyzed as I was by the two names. How the hell could those two be behind it? Victor should be dead and Robert is too unstable and childlike to do this. I desperately wanted to ask Dimitri if he was positive, because there was no way that Victor could be behind this, but I couldn't seem to find the words.

Luckily, Christian had unthawed enough to form a sentence and ask it. Albeit it wasn't the most eloquent sentence Christian's ever formed, but it got the point across.

"How? I don't understand? Why? Victor…?" Christian stammered, his blue eyes widened to the size of saucers as he wrapped his arms around Lissa, who looked more terrified than anything. I watched her intently as she held her fingers to her wrist, her eyes blank as she no doubt thought about the time Victor had captured and tortured her.

"Stop before you hurt yourself, Sparky." The words slipped from my mouth before I could control them, not that I would've stopped them anyway. It seems that we were all slowly coming to our senses, letting our minds re-hinge at the thought that Victor was behind all this.

"Adrian doesn't know why either, Victor hasn't told him anything." Dimitri answered, obviously stringing together Christian's stammered questions. Or maybe he was just reading everyone's facial expressions and could tell that they all wanted to ask the same question, that we all wanted the same answers. "I saw where they were keeping him, it was a cellar just like he said. He looks fine for the most part and he's holding up, still as witty as ever. I think he's more annoyed than anything else."

I exhaled in relief, thankful that Adrian was unharmed and still had his liveliness. As long as he stayed safe, then there wasn't anything else to worry about except finding Victor and ripping his head off.

"Do you know anything else?" Eddie asked, looking vigilant as any guardian, almost like he was ready to bring Adrian home tonight. I admired his dedication to finding his friend, it was proof of how strong and caring Eddie was, despite everything that's happened to him.

"We know one thing, for sure." I answered, watching as all the eyes in the room flickered to me, curious as to what I had to say. "That were gonna bring Adrian back safely and we're gonna bring Victor back in a body bag."

With that I left the gym, knowing that everyone should get back to their houses and go to sleep. The days to come were going to be long and even more frustrating now that we knew who we were looking for. We all needed to reserve our strength for what was about to happen, we were guaranteed to exhaust ourselves with thoughts of Victor and frustrating memories - I knew I was already brimming with hatred and annoyance for Victor.

I had so many emotions that I could hardly sort through them all, all I could do was sum them all up as pissed off. I was so angry that it was Victor that was behind this, not just because of what he'd done in the past, but because of what I should've done all those years ago.

I don't regret breaking him out of Tarasov and I never will.

Busting Victor out of prison changed the entire Moroi world, it changed my whole world. Because of what we did all those years ago, we know so much more about Spirit, we have a new weapon against Strigoi and we've brought a glimmer of hope back to the people whose loved ones have been awakened.

But the most important reason was because it restored Dimitri. No matter how I feel about him - love or hate - restoring Dimitri was the best decision I've made in my entire life.

But with the decision to restore him, came a lot of risks and consequences. I gambled so many people's futures and put even more lives at risk, but it was all so worth it, because Dimitri being alive eclipsed all of the bad that came along with his restoration. Even now, after everything that's happened, I almost don't regret anything.

Except a few things.

I regret leaving before all of the ends were tied. I regret getting on the plane to Europe without ensuring that none of the loose ends I'd left would fray. I regret not finishing what I started.

I guess I had gotten too caught up in my emotions and too preoccupied with myself. Maybe they were all right when they said I was too impulsive, maybe I should've thought things out more before I left, maybe I should have made sure I wasn't leaving so my disaster in my wake. Maybe I shouldn't have left.

It was no wonder something like this slipped through the cracks.

I regret not tracking down Victor after we lost him in Vegas.

I shouldn't have been in such a hurry to leave everything behind. I should have been paying more attention or I should've have tracked him down before I left. I should've tipped the guardian council off about his whereabouts. I should have done a lot of things before I left for Europe.

Instead I let everything fade from my memory, even a high security criminal. I stepped onto that plane and let all of my immediate worries about court life disappear, because I figured that everything I could do was done. How could I have been so careless?

I guess I figured the guardians would eventually find him or that he would die. It wasn't like he was as strong and healthy as other Moroi or like he was a free man, everyone wanted him dead or captured. But I guess even the guardians stopped hunting for him, probably coming tot he same assumption everyone else did - that he died.

But god, how we underestimated him.

I don't know if I could ever forgive myself. I mean, I was already agonized at the thought that Adrian had been captured because someone wanted me. But now it was worse, because now I knew that I could have prevented all of this from happening. Had I just been careful and thorough then I would've found Victor and he would be in jail or dead now, and none of this would have ever happened.

Had I not been so god damn selfish all of those years ago, had I not been so anxious to leave everything behind, then so many lives would have been spared.

And I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for that.

**Lissa's Point Of View **

We all watched Rose leave the gym, her head held high as always. She strutted through the doors like nothing was wrong, pretending that she was fine. If I didn't know any better I would think she was, but I knew better. A quick glance at her aura proved that she was anything but fine. Rose was as scared as the rest of us were, she just hid it a lot better.

Sometimes I wished she didn't have to be so proud. Sometimes I wished she could admit how scared she was feeling, that she could stay with the rest of us and just be Rose for once, instead of this person who felt like she had to save the world.

We all relied on her strength and ability to stay brave in the face of all this. We all depended on Rose to somehow save the day, whether we admitted it or not. Why? Because Rose was willing to say and do the things that we weren't.

We depended on Rose, but at the end of the day we had to remember she was human. Rose was struggling too, although she would never tell us. Not when we depended on her like we did.

But maybe if she knew that we could take care of ourselves, maybe that would ease some of the tension she was under.

Rose felt so pressured and so stressed about everything, it didn't take a genius to figure that out. She was struggling to carry her own problems, but still she felt like she had to take ours on too. It was too much for one person, even for Rose Hathaway.

Especially since Rose didn't have to look after us like she was. We had all grown up and become stronger and braver versions of ourselves, we didn't need to be depending on her like we were and we didn't need to put so much pressure on her.

Rose didn't need to worry so much, not anymore.

"I'll go make sure she's okay." Kai announced, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he made his way towards the door. But before he could leave, another voice spoke and stopped him.

"Actually, I'll go." Dimitri announced, making his way over the door, looking as guardian like as ever. "I think she just needs to hear how Adrian is doing, besides I need to speak with her."We all watched as Kai nodded his head and Dimitri left, searching for Rose.

I wondered what he needed to say to her, maybe he was finally going to tell her how he feels? I mean, now was as good of time as any, with all of this madness happening around us, maybe it was good to finally have some happiness. Especially since I could see his devotion to Rose in his aura since Rose came back, it was as clear as day even without my magic.

"You should probably get some sleep." Christian murmured in my ear, but I just shook my head. I knew sleep wasn't an option now, even though my body craved it. I knew that if I shut my eyes then I would be haunted of past memories of Victor and how deceived me. I would be forced to relive the torture he inflicted on me, all to gain power.

"I won't be able to sleep now, I rather go to the feeders and then get some breakfast." I told him, while he just nodded his head in agreement. I looked up at everyone else still left in the gym, they all looked tired but I knew they probably wouldn't be able to sleep either. "Want to come for breakfast?"

**Rose's Point Of View**

"Rose!" Someone shouted, a familiar voice with an accent that forced my feet to stop moving. I waited until he caught up to me, his footsteps signalling that he was almost directly behind me.

"What?" I asked, my voice a lot softer then I thought it might be. I expected it to be a littler harder, a little edgier like it normally did, but it was weak in comparison to that. I guess my thoughts were really affecting me, even more than I initially thought.

"You're not okay." Dimitri stated as he approached, coming to the obvious conclusion. I was the furthest thing for okay right now, I could try to pretend but it wasn't enough. Everyone could see through it - or maybe just Dimitri?

"Is it that obvious?" I asked, turning to face him. I could see the sympathy in his dark eyes, I could practically feel how he wanted to wrap me in his arms and pull me tight. God, I wish he would right now, but I knew that he would never act on those feelings.

He wasn't…but I was.

I through my arms around him quickly, wrapping them around his torso before he could protest. I needed his comfort and the familiarity of his body, needing him close to me so that I could ease all of this craziness inside my head.

Being around Dimitri - being in his arms again - it was like a soothing balm. His presence always seemed some of the madness swirling around in my head, he always seemed to keep my ground - but then again, he was also the reason my head was spinning.

Still, I rather feel the craziness and confusion that he sometimes brought me, as long as it meant that he was in my life. I rather have him here then be alone, I rather be little unhinged so long as he would wrap me in his arms when it got too much.

I wouldn't trade any moment I shared with Dimitri - bad or good - not even for a second, because I knew that the good times were worth the bad. All of the dark times that I've faced have eventually left to the good, they were always followed by light moments that I could never forget. And I think that realization is why I did what I did next.

"I love you, okay?" I blurted while stepping out of his embrace, unable to keep it hidden or suppressed any longer. It was a dejavu moment, I remembered feeling this exact way when I was a student at the academy. I remembered feeling so crazy and angry at everything, because that's what suppressing love and stress did to you, it was like pent up anger.

Back then I had spent months trying to swallow all of my feelings, pretending that I wasn't stressed, that I wasn't pressured and that I didn't love him. I pretended that I didn't care because it was better for everyone else - because it was easier. I waited until the last minute before deciding that I wasn't going to hide my feelings any longer, but I only stopped pretending when I was forced to, when I was faced with danger.

I was devastated when he was awakened, I was regretful of how I hid my love for him until the last possible moment - until it was too late.

I wasn't going to let that happen again. I wasn't going to hold back my feelings any longer or bottle them up until I explode again. I wasn't going to wait moments before we were in danger to confess how much I loved him and needed him. I wouldn't do that again, not after all that we had been through, not after seeing how uncertain life could be.

I wasn't going to risk one of us dying and him not knowing how much I still loved and cared for him. I didn't want to face any danger without him knowing and I wasn't going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers.

"I love you." I repeated, running my fingers through my hair, trying to hide how badly they were shaking. I didn't want him to know how terrifying this all was for me, that out of everything happening right now, telling him how I felt was by far the scariest. "I always have and chances are I always will. The time and the distance and the space didn't change anything. I still love you, just like I always have."

Dimitri had that unreadable expression on his face and even with the special intuition I had towards him, I couldn't tell what he was thinking - not when he had that stupid guardian mask on. But there was one thing I could tell for certain, which was that my words had made some type of impact and that he understood exactly what I was saying.

I could tell that he was assessing everything that had just happened - my words, my tone, my expression - just as he would if we were in battle. He was doing what he always did, what he tried teaching me to do, he was thinking about everything and weighing all of his options. He was trying to figure out what the outcome would be before he jumped in.

He was doing that infuriating zen thing, of inspecting all the details and motives, needing to assess everything. I honestly shouldn't have been surprised that he would take his time to think about this, Dimitri was never one to throw caution to the wind. He liked to make calculated risks, one where he knew the outcome because he liked to have control over his fate.

But I liked acting on impulse.

I rather take a risk - with calculation - and guess my outcome, rather than spend my life wondering what if. I rather do what I wanted and say what I wanted, without having to worry about all the consequences. It was a dangerous habit, one that Dimitri had taught me to break, one that I though was under control. But at the end of the day, it was who I was - love it or hate it - besides I rather be doing this then agonizing over every possible outcome. I rather throw caution to the wind.

I guess Kai was right about one thing, sometimes there were things that only fate had control over. Sometimes we just had to let go and have some faith that everything would eventually turn out alright in the end.

Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, clearly coming a realization around the same time that I had, so instead I cut him off.

"Actually, that's not true. I don't love you like I always have." I announced, feeling like I was stumbling onto an epiphany. Lately, I would've probably stopped myself and questioned where my thoughts were going, but instead I just let the words escape from my lips, knowing they were the absolute truth. I was finally saying everything that I had been too afraid to admit, even to myself. "The time and the distance, it changed everything. I still love you despite all of that, but after everything we've been through, I can't help but hate you."

I watched as Dimitri's mask began to falter and he let his guard down, allowing me to see the surprise that he was trying to hide. I don't think he ever expected those words to come from my mouth and honestly neither did I, but I knew they were the truth.

Since I had come back from Europe I had been struggling with my feelings towards Dimitri. I had been constantly debating whether I hated him or not or if I still loved him. I had gone back and forth between love and hate, never agreeing what my true emotions were. It wasn't until this moment, where I was supposed to be admitting my love for him, did I realize my honest emotions.

I did love Dimitri. I would always love Dimitri, since the day I first met him, I unknowing loved him.

He was the only person in this entire world for me, the one person that understood me completely and accepted me anyway. He was the one person who knew all my flaws, knows who I've wronged and discover my deepest secrets. He is the single person who knew me, better than I knew myself.

He pushed me to grow, taught me how to love and helped me learn how to be a better version of myself. He was the one person who let me thrive, who had faith in me when no one else did. He was the person who helped me through the darkest of times.

But he was also the one who left me in the dark, when I needed him the most.

"I loved the man I knew, the one who I could always trust and depend on." I explained, wanting him to understand how I felt and why I felt it. I didn't want to hide anything from him anymore, not when he deserved to know. "But you broke that trust when you let me down in the church that day, when you let me down in the jail cell that night and when you let me down in those caves."

I could practically feel my heart shattering all over again at the memories. I could feel the fractures appearing, dissecting my heart into small pieces as my breathing quickly became ragged.

I could tell from the expression on his face that he wanted to speak, that he wanted to cut me off and say what he needed to. I knew that he wanted to just silence me and let me hear his side of the story, but instead he stood there and listening. He was being the caring and considerate mean I had called in love with all those years ago, the one who always let me continue speaking until I had nothing left to say. He was the patient man who would listen to me, not matter what crazy words were escaping my lips.

"You turned me into this person who I barely understand, someone who felt too ashamed to stay at court, who became terrified to let anyone and couldn't breathe at the thought of you." I swallowed deeply, trying to clear the thickness from my voice. I knew it was no use, I couldn't hide the unshed tears that were stinging my eyes or disguise the vulnerability in my voice. "You are the one who pushed me away when I risked everything to save you, when I begged my friends to put their futures on the line and when I jailbroke a criminal who's now killing my friends. You did this to me, you turned me into this person, you made me fall in love with you and then you died!"

I stood there, breathing heavily while staring at the familiar features of a man, someone who I used to trust unconditionally. Someone, who - just like me and everyone else - changed due to uncontrollable circumstances. I knew it wasn't fair to blame everything that happened on Dimitri, he never asked for the fate he received, none of us did.

We tried our hardest, fought our hardest but at the end of the day, none of it was enough to save us. We all fell into these twisted, bent versions of who we used to be. We became these darker people who no longer resembled our old selves.

"I loved you, the man that you used to be. I fell madly in love with the courageous, selfless and wise man who taught me how to be better in every aspect of my life. I loved that man even after he became a Strigoi, after he locked me away, after he fed on me and tried to kill me. I loved that man so much that I risked everything to bring him back, except that man was gone." I told him softly, my eyes never leaving his as I spoke. "I tried to love the man in his place, tried to give him what he needed to heal, tried to prove that I was still there for him. I thought the man I fell in love with was still inside somewhere, but I was wrong, because that man had been replaced by someone cold and callous. Someone that I eventually grew to hate."

Everything that had dawned on me was finally beginning to settle, like the sun reaching it's highest peak, illuminating everything and leaving nothing in the shadows. I could finally see everything with some perspective, could finally understand all of my feelings and thoughts.

"You're different now, you're not just the man I fell in love with at the academy and you're not just the man I grew to hate." I explained, realizing that with this new light and perspective, I was finally seeing Dimitri with new eyes. "You've grown, evolved and changed. You've taken traits and perspectives from predominate moments in your life. You aren't the man I loved or the man I hated - you are both."

With fresh, new eyes I saw Dimitri clearly for the first time. And when I looked at him, I could characteristics from both men. I could see the gracefulness and wisdom he had from the academy, but I could also see the coldness and scars he'd taken from the other man.

"So," I concluded, raising my chin and blinking back tears. "You can understand, that I love you, so much that it makes me hate you."


	51. Chapter 51

AN: Hey everyone! Here is another post for you guys, this was originally part of a longer post, but I cut it in half because it would've been overwhelmingly long and the second part needed some tweaks. But it will hopefully be up later tonight or tomorrow.

We are coming to the end my friends! Only 2 more chapters after this. TWO! How crazy is that? I can hardly believe it myself and I've been the one writing it. But the ending is actually all finished, I just have to make a few adjustments but I know you guys are really going to like it. At least, I hope you will.

Please read and review! It means a lot, especially since the end is near!

Disclaimer: I do not own VA! All rights to Richelle Mead

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><p><strong>Rose's Point Of View<strong>

Everything that happened over the next two days was a blur.

Everything had been strung together, each event melting into one another until the details were undistinguishable. It was impossible to pinpoint any precise moment and specification, not when everything had become so fuzzy and unclear.

I couldn't decipher anything even if I really wanted to and I'm not sure I did. Some things were better off being forgotten.

But the few moments that I really could remember had blended together into a sideshow of sorts. It was just fragments of each event that had happened which lead to the biggest event. I remembered the little things, like paging through reports on Victor in my office and a few of the threatening phone calls Abe made. I remembered my constant prayers to a god I wasn't sure I believed in, always hoping that Adrian would be alright. But one of the most predominate things I could remembered over those two days was standing across from Dimitri and waiting for him to say something - anything.

I remembered just standing there, feeling exposed because I just poured my whole heart out. I felt breathless, thoughtless and empty because there was nothing left inside me. I had revealed it all to him, I had shown him my deepest thoughts and emotions - I had once again given Dimitri everything.

I was vulnerable in that moment and afraid of what all of this meant. I was scared of what my words held, afraid of how much I loved him and terrified of how much I hated him.

And I just need him to say something. I needed him to tell me what he was thinking, to tell me that this was going to be alright, I needed him to say the right thing like he always did. I needed him to tell me something Zen, to tell me that he was sorry, I needed him to tell me that he loved me.

I needed him. But he just stood there.

And that's when I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I had waited long enough for him to love me, I had waited for him to tell me all those things in the past. I had waited so long for him to just give in and share my feelings and I couldn't wait anymore - not for something that was never going to happen, not for someone who was never going to love me. I knew I couldn't keep wasting my time, not when there were so many things I could dedicate my life to, not when I had such potential to change our world.

Maybe this was why so many leaders were alone, why so many guardians were alone. Because they couldn't keep waiting, not when there were so many things needing to be done, not when our world was in such chaos.

"I know what I deserve." I told him, voice steady despite the tears that were now falling. "And it's not this."

After that, the only thing that stuck out was the parking garages and the craziness in guardian headquarters. I remembered getting the news that they had found Adrian's location, by some miracle they had tracked Victor down and would be dispatching teams on my call.

I remembered the mad rush over to the parking garages, remembered all the guardians directly behind me as we stepped inside the garages and remembered the way they looked towards me for instructions.

Seeing court swarming with guardians running towards the parking garages and everything in chaos to save Adrian, reminded me of when this happened years ago. Except they were saving a completely different Moroi at the time. Court had been in disarray and the guardians had been tensed for a fight, much like they were now with everyone looking towards Hans for direction, but it had all been to save Lissa.

Back then, I had followed Hans to the parking garage while Adrian waited there to tell me goodbye and good luck. I remembered getting into those black SUV's and thinking of how crazy and unnerving all of this was.

Except that was nothing compared to now, because now everyone was looking at me for direction.

"Rose!" Someone shouted when I stepped into the garage. The voice had immediately caught my attention, not just because it was the only one calling me by my name rather than my guardian title, but because I recognized it immediately. That voice had been a constant in my life since kindergarten and I would never forget it, it was the voice that I would always know as my best friend's.

I scanned the crowd that was swarming around the garage, being able to find Lissa almost immediately by her Moroi stature. I could see the tension and nervousness on her face as she stood there, hand in hand with Christian. I found myself instinctively darting through the crowd, making me way over to them.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, gripping her hands and looking at her panicked expression. I knew that things still weren't perfect between us, that they were far from it, but I would always put her safety above all else. Our petty fight didn't change the fact that we had been friends for years, or that I had once been slated to be her guardian.

It didn't change how much I loved her and it didn't change that I wanted what's best for her.

"We don't know what's going on. No one's telling us anything, they're just shoving us aside." Lissa gasped, clearly wanting to be heard and be in this loop. She didn't want to be pushed aside like she wasn't useful and she didn't want to be ignored because she wasn't a guardian. She wanted to step in and help, she wanted to finish what she helped start and she wanted to bring Adrian home.

"We tracked down his location. You helped us track down his location." I told her, knowing we would never had been able to find him, if she hadn't sought out the right location. I wanted her to know just how important her role was in all of this. "He is being kept in some rundown guard house that the guardians used to occupy as a lookout, just a few miles from court. The guardians are headed their now."

"We're coming with you." She announced, her voice strong and steady as she looked me in the eyes. There was no hesitation or wavering, she wasn't asking to come with me - she was telling me.

I smiled at her softly, glad that my best friend had become this strong and independent. I knew she always had it in her, I knew she had a deep fire that could burn brightly had it been given the chance.

Had I been any other guardian or even another moroi, I would've said that was crazy. I would've told her that she belonged at court, that her place was by Tatiana's side, waiting for news about Adrian. I would've commanded the guardians to escort her to any of the royal buildings and told her to wait for further instruction.

But, I knew that Lissa was useful and could play a pivotal role in bringing back Adrian. I also knew I had been rubbing off on Lissa over the years and I knew I couldn't force her to stand meekly by Tatiana's side, she would be apart of this fight either one way or another.

"You and Christen get into that SUV." I nodded my head towards the one at the furthest end of the parking garage, knowing that it would be near the back of the line and probably the safest. I watched as they nodded and approached, waiting until they were safety inside until I made another move.

I turned back to the dozens of guardians who watched me, ready for my next instruction. They all hung on my words, ready to do whatever I told and willing to face whatever came next. "Get in line and I will appoint you a car and a level of protection. Everyone make sure you have an earpiece in and I will brief you during the drive. I ordered watching as the guardians ordered themselves, wanting to be organized so they could leave as soon as possible. Kai stood behind me as I put them into groupings, he watched me silently with anxiety radiating off of him.

Once all of the guardians had been assigned a car and level, Kai and I turned towards our car. I bit my lip as we walked, squirming with not just my anxiety but Kai's too. His emotions were running high and it made it impossible for me to focus, I had a feeling that I would probably be pulled into his head soon if he didn't get control over his thoughts and feelings. I needed to say something, I couldn't be pulled into his head during this mission, it would compromise everything.

"Calm down." I whispered to Kai, who just gave me a sidelong glance in return. I opened myself up even more, letting his flood of emotions rush in while fighting against the pull to fall into his mind. Instead I just let myself feel his emotions, let all of his thoughts invade my mind and let myself see where his head was at.

I could feel the anger radiating off him, could feel how his body shook with rage. I could sense the anxiety and confusion swirling inside of him and the hatred that eclipsed all of his thoughts. Kai was livid and he wasn't going to set aside his emotions like guardians were expected to do. He wasn't going to check his feelings at the door for this one and honestly, neither was I.

"Do you want to kill him?" I asked quietly, knowing how utterly wrong my question was. I knew that killing a moroi - someone we had sworn to protect - was against our every law and moral. The only reason dhampirs still existed was to save and protect moroi, so it was practically treasonous to be asking what I was. But what Victor had done was just too cruel and wrong, he shouldn't be allowed to live after the crimes he's committed.

"Rose -" Kai began, shaking his head slightly his eyes darting to the guardians swarming around us, heading towards their designated SUV's. He wanted to make sure none of them overheard, because he knew just how wrong my question was.

Killing a moroi, no matter what the circumstance, was wrong. Dhampirs were stronger, faster and had years of training, we could subdue a moroi even if they had a weapon. There was no excuse for killing one…except…that this was Victor Dashkov and he should have died long before now.

"Do you want to kill him or not, Kai?" I hissed, my voice low. "Because he is going to die today, one way or another, that's certain. The only thing that isn't certain is whether you want to do it. Do you want your revenge? Or shall I take mine." I knew my words were savage. I knew that Victor's life was one I had sworn to protect and that I was blatantly going against my oath as a guardian by calling dibs on it.

I knew a lot of things, like that if I killed Victor, then I would be put on trial. I would be asked questions about whether it was justifiable or not, whether Victor had been defenceless and if I could've spared his life.

I knew that I would be scrutinized for killing a moroi - even a criminal one - and I would be forced to step down from my position as head of the council. I knew that I would be in so much disgrace that I might not even be a guardian at the end of all this.

If it seemed even a little unjust then I would lose everything. But that was a risk I was willing to take.

"I'll do it." Kai announced, causing my attention and head to snap towards him. I held my hand out and grabbed his forearm, forcing him to stop before we got into our SUV and drove out of court, before he impulsively agreed to this and we couldn't turn back.

"Are you sure? You don't have to Kai…" I trailed off, I didn't want him to feel obligated to kill Victor. He didn't need to kill Victor because I was set on doing it, he didn't have to agree with what I wanted just because I angled it a certain way. I didn't mind pushing people - especially my friends - into certain things, but pushing them to murder someone? That's not something I wanted.

"No, you're right." Kai grimaced, his jaw hard and eyes steeled. "He killed Bridget. He killed the love of my life, he took away my friends and family. He took away everything that makes life worth living. He took all of those things from me and now he's trying to take yours, and I want my revenge for that."

"You'll kill him." I confirmed, probing the bond to make sure he sincerely wanted to do this. I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to regret it after Victor's soul left his body, because although the bastard deserved to die, I didn't want Kai to live with Victor's blood on his hands. Not if he didn't want it there.

"I'll kill him." Kai agreed, before opening the passenger door and stepping in, leaving me standing there, wondering not for the first time, if I pushed too hard.

"Guardian Peters and I will go in for the grab on Victor Dashkov, while Guardian Castile and Guardian Tanner will grab Robert Duro. The other three teams of guardians are responsible for securing the perimeter and team five will ensure the safe retrieval of Lord Ivashkov, while also keeping an eye on the Princess and Lord Ozera. Understood?" I asked into the ear piece as we drove down the back roads around court.

From the corner of my eye, I watched as Kai navigated his was through the dirt terrain, weaving the SUV through the paths. I watched his knuckles turn white from gripping the steering wheel, how his azure eyes stayed trained on the path and how he had blocked the bond.

He didn't want me to know how he was feeling or what he was thinking, he wanted to think about things without my thoughts and opinions creating a bias. I understood it, I wanted that too sometimes, but it didn't fix how frustrating it was. I wanted to know where his head was at, I wanted to walk into this mission with confidence about the outcome. I didn't want any uncertainty.

I was about to open my mouth and ask him what he was thinking, what possibilities were running through his mind. I wanted to know what he really wanted to do, I wanted to know if he was going to do the right thing…and not by my standards. But before I could ask, there was a crackling in my earpiece and voices were coming over the frequency.

"Permission to be apart of the grab on Dashkov." A familiar voice asked, forcing my eyes to widen. I couldn't believe that Dimitri was honestly asking this right now, it was uncharacteristic of him to ask for a switch after orders have been given. Especially since these were the first words he's said to me since shouting my name the other day, after I left him standing in the middle of court.

"Permission denied." I answered immediately, knowing everyone could hear it over the line. I don't know why he wanted to be apart of Victor's grab when Kai and I were partnered to do it and I didn't care why, he wasn't going to be apart of it.

The silence over the line was heavy, like everyone was holding their breath. I cringed and struggled against filling the silence, it was a habit I always had, but I knew that it needed to be broken. I could babble over the frequency because I thought things were too quiet, I needed to stay strong and thing like a guardian. I needed to remain impassive, or else I would never be able to do this job. I would never be a leader if I succumbed to my habits.

So, I sat their quiet and bit my lip, letting the silence wash over me. I didn't bother even trying to say something to Kai and I stopped worrying about what was going on in his head, instead I stared our the windshield and waited for the guard house to appear.

And it wasn't a long wait, before I knew it the building had loomed out of the trees, looking as bleak as I imagined. I had to blink several times as we got closer, banishing past memories of old cabins like the one Lissa had been taken to the first time Victor abducted someone. I also had to blink away another cabin, one that didn't bring fear and terror but rather bliss.

Kai cut the engine as soon as the cabin was in sight and we were in perfect range, the other drivers did the same and waited for my next instruction. But before I could deliver it, I took a few deep breaths. I needed to banish any past images, needing to make sure they were really gone and wouldn't invade my thoughts any longer. I couldn't be thinking of the past, not when something so crucial was happening in the present.

"Everyone, get out of your cars and wait for my call." I ordered as I got out and shut the door quietly. Although Victor and Robert's hearing wasn't as good as a Strigoi's the noise didn't matter that much, but I rather be safe and thorough. I didn't want to tip them off.

I watched and silently waited as the rest of our convoy followed, each slinking out of their dark SUV's and slowly crouching down, blending in with the night. I watched in approval as Lissa and Christian followed, looking almost as stealth as the rest of the guardians.

"On my count." My voice was low as I spoke, knowing the rest of the guardians could hear me in their ear pieces. But just in case, I made eye contact with each group, wanting to make sure they all knew when we were going in. I stuck my hand up in the arm, my muscles tightening as I crouched even lower to the ground. "Three, two, one."

And everyone took off running.

Kai and I sprinted through the scattering of trees and towards the cabin, watching as other guardians darted to their positions, everyone ready for the raid. I stopped thinking as I ran, letting my legs carry me and my primal side take over. I couldn't concentrate on what would happen next, if Victor was really going to die then I couldn't over thinking it. I just had to let my actions take over and help Kai however he needed.

I took the lead as we approached the cabin and quietly as I could, body checked the door. The door made some noise before splintering open and I had to hope that Victor and Robert didn't hear it or if they did they thought it was an animal. I could hear the other guardians close behind, getting ready to find and rescue Adrian. I felt reassurance knowing that Adrian would get out safely, even amongst the craziness that was impending.

I darted through the door and let my sense become accustomed to the bare cabin and dusty air. In the rush to get Adrian and take down Victor, I didn't spend much time going over the logistics of the cabin. I didn't want to waste any valuable time, not when Adrian was locked in the basement and Victor was dangling the keys. I wanted to bring him back safely and if that meant sacrificing knowledge of the building then that's something I was willing to do.

So, instead of using the complete knowledge of the layout, I used my instincts. I thought about typical guardian building layouts and how most of our protocol was practical and functional. I thought about the cabin from the Academy, how it was smaller than this but still held only the essentials.

And by some miracle, I navigated my way through the cabin. I could hear the guardians moving swiftly through the house and I could hear them speaking over the ear pieces, keeping everyone updated on the progress. I tried to block the talking for the most part, listening in for when they found Adrian or god forbid, if there was an emergency.

I kept pressed up against the wall, slinking through the house as my heart picked up speed and my adrenaline was causing my limbs to tremble. Call it guardian intuition or just some strange Rose Hathaway phenomenon, but I felt myself getting closer to Victor. It's like I could feel his presence getting closer as I made my way through the building.

I started moving faster, as if I was being guided to his location. It was strange, how drawn I felt to Victor right now, but I didn't fight it. I needed to find him, so it didn't matter what was pulling me to him, so long as it got me there.

I walked through a long hallway, Kai trailing closely behind, until I came to a set of stairs. I knew that Victor would be at the top of them, probably in an adjacent room. In the back of my mind, I noted how big this guardian house was and knew that even with the bare essentials it must've been nice. I wondered why it was so big and then I reminded myself that it was court and everything was bigger at court, even guardian lookouts. It was a shame that no one used it anymore.

As I took the first step, followed by the next I thought about maybe using the house after this despite guardian numbers. I imagined what the house would look like restored and how guardians would love living here, close to court but still in their own world. I thought about how great it would be, but then I got to the top of the stairs and the pull to Victor became stronger.

Then I remembered that Victor had captured Adrian and kept him here, that Victor was about to die here. And then I had the urge to burn this place to the ground.

I let the want drive me and remembered that I needed to keep focused. I was on a kill mission and Kai was going to carry out the kill, very soon. I needed to concentrate, needed to keep my composure through it all.

My feet began to move down a short hallway, leading me to the door at the end of it, which was open slightly. A sliver a light was all that illuminated my path and it was almost like that was the pull, that the light was guiding me to this room, to this moment and to Victor.

I didn't bother with a stealth entrance into the room and I didn't bother with a theatrical one either, both seemed pointless. Instead I just reached out my arms and pushed the door lightly with my fingers, letting it swing open and the light flood the hall.

I didn't hesitate to step inside, already knowing what waited inside. I already knew what would happen when I stepped through the door, I knew what the outcome would be and I wasn't afraid.

I didn't feel anything, just acceptance.

I knew this had to happen, I knew that Victor had to die. There were other options but none of them were safe and none of them were full proof, so many things could go wrong if I just captured Victor - he had escaped before (with my help, but that detail didn't matter) - and he had killed and terrorized so many people.

Victor didn't deserve to live - monsters didn't deserve to live.

It's why guardians killed strigoi, because they were monsters who took pleasure killing and terrorizing villages. They were soulless and evil, taking whatever they wanted without consequences. Few could be saved but not everyone can and some don't deserve to be.

The same went for the corrupted living. Some could be saved, could be rehabilitated and shown the error of their ways, but many can't and plenty won't. And lots don't deserve to have the chance, I knew Victor didn't.

The room was almost empty when I walked in, just like the rest of the house was. There was scattered furniture and bare walls, a window on the far wall had dark curtains covering the silvery light, while a warm glow came from the fireplace. The crackling fire was the light that had guided me down the hallway, it was also the light that silhouetted the too familiar figure of Victor Dashkov.

He was leaning against the mantel's ledge, staring at the glowing orange flames, watching as they danced. He seemed completely at ease in spite of the fact that guardians were defending on his hideaway, which I doubt he was unaware of. As I watched him acting so cavalier , I found the anger boiling up inside of me. My acceptance about Victor's fate was pushed to the back of my mind and my animalistic side was coming to the surface, the same side that made me so lethal and impulsive in a fight.

From the bond I could tell that Kai was becoming the same way, that his thoughts about what Victor had done to his loved ones was revving him up. Kai was ready to lunge and kill Victor right there and I was just as bloodthirsty.

"Young Rosemarie," Victor turned to me, smiling serenely. I was taken back slightly by his appearance and how he looked his age, rather than a withering old man - which I had expected. Although Victor managed to stay alive by some pain in the ass miracle, I didn't expect him to look as healthy as he did. I expected the tired looking man that had disappeared on me in Vegas, not the regal and healthy man who stood in front of me. "I was looking forward to when I would see you again. I always appreciate watching you in action, studying your inner turmoil and destructive impulses ruin your chances."

His annoying comebacks on the other hand, was something I expected completely.


	52. Chapter 52

AN: Hey guys! So I know this took a long time and I'm sorry for that, but I do want to say something about that. It's funny when you write a story, you kind of lose yourself when you write it and almost become the character (at least for me). Sometimes you can effortlessly finish an entire section but then you go back and read it and you wonder where it all came from, because you zone out completely while writing it.  
>Then you realize all of these new things and are influenced by different things happening in your life and things you've seen and heard, then you want to write it again and again, because you know that incorporating all these things will make it better. Which is kind of what happened here, different things have been happening to me and I want to incorporate thoughts and emotions into my work, I want real feelings in it and sometimes that takes longer. It sucks as a reader and a writer but I think that's what makes or breaks a piece of writing.<p>

Just my thoughts! Anyways, here in the second last chapter so don't freak out about the ending. I hope you guys enjoy it's a really long one...(14 000 words), please read and respond, tell me your thoughts!

Disclaimer: I do not own VA or any of the characters

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><p><strong>Dimitri's Point Of View<strong>

"Three, two, one." Rose's voice came over the earpiece, her voice strong and determined. I knew that she was being strong headed right now, just like she always was. She was finding her resolve before she killed Victor and there seemed to be nothing I could do to stop her, not when she was so angry with me.

And she had every right to be, after I stood there and said nothing when she poured her heart out to me. I made her feel hurt and vulnerable after she confessed her deepest thoughts and emotions. Rose opened up to me, something that wasn't easy for her and she claimed that she loved me. She said the words that I've been dreaming to hear her say and I just stood there.

After her speech about loving me, about loving me so much she hated me, I was left dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say because all I could think was, this amazing woman loved me and she had no idea about this secret I was holding. I couldn't say anything because I knew if I opened my mouth, then I would tell her everything, I would reveal this secret to her.

And that was something that couldn't happen, because if Rose knew about her bond to Victor, then she would do something crazy like she always does. Rose would pull some drastic, martyr stunt that would be for the greater good, but I couldn't let her. I couldn't let this amazing woman, who loved me to sacrifice herself. I was being selfish and I didn't care, I needed her to stay alive and be her lively self, I couldn't tell her.

Even if saying nothing made her hate me.

And now I couldn't even help her. She was going after Victor and I was under strict orders to retrieve Adrian and nothing else, I wasn't allowed to go after Victor. But if I didn't then Rose would kill him and end up killing herself as a result and even if Victor was bluffing, then Rose would still be facing trial for killing a moroi. She could not kill Victor, because it would end badly either way.

Which is why when everyone ran into the building, I made sure to stick to the back of my group, wanting to remain unnoticed. I didn't want to take lead on this, knowing that Adrian would return safely because he was in capable hands. I peered a Lissa and Christian who had been put into my convoy and under my protection, knowing that they could hold their own if needed. Everything was under control, my only worry was Rose.

"He's downstairs," Directed Lissa, probably channeling all the aura's so she could find Adrian's gold one. "Look for a door. Robert's downstairs with him." I watched Eddie and Mikhail quickly searching the hallway for a door, both of them determined to grab Robert, especially since he was with Adrian.

"Is Victor with them?" I asked in a low voice, trying not to bring attention to myself as the rest of the guardians swept the rooms in search of some stairs. Lissa shook her head, her jade eyes going in and out of focus.

"He's upstairs." She told me, her voice quiet and filled with relief. I think the thought of being near Robert was unnerving enough, but she didn't want to be close to Victor at all. Being in the same building as him, seemed to put her on edge.

But I couldn't worry about Lissa right now, she was safe and that's all that mattered. Right now, I needed to get Rose and stop her from seeking her revenge. I backed up slowly, looking for stairs that lead upstairs rather than down. I had just spotted them, when a guardian in my convoy had found the downstairs. I bit my lip, deciding to ignore the call to downstairs and head up instead.

"Belikov, where are you?" Mikhail asked through the earpiece, obviously expecting me to be the first one charging down the stairs to save Adrian. I grimaced and turned back, knowing I couldn't ignore this. I needed to get Adrian and then stop Rose, I just hoped I had time to do both.

"Ready." I announced, cutting through the rest of the guardians and leading everyone down the stairs to the bleak basement. There was a small and tight, cement corridor that led to a singular door, which Adrian was no doubt behind.

Without any hesitation, I moved forward and slammed open the door, revealing the harsh light and empty room, the exact same room Adrian had taken me too during the dream.

Adrian sat on the floor with his hands still bound together. He looked ragged and exhausted, until the guardians came through the doors. As soon as he saw us, his eyes turned relieved and a flippant smile appeared on his face. He looked as if he was never afraid or nervous, like he knew that we were coming. Adrian looked relaxed and devil may care, despite the fact that he was still sitting on the basement floor of an abandoned building.

"I told you they would come." He smiled at Robert, who sat in a wooden chair across from Adrian. Even after we swarmed the room, Robert stayed unmoving. I had never met Robert before (at least not as a dhampir), but I heard the story of my change back to a dhampir, I knew the role that Robert played and how eccentric he apparently was.

Eddie and Mikhail moved forward, ready to strike and take down Robert, but abruptly stopped like they had hit a wall. I watched as they tried to move forward again but couldn't, both of them pressing against the air like there was glass blocking their way. And all the while, Robert just sat still and quiet in the chair, his eyes never leaving Adrian.

"What's going on?" I asked, wanting to get the answer to the obvious question. I stepped forward, trying to grab Robert myself but came to a standstill, facing the same type of block that Eddie and Mikhail were.

"We can't move. It's like there's something stopping us!" Shouted Eddie, still trying to push against whatever was blocking his way.

"That's impossible." Lissa breathed, walking up beside me and extending her hand to touch the invisible wall. She was so quiet that I could barely hear her over all the chaos and shouting, but I understood the amazement written all over her face. It was the same look she got whenever she healed an injury or looked at an aura, it was the look she got when she was using magic.

I looked over at Adrian who mirrored her expression, he sat on the floor still but looked around in awe, clearly seeing something the rest of us couldn't.

By some unheard of skill, Robert was using Spirit to block anyone from getting close to him. He had created a wall that surrounded and protected him, making it impossible for anyone to get around it. This type of magic was something that not one's ever seen before, but then again there was still a lot unknown about Spirit, this may be a normal skill for Spirit users.

I knew there probably wasn't any way to get around this, that breaking through or finding a hole in his magic was futile. But I also knew that he couldn't keep this up forever. Robert wasn't as young and thriving as other magic users, he would easily get weak and wouldn't be able to maintain his focus. And when that happens, his magic will falter and the wall with disintegrate, it was only a matter of time.

But we couldn't wait for that.

I needed to secure Adrian before I could stop Rose, I didn't have time to wait around for Robert to get weak. I was probably out of time already, Rose could very well be plunging a stake into Victor's chest right now or beating the life out of him, I could already be too late. But I'll be damned if I don't at least try and stop her and if I had any hope of doing that, then I needed to be up there right now.

"You need to fight." I murmured to Lissa, who was still looking mesmerized by the magic. Although my words seemed to rip her out of that state. She looked at me with startled and wide eyes, clearly wondering how she could ever fight. She didn't believe that she had the strength or the magic to do it and maybe she didn't. Robert had been practicing magic for decades, while Lissa had only found out about Spirit a few years prior, he had years on her.

But she could still make a dent, if she could just throw him off for just a minute, maybe he would falter and a hole in the wall would be created as a result. All it took was a minute, I just needed to subdue Robert.

"You can do it, just try and interrupt his magic, block him." I urged Lissa, who swallowed hard and straightened her spine, clearly gaining a little more confidence. She looked at Robert and his still state, assessing him like a guardian would asses battle and then turned back to me, with a small smirk.

"You don't understand how magic works, do you?" She asked before turning back to face Robert. She closed her eyes and extended her palms, almost like she was pressing herself up against the wall. Everyone watched in anticipation, maybe expecting to see something but nothing happened, at least not for us. I knew that Lissa and Robert could feel what was happening, maybe even Adrian could feel it too.

Robert's head snapped into Lissa's direction, his eyes looking glassy and accusing. I studied his expression and body language, deducting that he wasn't a real threat and that he couldn't do much harm without Victor by his side. But still, it was unnerving to see the man responsible for my return back to a dhampir, like this.

Whenever I heard the story, I wanted to imagine Robert as wise and all-knowing. I wished that he was a mentor instead of an easily mislead and unstable man. I wished that he could've been great, maybe even helped Lissa and Adrian with their magic or at least not side with Victor in all of this. But I knew that wishing and wanting were no use, things would play out in the end - they always did.

The other guardians continued to press against the magical wall, trying to find a weak spot or a hole in the wall. We all waited for Adrian and Lissa to smash through it, we all waited for an eruption of sorts. I knew the probability of that happening was low, that fireworks wouldn't suddenly start sparking because of the colliding magic, but I still imagined something spectacular would happen. Lissa had been right, I clearly didn't understand the intricate way that magic worked.

I watched in fascination as creases appeared on Lissa's forehead and Adrian wiped sweat off his brow, watching as their breathing deepened and their limbs trembled. I may not have been able to witness this waging of power and magic, but I could feel something. Maybe there wasn't some glorious flashing light like there had been when I was restored and maybe it had all been invisible, but even though the magic pulsing through the room wasn't tangible, I still _felt_ something.

It was sudden and stealth, I had been obvious to it until I felt the hot and cold sensation fluttering against my skin. I may not have been able to see it, but I could feel how beautiful the magic was and I could imagine it sparking into the air, just like fireworks. Judging from the looks on the faces of the others, I could tell that they felt the magic too, showering them like raindrops.

And then that feeling vanished as quickly as it appeared.

The absence of that feeling was almost as startling as it was feeling it. And for a split second, it felt like all the happiness had disappeared, not there was very much of that lately, but it felt like whatever little bliss we had been feeling was gone. We were all just left standing there, feeling stunned about the disappearance of that beautifully overwhelming feeling.

It was strange, none of us had experienced magic before, not like that. We had no reason to dwell on Spirit or the things it could do or the way it could make you feel, we weren't like Victor who obsessed about it. But now that we felt it and experienced the joy it brought, we were all captivated and paralyzed by it's absence.

Except that I couldn't stay captivated for long. I needed to stop Rose from killing Victor and the only way I could do that was if Adrian was safe.

Quickly shaking myself out of my daze, I lunged forward and shouted at Eddie and Mikhail to do the same. I was going for Adrian, while they would restrain Robert and hopefully incapacitate him so he couldn't use any magic. Not that he could in this state, as I was darting for Adrian I saw Robert in my periphery and he looked on the verge on unconsciousness, they all did actually.

I knelt down so I was on Adrian's level, noticing how clammy and hazy he seemed, his emerald eyes not able to focus on anything. I grabbed his wrists, and fiddled with the restraints before realizing I couldn't break them by force.

"I need a knife." I shouted, knowing that one of the guardians had to be carrying one on themselves. "Someone, find me a knife." I didn't take my eyes off Adrian as I watched his head lull from side to side and he quickly lost coherence. Someone had come up behind me and handed me a knife, which I quickly took and cut the restraints that tied Adrian's hands.

"Adrian, are you okay?" I asked, knowing he clearly wasn't but I needed to keep him awake. I needed to keep him conscious and talking, because who knew what an overuse of Spirit could do. We knew it made the user depressed and dark, even the smallest spark could set off a catalyst after they've used lots of Spirit. But what would happen if that person hadn't eaten or slept in days? What if they hadn't been given any blood? What would happen to them then?

"Depends," Adrian murmured, lifting his head weakly. "Is Rose okay?" He asked, his eyes were glossy and his pupils dilated, but he managed to focus on me. It was pure hell looking into his eyes at that moment, because I knew exactly how much he loved Rose and I knew how much he wanted all of this to have a purpose.

"She will be." I told him as I stood, already making my way towards the stairs. I wasn't going to save Rose for her own protection or for my own selfish desires, I was saving her for Adrian - to prove that he could be a hero and that he didn't just go through hell for no reason.

**Rose's Point Of View**

"I'm glad you were looking forward to seeing me again because I was looking forward to this moment too." I smiled, stepping further into the room with Kai sticking close to the walls. Victor just continued to smile, taking too much pleasure in this banter. "I was looking forward to the glorious moment where you would finally be the weak and desperate one, while I hold your life in my hands."

"Still barbaric as ever, I see." Victor smirked, his eyes focused completely on me as Kai continued to edge closer. "It's nice to know some things never change. Speaking of change, how is your ever changing relationship with Guardian Belikov? I was always intrigued by that endeavour of yours, one of the few interesting things left about you, Rosemarie."

I felt the grin slip of my face and the scowl return, wanting to lunge at him now for opening his mouth. But I honestly shouldn't have been surprised, he always did like to push the limits, especially when it came to my relationship with Dimitri. I was about to open my mouth and respond with a snappy comeback, but then I saw how close Kai was and I knew the banter was over - thank god.

"Well lucky for you, things are about to get a whole lot more interesting." I smirked as Kai lunged for Victor, hitting him low and tackling him to the floor. I watched in satisfaction at the way Victor's head smashed against the floor and was unable to hid my enthusiasm about his shocked expression.

I found myself sauntering over, making eye contact with Kai who easily kept Victor trapped on the ground. And although I hated Victor, I had to admit that he was smart and didn't struggle against Kai, knowing it was futile.

The closer I got the more my limbs began to tremble and the more anxious I got. I couldn't believe that this was happening, that I was honestly thing close to Victor after all these years. It was pretty unbelievable that he was even still alive, that he had done all this and tried so hard, that he had destroyed so much. And the more I thought about it, the angrier I became and the more I wished that I would be the one to kill Victor.

_You can take a swing if you want. _

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, but it was a pleasant kind. I was surprised that Kai was offering him a chance to hit Victor, I figured he would want him all to himself. I looked into his mind, seeing that Kai was determined to kill him and had no wavering thoughts, but he wanted to give me the chance to get my revenge. It was morbid and twisted and I was positive we belonged somewhere with padded cells and lots of medication, but it was also thoughtful. He knew this was wrong, I could sense that in his mind, but he also knew that Victor had done a lot harm and caused so much hurt. Kai had come to the same conclusion that I had, that this was wrong but it still needed to happen.

_Gladly, _I responded, watching as he released his grip on Victor slightly so I could take my shot. I watched Victor closely as I sauntered over, standing above him and planning to take the same twisted enjoyment that he always did whenever he was in control. I was expecting to feel that thrill I did whenever I was doing the right thing, like whenever I was in battle.

Except, I didn't feel anything at all. Nothing, just emptiness.

I hovered over Victor briefly, watching his expression with fascination. He wasn't scared or pleading and he didn't look shocked or surprised either, for once he didn't have that sickening smug look on his face. For a moment Victor looked exactly as he did before the accident, before we ran away and were brought back, before we discovered what a monster he was.

It was quick, hardly even qualified as a moment, but I saw it. I saw that look that I hadn't seen in years, the look of a man that my best friend trusted - that I had trusted. That look that brought back so many memories, brought back so many feelings. We used to trust him, almost unconditionally, we had thought he was on our side.

It was quick, hardly even a moment, but I saw that look. Then, I quickly wound my arm up and brought it forcefully back down, erasing that look altogether.

I heard a loud popping and felt a crunching as my fist made contact with his face. Blood spurted everywhere and Victor gave a groan, but he didn't beg or plead, he just took it. I wound up again and took another swing, wanting to hear him beg for me to stop, wanting to finally have the power over him. But again, Victor did nothing except let out and moan.

I wound up again and again and again. Slamming my fist down harder and harder each time, wanting to banish that look from not just his face, but from my memory and from history. Each time I wound my arm back, I tried to exile all of those horrible memories and tried to erase them from my life. But whenever my fist made contact with his face, they would flash in front of my eyes.

All the death and destruction, all the people I loved that he's hurt, they all appeared in front of my eyes. All of the stupid and witty comments he's made, all the smug smiles he's given me, they all came rushing back. No matter how many times or how hard I hit, I could force those memories to disappear.

I heard Kai shouting through the bond, trying to get my attention. I could see Victor's blood splattered against the food. I felt the impact of my mangled hands slamming down into Victor. I felt the impact - but I didn't feel pain.

I didn't feel much of anything at all, just desire to end this all. To put all of this behind me, to banish those images and finally stop Victor for once.

I hadn't really registered much besides my fists hitting Victor, I didn't realize that Kai was supposed to be the one to kill Victor. My bloodlust had gotten the better of me and I was sure that I would be the one to land the final blow on Victor. As my fist wound up to land another hit, I was positive that his death would be on my hands - his blood already was.

But before I could deliver the possibly fatal blow, I felt strong arms pull me back. I tried to fight against them, but they were stronger and they probably had a few extra years of training on me. I scrambled to fight, twisting and turning like a maniac, trying to wiggle out of whoever's grasp. But then I saw the duster and smelt the after shave and I didn't fight so hard.

Instead, I let him drag me across the room, letting him lead me towards the door. I knew it was the right thing, that Victor wasn't mine to kill, not when I was so emotional. I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts and memories to deliver the kill, I wanted Victor to suffer which prolonged his death. Killing him in general was against the guardian oath, but making him suffer was even worse.

Victor didn't deserve to live, but he didn't deserve to writher in pain.

Which is why I let Kai move in for the kill and watched in fascination as he approached Victor's still body. I didn't let Dimitri drag me out the door but I didn't fight against his retrains…well, I didn't fight too hard.

I preferred not to be trapped in anyone's arms, Dimitri's especially, but in the bigger picture it didn't really matter. I struggled slightly, wanting to break free so that I was able to watch Victor's death without having my limbs pinned behind me, not because I was going to lunge forward and do this myself. But my struggling ceased when I felt Kai go in for the kill.

I went limp and Dimitri's arms, allowing myself to fall into Kai's mind and savour the moments before the kill. I knew with every fibre that this was wrong, that Victor should be allowed to live, but I didn't care, I wanted him to die. I took an almost sadistic satisfaction in what was about to happen, letting myself feel Kai's tensing muscles as he moved forward.

My absence from my body must have thrown Dimitri off slightly, because from the corner of Kai's eye, I could see Dimitri holding my limp body. He looked panicked for a moment, far more anxious than he should have over something like this. I watched as he felt for a pulse and took a sigh of relief when he felt my heart beating.

He lowered my body carefully to the floor, hovering over it for just a second. But he quickly turned back and watched in horror as Kai moved forward to kill Victor, who laid bloody and beaten on the floor in front of the fire.

I watched Victor's eyes flash as Kai moved in for the kill. His jade eyes flashed with acceptance, the same kind of acceptance I felt before we embarked on this mission. It's like Victor too understood that he was going to die, that there was no way to talk us out of this, that his death with inevitable. But the acceptance only lasted for a moment, before it was replaced with a sneaky cunning.

The look on Victor's face - the look in his eyes - was one that I knew well. I had seen it several times in my life, each of those times it was because he knew something I didn't. I always saw that look when Victor knew he had something on me, when he knew that without him I would cause some irreparable damage. It was the look he had before he made a compelling argument as to why I needed him and shouldn't turn him in or cause him any harm. That look was enough to make me return to my body and try to stop this.

I let myself fall back into my own body, gasping as I did. I pressed my palms against the floor, pushing myself up onto my feet. I needed to stop Kai from killing Victor, because there was some ulterior motive hiding underneath all of this. There was something Victor wasn't telling us and that something could cost us if we didn't listen.

Dimitri was already darting across the room, trying to stop Victor himself. Maybe Dimitri had the same feeling I had about Victor, maybe he had seen the same look in his eyes and knew we couldn't kill him. Or maybe, Dimitri was just doing what was right, just like he always did. It didn't matter what his motive was, all that mattered was that Dimitri was trying to stop Kai from killing Victor and now I was too.

I thought that maybe I would just distract Kai or somehow get Victor away, it didn't really matter how I did it, so long as Victor stayed alive. As I darted across the room, Kai continued to move toward Victor, his stake glinting in the firelight.

_No! Don't do this Kai! This is all just a mistake!_

I shouted at Kai throughout he bond, willing him to hear me out and drop his stake. It was a plea for him to let his revenge go, the same revenge I had forced upon him earlier. This was me begging for him to stop, I wanted him to be greater than this and to be greater than me. He was better than me in so many ways, he was more compassionate and understanding, he was more forgiving and patient, I would hate to see that change now because I talked him into something. I would hate to see him lose all of those qualities because he killed someone.

I think that's when I realized that this wasn't just about Victor knowing something we didn't. This wasn't purely about gaining intel or avoiding a trap, there was more to it than that. This was about not making a life changing mistake, something which we would've wanted to avoid regardless of Victor's knowledge. This was about stopping us from taking a soul - from becoming just as bas as the monsters we hunted.

I never wanted to become that person, I never wanted to lose my humanity like that. But becoming a monster was always a possibility with the life I led, becoming a strigoi was a constant fear, it had already happened to those I knew. But that was different, they didn't choose to become monsters, it happened to them. They didn't freely choose to take souls and terrify the undeserving, Dimitri was an example of that, he never wanted to kill anyone. But me? I had freely chosen to take a soul, I had made myself into this monster and worse I pushed it on Kai.

That's something I never wanted to do - this was someone I never wanted to be, this isn't who I was taught to become.

I had spent years learning how not just to become a better guardian, but how to be a better person. Dimitri and my other teachers spent hours teaching me lessons, trying to engrain certain morals into my life and I always just made snappy comments. I don't think I ever really understood what they - Dimitri, Alberta, my mom - were trying to do. They weren't just guiding me towards a successful future, they were moulding me into a better person.

I could only imagine how disappointed they would be in me, how they would shake their heads and question if they taught me well enough. I imagined how they would go over the hours spent teaching and the hundreds of conversations, wondering if they made a mistake.

Or maybe they were moving on with their lives. Maybe they were just lessons on technique and nothing else, maybe my past teachers didn't really care about what I did after graduation. Maybe I was just thinking too highly of myself, maybe I was just stuck in my own world like I was when I was at the academy. Maybe my nose was too stuck up for me to notice anything or anyone else, just like Stan had once told me.

Perhaps a lesson is just a lesson.

But it didn't matter to me, I didn't care if any of that was true. I knew that the lesson was only as good as what you took from it and to make a lesson worth it, you had to apply it. You had to think about what the lesson really means, where you could use it and how it affects the world.

Maybe I was getting a little too scholarly, but suddenly I was thinking about all my past lessons and teachers. I thought about what they would have done if they were me and I knew that my original decision was wrong. I made that choice out of spite and anger, I harshly got an idea and impulsively pushed it on those around me.

Which is why Victor could not die. He may be a corrupt bastard, but he didn't deserve to die by my hand or hands attached by puppet strings. Victor's fate shouldn't be decided by me or my friends, especially not when it was a bias and rash decision. Victor didn't deserve mercy or freedom but he didn't deserve this kind of ending, he also didn't deserve the satisfaction of witnessing my demise.

If I killed him then he would finally be right, I would be as savage and brute as he always claimed I was. I would finally be proving Victor that I was an uncontrollable killer, that I was too primal to ever be reformed. But if he was spared and sent to trail, then he would get the servitude he deserved.

If he walked out of this house, then I would finally prove him wrong. If he survived, then he could witness everyone's rise to success, despite his exhaustive efforts to crumble them. If Victor lived then he could spend an eternity in Tarasov, watching while everyone became what he always dreamed of being.

Victor needed to live so that we could show him he failed, to prove that Victor wasn't as powerful and manipulative as he thought. He needed to live so that we could move on with our lives, so that we could go on to do great things without him hovering in the back of our minds. He needed to live, so that we could live too.

It may not have made the most sense and it definitely could have been worded more eloquently but it was the truth.

"Don't do this Kai!" I pleaded aloud this time, begging for him to listen and understand. And as I said those words, I found a memory creeping into my brain of when Kai killed Sonya. I had begged for him not to do it then, but he hadn't listened and killed her anyway, doing what he thought was best. I prayed that this wasn't going to turn out like last time, but I had a sinking feeling that it would.

I know that killing Victor was wrong and that we shouldn't be the ones to deal out his fate, but Kai didn't know that. He was too focused on driving that stake through his heart, he couldn't hear any of my thoughts or come to the realization that this wasn't right. Kai's bloodlust was too strong and he was unable to control it or stop it.

Meanwhile, as I was yelling and pleading for Kai to stop, Dimitri had been advancing forward. He was going to try and stop this at all cost, he was going to do what I wasn't strong enough to. I watched as he moved forward, ready to tackle Kai and make it impossible for him to stake Victor. I moved forward, not far from them but instead of leaping in and trying to stop Kai like Dimitri was, I changed my direction to Victor's still body.

In my periphery I could see Dimitri had knocked Kai down and they were grappling on the floor. My initial instinct was to jump in and fight, to protect at all costs - but the question was, who would I be protecting? I tried not to let that thought stun me, but it was hard not to imagine who I would block from hits. I shook the thought from my mind, telling myself we were all on the same side, we all wanted justice and we all wanted this nightmare to be over. We just had different ideas on how to accomplish those ideas.

Instead of jumping in or pondering who I would help protect, I knelt over Victor's still body. I let my hands hover for a moment, unsure of what I was doing or why I was doing it. Not that there was anything for me to do, I couldn't heal him like Lissa could - not that I would if I even possessed those powers.

But the longer I watched him, battered and bruised, the more I knew what I was doing. I slid my fingers into his, my hands bloody and bruised while his were cold and limp. And I sat there like that, not saying anything or making any type of movement, just sitting quietly with intertwined fingers.

Victor was a monster, there was no doubt about that, but I wasn't. I was protective and instinctive and compassionate, I had such a deep humanity and desire to do good. Those were my greatest strengths and my worst weaknesses, but I would never trade those traits for anything, because they made me who I was. Victor was a monster, but I had the compassion not to overlook it, but to accept it and sit with him anyway.

No one deserved to die alone.

Not that Victor was dying, although, his laboured breathing said otherwise. I had done a lot of damage to him, especially his face and maybe even his skull, but he was alive and that didn't look like it was going to change anytime soon. At least I prayed that it wouldn't, after all the thought's I'd just had and all of the inner struggle, I knew that what I was doing now was the right thing.

So I just held his hand and watched as Dimitri subdued Kai, keeping him on his stomach with his arms pinned against his back. I squeezed Victor's hand harder (more for myself than anything else) as Dimitri knocked away Kai's stake so it wasn't in his reach, just as a precaution. I watched silently as it rolled across the floor, coming closer to where I sat with Victor and stopping just within arms reach.

I didn't move for a moment, I don't even think I breathed or blinked. I just watched the stake, glimmering against the firelight as it laid motionless on the ground. Had this been some type of Shakespearean tragedy then maybe I would've grabbed the stake and used it to kill Victor or maybe myself because of my choices. Thankfully, this wasn't some tragic ending with a misguided and muddled heroin. No, this was the ending of a twisted fairytale where the hero sacrifices what she wants for the greater good.

I slowly got to my feet, releasing Victor's hand and taking a shaken step forward. I had initially done this so I could kick the stake away or throw it into the fire for a more dramatic gesture, but as I bent down to retrieve it, I got distracted. Kai was still struggling against Dimitri, trying to break free from his hold. I left the stake and hurried over to the other side of the room, knowing this was where I belonged.

I needed to help the rest of the people I loved who were still living, not chasing after some revenge. I knelt down next to Kai, grabbing his face and forcing him to look me in the eyes. He kept trying to break eye contact, his cobalt irises always training back on Victor's still form. Each time, I dragged them away, coaxing him to look at me.

"Kai look at me, please." I persuaded, my fingers lightly tracing his jaw line and forcing him to look back at me. "Forget about him, it's over."

Kai's cobalt eyes flickered back to me and it was like he was seeing me for the first time. His eyes widened, scanning my face and drinking it all in. Through the bond I could feel him registering every detail, noting my weariness and my pleading. He gave himself to his emotions and let down the walls, allowing himself to feel mine and I could tell he was surprised at all the thoughts swirling in my mind.

I could tell he was taking in all of my thoughts and opinions, realizing too that this was wrong. He knew killing Victor would only complicate our lives more and that it wouldn't bring him the peace he desired. Killing Victor wouldn't bring back his family or his friends - it wouldn't bring back Bridget.

Kai heaved a sigh and all of the tension he was holding escaped, he practically collapsed and stopped fighting against Dimitri. Kai wasn't going to kill Victor, he knew becoming a monster wasn't going to help us move on and it wasn't going to make our lives any easier. I made eye contact with Dimitri, nodding my head as if to say, you can let go.

Dimitri released his grip on Kai and took a few steps back, giving us some space. Kai and I just sat there, lost in our own thoughts and feeling complete relief about stopping this before we became just as bad as Victor. It seemed, we were finally making the right choice for the first time in years.

For the first time in a very long time, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. But of course, when you're us, nothing is ever okay for long.

While Kai and I were catching our breath and letting our thoughts settle, no one had been paying attention to Victor. It seems that although we had resolved not to kill him, he hadn't had that same thought. I felt a prickling sensation and knew immediately something wasn't right, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. But I tried to ignore the feeling, I didn't want to ruin this newfound peace that Kai and I had discovered.

But that peace was instantly shattered when a cry erupt from Dimitri. My eyes shot in his direction and I was instantly panicked, assuming that he had been injured or was in danger. But he was neither of those things, actually he was lunging forward in Victor's direction. My head snapped towards Victor, practically giving me whiplash but that didn't matter, because what I saw was shocking.

With shaking and bloody hands, Victor had managed to grab the stake that was lying next to him on the floor. He wasn't on his feet or moving towards us, so I didn't take him as a threat to the three of us. I never really imagined that he would be able to hurt three guardians, but I should've thought out the other possibilities.

With both hands wrapped tightly around the stake, Victor angled it towards his chest. Panic immediately rose and my throat felt constricted, I shot up off the floor faster than I thought possible, with Kai following closely behind. But we were too late, Victor stabbed the stake deeply into his chest, using all the force he had.

And what happened next was the strangest thing of all.

A white light engulfed the room and blinded everyone in it. The light was so powerful and bright that it forced me to stop and cover my eyes, unable to do much else to block it out. I had only seen this happen once before and it had been when a miracle was occurring - when Dimitri was being restored. Somehow I doubted Victor dying was a miracle of any sort.

The flashing light only lasted for a second before it vanished, just as quickly as it had all those years ago. But when it was gone, instead of seeing a miracle and something beautiful, all that was left was Victor's mangled body and an empty feeling in my chest. I looked at the two men in the room, who looked just as startled and stunned as I was. Clearly, this wasn't an everyday occurrence.

I started to take a step forward but quickly faltered, my hands rising to my head and tugging on my hair. My eyes unconsciously widened and met Kai's in a panic, wondering what was going on. My head was completely empty and the bond had been silenced, it felt oddly quiet and surreal. I don't remember the last time my thoughts had been my own, I had been living with someone in my head for years.

My bond with Lissa had lasted three years before being severed, which had been painful enough. The separation of a bond mate was sometimes excruciating but I hadn't had to deal with that pain because shortly after I had been bonded with someone else. And my bond with Kai had lasted through a lot and we had been in both of each other's minds, so losing that closeness was practically unbearable.

Dimitri must not have understood what was going on and it was understandable. Last time this had happened he had been in the middle of it, he was switching species basically, he hadn't had time to worry about a severed bond. But now he stood here watching and was unable to comprehend, he must have thought the worst was happening because he was at my side in moments.

"Are you alright?" He asked with his hands firmly on my shoulders. I slowly unwound my fingers from my hair, bringing them down to my sides as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. Was I alright? Would I be able to survive losing another bond mate? I mean, I was always wondering about what having my own thoughts without anyone intruding would be like, because I honestly couldn't remember what it felt like not to have that presence, but to have it actually happen? It was unimaginable.

"Yes." I sighed, finally. I knew that this was going to be difficult, but I reminded myself that Kai wasn't dead. He was alive and I wasn't losing him at all, we would still live and work together, see each other everyday. Kai wasn't going anywhere.

When I opened my eyes, I met Dimitri's wide ones. I didn't know what I was expecting to happen next, I guess the delusional part of me thought that all the pieces would finally fall into place. I was naive to think that just because we overcame one of our problems that the rest didn't exist anymore. Everything that we had been fighting about, all of the lies and the secrets and the history were still there, nothing that happened today changed any of that. I was silly to think that just because we defeated one evil, that there was no more in the world. There is always evil in our world and it is always waiting.

I knew it was childish of me to think those things, but I still held onto some type of hope. I hoped that maybe somethings could happen against all the odds that were stacked against us, I wished that maybe we all still had some of that fighting spark left in us. But most of all, I wished that Dimitri would just kiss me or pull me into his arms and tell me it was alright.

But he did none of those things, instead Dimitri gave me a fleeting look before darting out the door and down the stairs, leaving me standing there.

Kai and I eventually made our way out of the room, slowly and surely we moved one foot at a time, forcing ourselves out of the room. We didn't say much as we did, I think we were both still expecting the bond to come back and didn't feel the need to share our thoughts because the other would know soon enough. But I knew that wasn't the case, the bond wasn't coming back anytime soon, Kai and I would eventually have to start sharing our thoughts.

But until then everything remained silent as we emerged from the house, into the busy crowds of guardians who were cleaning up and inspecting the scene. When I came into view everyone looked towards me expectantly, like they were waiting for orders or instructions, except I knew that's not what they were doing. They were all wondering where Victor was and why I didn't have him in restraints.

"Victor Dashkov is dead, someone needs to go upstairs and inspect the body before calling the alchemists." I announced, not waiting for any questions before I marched out of the house and out the door, into the fresh air. I needed to be free right now and put everything that just happened behind me, I didn't want to think about it anymore.

Of course I knew how it looked, Victor's dead body lying upstairs with a stake in his chest. It looked like we murdered him, exactly what we had intended to do until our higher reasoning and Dimitri's restraining interrupted. It looked like we killed him in cold blood, yet by some strange twist of fate - if you could call it that - Victor had killed himself.

I wished I could say he did it because he knew he was guilty, that he was delivering some type of penance to himself. I wanted to say he did it in the name of justice, but I knew that's not why he did it. Victor had a motive, he always had a reason for why he did things and it was usually to benefit his cause, no matter the sacrifice. Hell, he had traded his daughter's soul and life just to avoid jail, him trading his own life for something doesn't seem that far off.

I knew better, Victor had done this for selfish reasons. He had cowardly killed himself because he had some secret he clearly wanted to take to the grave, something that will undoubtedly come back to haunt me in the future. I knew that I should care and that I should be at Robert's throat right now, trying to will an answer from him, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

If I was being honest, it was because what had happen had actually shook me slightly. I had seen many people die before - hundreds in fact - and I had never really been shaken like that. After I watched Mason die, killed Isaiah and Elena then nothing had really shaken me, not any of the deaths after that. I mean, I had felt loss and sadness after ever battle and attack. But I had never been this shaken, I had never seen someone take their own life.

After all the years I've spent hunting Strigoi, after all the bodies I've seen and all the times I've witnessed the life leaving someone's eyes, I couldn't imagine doing that to myself. It was impossible to think that someone would, that they would purposely let the life leave their eyes.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked to see Kai standing close to me, his face mirroring what I already felt. Victor's death seemed to have struck him too, pulling and plucking nerves that I didn't even know existed. But I saw a faint glimmer of hope behind all the confusion and shock, the hope that told me that this was all over. We were finally free from this evil.

"Rose!" I heard someone shout and my head whipped around, spotting my friends clustered near the SUVs. My first instinct was to run over to them, to embrace them and make sure they were all okay. My first instinct was to be Rose Hathaway, to put my friends before everything. But as I took that first step towards them I felt myself stopping, I felt like there was something holding me back.

I glanced over my shoulder at the guardians swarming and working. I knew that was what was holding me back, because I couldn't just act on my first instinct and go over to my friends like I wanted to. I've said it repeatedly since I'd returned to court, ingrained it in my brain and mumbled it under my breathe, I wasn't just Rose Hathaway anymore.

And that's when the Hans' words from his retirement celebration echoed in my head; Use your head. Put your heart into it. And follow your gut.

I wasn't just Rose Hathaway anymore, that much was right. But I didn't have to change who I was completely because I suddenly had all this power. I didn't have to censor or hide my real self, I didn't have to pretend that I wasn't Rose Hathaway. I had always wanted the best for my people, even when I was just a teenager at the academy, I always wanted what was best. I may have acted rasher and done some things that pushed a lot of boundaries, but isn't that why they picked me for this job in the first place? Not because I was polite and reformed, because I was a puppet who would stand there and let my strings be pulled. They picked me because I was a fighter, because I did what I believed was right and I didn't stop until it was complete.

They picked me because I was Rose Hathaway.

And being Rose Hathaway meant that I would put my friends above all else, that I would do what was right regardless of the consequences and that I would put my heart into absolutely everything. I would be myself and love every minute of it, I would be reckless and ruthless.

So I let my feet carry me over to my friends, without questioning if this was right or not. I was still thinking about the guardians and their jobs and safety, but I didn't let that control my entire brain. I didn't let my job or position and power take over and cloud what was important - the people in my life.

I picked up speed, finding myself bounding over to them, wanting nothing more than to throw my arms around them. They all smiled at me, moving closer so that they could meet me halfway, which is exactly what our friendship was.

We were a family, we were thick as thieves and had been for years. Once you've seen what we've seen and done what we've done, there was no turning your back or drifting. We had done life altering things together, things that only the best of friends would ever help you with, we committed crimes, been captured and had killed together. There were so many negative things that bound us together whether we liked it or not, but there were even more positives that make us glad we were stuck together.

We had saved each other, grown up together and fallen in love, together.

We had done so many things, met so many people and were given so many opportunities just from knowing each other. We had become these incredible, powerful people who were doing everything to change our world for the better, and we had become these people because of our friendships. We learned from one another, were helped by one another and were influenced by one another.

We were family, we were thick as thieves and had been for years. Absolutely nothing and no one, could change that.

I looked at each of my friends as we were huddled together, finally reunited after being separated for what felt like forever. We each had our arms around one another, pulling each other in tightly. We were all there together; Lissa, Christian, Adrian and Eddie along with Kai and myself. We were all together and grinning in spite of the exhaustion we all felt.

It didn't matter that the sun was ready to rise, that we had been fighting or that we were covered in sweat and dirt. It just matter that we were surrounded by the people that we loved. We were together and it wasn't just in the sense that we were all present, that we were all alive - although, we were thankful for that too - we were together in the sense that there were no walls between us.

We all stood there for the first time in years without any type of distance between us. There weren't any barriers preventing us from being close to one another, there weren't any lies preventing us from trusting one another and there wasn't anything that blurred our vision of one another. There was no ocean or country, no secrets or magic, we were all just there and it felt so good.

I honestly couldn't ever remember a time where I felt like this. I knew I had to have felt this before, back when I was at the academy. I was sure that I felt this love, this closeness and this happiness before - before all the tragedy, before everyone started dying and before we all lost ourselves. I knew that there once was a time when we were all happy, when we were alive and thriving, when we knew exactly who we were and who we were going to become.

But I tried not to think about that, I tried not to dwell on the things in our past and all of our mistakes. I tried not to think of where we all went wrong or all of the things that could have been, I tried not to think of the past at all. Because I was too busy thinking about now and living in this moment. I was too busy trying to commit this moment and this feeling to my memory.

Because despite my efforts not to think about the past, I knew that this was one of the few times I had ever felt this whole. I had felt happiness before, even though I couldn't remember it, I knew I felt it. But that fleeting happiness was nothing compared to now. No feeling or memory or moment could compare to this one, to the feeling of absolute invincibility.

I think we all shared the same feeling, the same jittery feeling you got in the pit of your stomach, the one that makes it impossible to stop laughing. It was the feeling of being whole and alive, knowing that all the hardships we've been through and all the tears and the fighting wasn't just for nothing. It was the feeling of climbing the insanely high mountain, finally getting to see the view and figuring how what all the fuss was about.

It was the feeling of your face hurting from smiling too hard, your stomach hurting from laughing too hard and your mind racing to remember every single moment.

It was the warm feeling you got in your chest whenever you hangout with your friends, when you knew that you were accepted into this group of people, that you somehow fit perfectly. It was that feeling you got when you laughed hysterically at a joke only your friends would understand, when you could hardly contain the belly aching laugh. And it was the feeling of being held together, even when the world seemed like it was ripping you apart, because you knew that your friends would help keep you together. It was the feeling of invisibility, because no matter what was happening, your friends were always there with some crazy plan to help.

It was the feeling you got at the end of a fairy tale, when you knew everything was going to be alright, when all that's left on the page is: The end.

Except there was something missing. Those two perfect words couldn't be written on the page, not until that piece was recovered. I didn't really know what was missing at first, when I looked at all of my friend's smiling faces, I thought I had everything. I thought that by just being reunited with the misfits that it was enough, but then I realized that there was a key member missing.

Dimitri was absent from our reunion and he was the missing piece for me. I knew that without him here by my side, laughing and smiling like the rest of us, that it wouldn't be the end.

After he had left me and Kai in the room with Victor's body, he disappeared admits the swarms of guardians and ordered chaos. I found my eyes unconsciously drifting, looking for him amounts the clusters of guardians. I felt an anxious feeling bubbling in the pit of my stomach, getting stronger and stronger the longer I didn't see him. It was like I was afraid, that I was panicking because I couldn't find him, even though I knew he was alright.

I was irrationally afraid of what it meant, of what reason was behind his absence. I needed to know where he was and why he wasn't enjoying this reunion, why he wasn't with the rest of us, celebrating this victory.

I was starting to really worry, not seeing him in the crowds of people. I was letting my mind wonder to all sorts of possibilities, but then I saw him.

With that uncanny ability I always had, I found Dimitri easily as he exited the house with other guardians. He looked just like he did the first time I met him; strong, skilled and completely badass, the same way he would be for the rest of his life. Even when he was just walking, he effortlessly looked so god like. I watched in fascination as he spoke to the other guardians, seeming so sure and confident, like nothing could ever shake him.

As I watched, I realized something happening. It was like I was falling in love with him all over again.

But that was crazy, how could this one thing make me fall in love with him again? How could something as simple as watching him walk and talk, cause me to lose my head? It was insane, but it was completely true. I could feel that warmth spreading in my chest, my breath catching in my throat and my heart beating faster than ever before.

This was crazy, I was crazy.

I hated him, I had told him that earlier. I hated Dimitri for what he had done to me, what he was still doing to me. That hate that I felt for him always seemed to overshadow and eclipse the love that I felt for him, because I did still love him.

I loved Dimitri so much it hurt to breathe and made it impossible to think, I loved him so much that I was sacrifice anything for him - I already had. The love I felt for Dimitri was overpowering, but the hate I felt for him was all consuming. I loved Dimitri but it wasn't enough and I honestly didn't think it ever would be, not when I felt such a deep hatred for the man who had taught me so much.

I tried to fight against both emotions, wanting to feel nothing for him because that was either then being conflicted between these two passions. But it never worked, because I always saw something that made me open to loving him again but that was always quickly destroyed by the hatred I felt. It was a never ending and vicious cycle of emotions, one that were draining.

It didn't help that he had also become someone who I can't help but love and can't help but hate. He took traits and qualities from predominate experiences in his life, he was still the amazing man I fell in love with but he was also the careless man that I loathed. Dimitri had, just like the rest of us, grown into a different person.

He had grown into this new man and I realized, I didn't know who this new person was. When I came back from Europe I immediately assumed I knew everything, especially when it came to Dimitri. I figured that he was too ruined to be the man that I used to love and that he was too strong to stay the callous man that I had left behind, so I came to the conclusion that he was a combination of both. But I also assumed that he had taken the worst traits of both men and become this horrible person that I didn't want to waste any of my time getting to know.

I had been acting impulsively and not in a good way (I had finally learned that my impulsivity was neither a pro or con, it could be used in both ways. I tended to use it in negative ways and that's why I always cursed it. But my impulsive tendencies also got me out of a lot of tough situations. It was a love-hate relationship). I made a snap judgement about Dimitri, when he didn't do anything wrong.

He had something traumatic happen to him, all he was doing was trying to adapt.

Did he act like a complete ass, yes. Was I still mad about it, of course. But do I understand why? Obviously.

I knew that if situations had been reversed, I would like to say that I would have immediately run into Dimitri's waiting embrace, but I honestly don't know if that's the truth. Hell, I probably would have been worse than Dimitri and I wouldn't have adapted as well as he did. Dimitri had done the best that he could with the situation he had been given, maybe it wasn't the way I would have reacted and maybe it was still wrong for him to have pushed me away like that, but there wasn't a typical protocol for something like this.

And who knows, maybe things would have been different if I had stayed. But I had run and there was nothing anyone could do to change that now.

The only thing I could do now was open my eyes and really allow myself to see the man Dimitri became. Because I had a feeling deep within my chest that was telling me that he had changed and that it was for the better, he had become this new person while I was away. I had a feeling and I knew that my feelings were never wrong and that in the past, I had always relied on my instincts. I think I should trust myself on this.

I began to take a step forward and when I did, it was like that uncanny ability to find each other in a crowd kicked in for him and his head shot up in my direction. Our eyes met and even with the distance between us, I could see the love shining in his eyes. It may have sounded crazy, then again everything that I had been saying or thinking lately was kind of crazy, but I really thought I could see love.

I don't know how he could love me though, because as mad as I was at him, I realized that maybe he was just as furious and frustrated as I was too.

I mean, ever since I met Dimitri I knew how to set him off and push him to his limits, I had been doing it almost everyday since. I was constantly going too far, doing and saying the things that he wouldn't, I was always testing him. And I never stopped pushing and prying, even after he was restored I continued to shove him off the edge and wondered why he wouldn't just take the leap himself.

And then when I came back, I was hot and cold with him because I couldn't make up my mind. He was only ever there for me and I was too stuck in the past and my narrow minded judgement to see that he was taking the leap this time.

It's like I was having an epiphany all over again, like looking into his dark eyes finally opened my eyes to everything that was happening. Suddenly I could see clearly, I realized that we had both done wrong and that neither of us were to blame for what happened, but I could also see the hope.

The blissful, shining hope.

I felt like that hope had been shattered long ago or at least lost. I had used to put so much fate into hope and optimism, but after everything that happened my fate had dimmed and the hope was no where in sight. I spent years trying to find it again, occasionally thinking that I had found it again only to have it slip through my fingers moments later.

I had lost pieces of that hope when Dimitri was awakened, when he pushed me away after being restored and when I left for Europe. I had lost every sliver of it after what happened in Paris and I honestly didn't think it would ever be whole again. I don't really think I thought I could ever be whole again.

But here I stood, completely whole with the euphoric feeling of hope radiating through my body.

And that euphoric feeling of hope quickly turned into a burning passion, sparking a fire deep within my chest. There was heat blazing through my veins, pumping through my blood and reaching my toes and finger tips. It was an uncontrollable and unstoppable kind of sweltering heat that needed to be extinguished because it was just so scorching that it felt like my insides were burning.

And the only thing that could balm this fiery heat was Dimitri.

My feet stumbled forward almost on their own, knowing what I needed before my mind could even register it. All of the nerves in my body were on fire and they were all searing and smoking, making it impossible to stand still. I needed to smother this flame and this feeling, I needed Dimitri to provide a comfort that only he could.

But as my feet stumbled forward again I found myself faltering, I turned back to look at all my friends, unable to leave them after just being reunited. I couldn't just walk away from them now, especially since I had done it before when they needed me. I had left them for love in the past, had put their lives and futures at stake for what my heart desired. And although leaving them wasn't life or death right now, I didn't know if I could just walk away and leave them standing there.

But when I turned back, I saw them all smiling encouragingly at me. They all looked so supportive and happy for me, standing there nodding towards Dimitri and telling me to go. Even Adrian, looking like complete hell was smiling brightly at me and telling me to go and be happy. They were all behind me on this, they were happy for me pursuing what made me happy and they were ready to catch me if there was even the slightest possibility of me falling.

With their support I found myself turning back, my feet slowly moving forward and picking up speed. He too started moving forward, leaving behind the guardians he was talking to so that he could meet me halfway - just like it should have always been. He was putting me ahead of his guardian protocol and I was putting him ahead of my save the world instincts, neither of us were putting any of our hold hangups above the other. And honestly, I think it was because we both could see what mattered now - and I mean really see.

Before I met Dimitri I had tunnel vision. I was only focused on select things, whether it was Lissa or the parties or the chaos that always seemed to follow us. I knew there were things happening all around me, but they were blurry because my main focus was only on the things I chose to see. I think it was the same for Dimitri, he was always so dead set on doing the right thing and being the best guardian, he never really saw much else.

But then we met each other and that tunnel view of the world disappeared. It was like there was this entire new world out there that I had been completely blind to.

Dimitri had opened up my eyes and shined a light, he made it possible to see so many types of view. I was gazing into new things and constantly craving to see more, I was getting to view so many new things and it was all because of Dimitri. Sometimes I hated the perspectives he introduced, sometimes I didn't understand them and didn't agree with them, but I never regret seeing them.

He had given me this beautiful gift of sight, he allowed me to see things outside of my narrow view. I was seeing the same things with new eyes and because of that I evolved into a better person.

And I think the same thing happened for Dimitri, or at least I would like to believe it did. I wanted to believe that I showed him a new world and a new perspective, that I allowed him to change his views and beliefs on so many things because of my insight. I wanted to believe that I made as big of an impact on his life as he did on mine.

Because if it wasn't for him, I would still be stuck in that tunnel unable to see everything else. I knew that because when I went away to Europe, my field of vision narrowed slightly. It didn't revert completely back into tunnelled blindness, but it did narrow noticeably while I was gone. But thankfully I still had some sight and it didn't disappear altogether, I had learned and changed too much for it to vanish completely.

But I still did lose some vision because without Dimitri in my life, I lost some of that perspective and I lost some of the light he shed onto the blindness. Without Dimitri in my life, I lost some of that ridiculous zen insight that I didn't know that I missed. Without him, I lost some of the most beautiful views.

But now? My vision was completely clear and I could see absolutely everything with perfect clarity. I could see all the insights and all of the perspectives and it was because Dimitri was in my life.

I could see that my friends supported me, that the evil was finally defeated and that I had an opportunity to love again. I could see that we had all changed and grown up into these people that still needed some getting used to. I could see that we had adapted some good and bad traits and that we were evolving into these incredible people. I could see that we weren't stuck and that we were still changing.

I could see the chance to change and evolve together. I was going to take that chance and hold on for dear life.

I was running full speed towards Dimitri, with no intention to stop until I was in his arms. The fire that was sparking deep within my chest just continually got hotter, burning and scorching inside of me, begging to be put out. The closer I got to Dimitri the more sweltering the heat became and the more desperate I got to extinguish it.

But just as I was meeting Dimitri halfway, my feet halted and I stood there. He too had stopped so that we were standing almost toe to toe, so close but so far away.

We didn't stop out of hesitation or confusion, it was more like we were taking a moment and a breath before plunging off a cliff. We were taking this beautiful moment to think about what happens next, to embrace that burning passion that roared and sparked within us. We stood there, filled with burning desires as we readied ourselves to take a leap of complete faith.

This pause allowed us to look at one another, drink everything in. It gave us time to study this other person, this being that knew so much about our lives and gave us such new perspectives. It gave us seconds to think about what was going to happy next, to think about the jump that we were about to take and ready ourselves to be caught by the other.

It gave us a moment to let that fire that was burning inside us, to completely consume us.

Which is exactly what happened before I got up on my toes and pressed my lips to his. I let myself go and let the scorching passion take control, knowing that whatever happened next was meant to be and that eventually Dimitri would catch me.

Which is exactly what he did.

My lips pressed against his and immediately it's like everything that happened in the past came hurdling back - the good and the bad. All of our past memories seemed to dance around us, playing out like a movie and moving like ghosts in and out of vision. All of the words we've ever spoken echoing in the distance, all of the feelings rushing back to the surface.

And then suddenly they were gone, like they had been eclipsed by this moment. There was no past memories or feelings anymore, there was nothing left except here and now. Nothing else mattered except this kiss and this sparking inside our chests, the fire that hadn't been extinguished but instead become so burning and scorching that it consumed us entirely. It was so painfully hot that it had ceased to hurt anymore, instead of blistering inside us it seemed to fuel us.

I might have continued to analyze this more and probably over think it a bit, but I found myself getting lost in his touch and feeling. All my thoughts drifted away and for the first time possibly ever, Rose Hathaway had nothing to say about any of this and no witty comment on her mind. Not that I could have used it anyway, my mouth was a bit preoccupied.

Dimitri's hand's raised up and got tangled in my hair, running his fingers through my dark locks while my hands grazed his sides. Our lips moved perfectly in sync and I couldn't remember where I ended and he began, not when we felt so connected. I also couldn't remember what it felt like without this heat that was inside of me and I could hardly contain it, it felt like I was going to explode.

And I loved it.

Too bad that moment had to end, not because something horrible happened or one of us stumbled on the realization that this wasn't what we wanted. We had to stop because we were getting too heated, which wasn't hard to believe when you put us two together. I think we both realized this wasn't the place to be getting hot and heavy, not when someone had just died and our colleges were busy working.

We pulled away from each other slightly, but I still pressed my body against his and he moved his hands so that they were cradling my face. We were both breathing heavy as we looked into each other's eyes, I could see the love that shone in his dark eyes and I hoped he could see it in mine, but just in case he couldn't.

"I love-" I began, but my words fell away. There was a terrifying and excruciating pain in my abdomen - actually, painful didn't even begin to cover it. My hands immediately pressed against where the pain was, applying pressure in the hopes that it would dull the pain. I let out and agonizing moan and could hear Dimitri asking me what was wrong, but I was in too much pain to respond.

I was doubled up in pain, unable to speak or really move and quickly becoming faint. Dimitri was bent down at my level, terrified at what was happening and I tried to explain to him but whenever I opened my mouth to explain, no words came out. So, I just pulled my hand away, prepared to point and use some sort of messed up sign language, but when I did what I saw even shocked me.

My hand was drenched in blood.

I shakily showed Dimitri before my knees gave out and the ground came rushing up to meet me. Luckily Dimitri had caught me, just like he always would and guided me down to the ground gently. I watched as he put on his calm guardian mask and got to work, being the bad ass I knew who could get stuff done. I heard him shouting for medical and shouting at Lissa, I could also hear the chaos happening around me.

I first I was surprised that there was this much reaction to whatever was happening, but when my head rolled back I noticed that I wasn't the only one lying on the ground. Back were my friends were clustered there was another body lying there and this one I recognized as Kai.

Panic struck me and I fought to get up - which was useless, I basically squirmed around helplessly - I needed to go over to him and see what was happening. I needed to make sure Kai was alright and I needed to help him, he was my family and I couldn't leave him lying there - not after all we had been through.

I think that's when realization hit me.

The searing pain in my stomach was something familiar to me, it was the same type of agonizing pain I felt when I had been stabbed in Paris. It was the kind of pain that left you disoriented and confused, unable to do anything about it. It was the same type of pain I had felt before and if I had to guess, I would say that Kai was lying on the ground with a head injury.

For some unknown reason we were both reliving our injuries that we had received back in Paris…but I don't think reliving was the right word… we were dying from these injuries. I could feel the blood seeping through my fingers that were pressed against the stab wound that had abruptly appeared and I knew, even without a bond that Kai was internally bleeding and that his skull crushing blow had probably already killed him. We were both dying from the injuries that should have claimed us months ago and I didn't know if we would ever come back this time.

My vision began to blur and my head lulled forward again, from squinted eyes I could see Dimitri yelling for help and guardians swarming around. I could see Dimitri's hands pressed against mine although I could hardly feel it, I had begun going numb and unable to feel much of anything at that point. I could see him looking at me with nothing but love and fear, he had just gotten me back and now he was terrified to lose me. I understood what he was feeling, even in my dizzy and disoriented state I could feel the loss that he did.

I had just gotten him back too, things might now have been perfect or even close to fixed, but at least I had the chance to try. Now, with my life seeping out of me at an alarming rate, I couldn't help but wish I could kiss him once more. I wished that I could press my lips to his, that I could wrap my arms around him and never let go because he was finally mine again.

He was mine again and I was drifting off into oblivion. I was leaving him again and somehow that seemed like the most tragic ending to a love story ever.

I was never one to believe in fairytales or love stories, Lissa was always the princess while I was more the knight in shining armour. She was the one who read the fairytales, who was always up in her tower and believed in that happily ever after. I on the other had was the one fighting the dragons, being apart of the fighting and getting to see the bleaker, darker side of the fairytales. I never truly believed that happily ever after existed for me, at least not until I met Dimitri and let myself believe that true love could conquer all.

When I met him and fell in love with him, suddenly I wasn't just the noble knight anymore I had become the princess (or the princesses best friend at least) and I had a chance to go to the ball, get that kiss and have those two silly words to sum up my entire story. I could ride off in a horse drawn carriage with my prince next to me, kissing me as we lived happily ever after.

Some part of me honestly believed that I could have this beautiful life with this fairytale ending, but all chances of that were being ripped away from me as I faded further from the world of the living. I couldn't ride off into the sunset when I was being dragged into the world of the dead, I couldn't have truelove's kiss when I was buried in the ground and I couldn't live happily ever after when the man I loved was in a completely different world than me.

I thought this would be a fairytale ending, but it turned out to be something from Shakespear with a tragic loved that ended too soon.

My vision had gotten darker and darker, I could see the fear in Dimitri's eyes as he continued to shout and hold me. He was afraid and I understood because I was afraid too, I didn't know what it would be like on the other side and I didn't know if I could be there alone. I didn't know what I would do without him or any of my friends - not when they were living their lives fully.

Suddenly Lissa appeared before the darkness swallowed me whole. She looked brilliant as ever hovering over me with tears in her eyes and a determined set to her lips, I figured she would try to heal me but I had a sinking feeling that it would be no use. I was too far gone and whatever was happening was meant to happen, there was nothing we could do to stop it or deter it. No amount of magic in the world could save me now.

The world around me was closing in but suddenly I wasn't afraid anymore, not when the two people I loved most in this world were here with me. It may have been rough for a while and I may have drifted from them, but they were here with me now and I could see in their eyes just how much they loved me. I hoped that they knew just how much I loved them, I hoped that they could see it in my eyes and feel it because I loved them with ever fibre of my being.

I also knew that this wasn't the end, maybe for this story but there would be more. I may not have gotten the fairy tale in the world of the living but there was always a chance for some twisted sequel in the world of the dead. I would wait for them and watch over them, I would still be with them and patiently wait until they could join me.

This wasn't the end I told myself, as darkness filled my vision and I lost all consciousness. This wasn't the end.


	53. Chapter 53

AN: Wow. I honestly can't believe that this is the end. It's pretty unbelievable... it blows my mind when I remember back to when I first posted this story and honestly I'm a little shocked I carried through to the end. I was in a very different place when I started this and I'm a completely different person now. I mean I had little faith in myself, but 50+ chapters and a year later here we are at the very end of it all.

Starting off I just want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. If it wasn't for you guys this never would have made it this far and this really is just for you. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me and reviewed, I am so blessed to have heard from you and you should know that your comments really made an impact. I read each and everyone of them and really took them to the heart. So thank you.

I hope that you enjoy the finale chapter of Save You. I had re-written it multiple times and although it's not exactly as I pictured in my head, it's pretty damn close. I named the song and artist that this story was inspired by (sort of) and I hope you guys check it out, it's Save You by Matthew Perryman Jones and maybe it will give you even more insight about my thought process during this story.

Thank you once again for all of your support. You guys are amazing so this one is dedicated to you!

Disclaimer: I do not own VA

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><p>Three Years Later.<p>

**Rose's Point Of View**

This wasn't a fairytale ending.

Nothing was perfect and nothing turned out like any of us thought it would. There was still malice and madness in our world, not everything was fixed and we weren't sure if certain things would ever mend. We were all still broken and unsure if we would ever find the strength to put ourselves back together. And nothing was ever going to be like it was.

We were all still stuck in this never ending battle, not exactly certain what we were fighting for anymore. Lines were constant being blurred, politics were corrupt as ever and evil was still running rampant.

This was the furthest thing from a fairytale ending.

When I unexpectedly woke up in the hospital at court, I had been confused and disoriented, unsure of what was happening. But even in that dazed state I could tell that something was wrong, I could feel it. After a few hesitant and vague answers from my friends, I was told that Kai had died and I immediately recognized the feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was the familiar and overwhelming feeling of losing a bond mate.

No one had been able to treat his internal injuries and no one could relieve the severe brain trauma that he had sustained. Kai had died almost instantly, just like he had - or should have - in Paris. I was thankful that he didn't suffer long or feel too much pain, but that didn't comfort me.

The only thing that did comfort me was knowing that what happened to Kai, really was for the best. I knew that he was in a better place, I had a strong feeling that he was undoubtedly happier in the land of the dead - a place that he should have been years ago.

Kai belonged there, it was where all of his friends and family were. His entire world had moved on without him, had died and left him behind while he was stuck in the living world. He didn't belong in the land of the living, not when the people he loved were gone.

He had been miserable, being left behind in this world alone was agonizing for Kai, that had been obvious. It was hard for him to wake up each morning, when all of his reasons for living had died. It was hard watching him suffer each day, knowing that the people he loved were in a better place and that they were never coming back. Thankfully, he could finally join them.

Still, it was hard for me to swallow and hard for me to wrap my brain around. I couldn't believe that Kai had really died and that he wasn't ever coming back, not this time. I guess when you've been resurrected as many times as I have, death becomes a hard concept to understand, it doesn't become really anymore. Even after three years, it was sometimes impossible to imagine waking up without Kai being there, without him in my head or looking over my shoulder anymore.

But I was always comforted knowing it was for the best. I've always believed that, even in my shocked state at the hospital and especially now. But whenever I felt that comfort wavering, whenever I began questioning if it really was for the best and if this really was fate's plan like Kai always said, I would think about what he was doing in the land of the dead.

I knew he was watching over me, probably shaking his head at the decisions I've made or the jokes I've cracked. I knew he was probably laughing and smiling, spending time with Bridget and the rest of his family. I knew that Mason would be there, looking out for Kai and probably forcing him to practice guardian moves whenever they weren't goofing off.

I knew that he was waiting for me, that I would see him - that I would see both of my boys - again. And I knew that whenever I returned to the land of the dead, that they would be there with open arms.

But until then, they were just going to have to look out for each other and remember that I missed them both.

And until I returned, I was going to have to do the same, look out for my friends that is. Which is exactly what I was doing by standing by Adrian and supporting him as he finally became the man we all knew he could be. He stopped standing on the sidelines and finally got into the game, taking a stance for what he believed in and trying to make even the smallest dent in the war against evil.

Adrian was the furthest thing from the party boy I had met in Idaho all of those years ago. It was amazing to see how far he's come from that spoiled royal to the caring and brave man that I now knew.

It hadn't been easy, he had to open up and accept the help he needed to succeed. He built up confidence in his ability to make a change and worked on Spirit endlessly, putting his faith in what he could do for himself, rather than what others could do for him. Adrian was practically a superhero now, a person who had come so far and been so brave through it all. But none of that had been easy, sharing how scared he was about going crazy - of being pushed over the edge - had been the second hardest thing he had to do.

The first being pouring all his liquor down the drain.

Every last bottle.

He wanted to see who would have the power then.

I know all that, because I held his hand the entire time.

Things had finally come full circle for us and we became just how we used to be. We didn't realize how broken we were until it was fixed. I also didn't realize how much he meant to me - how much his friendship meant to me - until I had him back. I missed Adrian's companionship more than I ever imagined.

The chiming of church bells broke me out of my thoughts, shattering all my memories and reminding me that I wanted to stay in the present. I didn't want to be late or miss anything because I was too busy stuck in my thoughts, especially since this day would soon become a memory I wanted imprinted into my brain.

I hurried through the church, my heels clicking against the stone and my long dress gathered in my hand as I made my way to an adjacent room where my friends were. As I approached I could hear the sounds of laughter and people talking excitedly, making me smile as I stepped into the room.

Jill and Mia stood in the room, wearing bright smiles much like my own as they watched Lissa, who looked absolutely radiant, sheathed in a white dress. I strode further into the room, extending my hand which held her long, lacy veil. Lissa had forgotten it this morning in her excitement to get to the church, I practically had to sprint to royal housing to retrieve it - the woes of being maid of honour.

"Thank goodness." Lissa breathed, turning away from the gilded, full length mirror and smiling at me. Her beauty caught me by surprise for just a second and I found myself just standing there, staring at my stunning best friend, who was about to get married. It was kind of unbelievable. "Will you put it on?" She asked.

I nodded my head and walked over, standing on my toes so I could peer over her head. I delicately pinned the lacy veil into her platinum hair, wanting to make sure it was perfectly placed into her updo. I smiled as my fingers brushed against her hair combs - a family heirloom that had been passed down to brides on their wedding days. The combs were beautiful, silver with encrusted emeralds and diamonds, which had been flawlessly woven into her pale hair.

After I was done, I slid my arms down to her shoulders, squeezing tightly as I peered around her and met her eyes in the mirror. She lightly placed her hands on top of mine, smiling brightly. She looked so radiant and ecstatic, this was the happiest I had seen her in a long time. It was hard to believe this day had finally come, although Lissa had been counting down for months and we all knew they would get married someday, it was just surreal that someday was actually today.

The longer I looked at my best friend, taking in her beauty and bliss, the more overwhelming my emotions became. I had the strongest urge to cry, one that I tried to suppress but was unable too, the tears began welling up in my eyes. I guess it was just difficult coming to terms with the fact that my best friend - my sister - wouldn't be sharing anymore crazy adventures with me.

Our wild exploits were officially finished now, although that chapter had been closed in our lives for years now. The days of coming up with impossible plans and then acting them out on a whim were over, we had grown up and grown out of those stupid stunts (for the most part anyway). The best friend dream team would still be as close as sister, would still do unexpected things and hangout together, they would still laugh at old memories. But they wouldn't have any new adventures, it was time for Lissa and Christian to start their own - as if they hadn't already.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, sniffling back the tears and giving Lissa a mischievous smirk. "Just say the word and I can make one hell of a distraction while you slip out the back door. What do you say? We could head back to Portland for one last time." Lissa just rolled her eyes while I gave her shoulders another squeeze.

Before Liss could answer, Adrian strode through the door, looking handsome as ever in his black tux. We all smiled brightly at him as he walked over to Lissa, approaching her with arms wide open. None of us questioned his presence here because we all felt that it was right, when Lissa was conflicted on who would walk her down the aisle it was quickly settled when she picked Adrian. He joked it was because he was her favourite cousin and that was mostly true, he really was the closest related man to her and which is partly why she picked him.

The other reason was because Adrian was one of the few people who understood what was happening in her life, he could understand that insane emotions that were invading her mind and causing dark thoughts to lurch in. He knew how hard you had to fight against that and how strong Spirit's pull was. They had formed a different type of Spirit bond - nothing magical kept them linked, but they shared the same overwhelming feelings about it, which was something no one else could understand.

He also comforted Lissa a lot throughout the whole wedding process, I know because I often found myself comforting her and Christian too. After all of the engagement bliss wore off everyone kind of realized how bittersweet the entire wedding was, how neither Christian or Lissa's parents would get to see them walk down the aisle or reunite their families.

I know it hurt Lissa a lot whenever she thought about it, she was always the one who had her wedding planned out and it always included her family. She always dreamed about taking wedding photos with her mother, having her father walk her down the aisle and dancing with her brother at the reception. She wanted them to be a huge part of her wedding because they were a huge part of her life, but now they couldn't be and it broke her heart. She was open about her pain and shed a few tears when planning certain things that a bride was supposed to do for her family, but we made it clear that although her biological family couldn't be here the rest of us were.

While Christian on the other hand was more closed off about his pain. He didn't want people to know that he grieved his family and wished they could be here, he suppressed it and pretended that none of it mattered to him. He acted in typical, snarky Christian type manner but I knew that he was hurting and regretted that his family wasn't there.

I think it was when they were picking the flower arrangements out is when it really killed him, I had no idea why but he couldn't seem to sit through the meeting about different flowers and had to leave. I remembered Lissa just nodded her head and bit her lip as he excused himself, pretending like this wasn't hard for her either. I also remembered that I grabbed her shoulder and promised to take care of it before chasing after Christian.

"Hey! Wait up." I shouted, not far behind him but annoyed that he continued to stomp away. "You may be the future Mr. Dragomir, but I will still tackle you." I informed him as I caught up and he realized that getting me to leave him alone was practically useless.

"What do you want, Rose?" He asked, getting straight to the point like he always did. His voice was flat as he spoke and his eyes wouldn't meet mine, this wasn't the first time I had seen Christian like this but it still wasn't any easier. No one likes to see their friends in pain, especially when it's a pain you didn't really understand and couldn't do much to fix.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." I began, knowing that it sounded stupid. There was no way that he was okay, it was impossible to be okay when the people you loved died and when they're supposed to be here with you. "Actually, I wanted to make sure you weren't alone while you weren't okay."

"I don't need a babysitter." Christian snapped, his eyes looking off into the distance and still not meeting mine. He was being typical defensive and snarky Christian, which always clashed with offensive sarcastic me, but this time it didn't. He was hurting and although I hadn't lost my parents, I could relate to losing people. He was my friend and he was hurting, misery always loved company, I decided.

"I know you don't need a babysitter, I thought you could use a friend. You have had one of those before, right?" I asked with a hint of a smile, I had hoped that the jab would have made him smile too but his eyes just flickered to me and they should nothing. I knew that if I wanted Christian to open up and possibly feel better or at least, a little less miserable then I was going to have to strip away the sarcasm - his and mine. "I know this is hard on you and Lissa, the whole your parents not being here-"

"Save it Rose," Christian cut me off, clearly expecting this to be another motivational speech about how it was supposed to be the best day of their lives and that they shouldn't let the absence of their family take away any of the magic from their big day. "I have already heard this little talk so many times that I could deliver it in french. If you're trying to be helpful you might as well go inside and help Lissa with the flowers."

I weighed his suggestion for a minute, knowing Lissa would value my opinion of which arrangement looked best but then I decided I rather stay here more. God knows that I hated stuff like this and probably wouldn't be much help, but I also fathered stay here and push Christian to talk about it. That's what the two of us did after all, that's what our friendship was based on - forcing each other to do and say the things that no one else would dare to go near, and we always did it with witty punch lines.

"I could but I rather stay here with you, mainly because I'd like to hear you butcher an entire speech in french but also because you've never heard the Rose Hathaway version of this speech." I wrapped my arms around myself as the cool summer breeze ruffled my hair and Christian nodded his head in a gesture for us to start walking. I guess he realized that he couldn't shake me that easily and that if we were going to have this conversation he rather stay moving.

"I hate when people say "I know how you feel" because they never actually know. They think they can relate or that they understand what you're going through but they don't. I am not going to pretend like I know what you're going through because I don't, only you and Lissa can really understand what it feels like. But I do understand what it feels like to lose someone, I have lost a few important people and although they weren't my parents, they were my family." I told him, my voice surprisingly raw as I spoke, I was getting personal for what felt like the first time with Christian. We had gotten into fights and had deep conversations, usually about Lissa or whatever world ending domination was happening but never about loss. Christian and I had never really verbalized what it felt like to lose the people we loved.

"I laid on Mason's chest until the guardians found me." I gulped, telling him something that only few knew. "I was covered in blood, lying on his chest and wanted so badly to hear a heartbeat or the sound of him breathing. I had been in such a shock that I didn't even know where I was or what had happened, I almost attacked the guardians with a sword when they finally found me. It took me a few weeks before I got over the shock and by then everything had been happening with seeing his ghost, the stress of graduating and Dimitri, but the loss didn't hit me till I was out in the real world. There would be times where all I could think about was what he would be doing and how much of an amazing guardian and person he would have became, sometimes that's still all I can think about.

"And when I thought Dimitri had died? I don't even know how to explain that feeling. I remember Stan and my mother had to hold me back from running into that cave, I ran through the forest with tears and wasn't even concerned about the moroi or my friends or even myself. And when we got back to the academy, I went to the church and I prayed to a god I wasn't sure I believed in. It doesn't sound like such a horrible thing, nothing compared to grieving Mason but it was worse, I had completely lost my heart and practically my mind.

"Losing a bond mate is unimaginably painful, especially if they die. You're connected with this person, they're the only tie to the world of the living or anything really. They feel like the only thing keeping you to this earth, they feel like your gravity and then suddenly the tie has been cut and gravity is gone. You're left floating without anyone to keep you stable or grounded, you're just gone and there is nothing that can bring you back down to earth. Now add that feeling to the already immense pain of losing someone who has been your best friend for years and then you really feel lost and ungrounded.

"Honestly there are some days I don't want to get out of bed, because the feeling of loss is so overwhelming. I'll wake up in a house that I shared with my bond mate, having dreamt about past memories with my lover and be surrounded by old pictures of my best friend. The loss can be crippling some days, the thought that you're alive and they're dead, you feel guilty because you can do all these things while they can't. You feel all of these emotions while at the same time you feel empty and numb, like you're just a corpse like they are.

"And somedays? Somedays you wake up furious. You're mad at yourself for not being able to do or say more, for not stepping in when you had the chance and stopping it all. You're mad at other people for not doing more, for not being there when you needed them or for not saying enough when they had the chance. But most of all you're mad at them, you're livid that they had made the choices they did and that they died because of it. You're mad that they left you behind, that they didn't think about you and how this would change everything if they died. You're mad that they made you love them, let you trust them and then they died."

Christian seemed to absorb my words for a while, he didn't say anything and didn't make any type of motion. He just kept walking with his head slightly down, but I knew he was listening and hearing what I had to say. I knew that what I was saying was hitting pretty close to home, especially about the furious part because if there was one thing that Christian Ozera was, it was angry.

He was always angry, always lashing out and always defined by his anger. It's what made him such a black sheep at the academy, partly why people always suspected he would become Strigoi and why many people avoided him. Christian was angry all the time and had no problem telling you about his cynical opinion. Christian was furious and had no where to take it out, he spent his days alone in a church attic with nothing but his thoughts, it was easy to see why he was angry.

"But despite the anger, the sadness and the emptiness, I get out of bed and do something with my life. I honestly don't know how or why I do it somedays, I guess I just try not to think about how much emptier and bleaker the world is without them. I try to focus on the positives, try to remember that they wouldn't want me laying in bed all day when they died for love or what they believed in. I think about how disappointed they would be if I let their deaths define me and weaken me, I think about how wasteful it would be for me to stay paralyzed when they died fearlessly.

"And if that still doesn't help me get out and live my life, I remember that Mason is doing just fine in the world of the dead, that he is finally at peace with what happened. I remember that although part of Dimitri died when he became a Strigoi, that he was restored and finding his way back. I remember that Kai's friends and family are all with him in the land of the dead and that he is happier there. I remember that they have moved on from what has happened and that they aren't obsessing over their deaths and that I shouldn't be either. I should be out spending my time with my friends who are still alive, doing things that I love and protecting the people I love."

It was the truth, everything that I had told Christian was the absolute, honest truth which is the only thing I can ever really tell him. I didn't know if this helped him in the least, I would like to think that it did, that he could know that whatever he was feeling was probably normal and that others who've experienced loss have probably felt it too. I hoped that he realized that he wasn't alone in any of this, that he didn't just have Lissa to talk to but me too.

"I wouldn't have done it," Christian sighed, breaking me out of my thoughts. He still wasn't looking at me as he spoke but instead stared straight ahead. "I wouldn't have proposed if I knew it would have felt like this, if I knew that Lissa cried almost every day and that it would be this hard to plan without them. I never would have even considered marriage if I knew that we would be this miserable."

"Then call it off!" I began, knowing they had been blisses out when they were just dating and that it wasn't too late to just call this off. They could push forward or quickly go back, either way it would save them a lot of the pain they were feeling. "It's making Lissa upset and you can't even sit through a meeting about flower arrangements without storming off. You two were happy just dating, you could stay that happy or if you really want to get married then why don't you just go down to the human courthouse? You have options, ones that don't involve either of you in pain."

"We can't do that - we don't want to do that." Christian explained, his voice softer than I had ever heard it. "We want to celebrate this, we want everyone to be able to celebrate our lives and love for each other. This isn't just a wedding, this is a significant day in our lives, proving that we can make it past anything. It shows how far we've come and even with all this craziness still happening in our lives we can appreciate the love we feel. This day is for everyone."

I was touched by what Christian said and realized that he was right, this wedding was for more than just the two of them, it was for all of us. We had been in a never-ending battle with so many things since , been so tied up and focused on getting over the next obstacle that we never got to appreciate what we had. This wedding was more than just a tribute to them, it was a tribute to all of us for being here, for making it this far - something that even surprised me sometimes.

"Okay, then we will do everything we can to make this the happiest day of everyone's lives." I smiled, wanting to show him that we supported him and Lissa completely and that we were here for them. They may not of had their parents but they had their friends, and we were going to make sure that would be enough.

"Of course I want to do this." Lissa smiled at me, bringing me back from the memory of me and Christian and into the present. I was right, we had done everything we could to make this the happiest day, everything was perfect. I wanted to say more, to ask her if she was positive but I knew she was. I guess I was just a little nostalgic about how the days of my adventures with Lissa were officially over, we weren't those impulsive and uncontrollable teenagers anymore with nothing to lose. We had jobs and responsibilities now, we had friends and were starting families, we had a lot to lose now.

"Okay, then let's do this." I announced waving my arms in a Vanna White type gesture towards the door and waiting for Jill and Mia to walk out before following closely behind. We walked quietly through the halls of the old church, our heels clacking against the ancient stone while we all bubbled with excitement. This was such a monumental day for everyone because Lissa, the princess of the Dragomirs and last in her bloodline was getting married to Lord Christian Ozera, at least that's what the invitations said. But it was a monumental day because Lissa, my best friend and sister was getting married to Christian, her other half and my occasional partner in crime.

We were approaching the large wooden doors that led into church hall where everyone we know would be waiting for Lissa to walk down the aisle. We could hear the light chatter and sound of the church organ, but we all stopped for a minute to take a breath. Turning towards Lissa for any final fix ups before we walked through those doors, but when we faced her we all just stared.

She was gorgeous and regal. Her dress took forever to make and maybe even longer to put on, but the custom ball gown was beautiful, with layers of soft organza while the bodice was embroidered beautifully with crystals. The dress was a mix of classic and modern and it was completely romantic, just like Lissa. Her long beautiful hair was in the perfect, effortless updo that allowed you to see the dazzling hair combs that had been strategically placed. She looked beyond blissed out and beautiful, it was easily the happiest day of her life.

"You look beautiful Liss," I told her, thankful that we had made it to this day finally. I thanked god in my head that we had made it here, that through all the chaos and commotion, he made sure that we made it here. I may not have believed in him throughout the way and sometimes I swore to him and used his name in vain or whatever, but today I had nothing but gratitude for him.

"So do you." She skilled back and I just grinned, thankful that she at least took my consideration on the bridesmaids dresses. It was a beautiful pearl pink gown that complimented Jill and Mia's pale complexion and my tan one, it also helped that there a high slit in it that showed off my killer wasn't a dress I would be ashamed to be photographed in, which is perfect because Liss claimed she wanted pictures of _everything._

"Ready cousin?" Adrian asked, holding out his arm for Lissa to take. She nodded her head and gave him an enthusiastic smile as she wrapped her thin arm around his. Mia knocked lightly on the wooden door, signalling that we were ready to begin and shortly after, the organ began to play and the doors opened.

The wedding itself had been pretty much a blur, I remembered walking into the packed church with my head held high and a smile on my face. It was more crowded than I originally expected but then I remembered that this was the princess of the Dragomir's wedding and a full house was to be expected. Guardians lined the ways, stoic and silent as they kept their eyes ready for any threat. Although Strigoi weren't a worry because we were on court grounds and inside holy grounds, but wedding crashers and renegades were a constant threat.

I nodded at a few that I recognized but mostly I kept my eyes forward, not wanting to trip and embarrass myself while walking down the long aisle, but also because I couldn't look away from the alter. Christian stood there in a dark tux with the most brilliant smile I had ever seen on his face, he looked even happier than Lissa to have finally made it to this day.

And beside him, stood two of his best men, Eddie and Dimitri.

Although Christian's happiness and radiance did catch my eye, that wasn't the reason why I was staring at the alter with a huge grin on my face. It was because like Lissa, I was walking towards my future and I got closer with every step. Although I wasn't in any rush to get married and actually stand at the alter myself, I was happy that I had worked things out with the man that I loved and that I could walk towards him and let him know I loved him.

It's kind of an understatement to say that I left things hanging when I fell to the ground that day. I had been on the verge of expressing my undying and unrelenting love for Dimitri, the one that was so powerful that it eclipsed all the hatred I had felt for him in the past. And it wasn't the first time that had happened, all throughout our relationship it seemed that one of us was always trying to tell the other how they felt, only to be cut off and ripped away by some tragedy. We had always waited to long to confess our feelings and then wondered why the world seemed to get in the way.

I think that's why when I woke up in the hospital, I took the first chance that I could to tell him what I needed to. I had been disoriented and dazed, squirming in pain and feeling drained but I didn't let that stop me. I saw Dimitri perched at my bedside, his eyes somber and sad as he gripped my hand tightly. I thought that I was dead but I knew this wasn't heaven, because although I would have loved to have Dimitri with me in death I knew it wasn't fair to him. Dimitri was my life but he wasn't my heaven, not when he deserved to be alive and living.

But I didn't waste any time asking questions or thinking about it much more. I had already wasted valuable time being angry with him, avoiding him and yelling at him. I wasn't going to spend anymore time hating the man that I loved, it was pointless. So instead of worrying about what was happening, I used all the strength that I had and pushed myself up, gritting my teeth against the pain.

And I kissed him. I could ask questions later. I wasn't going to waste another minute.

If he had been surprised or caught off guard then he didn't show it. As soon as my lips pressed against his he reacted, pressing his hand against my cheek while the other one moved to support my back. The kiss didn't last long because I broke it, gasping in pain as he gently laid me back down on the bed, but it was long enough.

In that short kiss, I felt the same burning passion that I felt before I collapsed. All of those feelings from before came rushing back and I knew letting him in again was the right choice. Loving him was the right thing.

"I love you." I announced, my voice softer than I would have liked but at least he heard me.

"I love you too." He breathed back, leaning down and pressing his lips to my forehead.

And that was all that mattered - that we loved each other. Everything else could wait, all of the chaos and the madness that seemed to invade our lives could wait a little while, because right now we were just too in love to let it effect us. It didn't matter that we still had some kinks or that things were far from perfect, they would slowly get there with some work.

I pulled at his shirt, forcing his lips back down on mine. I wanted him close and I wanted him forever, it didn't matter how long that forever was so long as it started today.

Eventually though, after I had a few days to heal and spend time with Dimitri, we had to come to terms with a few things. Starting with why I had fallen to the ground and why Kai had died, I needed answers and Dimitri thought that he may have found them.

As it turned out, after Victor killed himself and Dimitri ran out of the room, he had gone to find Robert. He questioned the moroi about whether Victor was lying or not, because he had died and I was still standing. Apparently Robert was a blubbering mess though and provided little answers after he heard about Victor's fate.

Dimitri hesitantly decided that Victor had just been playing mind games, but he was still wanting to keep a close eye on me. Which ironically was why he was talking to the guardians, because he was asking about my location. He hadn't expected me to collapse to the ground when I did with injuries that should have killed me long before, be he said he was watching me with cautious eyes. He prayed that I wouldn't suddenly die or my soul wouldn't vacate my body but he said he was prepared for it.

I was upset with him that he didn't tell me that my life was tied to Victor's. Angry seemed like a bit of an understatement when I heard Adrian had also been involved, but with a little time to think about it, I knew they were just trying to look out for me. And honestly, they were just trying to protect me from myself, because they knew if I knew, then I would have done something stupid in order to bring him to justice.

Besides, there was nothing that could have been done to stop it. Once a bond is formed it's impossible to break by anyone but the ones in the bond and usually the only way to do that is by death (or restoring a Strigoi, which is what broke mine and Lissa's).

The light clinking noise caught everyone's attention, pulling me out of my thoughts of the past and making everyone's eyes flicker towards me. The ceremony had been beautiful and Lissa had timed everything perfect, so that the photos had been taken just as the sun was setting and the reception would be held under the moonlight.

Everyone was seated and chatting quietly when I decided it was time to give the maid of honour speech. At first when I tried writing this I didn't know what to say. I had no idea how to put into words everything that had happened, everything we had to overcome to finally make it to this day. I didn't know how to express how relieved and right this day felt or the joy that not just Lissa and Christian felt, but that we all shared.

This wedding wasn't just for them, although it was a proclamation of their love, it was more than simply that. This wedding was a symbol for more than just their love, it was a representation of what we've overcome - together. Both Lissa and Christian knew that when they were planning it, they knew that this day meant so much more then any of us ever thought possible. It was a sign that we - as a family - have made it through and that there is such thing as happiness and hopefulness. This wedding was a symbol of staying together and loving each other, it showed that we really could overcome the impossible. And there were no words on the planet that could possibly explain all that.

But, I was Rose Hathaway and I always had something to say.

"When Lissa and I first returned to the academy, we immediately fell back into what had been important to us before we'd left." I began, smiling at Lissa as I remembered our transition back into academy life after we'd been absent for two years. It felt like a lifetime ago since that moment. "We didn't focus on what was going to make us happy - Lissa didn't focus on what would make her happy. We were too focused on our looks, on the clothes we wore and the people we knew. We were immersed in the money, the status and the power. But none of that was enough."

I looked at the circular table in the centre of all the others, the ones that my friends and family sat around and I knew that none of what Lissa and I ever wanted at the academy had been enough. All the status, the power and popularity in the world didn't come close to the friends we had acquired, the triumphs we had overcome or the love we had found.

"But love was enough." I announced, remembering that our love and passion for all the things in our lives was the reason we were standing here today. It was the reason that we had survived - all of us - and it was the reason that Lissa and Christian had made it to their wedding day. "Whether it was love for a boy or for a girl, for the places we had been or the things we had done. Or if it was the love for our makeshift family."

I knew that the love we had for out misfit family was the greatest thing in each of our lives, it's what kept us going during the darkest of times. One by one we had all come together, bringing our individuality and eccentricity, coming in at the precise moment we needed them without even knowing it. Each person in our misfit gang loved and supported one another through everything, teaching new things and putting someone in their place whenever they needed it (usually me or Christian and sometimes Adrian). Together, we had the time of our lives and had enough adventure to last for several lifetimes.

"It didn't matter where that love came from, Lissa taught me that important lesson, one that took me a long time to learn." I looked over at her endearingly, remembering how worried I was when she first began having feelings for Christian, but looking at the two of them now, I wondered where those feelings ever stemmed from. Christian was the one person in this world aside from myself, that I trusted completely to take care of Lissa. "You don't have a choice where you find that love, you only have a choice on whether you're going to embrace and fight for it."

Christian and Lissa had fought for it. From the moment the two met in that church attic it had been a struggle and it stayed that way through everything that happened at the academy, and even now they were still fighting. I had no doubt that they were going to fight for this love until their last dying breath, it sounded ridiculously dramatic but it was true. Lissa and Christian would never stop fighting for this.

They were fighting for what they wanted and honestly, they were inspiration to fight for my love too. Looking at how happy they seemed and how in love they were made me want that someday, it gave me the hope I needed to fight for my relationship with Dimitri.

"And if you're brave enough to admit that you want it, to hold your head high and that a chance, then you may ver well get it." I smiled, my eyes shifting from Lissa and Christian to Dimitri. I was taking that chance everyday. "If you're courageous enough to open yourself up to love, to accept that with the good comes the bad and know that things aren't always easy, then chances are you will find love. And if you're really lucky you will find a love like Lissa and Christian's." I smiled and raised my glass in a toast, while everyone did the same.

I took my seat with the rest of my friends, hugging Lissa and Christian as I did so. Lissa had tears rolling down her cheeks by then and honestly I was almost on the verge, but I smiled through it and let the next person toast to the happy couple. And although the table paid attention to what was being said, I think we were all just focused on the friends seated there.

"Everything is happening so fast!" Jill breathed, dabbing her eyes with the cloth napkins. I watched Mia nod her head in agreement, blonde curls bouncing with her. "Lissa and Christian getting married, Dimitri and Rose moving in together and now we are leaving!"

Of course Jill was referring to the fact that in just a few days, Adrian, Eddie and herself were being sent to the east coast with an alchemist to conduct experiments on Spirit. Why they had to go all the way to some cheesy place called Palm Springs, I had no idea but that's what they were doing. It was incredibly sad to think that they would be gone for who know's how long, but they were all excited about it and the opportunity to make an impact in out world.

"Do you guys ever feel incredibly old? Like way older than just early twenties?" Mia asked quietly after a minute, snuggling next to Eddie in a way that made me raise my eyebrows slightly, but I said nothing. Instead I let Mia's question really sink it and I realized that since I had come back to the academy with Lissa I felt older than my years, I felt like I had lived so many lifetimes in my twenty-four years.

I had fallen in love, not just once but twice with the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I had been in relationships with men who although weren't right for me in the end, changed my life and way I saw and felt things. I had built friendships that could withstand even the most unimaginable things and even the little things, like time and distance.

I had traveled the world endlessly, being exposed to new cultures that I never could have found myself. I met people who would impact my life forever on my travels, who taught me and protected me, people I considered friends. And I got job opportunities that bettered my people and certain causes. I had done a lifetime full of things and more in my twenty-four years and I wasn't planning on stopping now.

Maybe now the lifetime I would live might be a little more calmer.

Not that I don't enjoy travelling around the world, meeting new people and getting myself into crazy adventures. But now I was thinking I might have to hurdle through the adventures of being a little closer to home.

And looking over at Dimitri, who was smiling at some snarky remark Christian had said, I was completely okay with spending time here. The fun and crazy possibilities I could do with Dimitri by my side were endless, even if they were here at court.

Our conversation continued on light heartedly for a while, until a voice announced that it was time for Christian and Lissa to dance for the first time as husband and wife. I clapped and hooted because I knew Christian was uncomfortable with dancing, but he got up anyway and escorted Lissa to the dance floor that was underneath a beautiful canopy of twinkling lights.

A deep voice started off the song with a light strumming of a guitar. I knew that they had picked "Save You" by Matthew Perryman Jones but I had never listened to the song fully until now. And as I watched them dancing to the light music I realized how perfect it was, it was beautiful to watch them twirl and sway to the deep voice and guitar.

And it wasn't long before other couples started to join them, obviously mesmerized by the happy couple and wanting to get in on the joy. I watched Mia and Eddie go up hand and hand, while Adrian twirled Mia onto the dance floor. I figured that I would stay seated and watch them dance because it was just so beautiful.

That is until a calloused and graceful hand was extended to me. I let my eyes trail up the arm all the way until I got to Dimitri's face. He was smiling at me with a sparkle in his eyes as he tilted his head to the dance floor. I smiled in return, putting my hand in his and letting him lead me to the dance floor filled with smiling couples.

He put one hand on my waist and grabbed my hand with his, swaying me and guiding me gently across the floor. His dancing style was much like his fightings style, completely graceful yet strong and powerful. I had no doubt that he could spin me and dip me all across the floor, but this wasn't really the song for that.

"That was a beautiful speech, Roza." Dimitri whispered into my ear, his accent still sending shivers down my spin to this day. I leaned my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and his breathing and he spun us slightly.

"I meant every word of it." I murmured into his chest, knowing that I was willing to fight for our relationship because I wanted to hear his heartbeat forever. I wanted to be able to feel this safe and this secure always. "I am going to fight for this relationship forever."

"As will I Roza, as will I." Dimitri murmured, before I pressed my lips to his. I still felt the fire and the flame every time I kissed him. If I ever felt my resolve to fight for him wavering, I knew all I had to do was kiss him and feel that passion, it would always remind me of how hard I had to fight and why.

Because my whole world was in that kiss, every emotion and thought and feeling went into that kiss. It was much more then just lips pressing against lips, it was more than just a sign of affection. It was like finding relief from a burning fire.

I wondered what it all looked like from above, from the sky and from the loved ones watching from the otherworld. I bet that it looked even more beautiful from up above, watching everyone twirling and embracing, looking lovingly into each other's eyes. I think that it would be the most mesmerizing and gorgeous thing that you could ever see, because I know living it felt even better.

I knew this was the furthest thing from a fairytale ending though.

Nothing was perfect and proper like it was at the end of stories. There were so many frayed ends that were unable to be tied, so many messy and complicated things that couldn't be tied with a bow. Even during this beautiful wedding there was still malice and madness lurking in the corners, unable to hide for long. This story couldn't be summed up in two simple words, leaving so many things unsaid and so many questions unanswered.

This didn't fit the cookie cutter fairytale ending, there was no knight in shining armour that whisked me off my feet and carried me into the sunset. The dragon hadn't been slain and the evil witch was still trying to cast a spell to knock the princess out of commission.

This story was still being written and was the furthest thing from over.

The people and places and things would still continue on even after the book has been closed. This story would live on even when it was supposed to end, when the writing stops and the pages go blank. We wouldn't just stop living our lives after all of this, just because the bride kissed the groom and had a perfect wedding, did not mean that was the end of this.

There was still more, this wasn't a fairytale ending.

And honestly? I was so glad it wasn't. Because really, fairytales are overrated.

**The End. **


End file.
